by Quinn, Cari
Or yesterday.
“He never got over her,” Nick said, balling his hands and stuffing them between his knees. “No matter how many years passed, he always held that torch. She was it for him. The sunrise and the sunset, his life and his death.”
“He didn’t want to let go,” Simon said, his voice just as rough. Sitting shoulder to shoulder, it was as if the years had melted away. Except in the past, their hands weren’t in fists, but gripping their guitars. They weren’t striving for a normalcy that no longer existed for them.
“Maybe I’m like him.” Nick pressed the blunt edges of his nails into his palms. “Never knowing when to quit. Looking back instead of ahead.”
“You’d never drop your pride enough to devote your life to someone like your old man did.”
“No. But there are all kinds of ways to let the past eat you up.”
“Being tenacious isn’t the same as living for something that’s over.”
“Yeah, but how the fuck do you know the difference?”
“You know.” Simon rose and turned, looking down on him. Nick wouldn’t meet his gaze. “We’re not over. Oblivion’s not over.”
Relief poured through him, soaking through limbs sodden with grief. He felt as if he’d been underwater for days—months, years—and only now had bobbed to the surface. “Because of the contract.”
“No.” Simon let out a short laugh. “I could break it. There’s lawyers. I have money. I’m sticking, Nicky, because I want to. Because I’m not ready to walk away.”
Nick nodded and swallowed all the retorts that nearly choked him. He couldn’t do that now. Not on the day his father had died. Not when his girl was down the hall with his sister.
“Thank you for coming,” he said instead, and Simon nodded.
“He was a good man, once. He just got lost.” Simon rubbed a hand over his face and stared off in the distance at a place Nick couldn’t see. “It’s so fucking easy, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.” Nick smiled at his hands, locked together between his knees. “That’s why I stick close to home.”
Simon smiled back for a moment, then he reached down and clasped Nick’s shoulder. Nick rose and his best friend pulled him into a hug, so quickly that it was almost as if it never happened. Then he was gone.
But it fucking had, and it was hope on a day he’d thought he had none left.
Rather than sit back down on the sofa, he went down the hall to check on Lila and Ricki. It was too quiet. Not that he’d been paying much attention while he was dealing with Simon, but he hadn’t heard a peep out of the room since Lila had been gone and the walls were paper-thin.
At the doorway, he stopped. And stared.
Ricki was curled up similarly to how she’d been when he left her. Lila sat near her feet, sitting guard while she slept. She never looked away.
The hand he’d braced on the doorjamb gathered into a fist.
All at once, he understood how his father had lived and died for the love of one woman. How he’d never been able to forget, or move on. Some things weren’t able to be processed, only endured.
He nearly said her name, his need for her was so strong. But she wasn’t the only one he loved, and his sister needed her too.
Closing his eyes, he searched for the strength to share her. To not march into the room and drag her into his arms, because she was soft and alive and warm, and he’d gone so cold and dead inside.
No, not dead. Not fucking dead. And for Ricki’s sake, he could wait.
He turned from the doorway and moved into the room opposite his sister’s. His old room had been stripped down to nothing but his old bed and some junk they hadn’t had a space for anywhere else. He stepped over and around it and went straight to the bare mattress in the corner. His bed frame squeaked as he sat down, and he winced the same as he always had. The damn thing had made it almost impossible to sneak in a girl, though he hadn’t bothered overmuch with the sneaking part. His pop had been blitzed out for so long he wouldn’t have cared if he’d banged a chick on the living room floor.
So long ago and somehow it felt like yesterday.
He dug his keychain out of his pocket and reached for the tiny corkscrew. And rolled across the bed to etch something in the old weathered paint beside the stupid scribblings he’d notched in a few fits of teenage rebellion. Scraps of lyrics and girls’ names were carved into the wood, and painstakingly, he blurred them all out and wrote the only thing that mattered.
“What are you doing?”
