“I love you,” she whispered.
“I love you, too.”
Lazy and sure, he tugged the chemise up to her waist, baring her hips as he caressed her thigh with ever-rising strokes. When she was writhing with need, he found her breast and suckled through the cotton as she clutched at his feather-soft hair. His lips demanded more, gave more, as he found her most private place and touched her on the inside. Her breathing went crazy, but her mind focused on the facts with a clinical detail. He was about to join his body with hers. Their cells would meet and mate.
A boy with Rafe’s blue eyes…a girl with her brown hair. Susanna wanted to feel joy at the thought of such a gift, but instead she tasted bile. Choking back a cry, she clamped her legs together and hid her face against his chest.
Rafe froze. “Susanna?”
She could still feel him touching her, wanted to feel him, but she had to tell the truth. “I’m terrified. It’s a risky time of the month.”
He had every reason to be angry. But instead of muttering with frustration, he whispered in her ear, “Lie back, honey. I’ll keep you safe.”
Trusting him, she sank into the mattress with her nerves blazing and her muscles taut. He was kissing her and stroking her, caressing her innocence until the tension snapped in a blinding wave of tears and pleasure. Lights exploded behind her eyes and fell like dying stars, leaving her aware of Rafe’s breath on her cheek, the tension in his arms and the aroused state of his body. She had never felt so stupid in her life.
“I’m so sorry,” she cried.
He was still holding her, absorbing the last waves of her climax. “Don’t you dare be sorry. I’m the one who should apologize. I should have asked if it was safe.”
Susanna trembled in his arms. She had never been more afraid in her life—or more disappointed. The shivers of sensation had released the tension from her body, but she felt empty inside. This wasn’t the union she had wanted.
Rafe pulled her higher on the bed and cradled her in his arms. “The last thing I want is to ruin your life, and I sure don’t want a kid growing up like I did.”
Susanna felt him shudder, from both fading desire and loathing for himself. She thought about offering what relief she could, but she knew it wouldn’t be enough.
“Where do we go from here?” she asked.
“The same places we were going an hour ago. You’re staying in Midas and I’m headed south. That’s the way it has to be.”
“But—”
“Go to sleep.” His voice had a catch. “We’ll say goodbye in the morning.”
With tears welling in her eyes, Susanna stared into the dark. She couldn’t see out the window, but somewhere in the heavens was the first star of the night. Closing her eyes, she made a wish.
Star light, star bright…
Rafe jolted awake but didn’t know why. He usually dozed like a cat and had expected the dawn to wake him, but sunlight was already streaming through the window. Still curled in his arms lay Susanna, worn-out and breathing deep. Saying goodbye was going to be hell, but last night had carved his decision in stone. He wanted to do right by her and that meant leaving Midas.
Yawning, he rolled to his side and snuggled against her. Another minute seemed like a small thing to ask, but his skin was crawling with awareness. He couldn’t escape the sense that he was being watched. He was about to grab his pants when a man’s deep voice bellowed into the room.
“Who the devil are you?”
Rafe jerked upright and saw a man who had to be the Reverend John Leaf. Dressed in black and pointing a shotgun, he had narrowed his gaze to Rafe, waiting with a deadly calm for an explanation. Rafe had listened to Lem’s wild tales with half an ear. Now he wondered if his friend had been holding back. The Reverend had an air of violence about him and he hadn’t yet noticed Susanna. Scrunched on her belly in the tangle of sheets, she was hidden except for the hair fanned across her face.
Rafe heard a contented sigh spill from her lips as she began to stir. Feeling the tension, she jolted awake and realized they had company.
“Pa?” Looking far too rumpled, she sat up with the sheet clutched to her chemise. “What are you doing here?”
He lowered the gun but didn’t relax his stance. “I live here. So does your mother.”
“But your train wasn’t due for a week,” she replied. “I wasn’t expecting you.”
“That’s rather obvious. J.J. said someone had been in his room, so I came upstairs to check. It looks like he was right.”
