I would like to thank Daniel Ullucci, the scholar who read and commented on Poisoned Honey in manuscript.
I also thank Sasha Helper, M.D., for pointing me to valuable information about hallucinations in childhood.
To Jeanie
CONTENTS
PROLOGUE: What Is My Mission?
ONE: A Sparrow Falls
TWO: The Eagle’s View
THREE: The Tax Collector’s Son
FOUR: Like Rachel and Jacob
FIVE: A Life of Blessings
SIX: The Mission
SEVEN: A Nasty Job
EIGHT: Like Queen Esther
NINE: Bitter Medicine
TEN: Caged
ELEVEN: The Way Out
TWELVE: Outcast in Capernaum
THIRTEEN: Crossing a Line
FOURTEEN: Worse Than Death
FIFTEEN: A Widow at Last
SIXTEEN: Summoned Before the Council
SEVENTEEN: A Free Spirit?
EIGHTEEN: The Promising Young Widow
NINETEEN: The Toll Collector Pays
TWENTY: Possessed
TWENTY-ONE: A Good Brother
TWENTY-TWO: Clean
TWENTY-THREE: Come with Me
TWENTY-FOUR: Seeking Yeshua
TWENTY-FIVE: Yeshua’s Family
TWENTY-SIX: Miryam, My Sister
TWENTY-SEVEN: Miryam from Magdala
AUTHOR’S NOTE
PROLOGUE
WHAT IS MY MISSION?
I was possessed. Possessed “with seven demons,” as they say. That means as possessed as you can possibly be. Possessed, body and soul.
Now I am healed. Instead of being chained in some lonely place like a wild beast, I’m back in my family’s house, fully clothed and in my right mind. I’m grateful for each simple blessing. Thanks be for the taste of bread dipped in olive oil at suppertime! Thanks be for the sound of voices—human voices—in the house at daybreak!
But what now? What about the mission that was revealed to me?
In the moment of my healing, when the rabbi drove the demons from my body, I caught a glimpse of the kingdom of heaven on earth. Rabbi Yeshua looked at me with eyes of love, and I understood that the Lord loves each person that way. I thought the whole world was transformed.
But the world was not transformed. My brother had not glimpsed the heavenly kingdom. He wasn’t even interested in hearing about it. Neither was my mother or, of course, my uncle. They’re relieved that I’m healed, but now they expect me to take up my part in their household without further fuss. And they expect me to leave quietly, before long, for the household of whatever husband they find for me.
Am I to follow the path trod by my mother, my grandmother, my cousins, my sister—by every woman I know? Could it be that this ordinary path of women is itself the “high purpose” hinted at in my visions and dreams? Was it for this that my soul soared on eagle’s wings, and that the prophet Miryam appeared to me?
No. No!
I am bewildered. And I am afraid. The demons aren’t really gone. I don’t hear their voices … yet. But I sense them lurking silently. If I abandon my mission, will that be the signal for them to move back in?
I don’t know what to do. If Rabbi Yeshua were here, I would plead again, “Help me.”
ONE
A SPARROW FALLS
The first “voice” I heard was a sparrow’s. So I’ll begin my story with a sparrow falling—with the murder of a friend.
I was nine years old, growing up in the town of Magdala, where Mount Arbel casts its shadow onto Lake Gennesaret. When I was a young girl, Herod Antipas had been ruler of Galilee for many years. My family, though, had been in the sardine-packing business for generations. We were known for high-quality salted fish long before Antipas’s father, Herod the Great, became king of Greater Judea, and even long before the Roman armies tramped into our land.
My name was Mariamne, which is the Greek version of the Hebrew name Miryam, and my family called me Mari. I lived with my father, Tobias; my mother, Tabitha; my widowed grandmother, Abigail; my older brother, Alexandros; and my younger sister, Chloe. We had our own house, but we shared the walled courtyard with my uncle and his family. As my grandmother’s elder son, my father was head of the family group.
