“I didn’t do it to prove anything.”
She knew he hadn’t, but it didn’t change the outcome. Every stride he took was proving a clan could be saved with a strong Alpha in command. While some had been lost along the way, the majority of the members had been saved and they were stronger than ever before. He might not want to recognize it, but it was happening and he was responsible for it. It gave her hope that maybe the members of the Mississippi Tigers could be saved, if they could take Lee out of power.
Lucy will— She cut herself off, refusing to go down that road. Instead, she focused on the man before her and as she did, she realized how he ended up taking over the clan.
“You did it because Ben suggested you take over the clan. He believed you could lead them out of the darkness and into the light.” She leaned back from him so she could get a better look at him. “How do I know that? I can practically see you standing at the podium in front of your clan. The guys from your flashback are there with you. Ben and some woman are there, too. How do I even know who Ben is?” Panicking, her heart sped and her beast rose as it searched for the invisible threat.
“Peaches, it’s okay.” He pulled her back against him. “Everything is okay.”
“How can you say that?” Nothing was okay about this situation. Something strange was going on. She had never seen something so clearly about another person like she had with him. She never heard of the mating connection doing this before. “What’s happening to me?”
“Shh, sweetie. Everything is going to be fine. I told you before this was my fault and it is.” He rubbed circles along her back but was no longer looking at her. “I was a guard for Avery, but I never actually guarded him. Unlike others, I never had to keep my emotions in check constantly. Since I found out you’re my mate, I haven’t been shielding from you. It wasn’t something I decided to do. My shields just slipped. Some of that might have been to put you at ease, while part of it could’ve been wanting someone to understand me completely. The parts of me that I can share with my mate are parts I can’t share with anyone else. It could be taken as a weakness, and while the clan has come a long way, it would still make me vulnerable.”
“I don’t understand. Elders have to shield constantly or their emotions affect their clan. You can’t drop them for one person and keep the shields up from others.”
“With practice, you can.” He dropped his gaze back down to her. “When Adam was in Texas searching for Robin, his mate who was being hunted down by Pierce’s gang, he ran into some issues and I was sent to secure the helicopter so he could make a quick escape. It didn’t go as planned, but now I realize that was the best fuckup of my life.”
“What do you mean? What happened?” she pressed.
“Before Adam and Robin could board the helicopter and get out of town, Pierce’s men attacked us. I was shot, and knowing Avery would have seen my injuries as a failure, I refused to shift to heal myself. I wanted to give in to my injuries and let death claim me. Instead, Adam brought me to Alaska, to their healer.” His eyes closed, as if remembering what happened, but thankfully, he didn’t pull them both back into a flashback. “I was angry at first because being alive meant I would have to face Avery. He’d be angrier since I didn’t return straight away. His rage would mean unbelievable pain. It was Robin who got through to me and showed me I didn’t have to return to Texas, that I could stay in Alaska if I wanted to.” His sadness thickened the air until it was overwhelming
“You returned and took Avery down.” She tugged his sweater up so that her hands were touching his bare stomach. Unlike before, when she wanted to explore the contours of his chest, all she wanted to do now was offer whatever comfort she could.
“Knowing I had somewhere else to stay, I focused on healing myself mentally, emotionally, and physically. I used my time to build strength, extend my weapons knowledge, and most of all get into the mental space I needed in order to deal with Avery. Robin was a tremendous help during all of this, especially when it came to moving past what happened. She was going to college for her master’s degree in psychology and by the time she found us, she only had one semester left. Since then, she’s finished her degree and is working with shifters. It’s something we’ve needed for a long time and I can attest to the good she’s doing. Her help was essential in bringing the clan together.”
As he spoke of Robin, his lips curled into a smile. She was special to him—as a friend, nothing more. The connection he had with Robin was enough for Carleen to know she had pegged the woman correctly when they’d first been introduced. “I met her.”
