My eyes were still closed, my muscles relaxed from the steam of the hot water. The shower curtain opened, making me jump.
“It’s only me.” Lucas stepped in to the shower and put his arms around me.
I hadn’t even heard the bathroom door open. “Sorry, babe. I’m so out of it. My neck hurts and I think my eye is starting to twitch. It’s been a long couple of days.” I rested my head on Lucas’s chest as he massaged my shoulders.
“No one is taking Bella away from us. Both my girls are staying with me, so there’s no need to worry about anything.” Lucas’s hands moved up from my shoulders and massaged my neck, right where the knot was. I moaned at how good it felt.
“I wish I was as sure as you are.” Lucas kissed my forehead as his hands slid down to the small of my back, pulling me closer.
“Trust me. We’re going to be fine.” Lucas pulled back and put his finger under my chin. His sandy brown hair looked almost black now that it was damp. My eyes trailed the water that dripped from his neck, down his chest, over his abs, and lead to his bulging hard-on, dripping off the tip. Lucas caught me looking and smirked.
“What did you expect? My sexy girlfriend is naked and wet, probably everywhere.” He pulled me closer and sucked on my bottom lip.
“We can’t even have you officially move in. God, Lucas, I fucking hate this –“
“Stop.” He put his finger on my lips. “Marc is not taking anything away from us, or getting between us ever again. Whether it’s official or not, I’m here to stay and not going anywhere. Do I have to claim you again to prove it?” He crashed his lips onto mine, and I moaned into his mouth as he worked my tongue into submission.
“Maybe.” He chuckled against my lips.
He trailed kisses down my neck, cupping both my breasts and ran his thumbs over my nipples. I bit my lip so I wouldn’t cry out and wake Bella.
Lucas sucked on my earlobe and whispered in my ear, “Spread your legs for me.”
His hand slipped down between my legs. He traced circles around my clit with his thumb, making my head fall back. I whimpered as he plunged two fingers inside and then inched them out slowly over and over again until I couldn’t take it anymore. I bucked my hips against his hand trying to make him go faster, and he covered my mouth with his to muffle my screams. I was dizzy as the entire lower half of my body started to throb and I scratched my nails down Lucas’s back as I came, trying to level myself so I wouldn’t fall.
“I could watch you come all day long.” Lucas looked at me with hungry eyes. He gave me a devious smirk and lifted me up, pinning me against the shower wall.
“Hold on tight.”
I wrapped my arms around Lucas’s neck as he thrust inside me. As he moved deeper, his pace became quicker. I shut my eyes and closed out the rest of the world as Lucas hit every right spot.
“I love you so much.”
“I love you, too. Every single part of me is yours.”
Lucas groaned and plowed into me even harder. I fell off the edge a second time, and Lucas came so hard he was shaking afterwards. He lowered me gently to the tile floor and leaned his forehead against mine until we both stopped panting.
“I think somebody likes being claimed—a lot.” He kissed my forehead and I giggled.
“I think I’m in love with you. Crazy, head over heels in love with you.” I cupped his cheek and ran my thumb over his lips. He bit my thumb and winked at me.
“I can relate to the crazy part. Let’s dry off and go to bed.”
We stepped out of the shower, taking a little too long to dry each other off. I loved Lucas so much it brought me to my knees. I had a nagging premonition that I was about to be punished for it.
A week of almost no sleep was taking its toll on me. I navigated through my day in slow motion. The first weekend of our joint custody experiment was upon us, and the closer we got, the more anxious I became. I wished Starbucks made coffee IVs as I had to over-caffeinate myself in order to deal with clients. I didn’t dare talk about how I felt at home. Lucas was always trying to set my mind at ease, which never worked—and if Bella saw me upset she would know something was up. Not sure I could pretend everything was okay for much longer before I passed out from exhaustion.
My phone dinged in my purse and I dug it out.
Lucas: I miss your face. How about some coffee?
Me: You just saw my face this morning. I’m afraid if I have any more coffee today I’ll never blink again.