One morning, as the sun was coming up across the lake and my father was saying morning prayers on the roof terrace, I took grain to the courtyard to feed the chickens. It was important to give them just the right amount of grain. If we didn’t give them enough, they’d try to escape to find food somewhere else. If we gave them too much, they wouldn’t search for the bugs we wanted them to eat.
I tried to give each chicken its fair share, although that wasn’t easy. There was one hen that the others pushed aside, for no reason that I could see. There was a sore on her neck where the others had pecked her. After I gave the flock their grain, I dropped a handful right in front of the pecked hen.
As the chickens gathered clucking around my feet, a sparrow flew into the courtyard. He stayed just out of reach of the chickens, several times his size. He was a neat, pert little bird, and his bold stare made me smile. Give me some, too, he seemed to say. I’m hungry. I threw a few seeds his way, and he gobbled them up before the chickens could run over to them. Many thanks! he seemed to say.
“You’re welcome, sparrow,” I said. I was so charmed by the little fellow that I didn’t notice my brother, Alexandros, on the stairs behind me with his slingshot. I heard a whirr, then a sickening thump as a pebble struck the sparrow. The pebble clattered on the courtyard flagstones, and my sparrow fell lifeless.
“Got him, the little thief!” exclaimed my brother.
I screamed at him; I ran to Imma, our mother, with the sparrow’s broken body. “Look what Alexandros did! On purpose! He’s a murderer.”
Alexandros ran after me to tell his side of the story. “But Mari was feeding the chickens’ grain to the sparrows!”
Of course, our mother took Alexandros’s side. She scolded me for giving good food to a wild bird, and she told me it was ridiculous to call the death of a sparrow murder. “If we grieved every time a sparrow falls,” she said sternly, “we’d be in sackcloth all the time.”
I saw that it was no use, and I hated Alexandros so much, I couldn’t stand to look at him. So I went back to the courtyard.
Later that day, I talked Yael, our serving woman, into taking me down to the shore. On the rocky beach, I made a sort of tomb out of stones and laid the sparrow in it. “That’s quite a fine sepulcher for a bird,” Yael remarked. “In fact, it’s finer than the one they’ll lay me in.”
“Really?” I asked. Forgetting my own sorrow for the moment, I gazed up at her glum face. I was shocked at the idea that no one cared as much for Yael as I cared about my sparrow, but maybe it was true.
“You’re too young to know what a miserable world this is,” said Yael. “But you’ll find out soon enough.”
How could Yael think that about the world? It was glorious. The world was full of wonders, from the artful design of a sparrow’s feathers, to the snug feeling of my sister’s back against mine in our cot at night, to the plump sweetness of an apricot from our orchard. In the synagogue, the Scripture readings often mentioned all the things the Lord created. Sometimes I imagined the One sitting at his heavenly workbench, smiling with pleasure as he turned out sparrows and warm bodies and apricots for us to enjoy. It made me sad that Yael didn’t see this.
The very next morning, while I was feeding the chickens as usual, a sparrow perched on the courtyard wall. “Go away! Shoo!” I told him. I was terrified that my brother would kill this one, too.
Don’t worry. I’ll stay out of range of the slingshot, said the bird.
I don’t mean
that he seemed to say it; he spoke just like a person, only in a chirping kind of voice.
Here’s what to do, the sparrow went on. Save some of your bread from breakfast. When no one’s looking, put the crumbs on top of the wall, right here. He hopped sideways in one direction, then the other, to mark his words.
I knew that sparrows couldn’t talk, so I must have been making this up myself. Still, I did as the sparrow told me. Later, when no one else was watching, I saw him come back to eat the crumbs.
The next time I had a chance to talk to Abba, my father, alone, I told him the whole story of the sparrows. He listened with his arm around me, his eyes serious above his gray-streaked brown beard. When I finished, he kissed the top of my head and said, “That second sparrow is wise beyond its years! It’s true that you shouldn’t give the chickens’ food to wild birds. But if you want to share your own bread with them, that’s your right.” He added, as if to himself, “Alexandros shouldn’t be slinging stones inside the courtyard; someone might get hurt. I’ll talk to him.”