“I figured. Her mate is part of the Elder team and has worked with the potential guards, so it’s likely she’d have been around.”
“No, I mean I met her before we came here.” She pulled her hands out of his sweater and dropped them to her lap. “When we left Mississippi, there was no plan. Late one night after everyone fell asleep, Thorn sneaks into my bedroom and tells me to throw a few things into a bag, that we’re leaving. I had five minutes and we were gone. Next thing I know we’re in the middle of nowhere, Colorado, hiding out in an old, abandoned farmhouse. Thorn knew about the online shifter forum and he reached out to the bears who run it to see if they could help us find a safe clan. The next day Styx, Adam, and Robin showed up. I was terrified. I didn’t know who they were or how they found us. Robin pulled me aside while the guys talked.”
“She has a way of making you see there’s still brightness in the world even though you’re feeling utterly helpless.”
Not knowing what else to say, she nodded. Robin’s words got her to see they couldn’t stay at the abandoned farmhouse. They had to move on and commit themselves to an Alpha and a clan if they wanted to survive. Until they did, Lee would hunt them down.
“We’re straying from my point again. What I was trying to tell you is that while I was here in Alaska, I changed. So, when I returned I was in a different mindset than the rest of the clan. Their terror was crushing. It was like a tidal wave before I stepped into the position of Alpha. After I did, everyone’s emotions became overwhelming.”
“Their fear of the future was suffocating you. Shortly after we arrived, Ty told me I had to gain control over my worries because they were making the air heavy. It can be hard to breathe when it’s like that.”
“Exactly,” he agreed. “Ty helped me gain control of it. He taught me how to connect with the clan without suffering through every emotion with them. At first, I wanted to shut down. He made me realize that by blocking them, I was hurting the clan. Dividing them from me would have left us vulnerable and I couldn’t have that. With my new position, I also had to shield them from me. I couldn’t let them feel my fear or doubt, or they’d have it, too. They needed someone strong to lead them. Once I had it under control, he taught me how to drop my shield for those I needed to. Allowing Ben or our guards to know what was happening. That was critical.”
“I thought that came naturally for Elders. One of the last conversations I had with Lucy, she told me I needed to keep my emotions in check or she wouldn’t be able to hold Lee back. She could feel how distraught I was over losing the close bond I had with her. Trust me, Lee wouldn’t have taught her shit, so it had to come naturally.”
“Most Alphas have fought for their position. I might have been working toward an Elder position one day, but the last time he saw me…” Tex paused and shook his head.
“What?” she pressed.
“Let’s just say I was a weak shifter before my time here. Avery made sure we all were. Here, everything changed. Each of the members prepared me for my new role. Robin made sure I was mentally prepared, Ty gave me the strength and belief that I needed, and the guards prepared my body physically. Without them, I have no doubt I’d already be dead. Maybe not by the hands of my own people, but certainly by one of the outsiders who saw the clan as an opening to advance themselves.”
“Lee only wants those he handpicks to be strong, and everyone else he wants submissiv
e. He’d do stupid shit to prove his power over us.” She slipped her arms around his waist. “Lucy had long curly hair, just a couple shades darker than mine. I guess you could say it was more brown than red. Whenever she was reading, she’d wrap the strands around her fingers repeatedly. A few days after they mated, Lee forced her to cut it because he knew how much she liked it. Still, that wasn’t enough for him and he took it a step further. They hadn’t even been mated for a month and he shaved her head for disobeying him by speaking to Thorn and me.”
“I’m sorry, sweetie.”
“Her situation made me not want an Alpha for a mate. Hell, it made me not want a mate.” She glanced up at him and saw kindness and sympathy in his eyes. “With you…I don’t know, I want to believe it’s different. Maybe I’m not the best judge, though, since I had hoped Lee would change when he found Lucy.”
