"I'm here if you need me, Makoto." Lexi's soft voice entered my mind.
Lexi!
"Did you think I'd miss my chance to bother Ryuu?" she huffed, sounding both relieved and excited— the same as I felt in that moment.
I guess not. Welcome back. I missed you too.
"You can't live without me, I know," Lexi purred.
Now that's just your confident ego talking. I rolled my eyes, but giggled, taking another deep breath before preparing myself to get power up my legs.
I closed my eyes, concentrating every strand of power toward my legs. I felt the growing warmth. Little by little, sensation began to return to me. I felt the passing breeze; it was as if the wind itself was trying to give me encouragement.
I opened my eyes when I felt comfortable looking down to see the multiple colored markings glowing vibrantly against my pale legs.
I didn't delay, rising to my feet. I lifted my arms, hoping they would give me some type of balance as I wobbled to stay upright. Once I knew I wouldn't fall to my demise, I took a cautious step forward.
One step, two steps, three steps more. Each step I took I encouraged myself to take another until I miraculously made it to the middle of the sunflower paradise. I let my eyes stay on the ground, my arms still stretched out to give me balance. My legs trembled, but I wasn't going to give up yet.
I would see Marcus. I would see my Marcus today. I continued saying those words as if cheering myself on to accomplish this mission. Lexi was lingering in my mind, giving me moral support as we continued taking steps.
"Firefly?"
I froze at the call; my eyes grew wide. I didn't know if I'd heard the word or if it was my imagination playing tricks; the nickname that had helped me back when I remembered nothing in the Space In Between. I swallowed the lump in my throat, lifting my head to see Marcus only a few feet away. I blinked, tears already forming in my eyes as I took in his new look.
His once long caramel hair was now short, just reaching his shoulders. He had gained some muscle, most likely due to being outside all day and training to keep his mind occupied which was one of his coping mechanisms. His bright sapphire eyes twinkled in the sunlight, and as he stared at me in shock and confusion, they too, began to turn glossy.
I inhaled deeply, taking an unsteady step forward — one after another.
I wanted to be in his arms; to smell his rich pine scent and have my hands go through his silky caramel hair and hear his deep voice. Bloody hell, I'd listen to his snoring all day long. I just needed Marcus and I wouldn't stop till I had him.
He rushed over, starting with a speed walk before running toward me. I could see his expression flicker with both fear and relief, making me unsure why he was afraid.
It made me wonder if he didn't like what he saw; the reality of me having to use magic to walk. That thought ruined my concentration, causing me to stall as my markings began to flicker on and off.
I bit my lip in frustration, trying to take another step forward, but the thought of Marcus rejecting me was beginning to overpower my sheer ambition.
"MAKO!"
I looked back up to Marcus who was seconds away from me. My concentration wavered to the point my magic shut off completely— my legs becoming dead weights.
I closed my eyes, tensing my body for the impact when arms caught me, wrapping around my waist and pulling me into a warm embrace.
The scent of fresh pine engulfed me. I began to sob against Marcus' chest in happiness as my arms wrapped around him. I truly didn't realize the magnitude of how much I'd missed him till that moment; seeing the drastic change in his appearance made me wonder what he'd gone through since we arrived in Heila.
"Hey, Firefly. Don't cry," he choked out, pressing me against him as if he couldn’t get close enough.
"You’re crying too, silly," I mumbled, sobbing harder.
"I missed you," he soothed.
"Why didn't you come see me?" I cried, pulling back to look into his glassy blue eyes.
He pressed his forehead against mine, closing his eyes for a moment. I didn't allow him to speak, voicing my worries.
"Is it because I'm disabled now? Or because I'm going to be a burden to you? Or...maybe you don't love me anymore?" I whispered, my voice trembled. It was hard voicing my fears and I prepared myself to hear the truth from the man I loved.