Rafe would have sold his soul for his pants. Instead he watched as a pretty woman in her early forties walked up behind the Reverend and touched his sleeve. “John, come downstairs.”
“Hell, no!”
“Hell, yes,” she countered. “They need a minute alone.”
With that kindness, Abigail Leaf won Rafe’s loyalty forever. He hoped the Reverend would listen to his wife, but Susanna dashed those hopes.
“Pa, it’s not what you think.”
The Reverend looked down his nose at Rafe. “Did I miss the wedding?”
Susanna answered. “No, but—”
“John, stop it,” Abbie insisted.
“Not until I find out who this gentleman is.”
Susanna bent over the side of the bed, snatched up Rafe’s clothes and jammed them into his hands. As he wiggled into them, she picked up her dress and shrugged it over her shoulders. Sitting on the edge of the mattress, he tugged on his boots.
The Reverend watched Rafe’s every move until he and Susanna both pushed to their feet. This wasn’t the goodbye Rafe had envisioned. He’d intended to slip away at dawn, leaving Susanna free to live her life. Instead he’d left her with another mess. Determined to help her clean it up, he cinched his belt tight and addressed the Reverend.
“Sir, my name is Rafe LaCroix. I know what this looks like, but nothing happened.”
“I find that rather hard to believe.”
Rafe had been down this road before. Innocent or not, he looked guilty. He knew better than to argue, but he couldn’t stop himself from mouthing off. “Then you’re a fool.”
The Reverend’s eyes turned hard. “I want you out of here. Now.”
Susanna interrupted. “Pa, let me explain.”
“I’ll be glad to, right after Mr. LaCroix has found other accommodations.”
That was fine by Rafe. He had nothing else to say. After grabbing his shirt and hat, he brushed past the Reverend. He’d packed the horses last night and his duster was hanging by the back door.
The ordeal might have come to an end, but Susanna came charging up behind him. “Rafe, wait. I’m coming with you.”
“Forget it, Doc.” He trotted down the stairs and into the kitchen. When he stopped to button his shirt, Susanna’s brothers raced in from the front room. The oldest one was Nick’s age and the spitting image of John Leaf. The younger ones were mismatched twins.
“Go away!” she said to them.
The oldest boy pointed at Rafe. “He stole my books.”
“He borrowed the books,” Susanna declared. “They’re at my house.”
Rafe didn’t know which bothered him more, being falsely accused by a kid or the fact that J.J. reminded him of Nick. Rafe was about to push through the door when Susanna grabbed his arm. “I have to put on my shoes.”
He glanced down and saw the laces dangling from her hand. He’d once taken those shoes to keep her from running away from him. Now she wanted to stand by his side and he had to make her stay. He grabbed the shoes and tossed them across the room.
“You’re not going with me, Doc. It’s been a pleasure, but it’s over.”
Her eyes glistened with emotion. “You can’t leave like this.”
“Yes, I can.”
He wanted to kiss her and tell her again that he loved her, but her brothers were standing guard and her father was thumping down the stairs. Rafe settled for lifting her hair and letting it fall in a wave. After a peck to her forehead, he walk
ed out the door.
Standing at the window in her apartment, Susanna watched the sun dip below the mountain called Broken Heart Ridge. She had read Rafe’s letter for the hundredth time and was on the verge of fresh tears. She hadn’t felt this alone since she had arrived in Midas eleven years ago. Even then, she’d had Silas for a friend. Now she had no one.
After the disaster at the parsonage, her mother had made a pot of tea and asked her to sit down, but Susanna had refused it. Instead she had defended Rafe with the details of the past few weeks, gone home and left a note on her blackboard saying she was indisposed. As gently as she could, she had told Nick that Rafe cared for him, but that circumstances had changed and he had to leave immediately. The boy had accepted the news with a shrug that broke her heart. Then he’d picked up a book and started to read, leaving her free to hide in her bedroom.
