by Jess Dee
She let her head drop to the side and waited for the darkness to descend. Waited for her brain to follow in the path of her lungs. How long did it take for the brain to shut down due to oxygen deprivation? Four minutes? More? How much time had already elapsed?
“Breathe, beautiful. You can do it. Just relax and stop trying so hard. It’ll come.”
Strong arms wrapped around her, lifted her, and she opened her eyes.
Okay, not dead yet, but obviously close, since she was hallucinating that the arms wrapped around her were Charlie’s, and he was carrying her out of the water, his blue eyes looking down at her, his lips moving as he spoke.
Not a bad way to go when all was said and done. She’d rather die in Charlie’s arms than anyone else’s. Even if this Charlie was a mere figment of her oxygen-deprived imagination.
“One breath in, one breath out.”
Lord, he was beautiful. Angelic-looking.
Ah, maybe he was an angel. The angel of death, come to take her away.
“Breathe, Sar. Slow and easy.”
She loved his eyes. Always had. Loved how much bluer they looked now with water beading on his long, dark eyelashes.
“Inhale. Now.”
His voice was so commanding, so authoritative, Sarah could do nothing but obey. She breathed in, and as oxygen rushed through her airways she began to cough. And cough and cough and cough, her diaphragm screaming against the air that raced through the pool of water she must have inhaled while caught in the eddy.
He held her through it. Didn’t let her go even when the savage spasms began to subside. Didn’t let her go as her breaths turned from absent to ragged. And he held her as finally that breath evened out and it no longer hurt quite so much to inhale or exhale.
He held her, as exhausted, Sarah let her head fall limply to his chest, and he first knelt and then sat on the firm sand of the beach, taking her with him. When she was safely settled on his lap, he reached over and ripped the leash from around her ankle. He ripped off his leggy too, leaving both of them free of their surfboards.
And then both arms were around her again, cradling her to his chest, warming her, and Sarah simply let him hold her.
After all, wasn’t this exactly what she’d aimed for when she’d taken the surfboard out in the first place? To ultimately be back in Charlie’s arms?
Just because the method had gotten all screwed up and she’d almost drowned herself in the process, it didn’t mean she hadn’t succeeded, did it?
“Christ, Sar. What were you doing out there? What were you thinking?”
She opened her mouth to answer, but her throat was too raw from the seawater to be of any good. Which was probably just fine by Charlie since he didn’t stop to listen to her reply anyway. He just held her and carried on talking.
“I couldn’t believe when I saw you out there. Couldn’t fathom what you were doing with a board.” He shook his head, which Sarah felt rather than saw because her own head was cupped firmly against his shoulder and he wasn’t letting it go anytime soon. “You can’t just go out and surf. Can’t just tackle a wave when you have no idea what you’re doing. Jesus, and that wave? Are you fucking kidding me? You had to choose a day when the water’s messy like this? The sea’s gnarly. No good for a kook, goddamn it.”
He lost her at kook, but Sarah didn’t mind. She just let him talk. Let his voice drift over her as she snuggled in closer and lost herself to the rhythm of her breathing and his. Wetsuit or not, Charlie felt like a million bucks all wrapped around her. Sure, she’d have preferred his bare skin to the neoprene, but she wasn’t too fussed now. Not when she had as much oxygen as she needed. Not when all this lovely air was swirling around her, heady in its abundance. Not when Charlie held her so tight.
Her panic abated.
“Char?” Her voice worked—even if it sounded as scratchy as her throat felt.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for saving me.”
“I didn’t save you. You were never at any risk. You would have hit shore seconds after I got to you.”
“You saved me,” she told him. “Whether you want to acknowledge it or not. And I love you for that.”
Charlie froze.
“And…I think you saved me because you love me.”
He remained frozen.
Sarah didn’t mind. Not really. Not when he froze with her in his arms. “In fact, I think you’ve loved me all along, even while you were trying to foist me off on other men.” She turned her cheek and pressed her lips to his neck. “Dr. Sam’s nice, by the way. I really liked him. Thanks for introducing us.”
Every muscle in Charlie’s body turned rigid, and Sarah smiled against his throat.
“We hit it off immediately. Spoke for hours. I can’t wait to see him again.”
Charlie made a noise deep in his throat, something that sounded like a repressed growl.
“I told him you thought he was the perfect guy for me. The one. He smiled when I did.” Unable to resist, she let her tongue sneak out between her lips and dabbed at the spot she’d just kissed.
Salty, but delicious nevertheless.
She licked him again, delicately, and almost purred as a shudder reverberated through his body. “Sam also smiled when I told him I disagreed with you. When I said you were the perfect guy for me, not him.” She latched her lips to his neck and sucked gently.
Charlie’s growl wasn’t repressed this time. It was low, and it was deep, and it echoed through her ears as he arched his neck to the side, giving her more freedom to taste him.
She nibbled her way up and nipped at his earlobe. “I love you, Charlie Hudson. Only you. I’m not interested in Sam or Henry or Myles or any other friends you may have tucked aside waiting for me to meet. I love you.”
