by Carl Weber
“Then why don’t you come home? Tommy Brown said that you left because you had bad kids.”
I took hold of my daughter and hugged her tight.
“Tommy Brown doesn’t know what he’s talking about. You’re not a bad girl. None of you are.”
“Then how come you’re not coming home?”
I let go of her and patted the empty space next me.
“Sit up, Jewel. Do you really wanna know why Daddy’s not staying here?”
“Yeah,” she nodded, sitting up straight next to me.
“Okay, you’re big enough. Let’s see if I can explain it to you.” I took a deep breath and exhaled it out. “Mommy and Daddy are what they call separated. Do you know what separated is?”
“No,” she said, looking confused.
“It’s all right. Do you remember when you and Willow kept getting into fights every day?”
“Mmm-hmm. She kept going in my stuff.”
“That’s right. And what did Mommy and Daddy do to stop you two from fighting?”
“You gave me my own room.”
“That’s right, we separated you.”
“Oh, so that’s what ‘separated’ means.”
“Yeah, that’s what it means.” I hugged her. “Well Mommy and Daddy were fighting too. Not about you girls but about grown-up stuff. So Daddy decided to get a new place to live. That’s why I stay in the apartment now. We’re separated. You understand?”
“No. Why didn’t you just get a new room like I did?”
“Remember when I was staying in the guest room? Well, I was trying that then but I’m pretty big so I needed my own house.”
“Daddy, are you ever coming home?”
“I don’t know, Jewel. It doesn’t look that way. But I’m gonna spend more time with you and your sisters than I have been. That’s for sure. Is that okay with you?”
“Yeah, but I’d rather you come home.”
“I know, sweetheart, I know.”
I held Jewel in my arms for the better part of an hour as we talked. It’s incredible how fast children grow up, and all it takes is the blink of an eye to miss it. Since I’d moved out, Jewel had done so many things I didn’t know of that it was actually embarrassing. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for being in Africa during her ballet recital. But now I just found out that I missed her scoring the winning goal in the girls’ peewee soccer championship just because it wasn’t my weekend.
When we finished talking, Jewel started on her letter of apology and I headed downstairs to the family room to watch some TV That’s when I heard Lisa’s van pull up in the driveway. She must have noticed my truck right away, ’cause the minute the door opened, she called my name.
“Kyle, what are you doing here?” I turned my head toward her as she entered the room. I have to admit she was looking good. Lisa had never been the type to wear a lot of makeup but today she had on some blue eyeliner that matched her pantsuit, which she was wearing the hell out of, I might add. The first thing that came to my mind was that she had probably just come back from a date with Mike and that angered me.
“If you had checked your messages or been home, you’d know why I’m here,” I told her with attitude. I know I said I was gonna try and work things out with her but it’s hard to work things out when jealousy kicks in.
“Look, Kyle, don’t play games with me. What’s going on? Are the girls all right?” She gave me a concerned look but there was definitely attitude in her voice.
“Yeah, they’re all right. But Jewel got suspended from school for the day. She smashed all the boys’ lunches.” I wanted to laugh but Lisa’s cold stare made me keep it in.
“Oh, my God. She is out of control.” Lisa sighed heavily, making a face. I could tell she’d had about enough with Jewel.
“She’s gonna be all right. We had a talk.”
“Well, she’s about to get another one.” Lisa turned toward the stairs.
“Lisa, don’t! I told you I already talked to her.” I reached up from the sofa and grabbed her arm. “Give the kid a break.”
“Look, Kyle, you’re not the one who has to deal with her every day. So don’t tell me what to do,” she said flatly, pulling her arm free.
“If you were so worried about her, you should have been home instead of out fuckin’ around with your new boyfriend!” I snapped back.
I regretted my words the second they left my mouth. This was not how I had planned on handling things at all. I was supposed to be making peace with her but she wasn’t making it easy. The thought of her being with another man was still a large obstacle and a major blow to my ego. And to tell you the truth, I wasn’t used to her giving me this kind of lip.
