His aggression only twisted my stomach further, had my heart skipping another beat in a panic to catch up. Two weeks ago, I would have said that no one knew how intense my brother could get better than me. Now that I had to have her looks of worry, her confession of fear playing in my head like a sick fucking snuff film, I had to rethink. When I couldn’t summon the courage I needed to confront him, to admit that Lilah’s concern might have held some merit, I let my arms fold over my chest and my eyes jump to the mutt across the room.
“Tell me what happened.”
“Where?”
My jaw clicked, my eyes narrowing. “Where do you think?”
For a moment, I watched Toby weigh his options. The man looked up the stairs in front of him before glancing back at me. While Lilah’s fruit may have been sweet, it couldn’t quite compare to the thirst for power that had been gnawing away at him. Toby turned his body to me, his fist colliding playfully with my shoulder before flashing me a toothy grin.
“I calmed him down a bit,” Toby bragged. “He’s comin’ down here to pick it up next weekend.” When the hairs on my neck stood, another painful beat in my chest, I couldn’t help but bare my teeth. “The fuck is that look for? You said you could build it in a week.”
“Yeah, didn’t really intend for you to invite him to Sunday fuckin’ dinner, Tobe.”
Toby’s hiss only set us both on edge, but when I caught him making his way back towards the stairs, it was the knock in my chest that forced me to pull him back.
“What the hell is your problem?” Toby seethed again. “Like I’m gonna sit here with you when my girl’s waitin’ for me?”
A dark chuckle bubbled from my chest, my head rolling to the side to give him a condescending look. “You’re acting like you didn’t just get your dick wet in Hamilton.”
As much as I prayed for anger, all I got was arrogance. Toby’s face spread into a grin and my stomach twisted. I wasn’t supposed to feel anything for her, wasn’t supposed to get involved, but something was wrong about seeing that look on his face. Somehow, Lilah deserved more than that. For years, I had tried to convince myself that Toby was just an idiot, that my chaotic baby brother had no idea what he was doing. It was grins like that that made this mess harder to ignore. Toby knew what he was doing; he just didn’t care. As the blonde turned to climb the flight of stairs, excitement forcing his usually lame footwork into a skip, I tried to focus my attention on yet another mess my brother had created.
If Lilah didn’t tempt me to slice my fuckin’ wrists, the dog was a runner up.
Whether he’d admit it or not, this thing always started the same with him. Ever since we were kids, Toby’s manias had a pattern. Lilah would be safe for as long as this obsession lasted, but it never did last very long. Eventually, the hunger for flesh would take over the need for companionship. Eventually, Toby would remember that nothing on the outside was going to be able to mend the hole on the inside. Eventually, she’d have to join the woman in the basement.
He’d take this shit too far.
He always did.
As desperately as I wanted to move, my muscles remained frozen at the base of the stairs. My legs weren’t under my control anymore as my vision glued to the mutt in front of me. My ears strained for any sound from the room upstairs, and my heart ached for the beast to do anything to take my mind off my own demons. Unfortunately, the mutt wouldn’t move. The creature remained curled in a tight ball at the front door, unwilling to move from the place Toby left him and far too frightened to give me anything more than a whimper.
Just like Lilah.
With a scratch of my chin, I tried to soothe my soul. This wasn’t a question of morals anymore. I’d already made my bed and the only thing left to do was to lay in it. When I’d left Toby here alone, I knew the risks. When I helped him find this girl, helped him watch this girl, helped him keep her in this hell, I made my decision. The only thing that I could control was my involvement in it— and that had to be kept at zero.
If Toby was with Lilah, that meant he’d keep himself out of trouble.
That was all that mattered, wasn’t it?
Refocusing my attention on the mutt across the room, tired bones carried me towards the fridge. Filling him a bowl with water, tossing some lunch meat onto the floor when I realized Toby hadn’t even thought to bring kibble, had only bought me a few moments of peace. I knew better than to let my mind wander, but lack of proper sleep was making it impossible to control. The quiet in the house was jarring, and my mind could only rest on one of two possibilities. Either she loved my brother’s hands all over her body or little Lilah couldn’t even find the will to scream out when he touched her.