“Sarah…”Charlie’s sigh was long and shaky. “Fuck.”
“Not now, Char. We can do that later, after I’ve said what I came here to say. After I’ve heard what I came here to hear.”
“What are you doing here?” he demanded, his voice no more steady than his sigh had been. “What were you doing in the water, wiping out on a surfboard you have no business being on?”
“Isn’t it obvious what I’m doing?” Sarah was surprised by how easily her voice came now. How the panic had abated altogether. How in Charlie’s arms she was safe and happy and alive. So very, very alive.
“Besides trying to drown yourself? Not in the least, no.”
It was Sarah’s turn to sigh, and she did so with as much patience as she could muster. “I’m trying to be more like you. Trying to fit into your world. Trying to understand the world of surfing better so I can help you further your surfing career.”
“What the fuck?”
“Isn’t that what you’re looking for? A woman like you? Someone who can stand by your side all the time. Someone with the same skills as you. Someone you can be proud of. Someone who speaks your language and can help you advance in the world of surfing.”
He finally let his hand drop and pulled away so he could look at her. “I have no idea what the hell you are talking about.” He looked as perplexed as he sounded.
“Well, isn’t that what you think I need? Someone like me. Someone who loves genetics and academia as much as I do. Someone who’ll understand me when I go off on a tangent about DNA and biochemistry. Someone who’ll further my career, someone who’ll help me advance academically, not hold me back. And I figure if that’s what I need, it’s what you need too. So if I learn to surf, I’ll be your equal—professionally speaking—and your career will take off and you’ll be happy.”
He was shaking his head, had been the minute she started explaining herself. “That’s bullshit. I won’t be a better surfer just because you learn to surf. The one has no bearing on the other.”
Sarah nodded. “Of course it doesn’t. Just like I won’t be a better geneticist if you got your PhD. The one has no bearing on the other. I’m perfectly capable of furthering my studies and my research regardles
s of your understanding of the field. And you’re perfectly capable of being the best surfer and surf instructor you can be, regardless of my ability to handle a board. I can’t handle a board. I don’t want to. Surfing is not and never has been my passion.”
“I never asked you to make it your passion.”
“And I never asked you to get your PhD. That’s not you. It’s not what you’re about. It’s not what we’re about.” Never mind the ocean, Sarah feared she might drown in the depths of Charlie’s gaze. He looked at her with such intensity it took the breath she’d only just managed to recover. “The thing is, I love you, Char. I fell in love with you, the irresistible surfer dude. I’m not interested in doctors or accountants or lawyers or degrees. I love you, and I think, regardless of my ability to surf or not, you love me too.”
“We’re about sex, Sar. That’s all. There’s nothing more between us than a good fuck whenever we feel like it.”
“No.” She denied his words fiercely. “That’s bullshit and you know it. We are about way more than sex. I know your favorite movies and your favorite color. I know about your family, present and future, and I know about your best friend. I know you love surfing more than anything in life and I know that catching the ultimate wave is your passion. I know the four items you’d save from a burning building, and more importantly, I know I’d be the first thing you came for, before anything else. You proved it today. You’d sacrifice everything to save me.” She looked at him in wonder. “God, how could I not love you?”
He shrugged. “Anyone would have done what I did today.”
“Anyone didn’t do what you did today. You were the one who grabbed me from the wave.”
“It wasn’t a big deal.”
“It was to me. And I know it was to you too because you’re still as white as a sheet.” He was. His tanned face was almost as pale as hers was naturally. “I mean something to you, Charlie Hudson. I’m more than a quick fuck on a quiet night, and I need to hear you say it.”
His shoulders stiffened. “What you need is someone like you.”
Sarah punched his arm out of sheer frustration and jumped up, out of his lap. Her legs might be shaky from the dumping, but adrenalin flooded her body, helping her stand firm. For the first time, she noticed he’d set her down right beside her towel and bag. Did that mean he’d known she was here all along? Had he seen her arrive?
“Where do you come up with that kind of crap?” she raged. “Didn’t you just hear me? Your profession has no bearing on mine. If I need support to reach my goals and become a professor, I have it. In spades. At work and with my parents. I don’t need that from you. I just need you to love me.” Why couldn’t he understand?
Charlie rubbed a hand over his eyes and looked up at her. “It’s not just me who believes it. It’s your parents as well.”
“What the…? What are you talking about?” He’d met her parents? When?
He pushed to his feet, pausing only to grab her towel and drape it around her shoulders before stepping away. “I overheard them one day. In the lobby of the building, talking about you. Your mother said you needed to find someone of your own intellectual standing, someone the department would approve of. Someone who would be an equal in every way and aid you in achieving all your goals.”
“M-my mother said that?” She stared at him askance as she snuggled into the towel, grateful for its warmth. No way. It just wasn’t something her mother would say. Her mum would love her to find a man. Any man, so long as Sarah liked him. She’d even mentioned the good-looking young man who lived upstairs from Sarah as a possibility. Had told her umpteen times to take her head out of her books and make a social life for herself, something separate from her work and her studies. “I don’t believe that. Are you sure it was my mother? My father?”
