The moment his lips captured hers, she melted into him and knew she couldn’t walk away from this man. At least not yet.
She moaned into his mouth, which had the effect of throwing gasoline on a fire. The world would be perfect if she could just get him naked and run her hands all over his heated flesh.
“I want you,” Ben said against her wet lips.
“The feeling’s mutual.”
The rain began to come down harder, soaking through their clothes. Not that it would matter once they got inside. But as she reached for the doorknob, Ben instead pulled her shirt over her head and lowered his mouth to the top of her breasts.
“Oh,” she breathed.
Ben chuckled as he backed her up against the front of her house.
“We’re getting wet,” she said in between kisses.
“Yep,” he said, sounding totally unconcerned.
She had to admit having a wet Ben in her arms wasn’t a bad thing. The feel of his damp shirt clinging to his back lit another fire within her and she let her hands roam up his spine to the back of his head. He’d left his hat somewhere, allowing her fingers to tunnel through his short, wet hair.
Only when the rain became a deluge did Ben open the door and steer her inside, not letting go of her and barely breaking the contact between their mouths. The rain thundered against the roof, but the sound still wasn’t as loud as her pulse beating against her eardrums.
“I think...” Kiss. “We should...” Breath. “Get rid of...”
“I agree,” Ben said, obviously not needing her to finish saying the wet clothes needed to go.
Her fingers went to the front of his shirt, thinking she’d make quick work of his buttons. But what should have been an easy task proved difficult. She fumbled with the buttons so much that Ben chuckled, right before he unfastened her bra with a single movement.
“Oh, hush,” she said, “or I’ll kick you out.”
“No, you won’t,” he responded before letting her bra fall away from her breasts and taking one in his mouth.
She couldn’t help the deep sound of pleasure that escaped her. Of course he was right. There was no way she was kicking him out now, not until what they’d started reached its conclusion.
Mandy dug her fingers into the back of Ben’s scalp, pressing him harder against her. He licked and sucked and gave her breast so much attention that she was in danger of reaching climax before she even got totally out of her clothes.
“Take off those clothes before I take a pair of scissors to them,” she said.
Ben laughed at that but took a couple of steps back. He held her gaze as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt. She’d never witnessed a striptease before, but his movements and the wicked grin tugging at his mouth made her understand the allure.
Well, two could play that game. She took a slow step to the side as she unbuttoned the top of her shorts. One more step toward the stairs leading to the loft that held her bed, and she kicked off one of her sandals. Her mouth watered as Ben released the final button on his shirt and let it fall open. Have mercy, she wanted to put her mouth on every inch of those pectorals, the six-pack below and the V above his hips.
Ben’s knowing grin reminded her that she needed to return his volley, so she rid herself of her other sandal and began to slowly lower the zipper on her shorts as she eased up the stairs. The grin fell away from Ben’s lips, replaced with a look of hunger that sent such a rush of feminine power through her that it made her a little dizzy.
The slow-motion play ended abruptly as Ben yanked down the zipper on his jeans, toed off his boots and shucked absolutely every stitch of his remaining clothing in a matter of moments. Her gaze took in the perfection before her, lit only by the dim light coming from the bathroom. But she didn’t need full light to see just how ready his body was for what awaited them at the top of the stairs. She’d never wanted a man so much in her life.
And yet she seemingly forgot how to move her feet as she watched Ben walk toward her. When he reached her, his hands went immediately to the top of her shorts and pulled them down, underwear and all. As if through a fog, she lifted her feet one by one, allowing him to pull her clothing free. Her entire body heated a few more degrees when he tossed the shorts and panties over his shoulder.
“I suggest we get ourselves to that bed, or we’re going to find out if sex on these stairs is possible.”
That a very real curiosity about exactly that planted itself at the front of her brain made her wonder who she’d turned into. She’d never been this...naughty? Adventurous? Uninhibited? She wasn’t sure of the right word for the current situation.
The messages from her brain managed to reach her feet again as Ben began to climb the stairs. Mandy took the last few steps into the loft. Ben was only a step behind, so focused on her that he barely managed to duck in time to keep himself from banging his head on the low ceiling. In the next breath, his strong hands were on her, gripping her hips and pulling her flush with his toasty skin. Her hands ran up his chest, loving the feel of all that masculinity at her fingertips. What would he do if she licked her way up those delectable muscles? Before she could find out, he captured her mouth in another mind-blowing kiss that she felt all the way to the tips of her fingers and toes.
Ben’s arms encircled her as he lowered them both to the mattress. Feeling the length of his long, powerful body stretched out beside her threatened to overload her senses, especially when he blazed a trail from her mouth to her neck, making his way down her body. She’d swear her entire being hummed in response.
She stopped his downward progress by capturing his face between her hands and pulling his mouth back to hers. Their tongues mated. There was no other way to describe it.