Her voice was so cool, like a blast of aloe vera on skin scorched with a burn. But he didn’t stop writing.
She yanked up the skirt of her fancy suit and climbed on the old, crappy mattress without a thought. Kneeling beside him, she read the words he’d forced onto the wall. And covered her mouth as her eyes filled.
“Don’t,” he demanded, dropping the corkscrew. It rolled away under the bed and he didn’t bother to fumble around to try to find it. He rose on his knees and shifted toward her to grab her shoulders. “Don’t you fucking cry. I’m not, so you aren’t allowed to. Not today.”
“You’re supposed to be mad at me.”
“I am? Shit, that’s right.” He slapped himself in the forehead. “You didn’t blow me this morning after I went down on you. That’s it.” He pretended to erase what he’d written with his fist, and she grinned through the tears brimming in her eyes.
Anything was worth seeing her smile.
“Normally I would yell at you for saying that in earshot of Ricki, but today you get a pass.” She slid another sidelong glance at the words he couldn’t obscure with the slide of his hand. “You get a couple of passes.”
He slid his hand up her hip and fisted it in the expensive fabric she hadn’t thought twice about wrinkling. He moved his mouth close to her ear. “Enough that you’d let me make love to you on this bed?”
“Depends.” She coasted her hands up his chest and framed his face. “How many women have been here before me?”
“In this bed? A few. More than a few,” he amended at her hard stare. “But as far as how many women have been here in this exact spot before you…exactly none.” He mirrored her pose and cupped her cheeks, meeting his thumbs over her damp lips. “There’s never been another woman before you. There won’t be after you either.” If there was an after her, which he had no desire to think about on today of all days.
But if it happened, he knew he’d be another Nicholas Crandall Senior, pining until the end of his days. Existing solely to mentally relive a time that would never come again.
“You can’t know that for sure,” she whispered.
He grabbed one of her hands and held it to his chest. There was no slowing the rampage of his heart. No reason to try. “I know.”
“You make me crazy. I’m not used to feeling like this. Every time I try to be rational and slow things down, to think of how things seem and how it can’t possibly be the way it feels, you just blow me apart and break me open. You let the light in, and I don’t want the dark anymore.” Her starred lashes fluttered as she closed her eyes then opened them again wide. “I want you to move in with me.”
“No.” He dropped his hand from her face and released her hand he’d held over his heart. “That isn’t on the table now.”
“Says who?” she asked, advancing on him as he kneel-walked backward. “We were in the middle of a discussion this morning, and we need to finish it.”
“It is finished. You’re not ready. I have a house. Everything is fine. There’s no need to rush.” He reached the edge of the bed and would’ve stood if she hadn’t reached out and grabbed a fistful of his shirt. “Li,” he pleaded, because he wasn’t strong enough to say no when she was offering him everything he wanted.
Even if it was for the wrong reason.
“It’s not rushing if we’re right on time. Listen to me.” She tugged on his shirt. “Just listen. You know that text I sent you tonight? The hungry one? I sent that before the note. I was pla
nning on inviting you over to seduce you with wine and Chinese food, then asking you to live with me. Before I saw your note about your dad.”
“I made you feel guilty—”
“You made me think about what I wanted. Not what other people might think or say, but what I had to think and say. The one thing that kept coming back to me over and over was how right it felt having you in my space. Making it ours.” She hissed out a breath. “I don’t want to sleep alone anymore. Don’t make me.”
“Like that ever happened anyway. I’m over there every night.”
“Exactly. So just…leave more stuff there. All your stuff. Including you.” She tipped her forehead against his and released his shirt to curl her hands around the back of his neck. “I’ll make it worth your while.”
As much as he knew he should argue, he couldn’t. How was he supposed to fight against something he wanted with every fiber of his being? Especially now, after today had reminded him the importance of time and using it wisely. Not wasting a minute, because there were never enough.
“How? Be specific.”
She pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Hmm, I suppose I could do this, since apparently I’m falling down on the job.” She flicked open the button on his jeans and shimmied down his body until she was lying on her belly on his old bed, nuzzling between his thighs. Even through the denim, her mouth scalded his skin.
He groaned and gripped a handful of her hair, soaking in the sight of her sprawled out in front of him. Butter yellow skirt rucked up around her thighs to show off her lace-topped stockings, heels dangling off her feet, blond hair spilling down her back and around her gorgeous face. Best of all, those big blue sink-into-me eyes trained on his as she licked her way up the stiffening column in his jeans.
“You can fall down on this job any day you like.”
“Is this an interview? Or better yet, an audition.” She wet her lips until they gleamed and peeled down his zipper with her pale pink nails. “I’ve never had one of those. Let’s see if I can finish strong.”
“Oh, I know I can.”
Her laughter and her warm breath wafted over his skin as she tugged him out of his boxers. Her lips parted and she took him inside, slow and deep, her pale fingers wrapping around his length and moving in concert with the drugging pulls of her mouth.
“You realize this isn’t fair.” Already his breaths were coming short and the fingers he wove into her hair weren’t gentle. Only the knowledge of being together for months allowed him to tug until she moaned. “Influencing me to get your way.”
She nodded and kept sucking, ripping a laugh from his chest. Those sly, slumberous eyes did wicked things to his belly, turning his spine to liquid. He was putty in her hands. Between her lips. The heavy weight between his legs was her next target, and she reached up with her other hand to caress his painfully sensitive sac. All the while her tongue flicked along the slit on the head of his cock, teasing out the response he was helpless to hold back.
The tension he’d carried all evening built to a crescendo under her skillful touch. She made an encouraging noise when he would’ve pulled back. She didn’t want that. The purr around his throbbing shaft proved that she wanted him to unleash every bit of stress gathered inside him onto her. Into her. She could take it.
He didn’t have to keep running. Somehow when he hadn’t been looking—long after he’d given up—he’d found a home. With her. Always.
Pleasure tore through him, so sharp that he bent forward to ride the wave as his cock jerked and spurted in her mouth. Her eyes closed but her fingers never faltered. No matter what he gave her, she swallowed and swallowed, taking everything he had. The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful—she didn’t shy away from any of it. Her response was all the permission he needed to let it all drain into her. Eventually the pulse at the base of his spine ebbed into bliss. With his last bit of strength, he nudged her away.
Barely still conscious, he slumped to his side. He’d never see this shitty closet of a bedroom the same way again. Maybe he’d even have it added to the historic places register.
Site of the best blowjob ever, courtesy of the mouth of an angel. But she’s fucking mine so don’t even think about it.
The vixen licked her lips. “So?”
He wheezed out a laugh, which caused his semi-deflated cock to bob against his stomach. The second he touched her wet pussy he’d be harder than rock again. From the way she smiled smugly, she knew it too.
Grabbing her wrist, he hauled her onto his chest and dragged her face close. He licked her top lip, then her lower, his eyes remaining steady on hers as he tasted himself on her pretty, good girl mouth.
Once she’d been good. Not anymore.
“As if I’d ever say no to you. About anything.” He flicked his tongue under her jaw. “But just so you know, I sleep naked.”
“Hmm. Is that supposed to be a deterrent? Because it sounds more like a gift with purchase to me.”
Chuckling, he ran his hand down her shoulder, fingering the spun gold of her hair. “You’re going to be sleeping naked with me. Every morning, I’m going to wake you up with my head between your legs.”
The little wrinkle formed between her brows. “Again, not seeing the problem.”
“There is one.”
“That you’re insatiable?” She slid her hand down to cup his waking cock. Right on time. He hadn’t even needed to touch her sweet slit to come back to life. Just the taste of himself on her flesh was enough to make him want to pound into her until she screamed for mercy.
Or more. Definitely more.