“Are there any other Sarahs in the building? Because they mentioned you by name.”
“What? When?”
Charlie shrugged. “A year ago. Maybe a little more.”
She gaped, stunned, and then the penny dropped. “Thirteen months ago?”
“Yeah. About then.”
“Well, damn it. Thirteen months ago that would have made perfect sense. Because I was looking for someone just like that then.” Frustrated all over again, she curled her free hand into a fist, closing her fingers around sand and grit. “I was looking for a research assistant. Someone to help me with a project. And well, gee, funnily enough I was looking for someone academic and studious. Someone who would aid me in every inch of my research. Someone the uni would approve of, because otherwise I couldn’t have hired her or him. God!” She cursed out loud. “My parents weren’t talking about a romantic interest. They were talking about a work colleague.”
He stared at her, speechless.
“You pushed me away because of my parents? You took what they said to heart and tried to make it a reality for me?”
“It made sense. You’re so goal-oriented, Sar. So determined to be the best you can be. You want to be a professor so bad I can even taste it. I didn’t want to get in your way.”
Sarah shook her head, dumbfounded. Water and sand flew everywhere. She wasn’t sure whether to lay into him and smack him for being an idiot, to thank him for wanting what he perceived was best for her, to hug him for respecting her parents’ wishes so loyally—even if he had misunderstood those wishes, or to just jump him here on the beach because, damn it, she loved him so much it hurt. “You did it for me?”
“Uh-huh.”
She held out her hand in question. “Why?”
“Why do you think?” He took a step towards her.
“Uh-uh.” She shook a finger at him. “Don’t you turn the question around on me. Don’t do that. Just tell me why.”
“Because, Geek Girl, I did what I believed was best for you.”
“What if I believe you’re what’s best for me?” She took a step towards him.
“Achieving your dreams is what’s best for you.”
“You’re my dream, Surfer Dude.”
His eyes darkened. “Wet dream. There’s a difference.”
“You’re my wet dream too. But that’s not what I’m referring to now.”
“I’m your lover, Sar. A hook-up when we’re feeling horny. That’s it.”
“Correction. You were my lover. You put an end to that four nights ago.”
“For your own good.” Another step closer.
“You obviously have no idea what’s good for me.” She met his step with one of her own. “Which is a conundrum really, since you seem to know me better than anyone else in this world.”
“Sam’s good for you.”
“He is. Really good.” She took another step, closing the distance between them. “Sam was the one who let me in on your little secret.”
Charlie frowned. “What secret?”
“The one about you loving me.”
Charlie blinked. “He told you that?”
“He did, when I was blubbing like a baby on his shoulder—about you. But then I think he would have said anything to cheer me up.”
“So you realize it may not be true?”
She smiled confidently. “You’d save me from a burning building, Char. You pulled me out of the ocean. And you tried to live up to my parents’ wishes for me. Sam might have said it to cheer me up, but it’s true. Every last word of it. Besides, there isn’t another person alive who’d stop in the middle of a fire and let me take my doctorate off the wall.”
He shrugged. “I could never let you live without it.”
“Why not?”
“Because I only want what’s best for you. I only want you to be happy.”
“Why?”
Charlie gave a frustrated growl, grabbed her hand and yanked her into his arms. The towel fell to the sand behind her. “Because, Geek Girl, I fucking love you. And if you’re not happy, I can’t be happy.” And with that, he crushed his lips to hers, and kissed her as though there were no tomorrow. As though he’d almost lost
the woman he loved and couldn’t quite believe he held her in his arms again. As though he’d never let her go.
And Sarah kissed him back, matching every bit of passion and longing she tasted on his tongue. Her heart tumbled in her chest, as though it had been caught in some mad whirlpool of its own making.
He kissed her for a very long time, until a wolf whistle and a catcall from somewhere down the beach made him pause and pull away.
She looked at him dreamily, loving how swollen his lips were, how unevenly his chest heaved against hers. “See?” she whispered. “A conundrum. Because I can’t be happy if you’re not in my life.”
“Then I guess we’ll just have to fix this. I guess I’ll have to be in your life.”
Oh, thank God. Thank God! “I guess so. But…”
Charlie looked alarmed. “But?”
She bit her lower lip. “I’m not interested in booty calls or casual hook-ups anymore.”
His face fell. “You’re not?”
“No.”
“Then…?” His voice cracked, his expression so distraught he couldn’t finish his sentence.
Sarah rushed in to reassure him. “I want it all, Surfer Dude. I want the sex and the snuggles. I want the sleepovers and the breakfast the next morning. I want you to be the last thing I see before I fall asleep at night and the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning.”
Charlie broke into a smile, a smile brighter than the sun that now shone in the sky behind him. “I can do that.”
She matched his smile with one of her own.
“But there’s something else I want too,” he warned.
“And that is?”
“A promise from you.”
“Anything.” She’d promise him the world if he asked.
“Promise me, please, that as long as you live, you will never, ever again touch another surfboard.”