In the midst of the haze enveloping her, she became aware of Ben sheathing himself. Where he’d managed to hide a condom on his completely naked body, she hadn’t a clue. And for a moment, she remembered why she’d told herself she couldn’t get closer to him. But after feeling him pressed to her like they were, nothing save a tornado blowing her tiny house into the creek was going to make her stop what they’d started. She’d deal with the emotional consequences later. Right now, her body demanded satisfaction. And if she was being honest, her heart wanted it, too.
Ben eased himself atop her, and their gazes latched on to each other. “Don’t let me hurt you.”
If he only knew that it wasn’t her body in jeopardy right now. To keep from allowing her feelings to show, she lifted her upper half from the mattress and trailed her tongue down his chest, smiling when his body went rigid as her tongue flicked his nipple.
With a growl she felt as well as heard, Ben spread her legs and positioned himself between them. His mouth plundered hers as he pushed inside her. Words ceased to exist in her world as her entire mind focused on the feel of Ben moving within her, on her own reciprocated movement, the burning and tingling sensations everywhere his hands touched her, the furious beating of her heart as their pace increased. She dug her fingers into his hips, which seemed to urge him to go deeper and faster. And she realized that was exactly what she wanted. Her breath came in gasps as she came completely undone. Her release seemed to fuel Ben as he chased his own. In the next moment, every muscle in his body went rigid as he hurtled over the edge.
Reality tried to intrude as Mandy’s heartbeat began to slow. Her thoughts drifted toward what she’d been thinking before Ben showed up. But all her attention shot back to the present when he pulled her close, her head resting on his shoulder. As she placed her palm against his chest and felt the beating of his heart, she knew she couldn’t give him up. At least not right now. This felt too good to walk away.
Was it possible they could have more than a hot physical relationship coupled with friendship? Would he ever change his mind about having kids? Could she? People did it all the time, right?
“You okay?” he asked. “You’re quiet.”
“Maybe I’m thinking about how awesome that was. Or what I’m going to wear tomorrow.”
“It better be the first one.”
“And if it’s not?”
“Then I might have to try again—after I recover.”
She smiled. “It was—awesome, that is.”
“I aim to please.”
“I’d say you did, but I’m afraid too much praise will go to your head.”
He chuckled then planted a kiss on her forehead. The tenderness of the gesture felt more intimate than their lovemaking.
Mandy let her fingers wander leisurely over his flesh, over the occasional imperfection that didn’t seem imperfect at all. She supposed a man who worked on a ranch couldn’t expect to make it through life without a wound now and then. But as her fingers glided over his flesh, something changed. Instead of being relaxed in the aftermath of sex, Ben’s body had tensed. As she wondered why, her fingertips sent a message to her brain and she realized that several of the scars on his arms and stomach felt similar. Curiosity had her lifting her head from his shoulder and eyeing the circular spots as best she could in the semidarkness.
Ben tried to roll away from her and off the bed, but she flattened her hand gently on his chest.
“Don’t. Please.” She wasn’t sure what had made her say that, but some instinct told her she should.
Ben stared up at the ceiling, as if he was looking far beyond the roof and the rain and even the present. Cold settled in her stomach and she wasn’t sure why.
“What happened?”
He took so long to answer she began to think he wouldn’t, that he might leave instead and not allow her to stop him this time. But then he let out a breath that felt as if it had been pent up his entire life.
“My birth parents liked to use me as an ashtray.”
Mandy barely kept herself from gasping. But she suspected that would be the worst thing she could do, that it would send Ben down the steps so fast she wouldn’t be able to catch him. That he would walk out of her life and not look back.
“Then I’m glad you’re not with them.”
Ben turned his head to look at her, confusion written all over his expression. “You don’t seem surprised.”
“Unfortunately, it’s not surprising anymore when I hear about parents abusing their children. I don’t understand it, never will, but it’s in the news every day. Some people just shouldn’t have kids, though I’m personally glad you’re here. I wish you hadn’t gone through what you did, but—”
He cut her off by rolling her onto her back and kissing her so thoroughly her head spun. When he finally allowed her to breathe, she stared up at him, in that moment loving him even more.
“What was that for?”
“You’re amazing,” he said.
“Thanks. Every girl likes to hear that.” She ran her hand along his upper arm, feeling a couple of the cigarette burns and hating his birth parents with a ferocity she’d never felt before. “But there’s nothing amazing about what I said. If anyone is amazing, it’s you for living through it and turning out to be a pretty okay guy.” She smiled, trying to lighten the moment even a fraction.
Thankfully, he smiled, too. And then he kissed her nose, her cheek, nibbled on her ear. She knew where this was going, and that he was probably using sex to purge his thoughts of what had happened to him. She tried to set aside wondering what kind of person could burn a child not only once but repeatedly. Was this the reason he didn’t want kids? Could he possibly think he’d be the kind of person who’d injure a child? She couldn’t imagine it, not in the least.