Lucas: You need a break. I’ll buy you an ice cream.
Me: Ice cream? I’m not Bella.
Lucas: No, you’re not. Bella loves when I buy her ice cream and doesn’t give me an attitude. It’s a beautiful day. I want to see my girl. I’ll meet you in front of your building in 15 minutes.
I let out a long sigh, and threw my phone in my bag. I didn’t have the energy to argue and work was on the slow side this afternoon. I used to live for afternoon dates with Lucas. Now I was so drained and on edge I couldn’t even enjoy that anymore.
By the time I got downstairs, Lucas was holding two ice cream cones with a smug look on his face. I laughed to myself as I strode over to where he was leaning against the building.
“One for me, one for my girl. Let’s go across the street and find a bench.”
It really was a nice day, the first sunny February day above fifty degrees and Madison Square Park was bustling with activity. In addition to not sleeping, my appetite had been crap over the past week, so I didn’t feel so guilty indulging. I planted myself on an empty bench, licking my chocolate ice cream cone as I stared into space. Lucas snickered as he sat beside me and put his arm around my shoulder.
“I should buy you ice cream more often—even though I’m getting a little jealous of that cone right now.” He nudged me in the side and I shook my head.
“Yes, because you’re sooo deprived at home. Thanks for the treat.” I kissed his cheek and leaned back against his chest. Being close to Lucas made my body relax a bit.
“You’re welcome.” He snaked his arm around my waist and kissed my temple. “You going to tell me what’s bothering you, or do you want me to guess?”
My eyes grew heavy; I could’ve slept on Lucas’s chest right on the bench. It reminded me of a happier time in my life. No custody fights, no worrying about my daughter—just Lucas and me. Following that sweet memory was the bitter realization of how enjoying that too much may have gotten me into this mess.
“I gave Marc’s mother too much access to Bella. I let her think she has a say and a stake in how she’s raised. I was selfish—out enjoying romantic weekends with my boyfriend and never thinking about the consequences.”
“Hey,” Lucas lifted me off his chest and turned my head so I faced him. “Spending weekends at my apartment is not why this is happening. You never put me before Bella. All those months at the beginning, I hardly ever saw you on weekends. You wouldn’t leave her with anyone. You let Bella stay with her grandparents, who came to you and asked, and who you had no reason to believe would turn on you like this.” Lucas took my hand and interlocked our fingers. “Do you regret any of that time with me?”
I sat up straight, shaking my head.
“No! I loved every second I spent with you. Waking up in your arms, having private dinners and staying in bed all day. I crushed on the Lucas I knew all those years ago, but during all those weekends with you, I got to know the amazing man you are—and I fell so hard for you.” I smiled as I trailed my hand down his cheek.” I never thought I would have to choose between being a good mother and being in love.” I ran my fingers along Lucas’s jaw, and he leaned into my hand.
“You don’t. This would have happened regardless of whether you let Marc’s parents take Bella a couple of weekends a month. Marc’s mother is a scared and jealous woman who is afraid of losing access to her granddaughter. She’s the selfish one, not you.” He gave me a quick kiss and started eating his ice cream again. Mine became a melted mess but I slurped up what was lef
t.
“I loved those weekends, too. That was a big reason why I couldn’t go back to my apartment the night Marc came back. I’d look around and see us everywhere, making dinner together in my kitchen, your beautiful body sprawled across my bed, my head between your legs on the couch …” Lucas buried his head in my neck and gave me slow kisses behind my ear.
“You can’t talk dirty to me when I’m eating ice cream.” I shut my eyes as Lucas pulled me closer.
“Why? You afraid it’s going to melt?” I chuckled and pushed him away.
“Those are good memories. Don’t let any of this take that away from us. You should spend your energy thinking about where you’d like to move when all this is over.”
I put my hand over my eyes and tried to massage my temples. Every conversation led to this topic lately.
