“I’m sorry,” she said, eyes still focused on her hands.
“For what?”
She peeked up at me through her long lashes. “Last night. I didn’t mean to freak out on you.”
I shrugged. “It’s no big deal.”
“No, you were right. You’ve been really good to me, and I know you aren’t just trying to sleep with me. I just…” She took a deep breath. “I just forgot what it felt like.”
“What it felt like?”
“To be a family.” She looked up, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, and my chest tightened. I wanted more than anything to take away the sadness and the pain I saw reflected in her eyes. I wanted to spend my life making sure she never looked at me that way again.
I reached across the table and covered her hands with mine. “Well, I won’t let you forget again. I’m here for you, and I won’t let you forget it.”
Papa Jack came over and set the food down on the table with another round of beers. Red eyed the greasy basket in front of her with a suspicious look on her face. She picked up a piece of fish, inspecting it before cautiously taking a small bite. I watched as she closed her eyes and let out a soft moan. Goddamn that sound was hot. I couldn’t stop thinking of different ways I could get her to make that sound again.
“This is really good,” she mumbled, her mouth still full of fish.
“See, Red? Good things happen when you learn to trust.” I shot her a wink. She just tossed a French fry at me.
***
After lunch we took a walk around the neighborhood. The Den was near Madison Square, my favorite part of the city. I planned to move over here after graduation. Well, depending on the job situation. The square always seemed so full of life, and it was just the place I wanted to be.
We checked out some of the galleries and shops, stopping in this little bakery called Down the Street that had the best coffee. We spent the rest of the afternoon just exploring the area, talking and laughing. It was nice.
We settled on a bench in the center of the square, sipping our coffee and watching the people around us. The shade from the trees helped to cool the air, letting in just enough sunlight to keep the place bright and happy. A breeze carried a hint of her shampoo toward me and my jaw tensed. She had this way of testing my limits without even realizing it.
“I love it here,” she said, breaking me out of my thoughts.
I took a deep breath and looked around. “It’s nice, right?”
“It’s perfect.”
Somewhere behind us, someone was playing saxophone. I looked at Red and couldn’t help but smile. Her eyes were closed as she swayed and hummed along quietly to the music. I recognized the song, but couldn’t place it. “You know this song?”
“La Vie en Rose.” She sighed. “One of my favorites.”
“It’s nice.” I rested my arm along the back of the bench. I sat there, getting swept up in the sound of her voice as she hummed the notes while I twirled a piece of her silky hair around my finger.
I was so lost in the easy stillness that I jumped when she sat up straight and suddenly turned to me. “We should live here.”
My brows pulled together. I wasn’t quite sure where she was going with this.
“I’m serious. After graduation, I could get a job with a local design firm, you could do whatever you want, work for someone or freelance. We could get apartments here and just be a part of this.”
“That is a serious commitment, Red. I don’t know if I’m quite ready for that just yet. I mean, we’ve only known each other a few weeks,” I said, the sarcasm clear in my voice. The idea sounded more than appealing to me. Hell, I didn’t care where I was as long as Red would still be a part of my life.
She playfully swatted at my arm. “Shut up.” She giggled. “You could live there,” She pointed toward a building to my left. “I can live over there,” she pointed to a building on the right, “and we can meet here in the middle. It is a perfect set up.” Her face lit up with possibilities and I couldn’t help but smile.
I looked at the buildings she pointed to and then around the park before meeting her eyes. She had this look of determination in her eyes, like this is where she was meant to start her life and she wanted me along for the ride. I sat up straight and held my hand out to her.
“You got a deal, Red.”
She shook my outstretched hand, beaming at me. I raised my arm from the back of the bench and wrapped it around her, pulling her to my side. “I told you we would be good for each other.” I kissed the top of her head as she giggled and snuggled into my side.
I was happy that she was open to us being friends, but a part of me felt like that wasn’t enough. My feelings for this girl were moving way past friendship, and that was something I was not ready to deal with.
Chapter 10
Alex (Now)
I couldn’t sleep.
“I’m in love with Drew.” I just kept repeating it over and over, like if I said it enough it would start to make sense. I felt so stupid. This was ludicrous. What was I thinking? This was going to ruin everything. I couldn’t tell him, but if I didn’t tell him it would eat at me.
This was all Wiley’s fault. Why did she have to point this out? I could have lived my life in glorious ignorance, my friendship with Drew intact. Now what?
Frustrated, I jumped out of bed and dragged myself to the bathroom. Maybe a bath would help calm my nerves. I turned on the water as hot as I could stand, letting it fill the tub as I turned to clip my hair up.
As I got undressed, I stared straight ahead without really seeing anything, then slipped into the tub. From the steam coming off the top, I knew my skin should be scorching right now, but I was too numb to feel anything. That was why I couldn’t sleep. I kept shifting from rambling panic to stunned numb silence.
I watched as the water dripped and rippled into the tub from the faucet, begging my mind to clear. Drew was my friend. He was my family, all I had, really. I was so alone when I met him and he saved me. He brought me out of the fog my parents’ death left me in and gave me a home, a chance to be a part of his life.
