I pull away from our kiss before I lose control. “I can’t do this with you anymore. I won’t. I love you, and I can’t keep pretending that you aren’t my everything. The past month, all I could think about was how much I need you in my life. I’ve been drafted, I finally have everything I’ve been working so hard for, but it feels meaningless without you to share it with me.”
She kisses me again. “I was thinking the same thing while I was in France. It wasn’t the same going into that match without your lame pep talks.”
“You love my pep talks. If I thought you would have answered, I’d have given you one.”
“I know. I just needed time. Seems like it was worth it though.” She leans in to kiss me, and both our phones ding.
“Looks like we are needed back out there.”
She grabs my arm and pulls me closer. “Wait. You’re covered in lipstick. Not kiss-offable my ass. Looks like I won’t be doing their ad. I don’t promote stuff that doesn’t work.” She wipes her thumb across my lips. “There. All better. You go first, and I’ll follow in a few minutes.”
I growl. “This is the last time we’re doing this.”
“That’s too bad, because I was really looking forward to fucking you in a coat closet. It’s a very maid of honor/best man thing to do.”
I love this woman. “Okay, fine. But after the wedding, no more hiding.”
She makes a cross over her chest. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”
I place a chaste kiss on her lips before leaving.
The reception is in full swing. I’ve missed the first two courses of dinner, and now it’s time for the toasts. Ari goes first, and of course her speech is the perfect balance of sentimental and funny. I love the girl, but that doesn’t stop me from needing to show her up. During my toast, I pull out the big guns with a plethora of embarrassing stories about Charlie and Spencer growing up. By the end, everyone is laughing and crying. Best toast ever.
I wink at Ari as I make my way to the table with my friends from Stanford. Charlie sat Ari and me across the dining room from each other. Since we were going to be paired together so much over the course of the wedding, she didn’t want to press her luck by forcing us together when there were steak knives handy. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time one of us was stabbed with flatware during dinner. Granted it was a plastic fork, but it still hurt like a bitch.
I’m given a warm reception at my table by everyone but my date, whom I’ve completely forgotten. “Sorry, Stace. I warned you I might be MIA for most of the night. Come on, I’ll introduce you to Tim Cohen. He’s a top agent, and his wife had to go back to the hotel to check on their kids, so he’s flying solo.”
After I give them a brief introduction, Tim and Stacy are locked in pleasant conversation. That should take care of her for a few hours.
Images of the coat room flash through my mind as I search the room for Ari. Unable to find her, I pull out my phone.
C: Twenty minutes. Closet?
A: Need to make the rounds with Daddy. He wants to brag. He’s retold the third set, stroke by stroke, three times already. You’d think it was my first major or something.
I’m suddenly jealous of Aiden. I want to waltz around the room and show everyone how proud I am of her.
C: Your father is the only person I’ll back down for.
A: If you’re a patient boy, I’ll make it worth your while.
C: What happens if I’m a bad boy? ;)
A: Then it will be you and your hand in the coat room.
C: Fine. I’ll be good. But I will warn you, the sharks are swarming. You might miss your window.
A: If you can’t make your way out of a wedding reception when duty calls, then you are totally fucked as a quarterback. Come on Brennan, you need to throw hot against the blitz!
C: I love it when you critique my football skills. Oh, wait. No I don’t.
A: We’ll practice up in my room later. I’ll show you how it’s done. :)
C: Looking forward to it. Now go let your father show you off!
Once dinner is over, I dance with my sister and mother, but I leave the dance floor as soon as Mom notices a bunch of women eyeing me up. I introduce Stacy to some other hot shots, then I make a round with my father. Looks like Aiden isn’t the only one who wants to do a little bragging.
Whenever I’m free, Ari isn’t. Being in the same room with her and not being able to touch her is making me twitchy. I just want to pull her close and not let go.
C: Can we be daring and dance? Just once?
A: That would be bold. It would get people talking.
C: Who cares? They will find out soon enough.
A: Next slow song, meet me on the dance floor.
