by Kat Mizera
“What?” Renee looked genuinely startled. “No, of course not. You’re going to be traveling a lot come October and anything can happen. Little kids get hurt or get sick, and while I’m sure Dot will be able to handle it, it’s never a bad thing to have extra back-up.”
“Okay, thanks.” He met her eyes briefly and something flitted between them he couldn’t quite describe.
“I’ll see you in the morning. Good night.” She disappeared down the hall and he leaned back against the pillows. Damn, this wasn’t how he’d planned the conversation to go. The idea that things were over with Renee didn’t sit well with him, but he couldn’t force Renee to change her mind any more than she’d been able to force Daisy to be a little more mature.
He hated feeling helpless. It reminded him of the days just after the car accident ten years ago. Being in that hospital bed, three of his four limbs in casts, unable to do anything for himself, had been terrifying. Elsa had been there in the beginning, but now that he knew what he knew, it had been obvious she was pulling away. As always, hindsight was twenty-twenty and he distinctly remembered her asking him about having a baby. It was about a month after the accident. He’d been moved to a rehab center and was starting to be more independent. The doctors had said it would be at least a year before they knew if he would ever play hockey again and Elsa had used that time to bring up having kids.
“The timing is perfect,” she’d said. “You have nothing else to think about for the next year except getting better. By the time you get back to hockey, he or she would already be here and I could handle all the hard stuff. Just one, Jared. I just want one.”
“Elsa, I can’t even wipe my own ass,” he’d grunted in response. “How the fuck are we going to get pregnant?”
She’d laughed. “Oh, honey, that’s the easy part.”
“I don’t know why you’re bringing this shit up again. I told you I didn’t want kids and you said that was cool. Jesus Christ, Elsa, the last fucking thing in the world I want right now is a kid.”
Yup. That had been the end. After that, she’d been colder, more distant. He’d just thought she was mad and would get over it. A few weeks later she was gone, serving him with divorce papers, citing irreconcilable differences. And Braden had been growing inside her. Based on his date of birth, she’d gotten pregnant a few weeks before the accident, so she hadn’t been very far along. No wonder she hadn’t shown up for any of their court dates, sending her lawyer instead. He should’ve known something was up, but he’d been too caught up in his own misery, the loss of his career, and a million other ways to feel sorry for himself.
Until right this minute, he hadn’t realized how much he wanted things to work out with Renee. He was crazy about her. He probably didn’t show it enough, because so much had been going on almost since the beginning, but he’d been falling in love with her this summer. Adjusting to being a father almost seemed easy compared to getting used to not seeing Renee every day. She was beautiful and witty, sexy and self-sufficient, but also gentle and caring. She might not want to be a mother to a small child again, but she stepped into the role easily, even if she didn’t realize it.
She handled Braden as if she’d always been his mother, but her reluctance to try this—them—as a family hurt. He refused to beg her to love his kid, even though part of him suspected she already did. What he was less sure about was her feelings for him. They’d never used the L word, and that was probably on him since he was the guy and his gut told him Renee was old-fashioned in that respect. She expected him to say it first. But it had only been two months. Two fun, sexy, adventure-filled months that had changed his life. Braden was a big part of that, but not all of it.
Even Daisy, with her histrionics and attitude, had become part of his life. He’d watched her with Braden and despite her outburst the night he’d found the pregnancy test, she was a lot like her mother, kind and loving. She played with him for hours on end, even when Jared had noted her eyes crossing as Braden discussed every aspect of every Pokémon character known to man. She hadn’t even taken money from him for all the hours she’d watched Braden. He wasn’t sure how to reconcile what was happening with what he knew about these two women. He’d never been big on family, but the last month or so he’d had one, and he hated losing it.
His phone buzzed and he saw a text from Fab, which made him sigh. This was going to be a fun conversation. Not.
Dot met them at the house on Friday and Jared looked around the mostly empty place in frustration. This place hadn’t been his first choice, the furniture wasn’t his style, and he had no clue how to make a home for his son in a place he already hated. There was nothing wrong with it, not really. The wooden kitchen table had four chairs and they were all in good shape. The sectional in the family room was a neutral gray color that wasn’t too light or too dark, and it would be perfect for snuggling in front of a TV. A TV he didn’t have, of course. One of many things he didn’t have. Luckily, his car and the rest of his belongings were arriving on Monday, which would help a little.
“What can I do?” Dot asked, as if she read his mind.
“I need to find a cleaning service. It’s too much for you to do that and take care of Braden, and I’d prefer to have it thoroughly cleaned before we officially move in.”
“I can do that.”
“Thank you.” He looked around helplessly. “I’m a bachelor in almost every sense of the word. I have no idea what to do first.”
“I noticed there were no beds,” she said lightly. “I think we need to go shopping. I’m in excellent shape and good health, but I need a comfortable place to lay my head at the end of the day.”
“We all do. Okay, let’s do that. You up for a shopping trip?”
Dot laughed. “Seriously?”
