by Jo Ramsey
“It’s going to take time for you to get past this, but you can talk to me as you need to, and your dad sounds very supportive. You aren’t alone, so try not to hold things in, okay?”
“Yeah.” She probably had to say that kind of thing, but I wanted to believe her. I wanted to believe others would help me the way they hadn’t helped Rob.
“Is there anything else you want to talk about now?”
I shook my head. “Do I have to go back to class, though? I just want to rest. I didn’t get much sleep.”
She hesitated, then nodded. “Okay. I’ll take you to the nurse’s office so you can lie down for a while. Only until lunch, though.”
“Thanks.” That would be enough time. I could text Talia and ask her to meet me at the nurse’s office so I wouldn’t have to walk into the cafeteria alone. If she wanted to guard me, I might as well take advantage of it.
The social worker brought me into one of the two small rooms off the nurse’s office. Each room had a cot for kids who were really sick. I lay down and closed my eyes, and barely heard the social worker talking to the nurse right outside the door.
I wasn’t alone. If I told myself that enough times, it would get through. Dad and Olin were on my side, even if Olin was a brat about it. So was Talia. And the social worker, I guessed, though maybe she was only doing her job. She wasn’t really supposed to take sides.
Right now, I felt like things were going to be messed up forever. I would always miss Rob. I would always get weird looks in the halls because I was the friend of the guy who’d threatened to kill people. I would always know I’d betrayed my best friend.
But only a day had passed. Maybe things would get better. I couldn’t predict the future. I could only tell what was happening in the present.
In the present, I was totally exhausted and needed to sleep. So I did.
Rob’s Journal—October 13, 11:28 p.m.
THIS IS the first time I’ve had this journal since the day I got put in Clear View, so I have a lot to catch up on. They took the journal and pen away as soon as my admission was processed. That pissed me off, but at least I have it back now.
Friday the thirteenth is a logical day for me to come home, I guess. I’m pretty sure my father and Lee-Anne wish I wasn’t home. They think I still need a lot of help. But Clear View only keeps people for three weeks. After that, you either go home or you go somewhere long term. And my father’s insurance wouldn’t pay for long-term treatment.
The psychiatrist at Clear View said I don’t need to be hospitalized long term anyway. He put me on antidepressants, and my father didn’t even argue. I think the meds help. I feel better. I haven’t had a doom cloud day since I started taking them. Then again, I’ve been somewhere safe since then. I guess I’ll have to see if it still helps now that I’m back in the real world.
I didn’t want to be in Clear View at first. I acted like a complete asshole. Argued with everything. But at least it wasn’t jail. When I went to court the day after Mira turned me in, my father’s lawyer and the judge and the other lawyer decided I should admit I made the threats. Plead guilty instead of trying to fight it. That way, I could be assessed for mental health issues instead of going to juvie or whatever they call it. I didn’t care. I did make the threats, and I didn’t care who knew it. That day, I wished I’d been able to follow through.
I hated Mira. She had no right to turn me in. But after a few days at Clear View, I was glad she did it. I still kind of wish those assholes at school were dead, but I’m glad I didn’t make it happen. I don’t hate Mira anymore. I wish I could tell her that, but I haven’t heard from her. Lee-Anne said she and my father decided it would be better if I didn’t talk to Mira while I was in treatment. They blamed her for getting me into trouble. But I told them Mira was the only one who helped, so now that I’m home, they said they won’t stop me from talking to her if I want to. The problem is she probably won’t want to talk to me.
One good thing about Clear View: they made my father and Lee-Anne come to family counseling sessions with me. The counselors didn’t let them get away with saying I needed to toughen up and stop whining. They said bullying’s a serious thing, and my father and Lee-Anne should have paid more attention and gotten me help sooner.
My father apologized. He said he didn’t know how bad I was hurting and that I should have said something. Lee-Anne told him to shut up, that I had tried to tell them how bad things were and they hadn’t listened. She said it wasn’t my job to keep begging for help when they kept refusing. It was their job as parents to actually listen to me.
