“Don’t move.”
The gun at her back was no laughing matter, but she knew that voice. “Darn it, Rafe! Put that thing away.”
“Susanna?”
As he lowered the gun, she turned and glared at his shadowy outline. Traces of light gave shape to his white undershirt, revealing his muscled chest and tense shoulders. She smelled soap and realized he was freshly bathed. He’d also washed his clothes with her mother’s blend of ash and lye. She realized that he’d gotten ready to go, but the effort had made him belong in her life even more.
“Where have you been?” she asked. “Nick thinks you left without him.”
Rafe answered with silence, a sign that he’d considered doing just that.
“Why?” she demanded.
A low growl came from his throat. “I’m still here, aren’t I?”
“Yes, but—”
Before she could say another word, he cupped her face between his hands. His eyes lingered on hers, then he brushed her lips with a kiss. In a blink, they were back on the street after the dance—taking from each other and giving everything. Susanna knotted her fingers in his shirt and vowed to herself that she’d never let go. Tonight the truth would be told.
Rafe eased the kiss to a memory but kept his lips a whisper from hers. “God, I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too.”
As he stroked her back, she nestled against his throat and listened to the pounding of his heart. He was kissing her temple, murmuring sweet things as they clung to each other, but the touching wasn’t enough.
“We need to talk,” she said.
“I know.”
Tucking her against his ribs, he guided her down the hall to her old bedroom, where he lit the lamp on the bureau. As he trimmed the wick, she saw her diary poking out from under the bed. She’d started it the day she’d arrived in Midas, and it held the best and worst of her past—including the details of her first kiss.
What’s all the fuss, I wonder?
She hoped he hadn’t gotten that far, but his half smile told her that he had. As she sat on the unmade bed, he pulled up a chair. “I’ve had a rough few days.”
“Tell me about it.”
As she took Rafe’s hand, Susanna studied his face. His chin still had an arrogant jut, but the creases around his mouth had softened and his blue irises had a spark she’d never seen before. He looked almost relieved, but the tension in his shoulders told her he was still carrying a weight. She needed to tell him about Thomas Smith, but the news could wait.
Holding her hand, Rafe looked straight into her eyes. “I almost left last night.”
“Thank God, you didn’t.” She squeezed his hand.
“What stopped you?”
“A two-bit piece of metal.” He lifted something off the nightstand and held it carefully by the end.
Susanna saw the barbed tip of a fish hook. “I don’t understand.”
“I’m not sure I do, either.” Rafe stared at the hook as if it were magical and then looked back at her face. “I was about to ride out when I remembered the fishing poles. I’d left them propped by the door. I didn’t want anyone to know we’d used them, so I went back to put them away.”
Susanna knew every nook and cranny in the stable. The fishing poles were kept in a cabinet on the back wall. Each of her brothers had his own pole and her father had a bigger one.
Rafe rolled the end of the hook between his fingers and held it to the light. “This thing got caught in my sleeve. The next thing I knew there was fishing line all over the place. I tried to wind it back up and ended up nearly hog-tied.”
Susanna smiled. “It must have been my father’s pole. The reel’s imported from Germany. I gave it to him for Christmas.”
A wry smile curled Rafe’s lips. “It’s quite a device. There I was—tangled up in fishing line with a hook in my sleeve. I tried to get it loose and ended up with it stuck in my finger. It hurt like the dickens, but that wasn’t the awful part.”
“Tell me,” she said.
“I was happy about it.”
Rafe decided not to tell her about the five minutes between getting caught and the realization that he had to see her again. He’d cussed out the fishing pole and the darn thing had listened. Bitter words had spewed from his lips like lava, but that feeling had cooled into the black rock of remorse. Before he knew it, he’d hit his knees.
Please God, don’t let me hurt Susanna….