In a quick motion that seemed to surprise Ben, she pushed him onto his back. After holding his gaze for a moment, considering the wisdom of her next move, she lowered her lips to one of the scars and kissed it. Ben tensed, seemed to hold his breath for a long moment, but he didn’t say anything or make a move to extricate himself. So she allowed her lips to travel to the next scar, then the next like the most horrible game of connect the dots ever. It took all her willpower not to cry at the evidence of what his parents had done to him. Thank God he’d gotten away from them and found a family who showed him the love he deserved. Who’d protected him instead of hurt him.
Ben remained still and silent as she trailed kisses down his ribs and up his arm. The location of the scars told her the beasts had made sure to put them where no one would see. She wasn’t by nature a vindictive or violent person, but in that moment she had the thought that she’d like to show them what it felt like to have the burning end of a cigarette pressed against their skin.
Ben’s hands threaded through her tousled hair and brought her mouth to his. They didn’t speak, letting their bodies do the talking as they made love again, slowly this time. And she fell the rest of the way in love with Ben Hartley.
* * *
BEN LISTENED TO the rain on the tin roof a few feet above his head. With Mandy curled up next to him, her chest rising and falling as she slept, he thought that life in this little box of a house didn’t seem so bad at the moment.
He still couldn’t believe how she’d reacted to his scars, that he’d even told her the truth about them. He’d expected pity, and maybe she had felt some but she hadn’t shown it. Instead, she’d kissed those constant reminders that he’d been a victim of the people who should have loved and protected him. She’d done her best to take away their power, to make him feel as if the scars didn’t matter.
If he let himself, he could love her for that.
But the fact remained that they did matter because how they came about was the reason he couldn’t give this wonderful woman in his arms what she really wanted. And he’d be a selfish bastard if he asked her to give that up for him. But damn if a part of him, a really big part if he was being honest, wanted to ask her exactly that. Because he couldn’t remember ever feeling how he did right now—relaxed, happy to his core, at peace. He knew it would end as soon as they left this bed. He dreaded the daylight when he might see that pity in her eyes she’d been able to hide as they made love.
“Are you thinking about what a fabulous idea it was to come over here tonight?” she asked, her words still heavy with sleep.
“How did you know?”
“Because I was thinking the same thing.”
He kissed her forehead as if he’d done it hundreds of times before, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. And he realized the fact that it came too easily was a problem. But how did he tell her that without it sounding as if he’d just used her for sex?
“Can I ask you something personal?” she asked.
“Okay.” He didn’t have to think too hard to guess what this was going to be about.
“What your birth parents did to you—you’re not afraid you’ll be the same way, are you?”
For a moment he was confused, then realized that based on what she knew her conclusion made sense.
“No. I just don’t want their genes passed on. I might not do that to a kid, but I can’t guarantee that trait won’t surface somewhere down the line.”
But as he said the words, he wondered why it felt as if he was lying. Was it possible that deep down he did worry he’d be like them? Even now, all these years later, he could still hear them tell him how worthless he was as they pressed yet another hot cigarette into his flesh. He jumped at the memory.
Mandy placed her hand on his chest. “That could happen in any family.”
“But the chances are higher when you know it already exists in the DNA.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I’m not willing to take the chance.”
She jerked in his arms, obviously shocked by his words.
“You’re a good man, Ben. I have no doubt you’d be a good father.”
&
nbsp; He wanted to tell her how much her compliment touched him, but he couldn’t give her false hope if she thought she’d change his mind. How could he make her see that without hurting her? Would he hurt her anyway because he hadn’t been able to keep his hands off her?
“Why do you want to have kids so much after you’ve seen how hard it was for your mom raising you alone?”
“I don’t plan on raising my children alone.”
And that, in a nutshell, was why he and Mandy could never be more than what they had shared tonight in her little house while the rain drummed on the roof. By the look in her eyes, she knew it, too.
Chapter Eleven
When Mandy said goodbye to Ben the morning after they’d made love, she fully expected that to be the end. She’d even had a good cry about it before setting her mind to getting over him and on with her life. Easier said than done. And when he hadn’t called her anytime during the day and a half following his departure from her house, it had hurt but she’d managed with a little help from a dozen double-chocolate cookies from the bakery. She’d sworn that her self-pity party would end the moment she popped the last bite of cookie in her mouth.
But the instant they’d spotted each other across the room at the music hall, all the pep talks she’d given herself flew right out the window like Ben’s pigeon had. First came a dance and Ben’s hands resting at the small of her back, then the two of them sharing a plate of cheese fries in a corner, and finally more of those kisses that turned her brain into one enormous hormone.
That had been a week ago. They’d seen each other every day since. It seemed as if they were officially dating without making it official. Their conversations never ventured close to the seriousness of that rainy night in her loft, and she’d almost convinced herself that was okay.
Almost.
She wondered if he was ashamed of his scars, of what had been done to him, and that was why he acted as if that truth had never been revealed. Mandy wanted to say something, anything that would make them a nonissue, but it wasn’t up to her to convince him. He had to convince himself, and she didn’t know if that was possible.
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