She’s been on my side the whole time. I kind of can’t believe it. I thought she hated me the way I hated her, but she isn’t so bad. She even sided with the counselors and psychiatrist when they said I shouldn’t go back to school. I don’t hate her anymore either. She might turn out to be a good person to have around.
I’m going to finish high school online the way I wanted, and we aren’t staying in Dayfield. The house is already for sale. Even if I’m not at school, this town is small. Everyone knows what I did. We’re moving to Worcester, because it’s a bigger city and people won’t know who I am. My dad’s lawyer made sure my name didn’t get into any of the news reports, so I can start over, I hope. Lee-Anne’s going to see if I can take some kind of music lessons or something so I can be around other people my age, but I don’t know if I want that. I don’t want to meet anyone. I’m safer at home.
It would be pretty boring, though. I wouldn’t have anyone to talk to. Mira’s probably never going to speak to me again. I wouldn’t want to if I were her. I said I would kill her. I want to apologize for that. I would never have hurt her. Never. She’s my best friend. I need her.
It’s almost midnight now. I have my phone back.
I’m going to text her.
THE TREVOR Project is a national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (LGBTQ) young people ages 13-24. If you are thinking about suicide or are feeling alone and need someone to talk to, please call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386 for immediate help. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. http://www.thetrevorproject.org/
US National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
More from Jo Ramsey
Kellan McKee is different, but not for the reasons everyone thinks. He’s open about being transgender and grateful to have his mother’s support, even if his stepfather disapproves. When Kellan is attacked by one of his stepfather’s friends, he’s more than capable of defending himself. But doing so comes with a price: Kellan is forced to reveal what really sets him apart—his psychic abilities.
Now Kellan must escape his stepfather’s vengeance with only the money his mother can provide. In Denver he meets Shad, a person with powers similar to his own who is willing to help him. The two agree to travel together, and Shad reveals there’s a group in Boston where Kellan can find a safe haven and learn more about his gift—and how to control it.
Kellan’s respite might be short-lived, however, if his stepfather manages to find him. And not everyone in Boston welcomes him with open arms. Kellan might not be as safe as he’d hoped.
Deep Secrets and Hope: Book One
Sixteen-year-old Evan Granger has no problems with being gay. Despite his mother’s objections, he wears nail polish and makeup to school and pursues his goal of becoming a professional drag queen.
TV drag star Taffy Sweet gives encouragement and Evan’s cousin Holly tries to protect him, but school bullies abuse him so badly because of his sexuality and the girly way he dresses that he ends up at the hospital emergency room. After that, even his new crush, a closeted football jock named Moe Garcia, is unhappy about Evan’s choice to live his life openly gay. But even in girly clothes and nail polish, Evan is a force to be reckoned with, and he soon shows the bullies—and everyone else—that beating a drag queen up does not mean the queen is beaten down.
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sp; Deep Secrets and Hope: Book Two
High school football star Guillermo Garcia can count himself among the popular kids—for now. Although he secretly dates Evan Granger, who is openly gay and badly bullied for it, Guillermo doesn’t dare let his teammates, classmates, or close-knit family learn about his sexuality.
But Guillermo witnessed an attack on Evan, and now the school bullies plan to out Guillermo in retaliation. In their small town, word spreads rapidly, so Guillermo must make a quick choice—come out now on his own or risk having someone else do it for him.
Deep Secrets and Hope: Book 3
Chastaine Rollo follows her own rules, even starting rumors about herself before others have the chance. Others’ opinions don’t matter. Her life is fun, and she likes being a rebel, until now. When she comes forward as a date-rape victim, pinning a popular former student as her attacker, the entire school turns against her.