His family was my family, his friends were my friends, and losing him would mean losing all of them too. I didn’t want to lose the one person who made me feel whole again and the family I loved right along with him. It wasn’t something I wanted to risk for a chance at something I knew would never work out.
Drew and I were always so different. While that seemed to work in our friendship, it would be a disaster in a relationship. We would kill each other. It would be nothing but fighting and misery until one of us finally gave up. Then I would be alone again, with no family and no Drew.
Besides, I was nothing like the girls he was usually interested in, so there was no chance he was interested in me. He had a tendency to go for girls with more silicone than substance. I mean, sure, we’ve harmlessly flirted every now and then, but that was usually due to a lot of alcohol and feeling comfortable with each other. It’s not like he would ever look at me that way. Drew saw me as his best friend, and that is all he saw when he looked at me.
I thought back to the dance in the square. It felt so good to be in his arms. The whole scene was incredibly romantic. An involuntary sigh escaped my lips. No! No reading into little things. Shit like that is what makes perfectly normal women lose their minds after rejection. If I started reading into every look or sweet gesture of affection, I would end up in the fetal position in a dark corner of my apartment muttering “The signs, the signs.”
No! I will not be that girl! I won’t! I made my decision. I would force myself to get past this. Things would stay the same between Drew and me. I wouldn’t lose the best thing in my life because I was stupid enough to fall for him. Resigned, I pulled myself from the tub, dried off, and dropped back into bed. I could do this. I could.
***
Ping, ping.
“Ugh,” I grumbled.
Ping, ping.
Stupid bicycle.
&
nbsp; Ping, ping.
I finally registered what was going on and sat up, squinting against the light coming through my window. I reached over to the nightstand for my phone. It wasn’t there. I made a sound somewhere between a sigh and a yawn.
As I got out of bed, I noticed my crystal clutch sitting on the chair in the corner of my room. I clicked it open and pulled out the phone before it could ping at me again. I swiped a finger across the screen and it lit up with three messages from Drew.
Drew: Football in the park, you coming?
Drew: Red?
Drew: You coming?
I didn’t think I was ready to face him just yet, but I usually went to the games. If I didn’t show, he would think something was up and come find me. This was yet another downside of falling for your best friend, the concern for your well-being. Normally, this was something I valued. Drew cared about me. Great. However since my revelation last night, Drew caring about me would make it damn near impossible to avoid him. Usually, when you fall for a guy who you know doesn’t feel the same way, you can hide and avoid the places he will be ‘til you can get over it. I don’t have that luxury.
Taking a deep breath, I replied.
Alex: Yeah sorry see you there.
Drew: Want me to wait for you?
No way was I ready to be alone with him. Seeing him at all was going to be hard. Being alone with him was going to be torture.
Alex: No go on. Need a shower.
Drew: K
I headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I rested my head in my spot next to the sink, wishing I’d followed through with the idea to hang a pillow here.
I finished brushing my teeth and looked into the mirror. My eyes were puffy and swollen from crying and had deep purple circles under them. I looked like someone had punched me in the face. No amount of concealer would cover that. At least in the park, I could get away with sunglasses.
I brushed my hair and threw on shorts, a tank top, and my green chucks. I grabbed a blanket, my keys, and the biggest pair of sunglasses I had on the way out the door. Time to get this over with.
I stopped at Down the Street on my way to Grover Park. I ordered an extra large coffee and a dozen donuts for the guys. Well, they could have the leftovers since I was fully prepared to eat my feelings.
When I got to the park, the game was already in full swing. I spotted Millie sitting in a camping chair under our tree and headed in her direction. She broke into a smile and waved when she spotted me.
“Hey, preggo!”
“Hey, Alex.” She giggled.
I handed her the donuts and backed away slowly. It was the safe thing to do. Just hand the food to the pregnant woman and nobody gets hurt. I spread out my blanket and dropped down, crossing my legs beneath me.
The guys had been playing for a bit. They were already covered in dirt and sweat. They played what they called touch football, although if they touched me like that they would definitely end up breaking a few of my bones.
Drew, Sean, and David were always on the same team. I didn’t know the other guys well. I’m pretty sure one of them was named Frank. I think he was one of David’s old fraternity brothers, but I wasn’t sure. The other guys rarely lingered after the game.
They always played shirts vs. skins. Of course today, because nothing in my life is ever fair, my guys were skins. When I caught sight of a shirtless Drew, I sighed and looked up at the sky. Someone up there hates me. What girl wouldn’t want to enjoy a beautiful afternoon watching a bunch of incredibly hot men run around without their shirts?
Today I just wanted Drew to put on a chicken suit or his grandmother’s muumuu, anything to make him less attractive. What did I get? His gorgeously toned chest and chiseled abs glistening in the sun, his muscles straining as he reached to catch the ball. Seriously, when did my life turn into an ad for Pac Sun? I groaned and dropped my head in my hands.
“You okay?” Millie asked, her eyebrows pulling together with concern.
“Yeah, a little hung over, I guess,” I lied.
She nodded. “Oh, right! The gala was last night. How was it?”
“Great. We had a great time.” I looked down into my coffee cup.
She frowned. “You don’t sound great.”