I haven’t been this excited for a dance since… ever. I’ve never been excited to dance. But now I’m counting the minutes. As soon as a slow song starts, I make my way to the dance floor. Just as I see Ari crossing the room, my sister pulls her aside, claiming some sort of dress emergency. They don’t come back till midnight. Cockblocked by my own sister.
A: Dead on my feet. Going back to my room. Join me later? Room 325.
C: I’ll make my excuses and meet you there.
Stacy plans to stay up drinking with the Stanford crowd. She looks pretty cozy with one of Charlie’s friends. Good for her. I say my good-byes and haul ass upstairs.
Ari opens the door and pulls me in by my lapels. Her kiss is mad and passionate, eager for more. She’s already in her robe. Knowing her, there’s nothing underneath. She flops down on the bed, and I take off my tux. By the time I’m down to my boxers, she’s fast asleep. My dick urges me to wake her, if only for a quickie, but I can’t. She looks too angelic to disturb. I curl up next to her and pull the blankets over us.
I wish I could sleep, but I can’t. My mind is racing. I hope she likes what I have planned for the proposal. I wonder how we’ll tell our families. No more sneaking around to see each other. I hope the press doesn’t try to give us one of those stupid couple names. Our names don’t blend together well.
It doesn’t help that my phone buzzes all night long. It’s a wonder it didn’t wake up Ari, but she doesn’t flinch. She’s peacefully sleeping with her head on my chest. I’m not about to wake her to turn it off.
When the sun starts to rise, I detangle myself from Ari. We’ve come this far; it would be awful if someone saw me coming out of her room and spilled the beans. I set her alarm so she’ll get up on time, then go back to my room. As soon as I close the door, I realize I left my phone inside. I’ll just have to get it from her later.
I manage to catch a few winks in my room. I’m up and getting ready at ten thirty when there’s a knock at my door.
“Stacy? Hey. What’s up?”
She leans against the door frame. “Nothing. I was just wondering if you were going to the brunch.”
“Yeah, I’m almost ready. We can walk down together.”
She sits on the sofa while I tie my tie and put on my shoes. I usher her out of my room. She chatters away as we walk down the hall, telling me about the people she met last night, but I’m not really listening. As we walk, she grabs my hand. I casually pull it back, not wanting to make a scene. She stops and grabs it again, pulling me toward her.
“Um, Stace?”
“Chase?” She looks at me with these big doe eyes.
Did I really misread her? “You know we’re friends right?”
She puts her arm around my neck and runs her fingers through my hair. “We can be more than friends, can’t we?” She leans in and places a kiss under my ear. “Didn’t you get my texts last night?”
Not a lesbian. Definitely not a lesbian. Abort! Abort!
I try to pull my hand away, but she’s got a hell of a grip. “Stacy, I have a girlfriend. I can’t.”
“Oh yeah?” She looks around the hallway. “Where is she?”
“It’s complicated, but I promise you she’s real, and I would never cheat on her. I thought we had an und
erstanding.”
She trails her fingers down the lapels of my suit jacket. “Understandings change. Come on, live a little.” She puts her arms around my neck and kisses me.
I try to pull away, but she’s got me in some crazy hold. I don’t want to hurt her, but this is crazy. If this chick can’t make it in golf, she’s got a real future in wrestling.
I finally push her back and wipe my mouth. “Whoa. I’m really sorry if I gave you the wrong idea, but this can’t happen.”
She just stands there with a hurt look on her face.
I glance at my watch and realize I’m now running late. “I need to get to the brunch. Do you still want to come as friends? Just friends.”
“Screw you.” She storms off back down the hall toward her room.
Thank god I never have to do this shit again.
I’m late to the brunch, but so is Ari. In fact, she misses the entire thing. We all assume that she’s still asleep, but she doesn’t answer any calls, texts, or even calls to the room. My phone is locked in there with her, so my hands are tied. Charlie eventually gets an extra room key and goes to check on her. Her bags are still there, but she’s not. We search the Lodge for her, but she’s nowhere to be found. Hours go by as we comb the entire resort. Eventually someone speaks to the valet. They tell us she got her car right around the time of the brunch.
