“Sam, I wish you would call me back. A text, anything. It killed me to see you like that today. I’m your Superman, remember? I’m supposed to be the one to save you. And you wouldn’t let me. I was the bad guy today instead of the hero. I’m so sorry, Sam.”
“Ever since you left, I keep thinking about what today would have been like if you hadn’t found Nicole here. I would have kept kissing you, carried you into my bedroom and made love to you for hours. You know what that dress does to me. After we were finally done—for the moment anyway—you would lay your head on my chest, I’d play with your hair and watch your eyes flutter, and we’d talk about the future. Maybe we’d talk about looking for a new house that would have only our memories in it. You would tell me what sappy book character you’d want to name our first baby after. I need you to tell me we still can have all of that. That it’s going to be you, Bella, and me against the world. I love you, Samantha. Always you. For the rest of my life.”
Could someone pass out from crying too much? I was sobbing again, but there were some good tears this time. Lucas was telling the truth. I knew it, like Daina said I would. I believed Lucas now, but did I forgive him? Not quite. We loved each other, but last night was a perfect example of how the same issues kept popping up over and over again between us. I wanted us to have a real chance, but we couldn’t move forward if we didn’t deal with the past.
Daina told me to wait until she spoke to Sam before I went after her. As the day went on, I couldn’t take it anymore. When I got to her house, her car wasn’t there. I used my key and let myself in.
The house was eerily quiet. I called her name as I walked from room to room. I got to her bedroom and noticed the side of the bed I slept on had the sheet taken down, and one of my T-shirts was laid across the bed. I smiled to myself, thinking of what I was doing back at my apartment. I spent most of the afternoon with my face buried in one of my old shirts that Sam liked to sleep in. I could still smell her perfume.
Daina was right. We were two fucking idiots.
I sat on the edge of the bed and put my face in my hands, pinching the bridge of my nose. This wasn’t how today was supposed to be.
Five months earlier
We promised Bella she could get her ears pierced if she learned how to swim by the end of the summer, and even though she still needed my help, it was a good enough effort. Sam was too much of a worrywart to take her to a store at the mall, so we took her to a small jewelry store not too far from where they lived in Queens. Bella took the piercing like a trooper and couldn’t stop admiring herself and her tiny diamond studs in the mirror. The shy little girl I met all those months ago was becoming a tough little cookie.
I picked Bella up once she was done and started tickling her. She put her hair behind her ears and asked me “Do I look pretty, Lucas?”
“No, Butterfly, you look beautiful!” I gave her a kiss on her cheek.
Bella looked confused. “That’s better, right?”
I laughed at how adorable and innocent she was. “Yes, Bella, that’s much better!”
I looked over my shoulder and realized we’d lost Sam. I found her over in the corner where they kept the more expensive pieces. I was still holding Bella when I walked over to her. Whatever she was looking at, it distracted her enough that she didn’t notice me sneak up behind her.
Still holding Bella with one arm, I slid my other one around Sam’s tiny waist.
“See anything you like?” I whispered in her ear. She jumped and laughed as she rubbed my hand.
“It’s nothing. We can go.”
“What were you looking at?”
She pointed to a case of rings. They looked like engagement rings, but they were different colors. Some were brown and yellow, and one was pink. I’d never gotten far enough with a woman to research diamonds, so I didn’t know what the colors meant.
“I read a book about a rock star giving his fiancée a pink diamond ring, but I never actually saw one before. It’s really pretty. But like I said, it was nothing. We can go.”
I always teased Sam, calling her a sentimental mushball because she loved her romance novels and cried so easily.
“If you say so.” I put Bella down and followed Sam out of the store.
“Wait a minute, I think my phone fell out of my pocket. Can I meet you guys at the car? I think I dropped it over in the corner.”
“Sure, babe. I’ll get Bella strapped in and we’ll wait there for you.”
I pretended to look. Once I saw them leave the store, I ran over to the case where the rings were and called over a salesgirl.