“Get the fuck out my house,” she screamed, pointing at the door. “You think you can come over here and insult me after all the bullshit you’ve put me through. You must be crazy! Get the fuck out of my house!”
“Look, Lisa, I’m sorry about what I just said.” She gave me a yeah-right look that made me feel as if I had to explain myself. “No, seriously, I’m sorry. I guess I’m just a little jealous that you found someone so quickly.”
“I found someone? You’re the one who had a woman at your apartment at three in the morning the other night asking for a T-shirt! Not me!” She rolled her eyes, which made me wanna say something smart about this Mike guy spending the night Tuesday, but at a time like this, it wasn’t gonna help. So I kept my mouth shut.
“This is not about me, Kyle. Don’t you ever make this about me. You left me, remember?” Lisa’s face was full of anger, and tears had begun to roll down her face.
“No, you’re right. Look, I think we need to talk,” I said submissively, pointing to the sofa. I was hoping to work things out. Lisa looked at me and took a deep breath as if she was about to say something very important. Which she did.
“No, Kyle, you’re wrong. We don’t need to talk. The time to talk is over. I’ve waited for you to come home for almost four months. And it’s taken me this long to realize what we had is over. I hope you have.” She reached into her bag and handed me an envelope. “I figured you’d probably be using Greg Thomas so I had my lawyer contact him this afternoon. I filed for divorce this morning.”
Have you ever heard the expression, You could have knocked me over with a feather? Well, at that moment Lisa’s words felt like she had knocked me over with a baseball bat. I was floored. I couldn’t believe what she had just said. Hell, I couldn’t believe she said it. Yeah, we had talked about divorce, but this was serious. Lisa had actually placed the papers in my hand. And even more importantly, she had initiated the divorce, something I would have never expected in a million years. All I could do was stare at the papers in my hand. I wanted to say something but words just wouldn’t come out. A problem she didn’t seem to have.
“I think it’s best we let the lawyers handle the money issues. Don’t you think?” I didn’t answer her. “Kyle!” she shouted. “Do you want the lawyers to handle the money issues?”
“I guess,” I replied, snapping out of my fog with one very important question. “What about the girls? I’d like to be a bigger part of their lives.”
She bit her lip as she thought for a second. “You can have joint custody but the girls are going to live here. You can see them anytime you want. I want you to be a part of their lives but that’s all I want. As far as I’m concerned, you and I are over. You don’t understand how much this whole thing has hurt me.” Again I didn’t know what to say. So I walked toward the front door in silence.
“Kyle.” I turned to see what she wanted.
“Yeah?”
“Your keys.”
“Huh? What about them?”
“Leave them. You had four months to come home. You don’t live here anymore.” I clenched my teeth as I reached in my pocket and took out my keys. It took me a few seconds to get the keys off my key ring but I did it, reluctantly placing them on the table near the door. Before I left, I turned to Lisa and said,
“I’m sorry,” hoping she’d respond.
She didn’t and I turned and walked out the door, heading for my truck. I sat in the truck for about five minutes contemplating whether I should open the envelope or not. I could see Lisa peeking through the window. She was probably wondering what the hell I was doing. I opened the envelope and looked down at the papers. Without even reading them, I threw them in the passenger seat and reached for my car phone. Punching in 411, I waited for the operator.
“City and state, please.”
“Can I have the number to the Roadhouse Bar and Grill on Jamaica Avenue in Queens, New York, please.”
“Certainly, sir, we will connect your call.”
“Roadhouse Bar, Val speaking.”
“Hey, Val, this is Kyle.”
“Hey, Kyle, what’s up?”
“How’d you like to go to Red Lobster for dinner tonight?”
“Love to,” she said without hesitation. “I get off at eight.”
“Good, I’ll pick you up at eight.”
“Eight it is. Bye.”