To be honest, I wasn’t sure which made me sicker.
As the mutt approached, driven out of fear by hunger, I watched his ears perk. Keen senses could alert him to tortures I craved, and as he bent to lap at the bowl, I let my attention fall to the stairs. If I climbed them, it wasn’t to be closer to her, wasn’t to check on her, wasn’t to stick my nose where it didn’t belong; right? Light footwork carried me forward, and I barely gave the dog a wave as I made my way to the upper levels of the home.
“Try not to make a mess.”
When I reached the halfway point, I had already made up another lie to make myself feel better. I was just going to skirt into my room, taking no time to listen to the sickening sounds from behind Toby’s closed door. All I was doing was getting my headphones, getting ready to drown out the world with whatever depressive shit was the flavor of the week. Though, I’d never been very good at lies. The first time I heard it was on the twelfth step[EC3] . Then, as I finally landed on the top floor, any questions of reality faded into the dark. Every muscle in my body froze as my mind tried one last time to convince me the pathetic cry wasn’t real, that I didn’t have to be the one to take responsibility for it. When I heard my name on her tongue a third time, there was no stopping this thing in my chest.
She needed help.
She needed me.
Toby’s door didn’t give when my hand slammed into it, an urgent knock hardly slowing down the growls and snarls coming from the other side. Worry choked my chest, stopping my heart all together, and I tried once more. A strangled cry left my lips, and my palm slammed down on the wood, rattling the very frame that held it in place. Finally, my brother’s annoyed cry came from the other side.
“Fuck off!”
My hand slammed down again, my ear pressing eagerly to the wood as I prayed for another sound of reassurance, another sign that I wasn’t risking everything I had for nothing at all. “Open the door!”
“Fuck off!”
“Ale—”
When her voice fell short, muffled below a hand, whatever signs of life I found within me were gone. Erratic heart beats skirted me between this world and the next, and the only thing that seemed to tie me to my body was the dull pain in my shoulder. It only took three swings of my body to pry the damn thing off its hinges, but the panic would loosen its grip once I stumbled inside. If anything, this lurking darkness only seemed to make the voice in my head worse.
No part of me was ready to process the image in front of me. I’d spent so long hiding in the dark that when reality hit me in the face, I could hardly even look at it. As I straightened, Toby recoiled off the sacrifice pinned to the bed, adjusting his jeans in a panic and snarling out another insult. With her free hand, Lilah groped at the bed sheets, desperate to hide her naked and bruised body from the world. She wouldn’t look at me, but as my eyes scanned the red marks littering her throat, her mouth, the world seemed to grow a little darker.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Toby’s snarl wouldn’t bother me anymore— not when her skittish gaze was bringing another painful jolt to my heart. As Lilah groped for any additional blankets, I tried to pretend I didn’t notice the raw marks where her cuffs used to be, the marks I helped make. A single motion pulled the sweatshirt from my body and tossed it to
the woman— another act neither of us were ready to comprehend. When I finally found the will to speak, the only person I could look at was Lilah, my voice even when I finally gave the command.
“Wait out in the hall.”
“She’s not going any—”
“Lilah, wait in the fucking hall!”
This time, there was no hesitation. My voice bounced off the rotting walls, and Lilah wasted no time scurrying into my sweatshirt and stumbling towards the open door. Even as she passed me, my body wouldn’t move, my heart wouldn’t force another rush of blood. Not until I saw Toby making a grab for her, at least. Another growl left my throat as I tossed my brother back across the room.
“Are you kidding me?” I snarled, a dark laugh filling the room. “I have to come up here to this shit?”
“Don’t fuckin’ lecture me,” Toby spat. Licking his lips, the man lowered himself back into another form, a version of my brother I was becoming more and more familiar with. Subhuman eyes darted between me and the fleeting image of the woman, another snarl building in his chest. “What the fuck is this? Some jealousy shit?”