“Lucas, I know you hate the house—”
“I don’t hate the house. I just would like a place that was all ours, not where you used to live with Marc. Don’t you want to move back to the Bronx where your family is? Or maybe somewhere else? The one good thing about having a career in finance is that I knew exactly how to invest and save all these years. And now that I just made partner, I can buy us a huge house anywhere you’d want to go.”
I really didn’t have the energy for this today. I could see his point, but Bella and I liked our house. I paid for it, so to me it was all mine. We liked the neighborhood, and Bella liked her school. I stood to throw out the rest of my ice cream soup in a trash can next to our bench and turned back to Lucas.
“I don’t have much family left in the Bronx, my mother lives in New Jersey. That’s why I didn’t see the big deal in buying a house in Queens where Marc lived.”
“Usually the guy moves to where his girl lives, no? At least that’s what I would do.” I looked up and groaned. He was never going to let this go.
“That’s because you’re an abnormally nice guy. Most guys are a lot more selfish.”
“Did you just call me weird? I think you did.” Lucas gave me a sideways glance from where he still sat on the bench, making me laugh.
“No, I said you were abnormal because you were so nice. Maybe I did call you weird, because before you, a truly nice guy was very odd to me. Although with the movie star looks and panty-dropping smile, I’m sure getting women to not follow you everywhere was tough.” Lucas choked on the last of his ice cream and burst out laughing.
“Panty-dropping? Did you just say I had a panty-dropping smile?” Lucas grabbed me by the waist and pulled me onto his lap. He ran his hand up my skirt, making me squeal.
“What are you doing?” I tried to squirm out of his hold but he tightened his grip.
“I smiled a good three times just now, checking to make sure you had panties on before you went back to work.” I tried to grab his hand but he wouldn’t budge. It felt so good to laugh, especially after spending the entire week dreading impending disaster.
“I’m glad you told me. There could be panties down all over the city because of me.”
I fisted the material on his jacket and pulled him closer. “There better not be.” Lucas answered by grabbing the back of my head and giving me a passionate kiss.
I giggled and rested my forehead against his. “Thank you.” Lucas shrugged in reply.
“It’s what I’m here for. Ice cream and getting your panties to drop. Now you’ve given me two good ideas for later.” I tightened my arms around him and buried my head into his neck.
I was lucky to be happy with Lucas, and I refused to feel guilty about it anymore. I still dreaded what was ahead of us, but I was happy we were in this together.
After two months of going back and forth between her home with us and Marc’s parents’ house, things weren’t getting any easier. In fact, I was pretty damn sure they were getting worse. The custody arrangement changed to every weekend after about a month. Robyn was trying to get the hearing moved up but couldn’t do anything about it at the moment. Bella was happy when she got home on Sunday nights, but as the week progressed she got quiet and withdrawn. When Marc came to pick Bella up on Fridays, she would give us the saddest look before she left, tearing both our hearts out.
We weren’t stupid—Marc’s mother had been the one taking care of Bella. I could guarantee he was still the same douche he’d always been and was staying out all night. Even though I was positive she was the evil mastermind behind this whole mess, Sam was confident Bella was safe with her grandmother. Miserable like Sam and me—but safe.
Last night wasn’t just miserable. It was fucking awful.
“Shh. Bella, please. Don’t cry, baby.”
Sam knelt down to hold Bella in her arms, rocking her back and forth in an effort to calm her down. Big tears streamed down Bella’s face as she clung to her mother for dear life. I looked into my girl’s watery eyes and knew it was a matter of time before she broke down, too.
I joined Sam and Bella on the floor and rubbed Bella’s back as I put my arm around Sam. Both my girls were upset and I had no idea what I could do to make it better. I looked over at Marc, who couldn’t have cared less. He was leaning against the wall with his arms folded, rolling his eyes as Bella’s wails got louder. Putting my fist through his face wouldn’t help anything, but it would’ve made me feel a hell of a lot better.
I remembered what Robyn told us about being amiable and cooperative— and while pummeling the bastard would feel really fucking good, it would only hurt us in the long run.