“I want to put down a deposit on this ring.” I pointed to the pink one Sam was looking at. “My girlfriend is in the car and I don’t have a lot of time before she starts to wonder where I am. Can you run my credit card quickly?” I didn’t even ask how much it was. When I saw how Sam was looking at that ring, I knew it had to be hers.
The salesgirl gave me a dreamy look. “That is so sweet! Sure, I can do this quickly. Can you get one of her rings without her knowing so we can size it?”
I smirked at her. “So you want me to steal from her? Sure, I can do that.”
She giggled and ran off with my credit card. The car was parked right in front of the entrance so I kept watching the door to see if she was coming back in.
The salesgirl came back with my receipt to sign. “Congratulations, sir. And good luck!”
“Thanks.” I stuffed the receipt in my pocket and jogged over to the car.
Did I just buy Sam an engagement ring? I should’ve been freaked out about it, but I wasn’t. At all. Marc was still being an asshole about the papers, but Sam was looking into other ways to file for divorce without his approval. I hated that she was still married to him, but she belonged to me. And I belonged to her. To both of them. I felt a peace and contentment I never had before knowing I made it official—or at least I hoped I did. She still had to say yes. I was proposing to her the second her divorce was final.
I walked out of the store and watched Sam as she strapped Bella into her car seat. I was so in love with her. It still took me by surprise sometimes. A year ago, the words ‘husband’ and ‘father’ would have made me break out into a cold sweat. Sam and Bella changed all that. They were my family; I just needed to make it legal.
“Everything okay? Did you find it?” For a second, I forgot what my cover was.
“Yep, exactly where I thought it was.” I pulled her into my arms and kissed her. It was the type of passionate kiss I usually reserved for behind closed doors, but I couldn’t help it. Sam forgot herself, too—a sexy moan escaping her as she grabbed the back of my head to deepen the kiss. Thank God Sam’s SUV had tinted windows in the back and a sun visor so Bella couldn’t really see anything. When we stopped, we were both a little breathless.
“What was that for?” Sam smiled and looked at me with those big light brown eyes I loved so much.
“I’m in love with you, Samantha. Crazy, head over heels in love. Not sure if I told you before.” I gave her a sideways glance with a wink, and watched her smile grow wide. I wanted to make her smile like that every day.
“Yeah, I think you did tell me that. I’m pretty crazy in love with you, too.” She gave me a soft kiss and snuggled in to my chest.
I kissed her on the top of her head. “I think it’s time to get my girls home.” She nodded and we got into the car.
Home with my girls. That’s where I wanted to be—for the rest of my life.
Sam’s ring had been burning a hole in my drawer for three months. As soon as her divorce went through, I was making her mine—permanently. She was my future, and I was getting her back today.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. It was already half dead since I’d spent most of the day checking it every five seconds to see if Sam had called or texted back. I had a voicemail and a missed call.
“Lucas, it’s me.” There was a long pause. It was Sam. “I believe you, and I want all those things, too. But we need to talk. Too many
things happened over the last twenty-four hours. Call me back.”
I dropped my head between my legs. I never felt such overwhelming relief in my life. She believed me. She still sounded angry, but I would do whatever I needed to—grovel, beg, cry. I fucked up, but we could fix this.
“Hey.” I turned around and saw Sam standing in the threshold of her bedroom. I was so into listening to her message I didn’t even hear the front door unlock.
“Hey,” I whispered. Sam looked drained. Her eyes were red and puffy, probably due to lack of sleep and crying over my stupidity over the last day. It twisted my insides to know I was the one to break her like this.
“Are you hurt? That was a bad fall.” I stood up from the bed and reached for her hand. Her palm was raw and bruised. I brought her hand to my mouth and kissed the healing cuts and scrapes, attempting to erase all the pain I had caused. She shut her eyes, as if my lips on her skin were causing her physical pain. I did this to her. A lump formed in my throat.