“Fuck you.” The growl only solidified the fear inside of him, and my chest tightened. “No, fuck you. If I needed some pussy—”
“Don’t talk about her like that.”
“—I wouldn’t need to force her.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
If I had any feeling left in my body, I was certain I would have noticed the chill in the room. Whatever piece of my brother that remained was gone in a flash, a new kind of beast appearing before me. Anger had pushed me too far, a condescending grin ridiculing him past the point of return, and an unwelcome guilt flooded my system. Looking away from him meant death, so I did everything I could to soften my features.
“Force her? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“Toby.”
“I can barely keep her off my dick,” Toby laughed, hoping to convince me just as much as he was himself. When my features wouldn’t bend, he doubled down. Toby’s back straightened and his arm waved towards the trembling doe. “She’s here because she wants to be here.”
Still, I couldn’t respond, and silence only seemed to push him further. Toby’s teeth gnashed together, and it took every ounce of my will not to react. The only thing left was to stay calm, to stay quiet, to stay in control.
“Look me in the eye and say that one more—”
“You remember when we were kids?” A gentle tone hid the raise in my voice, and when my chin tilted up just slightly, Toby’s rant halted. Just a moment, just enough to knock at the door of the boy he used to be. When he didn’t lunge to strangle me, I locked eyes and continued. “And you had that stupid bike with the streamers and shit? What’d you call that?” A spark of awareness ran through the man, and as his attention drifted from hostility and into nostalgia, he returned to his regular slouch. “What’d you call it, Toby?”
“Yellow Hornet.”
“Yeah,” I grinned, finally shoving my hands in my pocket and tilting my head to the side. “I didn’t take shit from you then, did I?”
Those moments wouldn’t last forever. The technique hardly worked this time last year. Once Jax started getting involved, those moments of control were few and far between, and I knew this wouldn’t last forever. Still, I breathed an air of gratitude as Toby’s shoulders relaxed down his back. My brother shot me a nod of understanding, and slowly, Toby’s attention shifted from my face to the woman stupid enough to hide behind me. Again, I watched Toby transform into a new animal, a look of false sorrow aging his features.
“Come here.” When a silence filled the room, I let my head turn to the side, barely taking in Lilah’s pale face. When he shot her another order, Toby’s voice grew harsher. “Baby, come here.”
I thought I’d be sick when her eyes shifted to me. This thing pounded against my skull again, desperate to wake up the piece of me that I’d tried so hard to deaden. This new sense of responsibility was going to see me to an early fuckin’ grave— if I was lucky.
“Baby, I’m sorry if I hurt you.” When Toby’s shoulder brushed my own, I couldn’t find the strength to stop him. My hands found their way pathetically into my pockets again, and I turned to watch my brother grab out for the only woman who’d ever made me feel alive. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, baby.”
Instinctively, Lilah jerked out of his grip, but Toby wouldn’t let her escape him a second time. “Don’t touch me.”
His laugh chilled both of us, confusion lacing his features. “What are you talking about?”
Whatever backbone she had found bent far too easily. When her brown eyes landed on him, Lilah’s resolve weakened and her shoulders collapsed. Where she should have been hard, the woman softened. She was too naïve to know there was no hope to be found in the hopeless, too young to know the difference between the bruised and the broken.
“Please don’t touch me, Toby.”
“Baby, what the fuck are you talking about?”
The rise in Toby’s voice activated too many parts of my psyche, and muscles moved with both memory and need. Before his grip could crush her wrist, I was between them again, my back to Toby as I gave Lilah the guidance she clearly needed. As I jerked my chin behind her, Lilah’s eyes softened and she pulled herself out of Toby’s grip. When I heard my brother’s growl, I let my head fall to the side and attempted to give him the soothing reassurance he needed the most.
“Let me handle this, Tobe,” I tried. The tightening of his jaw forced a final command from my throat. “You’ve got to let me handle this.”