Two months ago, Chastaine admitted to her friend Guillermo that Jim Frankel date-raped her, and Guillermo coaxed her to report it. When word spread about what had happened to Chastaine, a freshman girl, Maryellen, reported that she had also been raped by Jim. Since then Chastaine and Maryellen have endured nasty messages, cyberbullying, and threats in school.
Chastaine has lost many of her so-called friends and now leans on Guillermo, his boyfriend Evan Granger, and Evan’s cousin, Holly McCormack, for support. Especially Holly.
When Jim pleads guilty to the charges against him, Chastaine’s happiness is short-lived when she realizes the truth won’t change the way her peers view her. Unable to take the news and the way people are treating her, Maryellen attempts suicide, and Chastaine blames herself for not being more supportive. However, Chastaine needs support too, and Holly is one of the only people she can now trust, but Chastaine isn’t sure whether her attraction to Holly is only because of that or if it’s something more.
Deep Secrets and Hope: Book Four
Holly McCormack has secrets. She’s started a support group for sexual assault survivors at her high school, but she was never assaulted. She’s also dating a girl, but she’s not a lesbian—at least not to the outside world—and that’s how she hopes to keep it. To top everything off, her girlfriend, Chastaine Rollo, is the most gorgeous girl at their school, and Holly is eating as little as she can because she thinks she’s “too fat.”
When hearing the stories of survivors begins to take its toll, Holly’s eating becomes even more of a problem. And as she struggles to hide her relationship with Chastaine from her parents, the stress becomes too much. But when keeping secrets has become second nature, it leaves her with no one to confide in.
Readers love Jo Ramsey
Where No One Knows
“If you’re looking for a good book featuring a transgender character and psychic abilities, or something without romance as the main focus, you should check this one out!”
—For The Love of Books
Ball Caps and Khakis
“This is a novel that takes on some weighty issues, and handles them with sensitivity and care.”
—Just Love: Romance Book Reviews
Work Boots and Tees
“This was a truly enjoyable story with a unique character and plotline.”
—Prism Book Alliance
JO RAMSEY is a former special education teacher who now writes full-time. She firmly believes that everyone has it in them to be a hero, whether to others or in their own lives, and she tries to write books that encourage teens to be themselves and make a difference. Jo has been writing since age five and has been writing young adult fiction since she was a teen herself; her first YA book was published in 2010. She lives in Massachusetts with her two daughters, her husband, and two cats, one of whom likes to read over her shoulder.
Website: www.joramsey.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/JoRamseyYA
Twitter: @JoRamseyYA
Tumblr: joramseyya.tumblr.com
By Jo Ramsey
First Time for Everything (Harmony Ink Anthology)
Midnight Chat
Where No One Knows
DEEP SECRETS AND HOPE
Nail Polish and Feathers
Shoulder Pads and Flannel
High Heels and Lipstick
Blue Jeans and Sweatshirts
Work Boots and Tees
Ball Caps and Khakis
Published by HARMONY INK PRESS
www.harmonyinkpress.com
Published by
HARMONY INK PRESS
5032 Capital Circle SW, Suite 2, PMB# 279, Tallahassee, FL 32305-7886 USA
[email protected] • harmonyinkpress.com
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of author imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Midnight Chat
© 2017 Jo Ramsey.
Cover Art
© 2017 Aaron Anderson.
[email protected]
Cover content is for illustrative purposes only and any person depicted on the cover is a model.
All rights reserved. This book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or distribution via any means is illegal and a violation of international copyright law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon conviction, fines, and/or imprisonment. Any eBook format cannot be legally loaned or given to others. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the Publisher, except where permitted by law. To request permission and all other inquiries, contact Harmony Ink Press, 5032 Capital Circle SW, Suite 2, PMB# 279, Tallahassee, FL 32305-7886, USA, or [email protected].
ISBN: 978-1-63533-319-0
Digital ISBN: 978-1-63533-320-6
Library of Congress Control Number: 2016918245
Published February 2017
v. 1.0
Printed in the United States of America