“Only for you.”
“So if I do this,” she hiked up her skirt and straddled his lap, positioning his already eager dick between her legs, “and pull aside my panties, you’ll fuck me until I pour all over you.” She leaned forward to kiss him, trapping his thickening shaft between their bodies.
“I’ll fuck you until we have to crawl out of this room.” He fisted his hands in her hair and stared into her summery eyes, needing to get this out of the way between them. Once Ricki woke up, they’d have arrangements to make, but this moment would be solely for him and Lila.
After they dealt with this one thing.
“First, I have to ask you for a bigger favor than I ever have in my life.” He sucked in a breath. “Than I likely ever will again.”
She rubbed her damp pussy against his groin, making him grunt. “No need to ask. I’ll happily take care of this situation.”
“Li.” He tugged her head back so she could read the seriousness in his eyes. “It’s about my sister.”
At once, the teasing glint fled from her gaze. She nodded. “Okay.”
“Michael heard her play today on a recording on my phone. He wants to meet with her. He thinks she might be what his band needs. She’s been playing again for months,” he added when Lila turned her head away. She was already retreating into business mode, and it didn’t make a damn bit of difference than her soaked slit was cradling his cock.
“Don’t put me in this position.”
“I have to. She’s all I have left.” When hurt telegraphed across Lila’s face, he swore and dug his fingers into her hip. “Look at me. You know I love you. That you’re everything to me. But she’s my sister. She’s the only family I have left, and today is going to hurt her for a long time. I can’t let her suffer alone when I can help her punch the ticket out.”
“You know Donovan will never allow it. He won’t ever sign her. Not with her past.”
“Yes, he will. If I vouch for her.”
“Your word isn’t enough.”
“My word, and yours.” He gripped her chin and made her look at him. “You know I would never ask you for this if I wasn’t prepared to make good on my promise. I’m telling you she can do it. If she wants to, and if Michael even wants her. I haven’t even spoken to her about it, because I knew you were the one who had to say you were okay with it.”
Her chin trembled in his hand be
fore she set her mouth. “And if we vouch for her, and she doesn’t come through? Then what?”
“Then I fulfill her commitment to Warning Sign.”
Lila climbed off him and paced from the bed to the door and back again before shoving her hands through her already tousled hair. “What about Oblivion?”
“I’ll do what I need to do in Oblivion as well. I can do both if I have to. If I have to fucking clone myself to make it work, I’ll do it.” More than a little regretfully, he tucked himself back in his boxers and swung his legs over the side of the bed. “This will be no risk to Ripper. I’ll make sure of it.”
“Your stage fright. What about that?”
It took everything he possessed not to look away from her probing stare. He’d been on the other end of it across a conference table enough times to know their relationship wouldn’t keep her from seeking out the chinks in his argument. It’d probably make her search even harder. “I’ve worked through it this long. I’ll keep doing it.”
“You hate playing with new people. So you’re telling me you’re willing to potentially work with a whole new band just to give her a chance. To sign away years of your life for a promise she might not be able to keep, no matter how much she tries.”
“Yes.” He didn’t blink. Didn’t breathe. “I’m willing to do whatever it takes. And the first thing I’m going to do is believe in her. I’m asking you to believe in her too. If you can’t do if for her yet, then do it for me. Because you know I’ll make good on the deal. I won’t renege.”
“No, you won’t renege, you goddamn idiot.” Lila turned away. For a long moment, she didn’t move. Then she reared out and shocked the hell out of him by driving her fist into the closed door. His eyebrow was still hovering near his hairline when she turned back and nodded. “Fine. I’m in too. But so help me God, Nicholas, if you make me regret this—”
“You won’t, I swear.” He stood and drew her into his arms, lowering his forehead to hers. “Thank you. I don’t have enough words to thank you enough. She’s everything to me.” He trailed his fingertip over her cheek. “Part of my everything. The rest is you.”