They spent the day at furniture and mattress stores, which Braden complained about extensively, but by the end of the day they had beds, bedroom furniture and mattresses coming in a few days. Braden was excited about his new room, so that had been a bright spot. Jared couldn’t remember ever spending this much money for furniture, but of course, he’d never furnished three full bedrooms before. They stopped at Bed, Bath & Beyond and bought sheets, towels and a handful of kitchen items that Dot insisted were necessary.
Since she would be living with them, she was in the process of renting out her house and would bring many of her things as well. She’d offered to bring her own bed, but he’d figured there was no time like the present to make her feel welcome. She was bringing a few kitchen accessories, though, for which he was grateful. It never occurred to him to buy a tea kettle, colander or toaster. He’d never used them in the past, but he also didn’t cook much. Or at all. Just the occasional fried egg or microwave meal. Mostly, if he was going to cook anything, he’d used his grill. Which was yet another thing he had to buy. Shit, this was going to be an expensive fucking year and he hated everything about it.
“I have a cleaning service coming tomorrow,” Dot told him as they headed home. He was dropping her off so she could get her car, which she’d left at the new house, and then he and Braden were spending another couple of nights at a hotel.
“So fast?”
“You’re paying top dollar, but it’s just this once. We want the house spotless before the new furniture arrives. If you like, I can be at the house to oversee everything and you can do whatever you need to do.”
“Thanks, Dot. You’re a lifesaver.”
Renee had thought dealing with teenager hormones and mood swings was long gone, but that wasn’t the case. Daisy was an absolute basket case, crying one minute, shrieking the next, pining for Zio after that. Renee had missed her deadline and was struggling to concentrate on anything. She also hadn’t slept at all since Jared had been gone and she wasn’t used to it after nearly two months of getting the most sleep she’d ever gotten as an adult.
She’d only heard from Jared once in the week since he’d moved out, telling her they would be officially moving into the house arou
nd the corner on Monday. She didn’t know why that bothered her, but it did. She hated the thought of him making a home somewhere else, which made zero sense since she’d been the one who sent him away. The problem was, the thing she’d wanted most was the peace and tranquility she’d had for the last decade or so, but she had even less now that they were gone than when they’d been here. Daisy was home and being spectacularly annoying, and Renee was worried sick about the baby her daughter carried, even though Daisy seemed to be ignoring it to the point of frustration.
“Mom?”
Renee looked up from the manuscript she’d been staring at for the last two hours. “Yeah?”
“Where’s Jared?”
“He rented a house around the corner. You know that.”
“Did you break up because of me?”
“No.” She shook her head. “I don’t even know that we broke up. We just decided to take a little time apart. Everything was happening too fast and right now he needs to concentrate on Braden and his new job, and I have to concentrate on this contract I’m going to lose if I don’t get my head out of my ass, and you.”
“I’m sorry. I’ve ruined everything, haven’t I?”
Renee sighed. “You’ve certainly added a complication to your life that’s going to change it, but it depends on what you want to do.”
“I don’t want a baby,” she whispered. “I think I love Zio, for real, but I don’t want a baby right now. I want to go to college and travel and have romantic dates… Am I a terrible person for wanting to get rid of it?”
“No.” Renee struggled with what to say. “But you have to be sure. You have to be cognizant of the fact that you might feel guilty, and that it might destroy what you have with Zio.”
“I know.” She sank into the chair next to her mother’s desk. “I texted him last night, asking if we could talk, but he didn’t respond.”
“You hurt him with the way you behaved before he left.”
“What do I do?”
“Call him and leave a very heartfelt apology if he doesn’t answer.”
She looked at the clock. “It’s about nine thirty in Switzerland right now. I’m going to go call.” She hurried out of the room and Renee watched with a mixture of concern and pride. Daisy was a good kid, hormones notwithstanding. She would do the right thing, even if it devastated both of them. Renee only hoped she could live with whatever decision she made. This was the hardest part of parenting, watching your children make the mistakes that were part of life and growing up. She just hated it and for the first time in many years, she wished she had someone at her side to share her worries with. Not just anyone, though. Just a certain sexy, young hockey coach whom she missed desperately.
31
When Jared got home from the arena on Tuesday, he nearly did a doubletake as he walked in the door. The house looked…different?
“Jared, look! We fixed the house—come see.” Braden approached him with a broad smile.
“Hey, buddy.” He leaned down to hug him, scooping him up in his arms as he walked through the formal living room and into the great room and kitchen, which were next to each other.
“Hi.” Dot looked up from the stove with a grin. “Braden and I were very busy today.”
“Geez, Dot, your job isn’t to clean and organize, but this looks amazing.”
The kitchen looked like someone actually lived there, with his Keurig machine and Dot’s toaster on the counter, something simmering on the stove, and a vase of fresh flowers on the kitchen table.
“The beds are made with clean linens,” Dot continued. “There’s soap and everything Braden and I need in our bathroom, but I didn’t touch yours except to put out clean towels and hang the shower curtain.”
“Dot, really, this is wonderful, but please don’t overdo it. I was planning to do a little each night.”
“Braden has a lot of energy,” she said with a smile. “So we put it to good use. He was an excellent helper.”