I’ve been playing it cool all day, but I can’t keep up the act, so I go back to my room. I’m paralyzed with fear. Is she safe? Why the hell did she leave? Three o’clock comes and goes with no word from her. I know something’s wrong. I feel as if my heart’s been ripped from my chest. I can’t breathe. I can’t move.
At some point I dozed off, because I’m awoken by a knock on the door. My phone was left at the front desk this morning, and someone was kind enough to deliver it to me. I swipe the screen and see I missed her call. Fuck! How the hell did I sleep through it? I try calling her right back, but it goes to voicemail. Damn it!
I play her message. No. No, goddamn it! No. It’s over? I can hear in her voice that she’s not messing around. She’s really done. I’m finally ready for things to get serious, and she runs? It fucking figures.
I flip through the phone and find the texts Stacy mentioned. Last night she sent over a dozen pictures of herself. Some in lingerie, some buck naked. Each one had a note promising me a wild night if I come back to her room. I’m assuming Ari saw these and immediately thought the worst of me. She never trusts me! I know I’ve done some shitty things in the past, but I’ve changed. Not that she ever noticed.
Replaying last night in my mind, I realize she was always making excuses as to why we couldn’t talk. It didn’t occur to me at the time, but she was avoiding me. Things got too real, and she couldn’t take it. She didn’t want this, didn’t want us. She couldn’t just tell me? She had to keep playing a game and sulk out of here like a coward?
No, I’m not giving her enough credit. This was intentional. I’m not worth her time for a face-to-face, honest conversation. That’s how little she cared about me. If she ever cared about me at all! Fuck that! Fuck her!
She’s right. I’ll never make this mistake again. This is over. She wants to be enemies? Well, she’s got it.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chase
Sophomore year at Stanford, I slept with the TA from my art history class. It was during one of Ari’s and my off periods, and I was sleeping with anything with a pulse to try to forget her. I was in her apartment, and she had a bunch of her paintings lined up along the wall. I picked one up and commented on what I saw. It was all a bunch of BS—I was just trying to warm her up to the idea of a second round.
She walked over, turned the painting forty-five degrees, and said, “It goes like this.”
That one turn made it clear that what I’d thought were clouds were really sheep and what I’d thought were birds were really trees. Granted, the painting was pretty awful, but I still looked like a jackass. Perspective is everything.
I feel as though Spencer just turned my world forty-five degrees. I thought I had my life figured out, but I’m learning I’ve just been kidding myself. I’m completely full of shit. I’ve been lying to myself for so long, I don’t even know what the truth is anymore. He’s opened my eyes, but I’m still not sure what I’m looking at.
My head is swimming with so much doubt and confusion, I can hardly focus on the road. I’m lucky I didn’t wrap my truck around a tree on the drive to Aiden’s to drop off Ari’s car. We were going to drive back to Spence’s in the city, but with how out of it I am, Spence suggests we stay at Mom and Pop’s.
Unable to settle down, I go for a run. Mile after mile, I push myself, searching for mental clarity, for all the pieces to come together and make sense. It never happens. At the end of my run, I’m just as fucked up as when I started. I don’t know what I’m doing or what to do next. I feel as though I’m stuck behind a mental block. All my thoughts return to Ari, and I hate it. She’s a dead end.
Just running by her house sends my head in a tailspin. I don’t know what I feel about her. Both Charlie and Spencer have hinted whatever has been going on with her and Henrik isn’t what it seems. They’ve been so vague, I never gave it any merit, but maybe I should? If Spence is right and everything I’ve done with Jenna is my impulsive reaction to what I thought was going on between Ari and Henrik, have I done it all for nothing? At this point, I don’t know if anything I’ve had with Jenna is real.
Ouch! Son of a bitch! I’ve been bitten by a bug or something. I stop to check my leg, which is now bleeding, and I’m hit again. It’s not a bug—it’s a rock. I pull out my ear buds and look around.