Sam shrugged. “I’ll live. I’ve done worse.” Her voice was scratchy and strained. This wasn’t the Sam I was used to seeing—the one who lit up whenever she saw me, laughed and giggled at my dumb jokes, and melted from my kisses. Sam had put me on a pedestal the entire time I’d known her, even all those years ago. The disappointment and sadness in her eyes as she looked at me now killed me. I was about to head straight to the begging as this was bringing me right down to my fucking knees.
I pulled her over to the bed to sit next to me. I cupped her cheek and she leaned into my palm. That was progress at least.
“I’m so, so sorry. I never should have run out like that.”
“How could you possibly think I would ever consider taking Marc back? After all this time, you have that little faith in me?” I could tell by the clipped tone to her voice that while she believed me, she was still angry as hell.
“You have a child together, and you fell for his line of crap once—I’ve always been afraid he’d come back and take you away. I—”
“You what? Thought when I told you I loved you I was lying? I let you get close to my daughter and almost move in because you were a casual in-between fling until I got back with Marc?” I reached for her hand, but she pulled it away.
“You didn’t trust me either, Sam. I realize how it looked, but you know me better than that. Have I ever given you reason to think I would hurt you? For the past year, I’ve never looked at anyone else. I only saw you. How could you not know that?”
“I tried to tell you how I felt about you back in college—twice. Both times you had a beautiful woman in tow, and you didn’t even notice I was there. I went to your apartment today to tell you I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, and there was a naked woman in your kitchen. In the blink of an eye, I was back there again. Pining for a man who had better options than mousy little me.” Sam’s voice was steady, but tears ran down her face.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. You were never mous—” Sam rolled her eyes and held up her hand.
“The way you left last night, you were cold as ice. I was trying to do the right thing for us, and you walked out my door like you were walking out of my life.”
I took a deep breath. I wasn’t the only one with a knot in my stomach for the past year, waiting for everything to turn to shit.
“It made me sick thinking of you alone with Marc—”
“I don’t want Marc, I want you! Since I was eighteen years old all I’ve ever wanted was you! But you didn’t believe me. You ignored my phone calls and texts. I spent the night awake and scared shitless that something happened to you. Marc finally confirmed last night that he spent almost our entire marriage sleeping around, and I come to your apartment this morning to find you with Nicole. What was I supposed to think? Is this what you’re going to do every time you get pissed at me? Get drunk and end up with a woman you used to fuck in your apartment? What would have happened if I wasn’t there this morning?”
Sam’s voice cracked as she stood up and turned away from me. Her shoulders were shaking with sobs that she was trying to hold in.
I got up, wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed the back of her head. It was one thing to assume Marc was cheating on her, but another to know it for sure. Seeing Nicole at my apartment was a one-two punch to the gut.
“You didn’t deserve any of that.” I whispered in her ear. “From Marc, or from me. You’re beautiful and amazing and I love you so much. I was so afraid of losing you that it made me nuts. I would have never touched Nicole or anyone else. The only woman for me is you. The only woman I’ve ever loved is you. Always you.” I moved her hair to the side and feathered kisses across the nape of her neck and behind her ear. Sam didn’t turn around, but she relaxed in my arms.
I stepped in front of her so we could face each other. I took her face in my hands and wiped her tears away with my thumbs.
“I need you to forgive me. Tell me you’re mine again. Please, Sam. Say you forgive me for being a crazy jealous bastard and you’ll take me back.”
I saw a hint of a smile on her face.
“I never stopped being yours. I’ll always belong to you. No matter how stupid you are.” Sam rolled her eyes again and smirked at me.
I laughed and pulled her closer.
“I’ll take it. I thought about having to live without you and I didn’t know how to breathe.”
Sam was still crying, but nodded. I kept wiping away the tears and lifted her head up to look at me.
“I have never been more scared in all of my life as I was thinking I lost you. Please. I need you. I need to touch you and kiss you. I need to know you’re real.”
I gave her a light kiss on her forehead, on her still-wet cheeks, and on her lips. She was stiff, but I felt the tension leave her body as the kiss deepened.