“Thanks for helping, Braden.” Jared put him down and looked around. “We need a TV.”
“Big time,” Braden agreed.
“Next shopping trip will be for TVs. One for the family room, one for my room, and one for your room, Dot, if you’d like that.”
“I don’t do a lot of watching TV. I’m happier with a book,” she said.
“Okay, then two new TVs it is.”
They talked and laughed through dinner and Jared told her to go relax; he would clean up the kitchen and get Braden ready for bed. There would be many nights when he was on the road that she would do everything, so he figured it would be good to spend as much time with his son as he could. Especially with school starting next week.
When he finally got Braden settled, he went to his room and looked around with a scowl. Everything was clean and fresh but completely sterile. No matching comforter or pillow shams, no curtains on the windows, and the dresser and nightstands were all bare. No personal touches at all. Digging into one of the boxes he’d pulled out of his car, he found a picture frame of him and his mother, the day he’d been drafted by the NHL. That had been a good day and he gently placed the frame on his dresser.
He unpacked a few things and moved into the bathroom to put away his toiletries. He didn’t have a lot, but his toothbrush, toothpaste and deodorant needed a permanent home and he stuck his shampoo and body wash in the shower. His duffel bag was almost empty and at the very bottom he spied his forgotten copy of Petra and Her Phantom. He slowly pulled it out and realized he’d never finished it. Maybe it was time. Plus, he genuinely wanted to know what happened…
There was so much blood. Phantom had to take a deep breath, steel himself. He’d seen a lot of blood as a soldier, but it hadn’t been the blood of someone he cared about. Someone he loved. If this was Petra’s blood, it wasn’t likely she was still alive and he had to be prepared for that.
No. He refused to believe it. He’d searched too long, fought too hard to find her. She couldn’t be dead. Not now.
He smelled death before he saw it and his stomach clenched painfully.
“Please, God, no,” he whispered into the darkness.
“I thought you didn’t believe in God?” Her voice was a tiny croak, a whisper he would have missed if not for the impish sass that could only belong to Petra.
“Petra!” He pushed through the rubble of the explosion and spun around. “Where are you?”
“Here.” Her voice was weak. But she was alive.
“Keep talking, honey.”
“I’m under the staircase.”
He turned, wincing when he saw the beautiful spiral staircase collapsed in on itself. With Petra beneath it all.
“I’m going to get you out, baby. Hang on, okay?”
“Phantom, the whole building is going to collapse.” Her tear-filled blue eyes found his in the darkness. “Please don’t do this. Don’t sacrifice yourself for me. Go, while you still can.”
“That’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said,” he muttered, plowing through some of the rubble. “And you’ve said a lot of dumb shit.”
“Oh, suck my nonexistent dick!” she shot back, fire in her eyes.
There she was, his sexy, spirited girl. He needed her right now because she was the one strong enough to fight, to help him get her out. Sweet, loving Petra needed to stay hidden until he could save them both.
“Do you think anything is broken?” he asked, deflecting the conversation.
She was quiet. “I haven’t been able to feel my legs in a long time… I think everything might be broken.”
“Can you move your head?”
“Yeah. And my arms. But I don’t feel anything below the waist.”
“Give me a few minutes, sweetheart.”
“Since when do you use terms of endearment?”
“Today?” He moved some smaller pieces of concrete and tried to breathe through his mouth. He didn’t know who or what had died, but the stench was making him sick.
There was an
unfamiliar snapping noise and he threw himself over Petra as something came crashing down from the ceiling.
“Phantom, no.” She ran dirty fingers over his face. “Please, don’t die for me.”
“Baby, if I live and let you die, I don’t have any reason to keep breathing.”
Daisy moped around for days when Zio didn’t call her back. She was no longer petulant or cranky, and had morphed into sad and lethargic, barely getting off the couch most days. She’d made no decisions and refused to see a doctor, which meant Renee had to take charge. She was hoping Daisy would come around but the lack of communication from Zio seemed to have broken her spirit completely.
“I’m going to lunch with the girls,” Renee told her when she came downstairs at eleven. “Do you want to come?”
Daisy shook her head. “No, thanks.”
“I need you to take a shower and then do some research.”
“On what?”
“I spoke to your advisor at school and explained you’re having a health crisis so we weren’t sure if you were going back. She sent me a list of classes that were available for you to take online this semester so you don’t miss out. If you’re leaning in the direction of terminating, you’re going to need to get your life back in order sooner rather than later. When I get home, you need to narrow down the choices so you can take a few classes this fall and not waste the whole semester.”
“Mom, I can’t—”
“You can and you will.”
The two stared each other down until Daisy finally nodded wearily. “Fine.”
“And it’s been two weeks since you found out you were pregnant. We have to come up with a plan. The longer you wait, the harder it’s going to be.”
“I know. I just… I want Zio.”
“Give him a little time. You needed time and now it looks like it’s his turn.”
“Okay.”
Renee paused and reached out to hug her. “I love you, kiddo, and everything’s going to be okay. You’ll see.”