His eyes wouldn’t leave Lilah— not even as she disappeared into the darkness of the hallway. “Not a fuckin’ hand on her, Alex.” His eyes danced over to me for a second, snarling out a final warning before making his way through the door. “Don’t even think about touching her.”
Instincts begged me to wait, to keep up an image I wasn’t strong enough to carry. I wouldn’t suck in a breath as I rushed Lilah and I across the hall, far too fearful that the scent of her hair and my sweater would be ingrained in my nose forever. It was all I could do to push us into my locked bedroom and panic to work the lock from the other side. It was all I could do to pretend I didn’t hear the beginning of her familiar sobs.
A new kind of disgust twisted my stomach, sick films already beginning to play in my head. My imagination distorted images of Lilah— filtered snippets of the things that would haunt me the most. It was images of her mutilated body, of having to bury her with the others under the moonlight. It turned darker when those snuff films turned to her face twisting in pleasure, enjoying the pain my brother so easily gave her. It was a gentle voice that reminded me of the unbelievable failure I’d become.
I should have seen this shit show coming, and I didn’t.
I should have stopped this mess earlier, and I didn’t.
I wasn’t even strong enough to control my own snarling anymore. I could hardly register the feeling of the scattering objects beneath my fingertips. The world turned to greyscale around me as a sweeping motion tossed every book I owned onto the ground, desperate for any change when this thing inside of my chest became too much for me to handle. Reality didn’t peek through until my heart beat again. I didn’t feel a sign of life until I heard her sob, my worn name on her lips.
“Stop!” Lilah’s cry filled the world with colour and left my hand groping at my chest, my arm, my head. “Please, just stop.”
The worst part of this fucking nightmare was that I wanted so desperately to be the person who could make this shit better, to be the type of man that could make this all okay. I wanted to be the person who softened with her touch, who died with her attention, who crumbled under her voice. Instead, all the plea did was set my blood on fire. When the shame started to fill my lungs, I grabbed out for the only thing I could.
“He wouldn’t have done shit if you’d just listen to me!” I snarled, squaring my shoulders as I turne
d to face her. Confusion laced Lilah’s features, but the woman refused to give me the thing I wanted most— she wouldn’t fight back. She wasn’t as stupid as my brother. “He wouldn’t have fucking touched you.”
“Then why did you have to pull him off?”
I was certain my lips moved, but I’d never hear myself speak. With her eyes on me, it was getting impossible to breathe, impossible for my heart to beat, impossible to save myself from the stench of death. This anger in my belly settled, if only for a moment, and I tried to focus my attention on anything to take my mind off the ache. Heavy feet carried me towards my queen bed, tossing the neatly made sheets back before tugging an old t-shirt from my drawer. When I flung the shirt at her, Lilah’s pale cheeks finally showed signs of life. The woman spun on her heels as she peeled herself out of the sweatshirt, wriggling into the new shirt with a wave of gratitude, but the act only seemed to make things worse. Lilah was terrified of me seeing her naked, as though I was supposed to feel anything when all I could see were the bruises that coated her beautiful body. Dark marks covered her legs, bruises working as sick reminders of the times my brother tried so desperately to part those sweet thighs. Seeing her now, nearly naked and dressed in only my shirt, all I could really feel was the pain in my chest and the ache in my cock.
I wasn’t sure which was worse.
Chapter Seven
The ache in my muscles had grown unbearable hours before, but I couldn’t move. This hurt just seemed to live everywhere, radiating from my marrow, and as I lay in the darkness, I felt powerless to stop it. Time blurred together as I laid there, Alex’s icy body making the mattress feel more like a morgue. Two hours ago, I wondered if this was what death felt like. Now, it didn’t seem to matter.
The sun had barely begun to light the sky, notes of pink challenging the darkness outside. Alex hadn’t touched me all night, hadn’t shifted a single muscle, and I was beginning to think I had infected him with this suffering. Beside me, I was certain the man was just as cramped and pained as I was, and I desperately tried to stop myself from taking solace in the fact.
The Kidnapper's Brother: A Dark Criminal Romance Page 6