“No, really, it was amazing.” I tried and failed to add more enthusiasm to my voice. “The dress was a hit. Thanks again, Millie.”
“You are very welcome.” She smiled, putting her hand on my shoulder.
We turned our attention to the guys just as Sean’s face was pushed into the dirt. I sucked in a breath through clenched teeth. That had to hurt. Drew jogged over, extending a hand to help him up, then clapped him on the back.
I turned to Millie, who was waving to David on the field. They were so cute.
“I ran into Peter Russell last night.”
“Really? I heard he moved to England.”
“Yeah,” I said. “He just moved back to town. He’s working for Franklin & Burke.”
I picked up a doughnut, breaking off a piece and popping it in my mouth.
“How’d he look? Bald? Fat?” she asked with a smirk.
“No, he looks the same. Better, actually.” I began anxiously breaking up my doughnut into smaller pieces. “He asked me to dinner.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Better not tell Drew.”
“Why?”
“Drew can’t stand him.” She shrugged.
“I know that. What happened?”
She faced the field, squinting her eyes. “I don’t really know. David was kind of hush hush about it.”
Huh? I was dying to figure out what was up with them. Peter was kind of a tool back then, but Drew had his moments too. He was a different guy now. Surely, Peter wasn’t the same sorority skirt chaser he was in college.
“So, are you going?” Millie never took her eyes off the game.
“Yeah.” I looked at Drew on the field. He glanced over at me and waved. “If he calls me.” I took a long drink of my coffee. “Actually, we talked about me decorating his loft.”
“That’s not all he wants,” Millie said, wiggling her eyebrows at me.
“Oh, stop.” I tossed a piece of doughnut at her.
The guys were finishing up. They shook hands and high fived the other team, then turned and headed toward us.
David leaned down and kissed Millie, first on the lips, then on her full stomach. She beamed at him. They were so sweet that I didn’t know whether to be insanely jealous or throw up. I looked up at Drew, but he was watching his brother with an affectionate smile. He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye and winked. What the hell was that? No! Alex, damn it! You are doing it again. Stop looking for signs that aren’t there!
The man really was beautiful, even completely covered in dirt and sweat. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. His shorts hung low on his hips. His hair was damp and sticking up, but he still managed to look sexy as hell. It was just not fair.
Sean dropped down on the blanket beside me, knocking me over and out of my Drewl session. Ha! Get it!
“Sean!” I pushed him away from me. “You’re all gross!”
He laughed and pulled me against his chest. “Oh, come on, Alex, you know you want me.” He wiped his dirty, sweaty face against my shirt, using me as a human gym towel. I thrashed, finally pulling myself away from him. He laughed and lay back on the blanket, folding his arms behind his head and closing his eyes. “She wants me.”
I stood up and chuckled. Drew’s shoulders were shaking in silent laughter. He looked at me and I gave him a half smile. It was the best I could do at the moment
David clapped his hands together. “The Den?”
He looked at all of us for confirmation. We nodded our agreement and packed up our stuff. We loaded Millie’s chair, the cooler, and the rest of the stuff into David’s car, then headed the few blocks to The Den.
The place was slow for a Saturday, but it was still early. We waved a greeting to Papa Jack and crowded around our usual ta
ble, taking our usual positions.
Since we were inside, I couldn’t hide behind my sunglasses anymore. I just prayed that I didn’t look half as bad as I did earlier. I already planted the hangover story with Millie, so if I stuck to that I would be fine. I raised my glasses to the top of my head and rubbed my face. Millie gave me a sympathetic half smile. Yep, still looked like shit.
Bridget wasn’t in yet, so I offered to get the first round from the bar. When I stood up, Drew did too, offering to help. Shit! So much for not being alone with him. Papa Jack started pouring beers and putting them on the counter as Drew leaned on the bar next to me.
“You okay?” He sounded a little concerned.
I waved my hand to dismiss him, looking toward Papa Jack. “Yeah, just a little hung over.” Don’t make eye contact. Don’t make eye contact.
“You sure? You didn’t really drink that much.”
Oh no, he was fishing. I needed a distraction. Papa Jack put Millie’s Ginger Ale and a Guinness in front of me. Perfect! I handed them to Drew. He reluctantly took the hint and went to bring the drinks to the table. He looked back at me with a frown. Please let him drop this. I begged whichever god was willing to listen and exhaled as Papa Jack set the rest of the drinks down in front of me.
“You okay?” Come on, not him too!
“Yeah, Pops, I’m good.”
He put his huge paw over my hand. “Tell me who he is and I will kick his ass.” A short laugh burst from my lips as tears started to prick behind my eyes. It’s my ass you’re going to have to kick. I gave him a brave smile, took a breath, grabbed the drinks, and headed back to the table.
Drew’s eyebrows pulled together as I took my seat and passed out the drinks. Lucky for me, Sean started telling us a story about how he picked up some girl using a space pants pick-up line. I gave Sean my full attention, laughing in the right places and trying not to acknowledge Drew staring at the back of my head. He eventually relaxed enough to have a little fun, but I knew he wouldn’t let it go for long. I was in so much trouble.
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