His eyes snapped open at my words and began shaking his head. "No, Firefly. Dammit, I didn't mean for you to get that impression of why I distanced myself. Mako...you’re everything to me. I don't care if you can't walk anymore. You'd never be a burden to me. I just couldn't control my emotions. I was so fucking angry one minute and couldn't stop crying the next. I wanted to search the realms for Leo and fucking kill him for what he did before finding the culprit himself and ensuring he suffered a slow agonizing death," Marcus confessed, anger laced his words as his eyes flickered back and forth.
He continued, "If I stayed at the castle, I would put you and everyone else at risk if I shifted. I did come see you. Kai snuck me in a few times. I didn't stay long, just to hold your hand for a few minutes, or comfort Midnight when she had nightmares. I'm sorry I didn't come earlier. I just didn't know how to face you. I thought you'd be upset that I wasn't by your side like the others and...I didn't know if you'd love me anymore. I wouldn't be able to face that rejection. I didn't want to face losing you."
I pulled him back into a hug. His words made my fears fade away. We were both afraid of losing one another, keeping our distance because of our own insecurities. Did the others think the same? That I was staying away because I didn't love them? If it had such an effect on Marcus, what about Elias or Daniel?
We stayed on the grass for a long time, holding one another as if it were our last moments. When we finally calmed, Marcus lifted me into his arms, rising up and walking till we entered a small clearing that had no sunflowers— a perfect circular patch of grass that made me want to grab a blanket and enjoy a picnic surrounded by sunflowers.
It would be nice to have a picnic with Marcus.
Marcus chuckled, lowering me to sit down.
"We can have a picnic whenever you like, Firefly," he replied to my accidental outer monologue, a gentle grin on his lips.
I used my hand to feel the soft patch of grass below me, wondering how it felt seeing as I couldn't feel the texture between my toes. The memory of us at Knightwood flashed before my eyes, remembering when I hated the prickling feeling of the grass, Kai having to pick me up to save me from suffering.
I was so deep in thought I must have missed what Marcus had said after suggesting we have a picnic. His hand brush against my cheek, tilting my head to face him.
"Mako."
"Ah...sorry. Haha...I just sometimes get caught up in the past. You know...thinking about what I could do or feel. I seriously have to stop. I know it’s silly." I tried to avoid his intense gaze, attempting to turn away but he stopped me. I glanced into his sapphire eyes that shone like jewels before looking back down.
"Mako. It's alright to NOT be okay. It's alright to admit you’re struggling. I don't want you to continue apologizing for something you can't control. Anyone in your position would act in a similar manner. Some would be sad, others angry. You're doing a good job coping, but don't think you have to put up some type of front around any of us. We're your knights and will never judge you. I'm one hundred percent certain the others feel the same way. Understood?" he lectured, his voice firm, but held a note of sincerity.
I nodded. My silence wasn't enough for him; Marcus leaned forward till our lips brushed.
"Understood, Makoto?" he said firmly.
"Okay."
He pulled me to him, allowing me to rest my head against his chest. We ended up lying on the grass, enjoying watching the clouds drift by in the bright blue sky. The warm breeze came and went as nature buzzed around us.
It was beyond peaceful here, helping calm me from the storm of emotions still rampaging through me. I felt like I was ac
ting like a weakling instead of the confident person I always tried to portray. I wanted to go back to that; I craved returning to my true self so I could bring my knights together and help them be the best they could be.
"Mako."
I lifted my head to look up at Marcus whose eyes were still glued to the sky above.
"I know you're worried. That you may never return to who you were before Leo's exam. But give it time. Don't rush it. This is your time to heal and we'll heal alongside you. When we've all recovered from this we'll be stronger and better," Marcus vowed.
He turned to see my curious expression, a grin forming on his face as he hovered over me.
"How did you know what I was thinking?" I mumbled, blushing as my heart raced.
"I take a moment to think of myself in your shoes and imagine what would be bothering my precious Firefly." He leaned down, tugging my lower lip. We stared at one another. His heated gaze was so intense, as his eyes lowered to my lips; the tension between us enough for me to lean upward and claim what was mine.
He groaned, our lips fighting for dominance as his body pressed against mine. I could already imagine how turned on he was; my body craved his touch and to feel him inside me.