Her chest tightened at the thought of Lucy. What would have happened if she hadn’t encouraged her sister to accept the mating? Denying a mate would mean either death or going rogue. Lucy felt suicide would free her from Lee, but Carleen talked her out of it. It was a guilt she would carry with her for the rest of her days. Nothing could change the past or make things right. She had made her choices and her sister now suffered the consequences.
“It’s different and I’m going to show you.” Placing his hands on her hips, he lifted her down to stand in front of him. “You were drawn into my flashback because I was touching you. I knew it was coming and I wanted to break contact but I couldn’t. The hold was too strong and I dragged you into that. I’m sorry you witnessed the memory. Now that we know you’re susceptible to it, I can show you something that will help you understand the type of Alpha I am. If you focus, you can control how the connection flows and see what you want.”
“What?” She wasn’t sure what to make of that word. It was almost like he was trying to say she had wanted it to happen, and she hadn’t. She didn’t even know it was possible.
“It’s a rare talent even among Alphas, and still most people can’t be dragged into it. The connection between the two needs to be strong. You’re my mate, so there’s no stronger connection.”
“You could still hide things from me.”
“What would be the point? Soon you’ll know every part of my past and who I am. Lying to one’s mate would make for an unhappy relationship.” He leaned down, pressing his forehead against hers. “We’ve both spent too much time in darkness. Now, our future is going to be one full of happiness and sunshine.”
Her body stilled as she stared into his eyes. The closeness between them had butterflies fluttering in her stomach—not out of nerves, but excitement. She wanted to know him better, and she also wanted more physically. “Why won’t you kiss me?”
“Each time you’ve asked me, your tigress was lingering under the surface. Your beast was controlling you. When I make you mine, I want it to be your decision, not your beast. I don’t want you to regret it later.” He caressed her arms, slowly working up toward her shoulders. “There’s plenty of time.”
“Really? Because I was told you’re leaving the day after tomorrow.” The idea of him not being there had her tigress snarling within her. They barely knew each other, yet she didn’t want him to go. The future was uncertain, but for once in her life she wanted to roll with things. Just because Lee hadn’t sought them out yet didn’t mean he wouldn’t be an issue for her in the future. Thorn had been a valuable member of the guards, and she doubted Lee was willing to let him go without a fight. He’d want Thorn back even if it was only to prove a point. She knew it would be more than that. She and Thorn had been used to keep Lucy in her place, and it was unlikely Lee would be willing to lose the leverage he had over Lucy when it came to them.
Though Tex was an Alpha, it didn’t mean he was anything like Lee. The Alaskan Tigers proved to her there were good Elders out there, and after everything Tex went through, he had to be one of the good ones. She couldn’t see him running the clan like Lee or Avery had. There was a softness inside him. While he might keep that side of him hidden from others, he allowed her to see it.
“I have to return to Texas, but I’m hoping you’ll come with me.” He squeezed her shoulders. “I’m planning on offering Thorn a position. First, there’s something he’ll have to do.”
She should have been ecstatic her brother would get the position he wanted, but she wasn’t sure. The possibility he’d discover she was destined to be with Tex before he secured the spot was too great. There was no doubt in her mind he wouldn’t believe he’d gotten the position because of his own skill, but because of her.
She had told Tex the potential guards were celebrating, and while that was true for most of them, it wasn’t for Thorn. He believed he had failed and the celebration was just an excuse to drown in his sorrows. The missed opportunity was something he’d certainly be kicking himself over, and nothing she might say would convince him otherwise.
Chapter Seven
Alone in the living room, Tex stood near the window with his third cup of coffee. It was after three in the morning and his time for sleep had passed without so much as a quick nap. After he’d walked Carleen home shortly after midnight, he tried to sleep but his mind refused to shut off. His thoughts were on her until he had to get up and go to the living room. He spent most of the last hour on the sofa so he could breathe in her scent, which still lingered there.