After that, my father began taking Alexandros to work with him every day. I was glad to have him out of the house, although I think my mother missed him. I kept on leaving bread for Tsippor, or Birdie, as I called the sparrow. Whenever I was upset about something, I would sit on the stairs and talk it over with Tsippor while he pecked the crumbs.
One Sabbath, sitting in synagogue, I listened to a psalm that made me think of Tsippor: “For your name’s sake lead and guide me, take me out of the net which is hidden for me….” Those lines brought such a vivid picture to my mind: of the One tenderly untangling a terrified bird from the hunter’s net. Later, I overheard Alexandros stumbling as he tried to recite the same psalm for Abba. How could he have trouble memorizing such unforgettable words?
I didn’t tell my younger sister, Chloe, about my sparrow friend, but one day she overheard me talking to him. I asked her if she heard the sparrow answer me, but the idea seemed to frighten her, so I said it was just a game. During the next year or so, I talked to Tsippor less and less, although I still fed him.
I suppose I always knew, as girls do, that I’d get married someday. But I didn’t realize it clearly until the year I was eleven and my cousin Susannah was thirteen. Susannah, my uncle Reuben’s daughter and my father’s niece, was my favorite cousin. She had a round, shiny face and merry dark eyes, and although she was older, she was always willing to play a game or sing a song with me.
Then suddenly—it seemed—Susannah was thirteen, and no longer just a girl but a maiden. Soon after she came of age, she was betrothed to a young man named Silas, a cloth dyer. A year later, their wedding took place, and Susannah left our compound for Silas’s house. She came to visit now and then, but there seemed to be a screen between us: she was a married woman, and I was still a girl.
One day in Tishri, the month of the autumn harvest, Susannah came to help us make date syrup. All the women and girls in the family gathered in our courtyard, taking turns stirring the great pot. The sweet, heavy scent filled the air.
The work wasn’t hard, and since it would take hours for the syrup to boil down, the gathering was like a party. We chatted and sang and played with Susannah’s baby, Kanarit, a girl with a funny toothless smile.
I thought the baby looked like Susannah. Susannah said she looked like me. Our grandmother (we called her Safta) said that I looked like Susannah, only more serious, and the baby looked like both of us.
Next year, I thought, it will be my turn to be betrothed, then married, and then (the Lord willing) have children. I hoped to follow Susannah’s example, rather than my mother’s. Susannah seemed to enjoy everything: her baby, her husband, her house, her neighbors. Imma, on the other hand, treated everything in life as a duty to be borne or a temptation to be avoided.
As I was thinking about my cousin and my mother, Yael entered the courtyard carrying another basket of dates on her shoulder. “Oh, evil day! Evil, evil day,” she muttered as if to herself, except so loudly that we couldn’t help hearing.
My mother looked up from checking the date syrup. “Say what you’re going to say, Yael.”
Yael looked pleased to have everyone’s attention. “Herod Antipas has done a dreadful thing, Mistress Tabitha. I heard some men telling it in the market, and it’s true, because they’d just come back from Tiberias.” (Tiberias is the capital city of Galilee.)
“Well?” Imma gave the stirring paddle to me and put the other hand on her hip.
Yael gave in and spat out her news. “They say that Herod Antipas has slain John the Baptizer. Cut his head right off.” Then she clapped her hand over her mouth, as if saying so made the dreadful thing true.
“The Baptizer?” gasped Susannah. “The holy man from the desert?”
None of us had seen John the Baptizer, because he preached in Judea, several days’ travel down the Jordan River. But everyone had heard about his fiery sermons, and I’d imagined myself among the crowds on the riverbank, listening. Now Yael’s words forced me to see the preacher kneeling as Herod’s soldier swung his sword. Evil! The sense of it smothered me, and I gasped, too.
“The Lord save us!” exclaimed my grandmother. “I wish we were on the other side of the lake from Tiberias. When the Lord’s punishment strikes that wicked city, what will happen to us?”