18
Jay
I was sitting in the Roadhouse Bar finishing up my third beer, about to order another. I wasn’t drunk, but that’s the direction I was headed and I was trying to get there as quickly as possible. It had been six weeks to the day since Kenya had our daughter LaShawn, but even more important to me was that it had been six weeks since I’d seen Tracy. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t get her outta my head. I’d been calling her dorm almost every day but her roommates kept telling me she hadn’t returned from the Christmas break yet. Deep down inside, I knew they were lying. She was trying to avoid me since I’d left her at the house.
“Hey, Val, can I get another Heineken?” I asked the sexy, brown-skinned bartender.
“Why don’t you make that coffee, Val? He’s gotta drive.” I looked up and there was Kyle, dressed cleaner than the board of health in an off-white cashmere coat and an expensive, dark blue suit.
“Mmm, Mmm, Mmm. Don’t you look good.” Val smiled at Kyle, licking her lips.
“Thanks, Val.” He smiled back.
If I didn’t know better, I would have thought there was something going on between those two, ’cause she was smiling from ear to ear and his grin was almost as wide. At least ’til he caught me checking him out.
“What’s up, bro?” He patted me on the back.
“Nothin’ much, dawg.”
“You sure?”
“Uh-hun, why?”
“Kenya called my apartment a little while ago. She said you were supposed to be home at five to take her to dinner.” Kyle glanced at his watch then shoved his wrist in my face. “It’s quarter to nine. You’re running a little bit late, aren’t you?”
I slapped his hand out of my face. Who the hell did he think he was anyway, my mom?
“Come on. Let’s get your coat on.” He lifted my coat from the back of the chair.
“What’s up with you? You taken over Wil’s job as mother hen or somethin’?” I snatched my coat defiantly and put it back on the chair.
“Look, Jay, your wife’s waiting and I ain’t got time ta be baby-sittin’ your ass, okay?”
“Hey, I’m a grown man. Ain’t nobody ask you to baby-sit me.”
“If you so grown, why don’t you act like it, man? Now come on.”
“I’m not goin’ anywhere, Kyle.” I stood up and got in his face with my fists clenched.
“What you gonna do, punch me like you did Wil? Go ahead, you ain’t got many friends left anyway.”
Kyle always had been good at giving verbal jabs and I’d never had a problem taking them, but that one hurt. Wil still wasn’t speaking to me, and it was six weeks since I had punched him. I sat back down silently and turned to the bartender.
“Val, can I please get that beer now?”
She glanced at Kyle for approval. I was about to curse her ass out, but he nodded that it was okay.
“Jay,” he said calmly. “What’s up, man? Why don’t you wanna go home?”
I glanced over at him as Val placed my beer in front of me. I was afraid to tell him the truth.
“My six weeks is up, that’s why.”
“Six weeks? What the hell are you talkin’ ’bout?” Kyle had a bewildered look on his face.
“It’s been six weeks since Kenya had LaShawn. Her doctor cleared her this morning to have sex.”
“And?” He gave me an odd look. “Why’s that a problem?”
Taking hold of my beer, I took a long sip before I looked up at Kyle, who was still standing over me like I was his teenage son.
“Sit down and I’ll tell you.”
Kyle sat down and ordered a Dewars on the rocks with a frown. “Please don’t tell me you’ve got gonorrhea again?”
I laughed. That woulda made life a lot simpler. At least that I coulda gotten rid of with a shot. You can’t get rid of love that easy.
“No, Kyle.” I shook my head. “I don’t have VD.”
“Thank God for small favors,” he sighed. “Okay, so what’s the problem then? Why don’t you wanna go home?”
“I’mmm ... I’m ...” It was hard for me to say at first, but when I did say it, the words just flowed out naturally. “I’m thinking about leaving Kenya.”
“Uh-oh.” He stared at me in disbelief. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“Yep.” I bit my bottom lip and nodded.
Kyle picked up his drink and took a sip. “Hey, Val, can I have a cigarette, baby?” Val walked over from the other side of the bar and handed him a cigarette.
“Need a light?” she asked as she leaned over the bar, close enough for a kiss. Yeah, something was definitely going on between those two. Kyle was being a little too friendly and acting too smooth.