With the fish hook woven into his shirt, Rafe had thought about love and angels on walls. By some mysterious hand, Nick had been spared a crippling blow. Was it possible for Rafe to find that same mercy? Sitting on the stable floor, he saw himself for what he’d become—a man who had run too far and too long. He was sick of his life, but he didn’t see a way out of the muck. The Leaf family tree had flashed in his mind, but he’d found no hope in it. The Reverend had found a way to become rootless. Rafe wanted the same fresh start, but his father wouldn’t let him disappear.
Was a second chance too much to ask?
He loved Susanna and wanted to make her his wife. But how could he ask her to leave her home and follow him to Mexico? He couldn’t. But if he stayed in Midas, he was risking prison or even the gallows for the crime he’d committed in St. Louis. Blinking, he imagined Susanna seeing him hang. He refused to allow that misery, but neither could he stand the thought of leaving her.
She squeezed his hand. “I’m glad you got caught.”
“You shouldn’t be.”
“But I am.”
Guilt washed over him. “I’ve been sitting here all day deciding what to do. Disappearing seemed smart. At least you and Nick would have each other. But when it came time to saddle up, I couldn’t do it.”
“Because you care.”
“No,” he said. “Because I’m a selfish son of a bitch.”
Her eyes filled with kindness. “You’re human, Rafe. We all are.”
Unsure of what to say, he looked out the window and saw the reflection of the lamp. The flame burned an orange hole through the black pane but only hinted at the tree branch that he could see during the day.
But now we see through a glass darkly…
He remembered the verse because someone had marked it with stars and it described how he felt. He was trapped behind a black window, unable to see what the future held. Experience had taught him his life was cursed, but the verse went on to say that men only partly knew what was beyond the glass. Nick had seen a full-blown angel in a shadow. Rafe had seen only gray light. But then he’d recognized Susanna and witnessed love at work. Things weren’t always what they seemed to be, but he couldn’t make himself believe that anything good lurked behind that black glass, not with his guardian angel hunting for him.
Even so, he owed Susanna the truth. His lips felt dry and his throat tightened, but he forced himself to look her in the eye.
“I killed my half brother,” he said.
Worry filled her eyes, but she didn’t recoil from him.
“Are you sorry?”
“More than I can say.”
“Then tell me what happened.”
Rafe took her from New Orleans to Boston and back to St. Louis. By the time he led her into his father’s study, they were curled together on the bed. She had placed her head on his shoulder and her hand over his heart.
“I’d been planning to leave for a while,” he said.
“Other than getting away I didn’t care where I went, just so it was far.”
Susanna stayed close. “What happened next?”
“My father’s a wealthy man. I figured the money in the safe was my due so I took it. My half brother showed up at the wrong time and took a swing at me.”
Rafe left out the insults they had hurled at each other. Rivals from the start, they had never gotten along. “What happened next is burned in my mind. I hit him so hard that he spun like a top before he smashed his head against the bricks. There was blood everywhere, all down the side of his
face, and his eye was so messed up I couldn’t see it.”
Her fingers stiffened on his chest. “Which side of his head hit the bricks?”
“I don’t remember. Does it matter?”
Her voice turned urgent. “Did you check his pulse?”
“Hell no, I ran.” Rafe didn’t understand her interest, but his nerves were jangling with alarm. “Why the questions?”
She pushed up on her elbow. “I think he’s alive.”
“What?”
“A man came to see me today. He had a facial scar and a blind eye on the right side. He showed me your picture—”
Rafe rolled off the bed and raked his hands through his hair. “Tell me everything.”
As she described the photograph, the alleged inheritance and the reward money, Rafe realized that his guardian angel had found him. As for the man’s identity, it was possible Garrett had survived the attack, but the head injury had left him with a weak left side. Even the name “Thomas Smith” made sense to Rafe. His half brother was clever. Knowing that Rafe was on the run, he’d travel incognito in order to lay a trap.
As Susanna ended the story, hope filtered into her voice. “Do you think this man’s your brother?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Rafe answered. “Nothing good can come of it.”
“But you wouldn’t be wanted for murder.”