Nick was accustomed to being left, but Susanna wasn’t. She’d been trained to clean wounds and stitch them tight. Rafe had ripped out her heart and left her bleeding. She would have grieved through the night, but Nick had needed supper. Neither of them had tasted the canned stew. The boy had gone back to his book, leaving Susanna alone to stare at the sky.
A knock on the door pulled her out of her thoughts.
“Sweetie? It’s me.”
Susanna could handle her mother, but she was in no mood to speak to her father. She had always counted on him to listen first and make judgments later. This morning he’d done the opposite. Praying Abbie had come alone, Susanna opened the door and breathed a sigh when she saw only her mother.
“Can I come in?” Abbie asked.
Her mother never asked permission. She had always made herself at home. Susanna opened the door wider. “Of course.”
As she stepped into the front room, Abbie’s attention shifted to Nick. “You must be the young man who borrowed J.J.’s, books. He’s downstairs if you’d like to meet him.”
Nick looked to Susanna. For the boy’s sake, she tried to sound cheerful. “Nick, this is my mother.”
“Hello, Mrs. Leaf.”
“You’ll like J.J.,” Susanna said. “Plus I need to talk to my mother alone.”
“Then I guess I’ll go.”
Using one crutch, Nick walked to the door. Susanna watched as he managed the stairs, waved to her brother and went back inside. Her mother was standing by the window, reading the letter Susanna had left in plain sight.
Abbie looked up with moist eyes. “This is heartbreaking.”
“It’s hard for Nick, too.”
“So Rafe hasn’t come to see you?”
“No, and I’m sick about it. You can tell Pa that he’s gone.” Bitterness had leaked into her voice.
“Sweetie, I’m so sorry.”
When Abbie tried to hug her, Susanna stepped out of her grasp. “Right now, I’m so angry I can hardly talk. Rafe was telling the truth. In fact, he was smarter about things than I was.”
Abbie touched the letter with her fingertip. “Your father reacted like any man would, but I was angry with him, too. He knows better than to cast stones.”
Abbie didn’t have to explain the Bible story about the adulterous woman. Let him whose slate is clean cast the first stone. Her father lived by that verse and so did her mother. Susanna understood why. She was living proof that her parents were as human as anyone.
Abbie reached inside her pocket and withdrew an envelope that had yellowed with age. “Read this and then we’ll talk.”
Susanna recognized her father’s handwriting, unfolded the letter and started to read. She skimmed it because she had lived through that day, but the final words grabbed at her heart.
Your happiness means more to me than anything, Abbie. That means protecting you at any cost and loving you with every breath I take. I pray that tomorrow ends well, but if it doesn’t, know that I made the choice out of love and with the best of intentions.
Your faithful husband,
John
Susanna would never forget the events that had led to this letter. Her father had offered a terrible trade to protect the people he loved. By leaving, Rafe had tried to do the same thing. After wiping her eyes, Susanna folded the letter and gave it back to her mother.
Abbie tucked it into her pocket. “Does Rafe love you like that?”
“He does. That’s why he left.” Susanna recounted the story of their meeting, including the kidnapping, the events at the cave and his arrival at the dance. When she explained the arrival of Thomas Smith, Abbie’s expression turned grim. Having once been trapped by an evil man, she understood Rafe’s plight.
“You know the rest,” Susanna concluded. “After this morning, I doubt he’ll be back.”
Abbie took her hand. “I’m not so sure. Your father knows he overreacted. He’s been looking for Rafe all day.”
Susanna’s heart swelled. “Do you think Pa will find him?”
“I hope so,” Abbie said. “But I’m not sure that you and Rafe belong together, and not just because things happened fast.”
Susanna moaned. “Ma, I’m twenty-five years old. I know my heart.”
“I don’t doubt that you love Rafe,” Abbie said. “But do you love him enough?”
“Enough for what?”
“To leave with him.”