“Nonsense,” said my mother. “I’m sure the Lord knows it’s not our fault. The heathen Romans rule the world, even our holy city of Jerusalem, and they let Herod Antipas, a so-called Jew worse than the Romans, rule us in Galilee. What can we do? Anyway, this is men’s business, not women’s. Mari, you aren’t letting the syrup scorch, are you?”
With an effort, I pulled my mind back to the courtyard. “No, Imma.” I gave the paddle a good stir.
Chloe, my sister, looked anxious. Maybe she was imagining fire from heaven falling on Tiberias, spilling over onto nearby Magdala. Or no—she was probably thinking about the beheading, because she looked a little green. “Safta,” she begged our grandmother, “tell us a story about something nice.”
“Not something nice!” I protested. “Please, Safta, something exciting.”
“Please,” my mother snapped, “a story with an uplifting moral.”
My grandmother seemed relieved to turn from the shocking news. Looking around the courtyard at us women and children, she smiled. “Nice, exciting, and uplifting? I know just the story.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, as she always did before telling a story.
“Long ago—after the Jewish people escaped from slavery in Egypt, but before they reached the Promised Land—they wandered in the desert. Hot wind blew grit into their throats and their eyes. But at the end of each day, when they made camp in the desert, their prophet Miryam found a well for them. No one else could see the well, but Miryam found it with the eyes of her soul.”
I’d heard this story more than once, but each time Safta came to those words, “the eyes of her soul,” a deep thrill went through me. If I could see with such eyes, and be such a blessing to my people!
“Then they drank the pure water, they splashed it over their hot, dusty faces, and they blessed the Lord and his prophet Miryam. And to this day,” my grandmother finished, “Miryam’s Well refreshes our people from its secret source.”
“Where is it, Safta?” asked Chloe.
Susannah laughed. “If we knew, it wouldn’t be a secret, would it?”
“Oh, we know it’s somewhere in the lake,” said my grandmother firmly. “When I was a girl, there was a man of great faith tormented by demons. He prayed for healing, and he was told in a dream to go out on the lake in a boat. He did so, and Miryam’s Well appeared to him. As he bathed and drank from the well, the demons fled. He was healed.”
“I like that story, Safta,” said Susannah, “but … how could there be a well in the lake?” She made a frustrated, squinting face. “I can imagine the wide blue lake, and I can imagine a stone-rimmed well like the one in this neighborhood, where Yael draws water.
But when I try to put the well in the lake …” She made a gesture to show the well sinking right to the bottom, and everyone but Chloe laughed.
Before our grandmother could answer Susannah, Chloe asked, “Where did the demons go, after they left the man? Did they go to possess someone else?” She looked anxious.
“These are idle questions,” said Imma. “Chloe, you aren’t skimming off the foam as it rises. You begged to help with the date syrup this year, do you remember?”
Although I’d laughed with Susannah, I had no trouble imagining Miryam’s Well in the lake, and it seemed important to explain to the others. “But Miryam’s Well isn’t an ordinary stone well,” I said. “The blessing water would bubble up through the lake, and it would look different from ordinary water. As if it were a different color, like wine.”
Susannah rolled her eyes at me in a teasing way. “Mari can see anything. Why, she saw the whole spirit world in the lake.”
“That’s not what I said,” I protested. Susannah was reminding me of a remark I made once, when she and Chloe and I were down by the lake. The surface was calm, and the sunlight struck the water just right, so that the town and the mountain behind it were reflected. Only, the reflected town was upside down and wavering.
I’d said that the spirit world, if I could see it, would look like that. The very idea made Chloe squirm, and Susannah hastened to reassure her. “Mari’s talking her usual nonsense.”
Chloe hated to see things in a different way. When we were younger, I’d shown her how to lie on the floor and put her head way, way back until it seemed as if she could walk on the ceiling. I thought she’d be fascinated by the upside-down view, as I was, but Chloe burst into tears and ran to Safta.
Now our grandmother skipped over both Chloe’s question about demons and Susannah’s question about the well. Gazing into the sky above the courtyard wall, she murmured to herself, “It is a special gift, to see what is hidden from others.”
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