“Yeah, thanks,” he nodded, placing the cigarette between his lips. “I promised myself I’d stop smoking, but I need this one. This guy over here just dropped a bomb on my head.” He pointed in my direction.
Val glanced over at me. I don’t think she liked the idea that I’d upset him. I shot her one of those it’s-none-o’-your-business kinda looks. I think she got the picture, ’cause she walked away pretty quick.
“Look, man, I’m the last one who should be asking this question, but why do you wanna leave Kenya?”
“ ’Cause I’m in love with another woman,” I said seriously.
He grinned, almost chuckled, as he picked up his drink. “Give me a fuckin’ break,” he laughed into his glass as he drank. “Man, I’m not even sure you know what love is.”
I took a moment to think about what he’d said, watched him laugh a little harder as he inhaled his cigarette. He was starting to piss me off.
“No, really, Kyle, I’m in love.” I grabbed his arm real tight, making sure I had his attention as I stared him down. “Kyle, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before in my life.”
“Jay,” he smirked, “that’s the same thing you told me about Jackie and Denise and Susan and—”
“It’s not the same, dammit!” Everyone in the bar turned toward me. “Y’all need to mind your fucking business!” I glared at the other patrons until everyone looked away.
“Okay man, relax.” Kyle patted me on the back. I think he was finally starting to take me seriously. Either that or he just . didn’t want to see me go postal on someone in there. “So who is this mystery woman you’ve supposedly fallen in love with, anyway?”
“Her name is Tracy.” I could see he was putting two and two together.
“Noooo.” His eyes got wide. “Not the girl you left at the house?”
“That’s her.”
“I thought you told me you only slept with her once?”
“I did. One time was enough.”
“She whipped you like that?” Shock was written all over his face.
“Yep.” I still couldn’t believe it myself.
“Pussy ain’t everything, Jay,” he preached.
“I know that, Kyle.”
“So what makes you think you’re in love with her? Maybe she was just having a good night. Don’t you think you should at least sleep with her a few more times before you go declaring yourself in love? I mean, what do you really know about her?”
“I know everything I need to know. Kyle, you don’t understand. I can’t get her out of my head. She’s all I think about.” A smile spread across my face as I told him about her. I’d been keeping this inside way too long. “I can’t even listen to the radio anymore.”
“What? Why?”
“The songs. The love songs. They get to me. The other day I was driving to work and Massing You by Atlantic Star came on the radio and I started cryin’. Can you believe it? I started cryin’. I didn’t cry at my grandpa’s funeral, but I cried over some stupid-ass song and a girl I only slept with once.”
Kyle began to smooth out his mustache. He always did that when he was thinking.
“When was the last time you got some, Jay?”
“Six weeks ago when I slept with Tracy.”
He sighed as he crushed his cigarette in an ashtray. “You ain’t in love, nigga. Your ass is horny,” he laughed at his own pronouncement.
“I wish it was that easy, man.” I picked up my beer just to have something in my hands. “Do you remember what you said to me on the church steps the day you got married?”
“No, not really. That was seven years ago.”
“I’ll never forget it, ’cause it showed me how different we really were. You said, ‘I know you don’t understand what Lisa and I have, Jay. That’s because you’ve never been in love before.’ Do you remember saying that?”
“I guess. Why?”
“ ’Cause now I understand what you and Lisa had. And I can relate for the first time in my life. Bro, I can’t see living my life without Tracy.”
Kyle picked up his cigarette. He looked pissed that he’d put it out. “Jay, you don’t wanna make the same mistake I made, man. It’s not fun. What you think you want one day is not what you want the next. I’ll be honest, man, if I had to do it all over, I would never have left Lisa and the girls in the first place.” I wasn’t sure, but Val seemed to start clinking glasses a little louder and putting bottles down a little harder after Kyle said that, all the while pretending she wasn’t eavesdropping. I’d have to remember to ask him what was up with that later.