For hours, they had sat there talking about everything from their past to what they wanted in the future. Never in his life had he shared so much with one person, but with her, it was easy. He wanted to know everything about her, and while he had been hesitant about telling her too much of his past, she had a way of putting him at ease, allowing him to reveal more than he had planned. Hours slipped by until it was well beyond midnight. It seemed liked minutes, but hours passed in the blink of an eye. He hadn’t wanted her to go, but she needed to sleep and he had other things to deal with.
Before Rhett went to meet with Tad, they had put together a plan to test the first guard at three that morning. At that point, the plan sounded fine, but now Tex decided there needed to be a shakeup in the plans. Tex was used to going on very little sleep, so it had nothing to do with lack of sleep, and everything to do with proving Thorn had what it took to make it as part of the Elder Guards.
“Morning,” Rhett called to him as he came out of the second bedroom, heading straight for the kitchen and the pot of coffee.
“Just the person I wanted to see.”
As he poured coffee, Rhett made a huffing sound as if he doubted it. “More like you were considering that cute redhead.”
“Carleen.” He eyed his guard, letting him know with his narrowed gaze that he wasn’t amused he’d been checking her out.
“Hey, man, I thought jealousy wasn’t something we had to deal with. Are you telling me they’ve lied about mating?” Rhett leaned against the kitchen counter, devouring his coffee. With every gulp, his eyes became more alert and his voice less of a growl.
“Not jealousy, more like protectiveness. She’s been through a lot and I know you’ve got your doubts about Thorn, so I don’t want you saying anything to upset her.”
“I never said he couldn’t do the job, I said he wasn’t my first choice out of the others. You and Ben need Elder Guards more than anything. We need people who can help me train others. I’m not sure Thorn is cut out as an Elder Guard yet. He seemed to be allowing the hatred within him to eat him alive. There’s also the issue that no one knows the reason behind him leaving Mississippi, not even Ty. Are you willing to invite someone into the clan who could be a security risk? Especially someone you’re hoping to add as a guard?”
Tex wasn’t surprised as Rhett polished off the coffee and turned to refill the mug. He was pretty sure Rhett had burned off enough layers from his tongue in the past to protect himself from the steaming hot liquid. “I don’t think he’s a security risk, but we’ll make sure of it before we leave here. I think he’s letting his s
tate of mind influence him too much. He’s concerned about the future. He feels Carleen is his responsibility. He forced her to leave Mississippi, and if he can’t keep her safe then he’s failed her just like he failed their sister, Lucy. I believe he’s trying too hard and that’s his issue. He went after Milo’s shoulder thinking it would be a weakness and allowed him to win the fight without risking too much. He learned the hard way and he’s beating himself up for it.”
“They’re a package deal, so you want him to do better in today’s challenge.”
“I don’t want you to go light on him. Actually, just the opposite. I’ve decided we need to change the line-up. Thorn’s first fight was weaker than Dawson’s and Brody’s, so I want him tested first.” Tex glanced back out the window, over toward Carleen and Thorn’s cabin. “I watched him stagger home under an hour ago. So, the timing is perfect.”
“I saw the celebration they were having last night. Brody and Dawson were gone before I came back, but Thorn, a couple other guys, and some of the new guards who just arrived were still going at it. Thorn was already pretty hammered, so I can only imagine how bad he’s feeling this morning. Have you considered the possibility he’ll fail? What then?”
Tex considered it most of the night, but the fact remained the same. He needed to put Thorn through the worst test he could and go from there. If he failed, the position he had in mind wouldn’t be his. If he was successful, there was no doubt he wanted Rhett to work with him one-on-one until he was sure Thorn could handle it.
“Carleen is my mate and with her coming to Texas, it’s likely Thorn will visit at the very least. If he’s not chosen for a spot or doesn’t accept it, he’ll have the option to stay here and continue training, to hopefully be picked up by one of the other Alphas. Or he can return with us, as her brother and nothing more. He could work with the guards and we could see if there’s a point in the future when he could take a position—whether that be guarding the grounds or guarding an Elder, I’m not sure.”
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