“I love you so much.” Sam ran her hand along my jaw, then grabbed me by the back of my head and crashed her lips onto mine. Her hands slid down my back and she grabbed onto my ass.
“Easy there, tiger,” I laughed against her lips, expecting her to giggle, but instead she kissed me harder. Sam found the hem of my T-shirt and pulled it over my head. She ran her nails down my chest to the waistband of my jeans. Goose bumps broke out across my skin. I noticed a hungry look in her eyes as she started fumbling with my zipper. I grabbed both her hands.
“Hey, I’m not going anywhere—ever.” I tried to reassure her by wrapping my arms around her. “Today, you’re all mine and I’m going to claim every single fucking inch of you.”
I backed her up against the bed until she fell back. I crawled on top of her and lifted her shirt, slowly kissing up her stomach, all the way to her chest until I raised her shirt over her head. I ran my tongue along her collarbone as I pulled down her bra straps. Sam started to moan and writhe under me. I took one of her nipples in my mouth, sucking and pulling it with my teeth until it became a rigid peak. As Sam started to whimper, I tried everything I could to hold it together. After the day we’d both had, just touching her had me close to blowing in my jeans like a teenager. I reached behind her to unsnap her bra and pull it off. I gave her other nipple the same attention and put my hand down her pants. Fuck. She was so wet, she was dripping onto my fingers.
“I need to taste you,” I whispered in her ear, making her squirm even more.
I unbuttoned her jeans, and she lifted her hips so I could pull them off along with her panties. When I looked up at her, she had her hand over her eyes like she was embarrassed.
“What’s wrong?”
“Not very sexy, right?”
Her knees were covered with bruises, and I smiled at the Barbie Band-Aids she had on the scrapes.
“It was all I could find.” She shrugged and ran her fingers through my hair. I took her hands and kissed the cuts on her palms again.
“You’re unbelievably sexy. The Barbie Band-Aids only make you hotter. I was barely holding on before, but now, Jesus…” I kissed Sam’s knees an
d she laughed. I spent most of the day scared to death of losing her, but I didn’t want to dwell on all the drama that went on between us today. I wanted to come home—and home to me was being buried inside her.
I licked a path from the inside of her thighs to the wet and swollen flesh at her core. I gave her one long and slow lick and then grabbed her hips as I devoured her. When I circled her clit with my tongue, she lifted her hips and pulled at the hair on the back of my head. It was so fucking hot watching her lose all control.
“Oh my god! That feels so good.” I wrapped my lips around her clit and sucked hard. When Sam’s moans turned into screams, I licked and sucked even harder.
“God? Who’s between your legs, baby? Who’s about to make you come?” I lapped at her clit as I slid two fingers deep inside. Once her legs started to shake, I knew she was close.
“Lucas, please…I…oh my god, Lucas!” She arched her back as she went over the edge. She looked so fucking gorgeous as her entire body quivered. I loved knowing from now on, I was the only man who would ever watch her come.
She gave me a dazed but satisfied smirk.
“Jerk.”
I laughed as I took off my jeans and boxers, positioning myself on top of her.
“I love when you come in my mouth.” Her legs fell apart as I thrust inside of her. She felt amazing—so wet and tight. I kept my mouth on hers as I moved deeper, and the groans I heard made me move faster and harder. Her body went rigid underneath me, and that was all I needed. We came together, and I collapsed next to her.
I ran my fingers through her hair and pulled her close so her head was on top of my chest. We were both physically and emotionally spent. We had lost each other, but we were right back where we were supposed to be.
“You okay?” I asked Sam. She lifted her head to face me with a sleepy smile on her face. Two orgasms had reduced her to a little puddle of Sam.
“I feel … claimed.” She giggled while I kissed her swollen lips.
“Get used to it.”
All she needed now was a new last name.
I woke up exhausted. The past twenty-four hours had been grueling, to say the least. I prayed the worst was behind us. Both of us made stupid choices and wasted too much time being scared, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Always You Page 15