“Attempted murder is just as bad.”
“You’re jumping to conclusions,” she insisted. “You don’t know what this man wants.”
“Oh yes, I do. Garrett hated my guts to start with. If I left him blind and scarred, I don’t want to think about what he’d do to me. And my father—I stole from him. Believe me, Susanna. He’s not a forgiving man.”
“How can you be sure?”
“Because his name’s Walter Albright and he owns half of the Santa Fe Railroad. A man doesn’t get to be that powerful by showing mercy.”
Susanna looked skeptical. “You can’t judge him without hearing what he has to say. What if you’re running from nothing?”
“I’m not.” Rafe tasted acid. “Aside from what I did to them, they wronged me. My mother died because of that man. And then he bought me off with an education I didn’t even want.”
“Oh, Rafe.”
He tried to read her expression, but she’d put on her doctor face. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful for the schooling. But at the time I felt like a piece of trash. When his wife died and he moved me to St. Louis, I felt like a stray dog with fleas.”
Some of the anger went out of him and he sat next to her on the bed. She took his hand and cradled it in both of hers. “That must have been hard.”
“It was. But it’s not as bad as what I’m feeling now.” He turned and looked into her eyes where he saw pools of compassion and so much more—love, daring, even hope. She was a remarkable woman and deserved to know it. “I love you, Susanna. I can’t stand the thought of leaving you, but I can’t fix this mess.”
“I love you, too.”
Her eyes were brimming and so were his. But their feelings had nowhere to go. Even a kiss felt dangerous. Rafe knew what he had to do. All that mattered was protecting Susanna from the hell he saw in his future. “I should pack up.”
“Oh no, you don’t.” With a swift turn, she pushed him to his back and rolled on top of him. In an instant he went from being half-dead with misery to being fully alive. Susanna had him pinned right where he wanted to be. “I don’t want to lose you, Rafe. We’ll figure this out together.”
He wasn’t used to feeling hopeful, but he’d never had so much to lose. “What do you have in mind?”
“For now, you’re safe. No one knows where you are.”
“As far as we know, that’s true.”
“You can stay here while I find out more about Mr. Smith.”
The idea had merit, but then he recalled “The Blue Danube” and groaned. “Half the town saw me at the dance.”
“You weren’t there more than fifteen minutes.”
“What about Duke?”
“He doesn’t come to town very often. We’ll have to risk it.”
Rafe felt torn in two. He wanted to keep Susanna out of trouble, but she felt like heaven pressed against him. An hour ago she had shed her duster, revealing her office skirt and a shirtwaist with tiny buttons. They were begging to be undone, but Rafe knew he’d be opening a door that led to an uncertain future.
Instead he stroked her back and shoulders, moving lower until he found the sides of her breasts through the cotton. Soft and pliant, they made him yearn for sex and love and everything in between. Judging by the hum in her throat, Susanna felt it, too. Wanting to give her more, he cupped her breasts fully in his palms. A low moan escaped from her throat.
“There has to be a way,” she said.
Rafe wanted to share that faith, but the only answer he could imagine was taking her to Mexico. Come with me….
Except the words caught in his throat. He’d be taking her away from everything she loved. It didn’t seem right. Aching inside, he settled for rolling her onto her back and kissing her slow and deep. Desire hardened his body, but love made him see a painful truth. He couldn’t stay in Midas, and he couldn’t ask her to leave. One way or another, he was going to break this woman’s heart.
Garrett looked at the moon and cursed himself for falling asleep after supper. His ten-minute nap had lasted two hours and he’d left the hotel later than he’d intended. By the time he positioned himself across from Dr. Leaf’s clinic, the moon had risen and her apartment was dark.
Leaning against a splintery wall, he wondered if she’d left earlier or if she had already retired for the night. A cigar would have been nice, but he would have welcomed a bench even more. Glancing at the sky, he decided he’d been here long enough. Perhaps Dr. Leaf had been telling the truth and Rafe LaCroix was nothing to her.