“Bella, come on. Enough already. Grandma is going to get pissed at me if we’re any later.” Marc let out a long sigh and shook his head at his daughter.
He tried to pull Bella’s arm off Sam, but she wouldn’t budge. Sam attempted to remove her daughter’s grip from around her neck, but it only made her cry harder.
“Butterfly, come with me. I want to talk to you.”
I pried her away from her parents’ tug of war and carried her into her room. I put her down on the bed and took a seat on the floor in front of her.
“Talk to me, Butterfly. Tell me what’s wrong.”
Bella’s face was red and blotchy, and her eyes were swollen. She cried just like her mother, and it tore up my insides the same way.
“Why can’t I stay with you and Mommy? Don’t you want me around anymore?”
Bella was only three and a half feet tall but managed to gut me in under a minute. This back and forth was getting to all of us. She didn’t belong there, she belonged here—with us. This poor little girl was in the middle of a power struggle and was suffering because of it.
“That’s not true. Of course we want you. Right now, Grandma, Grandpa, and your Daddy want to spend time with you, too. Sunday night we’ll come to pick you up, and we can go anywhere you want. Sound good?” I kissed her forehead and put my arms around her.
Her crying looked like it slowed a bit, and I breathed a sigh of relief.
“They won’t be there. They’re going away.”
Bella looked down at the floor, and instead of sad, she looked scared.
“Who’s going away, Butterfly?
“Grandma and Grandpa. Tomorrow morning they’re supposed to see Aunt Mary and they come home Sunday. Daddy doesn’t like me. He yells at me a lot.”
Bella was going to be alone with Marc. No wonder he was in such a rush to get her back to his parents’ house. His mother probably wanted to see her before she went away for the weekend.
I didn’t like this. At all.
There wasn’t a goddamn thing I could do. Keeping her here would be a violation of the custody agreement, and knowing that wretched woman, she would use it as leverage to keep Bella for longer. My hands were tied, and Bella was looking at me for an answer I didn’t have. It would have hurt less to plunge a knife into my own chest.
I took her Hello Kitty pad and pen from her nightstand and tore off a piece of paper. I jotted down my cell phone number, folded up the paper and put it in her hand.
“Listen to me. If you need me, ca
ll this number like we showed you. I don’t care what time it is. I’ll come get you. Okay?”
Bella made a fist around the paper and flung her arms around me. I held her as tight as I could.
“I love you, Lucas.” Bella’s words were a faint whisper as she buried her head in my neck. If only I really were Superman, I’d fly her and her mother far away from this horrible situation to where no one could hurt them. Right now, reassuring them both was the best I could do, even if I didn’t believe it myself.
I pulled back and rested my forehead against hers.
“I love you, too, Butterfly. Remember what I told you.”
She nodded and I took her hand, leading her back into the living room.
Sam was sitting on the couch, but got up as soon as she saw us.
“You okay, baby?” Bella gave her a little nod and glanced at her father.
“Finally! Get your coat on Bella. We have to go.”
Marc threw Bella’s coat at Sam. I was still holding Bella’s hand, but shook from the rage I was trying to hold in. After Sam helped Bella with her zipper, she gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Marc took Bella’s hand and yanked her towards the door.
“You going to be all right, just you and Bella now that your parents are away?” Sam’s head jerked up to stare at me with a horrified expression on her face.
“Bella and I will be just fine, pretty boy. None of your concern.”
Sam moved to wrap her arms around her daughter one last time. As Bella left, she glanced back at me and I nodded. If she called me, I would get right in the car and bring her home. Legal consequences be damned.
As the door shut behind them, Sam couldn’t hold her sobs in any longer. I hurried over to her and she collapsed in my arms. I trailed kisses across Sam’s forehead and down her tear-stained cheeks. She threw her arms around my waist and cried into my chest.
I hated the thought of Marc taking care of Bella alone— given his track record of ignoring his daughter—and it had to be tearing Sam up. All I could do was hold her and say everything was fine, when we both knew it was anything but.
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