“Hey, asshole! I said what the hell are you doing?”
“What the fuck, Ari? Did you seriously throw rocks at me? That fucking hurt!”
I can’t see her, the spotlight is blinding me, so I walk toward her. Jesus Christ. She’s wearing a barely there tank top and boy shorts. Despite the fact that she looks as though she wants to rip off my head, she looks amazing. Puts Victoria Secret models to shame. She hasn’t tried to castrate me, so I’m guessing she can’t see that I’m eye-fucking her.
“I tried calling out to you, but you couldn’t hear me, so I settled for a more creative solution. What the hell are you doing out here?” She’s throwing more attitude than a Goth trapped at a sorority party.
I throw it right back. “I’m building a snowman. What does it look like I’m doing?”
She puts her hands on her hips and stares me down. “Every time you run by, the motion detector goes off and the spotlights come on. They glare right into my bedroom and wake me up. They’ve come on, like, five times in the last hour. What are you doing, pacing in front of my house?”
“No!” Was I? “I’m just running really fast. It wasn’t five times. Maybe two, three tops.”
“It’s a little late for a run, don’t you think? Don’t you have practice in a few hours? Big game this weekend? The way you’ve been playing, you need all the rest you can get.”
And the hard-on is officially gone. “I think I can manage my own schedule, Arianna.” I push all the air out of my lungs and rub my temples.
She turns around and walks to her pool house. She returns with a bottle of water. “Stretch before you get a cramp.”
I take the bottle and finish it in one long pull. “Oh, now you care what happens to me.”
“No,” she calls over her shoulder as she goes to get me another bottle. “I have two of your receivers on my fantasy team, and I need you in top-notch condition.”
That’s a total lie. She hates fantasy sports. She thinks it takes away from the purity of the game.
I take the second bottle and put it down while I stretch. “Thanks for the water.”
“Thanks for returning my car.”
“It’s the least I could do. I’m really sorry about earlier, Ari. Believe it or not, I was actually trying to be nice and it… everything just turned ugly.”
&nb
sp; She rolls her eyes and bites her lip. “Yeah, well, that’s how we roll.”
Damn, that’s depressing. “For what it’s worth, I’m genuinely sorry.”
She looks away and shrugs. “Thank you. Let’s just forget it, okay?”
I keep stretching. I don’t know what to say next, but I don’t want to leave yet. Being with her is… I don’t know. Comforting. Nerve racking, but comforting.
“So you want to tell me what’s wrong?” she asks.
“Who says something’s wrong?”
She rolls her eyes. “Please,” she retorts. “You only run at two in the morning when you’re stressed and can’t fuck your way through it.”
I smirk. “You offering?” I swear my dick has a straight line to my mouth that completely bypasses my brain. It’s gotten me plenty of action, but with her, it always lands me in a big pile of shit.
“You know what? Fuck you! I was trying to be nice since you returned my car, but forget it.” She turns on the ball of her foot and storms back toward her house.
“Wait!” I chase her and gently grab her elbow. “I was just kidding, honest. You totally set that one up.”
She pulls her elbow away but doesn’t keep walking. “Yeah, I guess I did. It’s the middle of the night. Clearly, I wasn’t thinking. I guess I’m out of practice from not spending enough time with assholes.”
So either Henrik isn’t an asshole, which I don’t believe for a second, or she’s not spending a lot of time with him. I squeeze her shoulder. “Thanks for asking Ari. I know we have a mountain of unresolved shit between us. It’s really decent of you that you asked.”
She winces from my touch, which makes my face fall. Does she really hate me that much? She broke my heart, not the other way around. What the hell does she have to wince about?
She sits on the grass. “The way I see it, the only way to get you to stop running by my house and waking me up is to get you talking. So you want to tell me why you’re playing like shit?”
I’m tempted to sit next to her, but I’m not sure if I can handle being that close to her. The closer I am, the more likely she’ll end up punching me at some point. “Damn, Ari don’t hold back now.”
Hate to Love You Page 26