We kissed passionately, my hands resting on the sides of his waist, sliding beneath his shirt, needing to feel his skin. He moaned at my touch, his tongue slipping into my mouth for another heated struggle for control. I sighed, wanting more.
I felt his hand slip beneath my shirt, then upward to my breast. He squeezed it gently and attempted to release my left breast from the safety of my bra.
Before we could venture further, Marcus flinched, pulling back and glancing up. I tilted my head back to see a grinning Kai approaching us.
"You know what? One of these days I'm gonna interrupt every single one of you," Marcus vowed.
Kai rolled his eyes, stopping in front of us. He leaned down to give me a playful look. "Princess, I told you no lovey-dovey stuff in the fields. That includes the sunflower garden," Kai announced.
"This is more like a forest and Marcus started it," I replied.
Marcus sat up crossing his arms. "Firefly, you can't rat me out like that."
"Oops." I shrugged, giggling at his disappointed expression.
Kai chuckled, kneeling down and leaning forward to kiss me.
"Hey! You just said no lovey-dovey stuff and yet you interrupted me to kiss her!" Marcus huffed.
I snickered, pulling back to laugh. The sound seemed foreign to my ears. It was so unlike our days at Knightwood where it was the knights’ mission to make me laugh all the time. "You guys will never stop, will you?" I continued to giggle.
Kai and Marcus exchanged looks before returning their gazes to me.
"Never," they replied in unison.
I grinned; Kai helped me sit up before Marcus scooped me up into his strong hold. He turned to face Kai.
"You gotta take Firefly back, don't you?"
"Ya. Change in plans. The Queen’s meeting got shortened so she's heading back to Mako's room," Kai announced.
I frowned, not wanting to leave Marcus, but wanting to see my mother.
Marcus kissed my neck, forcing me to relax as I stifled a moan.
"I'll go see Karen and ensure I'm stable enough to come see you, okay?" he suggested.
I glanced up at him, nodding as I smiled. "I'd like that," I replied.
"Let's go, Princess," Kai replied.
Marcus handed me over to Kai, both of them exchanging goodbyes before Kai carried me away.
I couldn't help stretching my neck to the side to see Marcus, wishing we had more time to catch up. I wanted to know why he cut his hair and if he'd been out here the entire time. If he was, he must have been lonely. I know I would be.
"He'll come by tonight," Kai whispered.
I looked up into his amber eyes. "For sure?"
"Yes. For sure. I promise."
"Cross your heart—" I began.
"Hope to fly, poke a flower in the sky. Yes, my Princess. Marcus will be there. You never know, maybe a certain fairy shifter will make their appearance as well," Kai hummed.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, looking up at him in excitement.
"REALLY? Elias too!"
"Princess, you’re gripping too tight," Kai choked.
"Oh sorry!" I loosened my hold. He laughed at my burst of excitement.
"If you’re patient, I'll make it happen and maybe we’ll have a unicorn onesie party," he whispered.
I gawked at him. "Unicorn...onesie party."
"Maybe yes, maybe no. Only your favorite star knight knows," Kai hummed, reminding me of EliaseAnne.
"Eli is rubbing off on you! Tell me!" I demanded, blinking my eyes.
"No," he replied, giving me a quick peck on my lips.
"You’re no fun," I mumbled.
"You’re just mad that I haven't fallen for your puppy eyes," Kai replied.
"It was worth a try," I grumbled.
"If you're able to stay awake, we’ll party," he proposed.
"Deal! I'll stay up all night," I vowed.
"If you say so, Princess," Kai replied.
I relaxed in his hold, listening to his heartbeat as we made our way back to where my pink wheelchair sparkled in the sunlight.
Maybe being imperfect had its benefits. At least you knew who truly loved you.
~ELIAS~
"Mako?"
"..."
I sighed, watching Mako doze off— her head beginning to fall against Kai's shoulder, relaxing as she fell into deep sleep.
I glanced over at Kai whose eyes were closed, his chest rising and falling— not even noticing Mako's weight as she rested against him. I pulled out my phone, needing to take a picture of both of them in their onesies— Makoto wearing her pink one and Kai wearing an orange one.