Garrett shifted his cane to the other hand, but then he heard footsteps and froze in place. Cursing his poor eyesight, he watched as Dr. Leaf hurried up the stairs to her apartment.
Had she been on a late-night call? It was possible, but she hadn’t been carrying her medical bag. It seemed more likely that she’d gone to see Rafe. As she closed the door with a click, Garrett weighed his options. If she suspected he was in town, she’d be careful. But if he told her he was leaving New Mexico, she might just lead him to his brother.
Tomorrow he’d pay her another visit. This time he’d leave a card with a St. Louis address and thank her for her time.
Sleep hadn’t come easily to Susanna after her encounter with Rafe. With her body flushed and unsettled, she had lain awake in the dark, wondering if Thomas Smith was Rafe’s brother. Susanna understood the force of hate and revenge. If Garrett and Rafe’s father were truly evil men, she could understand running. But how could Rafe be certain of the man’s ill intentions? Five years had passed since that night in his father’s study. Susanna knew from experience that fathers weren’t always the men they seemed to be.
With so much at stake, she decided to pay a call on Thomas Smith first thing in the morning. With a little luck she’d catch him in the café and join him for coffee. To hide her real interest in Rafe, she’d ask about the reward. If Smith wouldn’t tell her more about his motives, she’d see what she could find out by offering information about Rafe and the Bentons.
Yawning, Susanna rose from her bed and put on a fresh skirt and shirtwaist. She was putting up her hair when she heard an urgent knock on the door.
“Doc? It’s Howard Tucker. It’s my wife.”
Susanna turned the lock and saw a man in his thirties. Judging by his worried expression, he was about to become a father. “Is it the baby?”
The man’s head bobbed. “I think so.”
“Is she having pains?”
“Like clockwork and she’s terrified. Can you come right now?”
“Of course.”
Susanna held in a sigh. Martha Tucker was a petite woman and this was her
first child. Having breakfast with Thomas Smith would have to wait.
After waking Nick and telling him where she’d be, she retrieved her bag from the clinic and walked with Howard past the hotel. Maybe she’d be finished by lunch and could see Smith then.
But that didn’t happen.
By the time Susanna left the Tucker house, the sun was high in the sky. She’d had the satisfaction of laying Alison Tucker in her mother’s arms, but the effort had done them all in. The baby had been breech, and Susanna had used every bit of her skill to deliver the child. She couldn’t confront Thomas Smith while looking disheveled, so she headed home to wash her face and change into clean clothes. She also needed to check on Nick and see if anyone had left a note on her chalkboard.
As soon as she saw the front of her clinic, Susanna’s heart sank. Jayne Dawson and her three youngest children were standing at the door. Judging by the spots on the oldest boy’s face, he had the chicken pox. Susanna invited them in and gave Jayne a special soap.
Roger Hardy showed up next. He had a boil that needed lancing. But mostly he missed his deceased wife and wanted to talk.
Ginger Abbott arrived with an embarrassing itch.
Priscilla Wayne had hot flashes and headaches.
Mayor Jenner’s ulcer was acting up.
Three hours passed before Susanna dragged herself up the stairs. As she walked into the front room, Nick motioned toward an envelope on the side table. “Someone slipped that under the door this morning.”
Susanna snatched it up and looked at the handwriting. When she didn’t recognize the script, she tore open the envelope and read.
Dear Dr. Leaf,
Business has called me back to St. Louis. If you recall anything about Mr. LaCroix, please wire me at the above address. I repeat, it’s urgent that I locate him.
Regards,
Thomas Smith
Needing to think, Susanna dropped down to a chair and rubbed her temples. She had missed her chance to glean information from Thomas Smith, but his departure made it possible for Rafe to stay without hiding. He could spend time with Nick during the day, and they could have suppers at night. Maybe in those cozy hours she could convince him to write to Smith.
Midnight Marriage Page 17