Her mother was squeezing her hand with a keenness born of lost dreams. Abbie had once faced the same decision and made the wrong choice. Because of those regrets, she had a passion for independence and had made sure her daughter could stand alone. Susanna’s father felt the same way. Her parents had given her wings and told her to fly as high as she could. And as far…
Susanna knew that leaving would break her heart, but she also believed that God had a plan for her life. She had been born to love and heal, and no one needed her more than Rafe. Clinging to her mother, she said, “I do, Ma. I love you all so much, but I love Rafe, too. We belong together.”
Rafe looked at the shot of whiskey and felt more hopeless than ever. This morning he’d left Midas and ridden south. But he’d felt miserable and had turned west. When he’d stumbled into Needle Canyon, he had reversed his route and gone east. By the time dusk had settled, he’d arrived back in Midas where he’d sauntered into the saloon.
Half-starved and angry, he’d ordered a sandwich and a shot of Texas Gold. The food had eased the ache in his belly, but the whiskey had no appeal. Neither did the poker game in the corner or flirting with the girl serving drinks. Instead of making him laugh, the barkeep’s bawdy jokes struck a sour note.
All he wanted was to see Susanna. Just one more time, he told himself. But he knew that once wouldn’t be enough. The whiskey was sounding better by the minute. In fact, the shot glass was his only friend.
He was staring at the golden cure when a hush settled over the room. Hunched at the bar, he listened as boot heels tapped across the floor. When no one called a greeting, Rafe slipped his hand into his coat where a Remington hung heavy on his thigh. If the Bentons had tracked him down, he’d fight. A visit from Thomas Smith wasn’t as simple. The boot steps halted a foot away, giving him a sideways view of worn black leather and a black coattail.
“Damn it, LaCroix. My wife’s furious with me and it’s your fault.”
Rafe turned and saw Susanna’s father wearing both a scowl and his preacher’s coat. One suited him; the other didn’t. After this morning’s insults, Susanna’s father was the last person Rafe wanted to see. Lifting the shot glass, he said, “You’re an ass.”
Reverend Leaf snorted. “Thanks for the compliment.”
Rafe set down the whiskey without drinking it. “Do you know what really pissed me off?”
“No, but you’re itching to tell me.”
“It’s not that you didn’t believe me. Hell, I know what it looked like. But you didn’t listen to your daughter. She’s the finest woman I know. I swear to God, I’d never do anything to hurt her.”
“Then why are you leaving?”
Glaring, Rafe told the truth. “Becau
se I’m a first-class son of a bitch.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.”
The Reverend pulled up a stool. “In that case, the drinks are on me.”
Chapter Sixteen
The Reverend signaled the barkeep. “Bring a bottle, Leroy. And two glasses.”
“What’ll it be, John?”
“The best you’ve got.” As soon as the man set down the bottle, the Reverend pulled the cork, topped off Rafe’s glass and put a splash in his own. Then he raised it in a toast. “To your future, Mr. LaCroix.”
Rafe wanted to hurl his glass across the room. What future? In a few weeks, he’d be sitting in a cantina in Mexico, yearning for Susanna and wondering if Nick had grown to hate him. He’d be damned if he’d drink to that loneliness. He slid the glass toward the Reverend. “Go pester someone else.”
John Leaf raised his glass a second time. “Go ahead. Drink up.”
“Not with you.”
“All right then. We’ll invite Betty Ann.” The man crooked his finger toward the girl serving drinks. She approached him with a smile.
“Hi, Reverend. Glad to have you back. How are Abbie and the boys?”
“They’re great. You can see for yourself on Sunday. In the meantime, I’d like you to meet my friend Rafe.”
The woman beamed a smile, but Rafe had no interest. After acknowledging her with a grunt, he sipped the drink he didn’t want. Betty Ann took the hint and made small talk with John Leaf until another customer called her away.
When she was out of earshot, Rafe turned on the Reverend. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? You don’t know me at all.”
A chuckle rumbled in the man’s throat. “Oh yes, I do. You left clues all over my house.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“First off, you’re not a thief. You looked at the gun cabinet and browsed the bookshelves, but you didn’t touch a thing you didn’t need. You ate your own food and did the dishes. You showed some respect.”
Midnight Marriage Page 19