Apparently, Marcus had gone down to Earthala last week and ordered a set of unicorn onesies for each of us for a future slumber party we wanted to have when we settled in Heila, before all the chaos happened.
Had to wait three hours for the others; Ryder was in a meeting with his father and Kade, Marcus wanted to shift to prevent his need to later on in the evening and Daniel was finishing up his training.
I'd gotten the clearance from Karen; Marcus and Kai had come by after they had dropped Makoto off to have her afternoon Mother and Daughter brunch and 'begged' Karen to give me a chance. Eli has been on her best behavior and now that Makoto was awake and coping well, I thought she was stable enough to rejoin the others.
Adding the fact we were bored out of our minds, and being alone in the four walls did more harm than good; Kai and Marcus were able to guilt-trip Karen to give us a shot.
I took a few more pics on my own phone before pulling out Eli's phone and taking a few pictures for her. She was fast asleep, having had a moment with Makoto before she retreated. Even though we were the same person, she loved her privacy, which is why we had two phones. I don't think she realized we had the same fingerprint, which meant I could access her phone regardless. Oh well, she'd thank me later.
The door opened and I turned to see Marcus and Ryder walk in. Thankfully they weren't in their onesie outfits. I placed my finger on my lips, signaling for them to be quiet. They gave me odd looks, but nodded. They reached my side and noticed Kai and Mako both asleep on the bed.
Nightmare popped out from beneath the blanket, stretching out before sitting quietly. Marcus began petting her before picking her up. Ryder pulled the blanket over Kai and Mako.
Nightmare jumped out of Marcus’ hold, positioning herself between Kai and Mako's clasped hands before curling up and falling asleep.
"I figured she wouldn't last," Ryder whispered.
"She walked from where the trail ended to the middle of the sunflower field," Marcus announced, his voice low in an attempt to not disturb the sleeping shifters and familiar.
"Shit, that's a lot. With her magic?" I questioned.
Marcus nodded. "I think I dist
racted her. She thought I was going to reject her or didn't love her just because she couldn't walk," Marcus explained, a sorrowful look on his face.
"It's because of the facility. They made her feel like she was useless over the fact she couldn't walk. That engraved into her mind and now she's afraid that we’ll all reject her. Makoto's dealing with the need to be accepted. She had all this anxiety with her family not accepting her and adding her paralysis to the mix only made it worse," Ryder suggested.
We nodded in agreement, looking at Makoto.
Her peaceful expression made me smile. I prayed to the gods we'd find some way to help her. We heard the door click open, and Daniel walked in. He looked exhausted, like he hadn't slept for days.
"You look like shit," Marcus, Ryder and I said in unison.
"Hello to you, too," Daniel replied, rolling his eyes. He came over to where we stood, glancing at Mako and Kai.
"They fell asleep before we started the party. I was going to braid her hair," Daniel mumbled.
"It's my fault. She walked using her magic before hanging with her mother, then had dinner with her family and spent some time with EliaseAnne and Elias. So, I think we all kind of pooped her out." Marcus scratched his head.
"Kai's been sleeping way too much lately," Daniel pointed out.
I frowned, not following the conversation.
Ryder noticed my confusion. "For a few days now, Kai's been looking pretty exhausted. I thought he was getting sick, but it's been up and down. The first night we noticed he slept all night and the next day. I made sure he had a day off and he looked good this morning, but I don't know what's going on," Ryder disclosed.
"He did look pretty tired when he came to the psychiatric ward," I pointed out, now that I was focusing on it.
"He teleported Mako to the fields and teleported both of us back to the castle. Maybe that drained him out?" Marcus suggested.
Daniel frowned, shaking his head. "He wouldn't be tired from that. Kai has high energy tolerance. One or two teleports wouldn't drain him. That's considered a piece of cake. Something else is going on," Daniel confirmed.
"Makoto said something about Kai's phoenix flame being low," Ryder pointed out.
Poisonous Dream (The Starlight Gods Series Book 5) Page 18