by Adams, S. C.
I put my hands down on the table very close to her and controlled the tone of my voice.
“I want you to be very, very clear in your answer to me. I’m going to ask you this question only one more time, and if you lie to me, I will know. I can promise you that this new Abby has zero patience for liars, cheaters, and people who don’t treat me with the kind of respect that I deserve. I’m not afraid of you Melody, and I’m not afraid to make your life a living hell. So let me ask you one last time: did you receive a letter postmarked from Ryder and addressed to me?”
Her finger paused again and she shot me a disgusted look. “Are you deaf? I told you no.”
I watched her lip as it twitched slightly. Then her right eyebrow rocketed upwards, and I knew right away she was lying. The one thing she could never do was look somebody in the eye and keep a straight face, especially when she was telling a lie that she really wanted to hide.
I leaned back, shocked. I didn’t want to believe it was true, yet Melody’s tells were too obvious. There could only be one conclusion. I took a deep breath, and I stood up slowly while scooting Mattie out of the way. I didn’t want under any circumstances for my sister to flip out and accidentally trip over my child.
I glanced up to make sure that Melody wasn’t looking at me and then with a quick movement I took off, running down the hall to Melody’s room. I knew there was a shoebox beneath her bed. I knew that’s where she hid everything, from her childhood letters to her gold heart locket.
What she didn’t realize is that I had found her secret stash years before but never said anything about it because I knew that she needed some privacy. But really, a shoebox under her bed? It was obvious. I was starting to wonder if she wasn’t dropped on her head as a baby.
I rushed inside and slammed the door shut, trying to buy myself at least a couple seconds to grab the box out from underneath the bed. I could hear Melody stomping down the hallway screaming at the top of her lungs.
“Get out of my room! You have no right to go in there! So, help me God, if you’re touching any of my stuff, I will beat the hell out of you. I don’t care if you’re my sister or not!”
Judging from her tone, things were about to get violent. But I had a feeling deep in my gut that my sister was lying, and had hidden the letter in her special box. Could it be? My mom always wanted us to get along, but this time, Melody’s depravities had gone too far. What would cause her to act this way? We had the same childhood, but I didn’t turn out to be a masochist. Now, my sister was hateful and vicious. I didn’t know if she had a mental issue or if she was on some sort of drug, but she clearly didn’t give a shit about anyone else’s health or happiness.
I bent down and grabbed the shoebox just as she barged through the door. I threw the top at her to slow her down and sure enough, sitting right there in front of me was a letter addressed to me from Ryder. Melody stopped in her tracks, her face a mixture of horror and anger. I put my fingers around the envelope and dropped the rest of the box on the floor, its contents scattering. All I could do was stand there and stare at the envelope.
“How could you?” I managed in a tearful tone. “When you knew how much I was hurting?”
Everything I had hoped for my sister went down the drain. It was true. Melody really was that bad. She had the letter and seeing that the envelope was open and the paper was wrinkled, she had obviously read it and cackled with glee over my misery.
A barrage of emotions ran through my mind. My chest felt tight and I couldn’t even bring myself to look over at my sister. I was so ashamed to even know her. It was one thing if she was protecting me, but she wasn’t. She was trying to hurt me, and in doing so, she was hurting my son.
How could my own sister betray me like this? And what did this mean for Ryder, the baby, and our lives going forward?
29
Abby
Both of us stood there, breathless, staring at the letter that was in my hand. My eyes shifted toward her, and I knew she wasn’t done. Melody lunged at me and I held the letter out of her reach, thrusting my other hand straight into her chest. I shoved her hard, with tears flooding down my face. Unfortunately, Melody was angry. She came right back and charged me, but I was stronger and heavier than her.
Reaching back with my left hand I slapped her hard across the face, knocking her to the ground. She looked at me wildly, holding her cheek. I pointed and gritted my teeth.
“Get down on the ground and stay down or I will knock you unconscious.”
She clasped her cheek, looking at me with wild eyes while huddling on the floor. All I knew in that moment was that I was so angry I didn’t even trust myself. Had she made another move, I was pretty sure I would’ve knocked her through the wall. All I could think about was this huge mess we were in. Ryder, writing the letter but hearing nothing in return. Me, thinking he’d ghosted me when he’d actually tried to reach out. And most of all, our son, with his parents rent apart.
Slowly, Melody got to her feet and backed up with her hands in the air.
“I won’t touch you,” she whispered with fear in her eyes.
I stared while putting the letter in my pocket. There was no way she was ever getting it back. There is no way she was ever getting me back, or building a relationship with my son. That was very obvious.
Still, I wanted answers. I shook my head and stared at her.
“Why? Why would you do this to me? I have been your sister your whole life. When you were little, I took care of you. When you were scared, I let you sleep in my bed. When you didn’t understand why Daddy left us, I was there to dry your tears. I dealt with every bit of your teenage angst, including when you were rude and abrupt. I dealt with the fact that you thought you were better than everyone else, and that you are spoiled and selfish even today. But this is going beyond the pale. Why, Melody?”
My heart was broken, and any faith I had was long gone. Meanwhile, my sister was a piece of work. She sneered at me and spit blood onto the floor.
“You deserve it, bitch. You deserve every single bit of it. You deserved never to find that letter and to live the rest of your life in agony. Your son is collateral damage and you can thank yourself for that.”
I wrinkled my forehead and shook my head wildly.
“What you talking about? Why do I deserve this? I’ve never done anything to you.”
Melody’s lip curled and she gritted her teeth. I took a stance, ready just in case she tried to charge me again. I could see the anger and hate bubbling inside her.
“You might not have done anything to me directly, but indirectly you’ve ruined my life,” she spat with a hateful look in her eyes. “You always got all of the attention. Everyone liked you, and it’s not fair.”
I didn’t know what she was talking about. I’ve been unpopular my entire life, and a wallflower when it came to dating and men. But Melody went on, obviously having built up this anger for years.
“Mom likes you better. You were smart and she thought that I was just silly. Everyone likes you better. Meanwhile, they think I’m a joke because next to you, how could I ever even compete? All the boys wanted to date you.”
I stood listening to her with disbelief.
“Melody, I don’t know what you’re talking about. No one ever liked me better. I was always an outcast. I was always the girl that was quiet and read books. How can you say that?”
Melody stood up straight and shrugged her shoulders sinking back into her unfeeling persona.
“Because even though we were both fat, all the boys liked you. Sure, you didn’t go out on dates, but that was because you were clueless and couldn’t even tell that they liked you. It was ridiculous. Even when you got huge, people still wanted to date you, like that stupid Derek McHutt. You were nine months pregnant, and he was still asking about you! What the hell? Why didn’t he want me?”
I blinked at Melody, not really sure what she was talking about. I’d had little to no contact with Derek in the past year, and he certainly
never reached out to me. But somehow, my sister had gotten it in her head that I was thwarting her in some way when it came to dating. I took a deep breath.
“Melody, you’re wrong. Until Ryder, there wasn’t a single boy that was interested in me. I never got asked out on dates. In fact, I was a virgin until I met Ryder. I feel like you’re seeing something that’s not real.”
Melody stomped her foot and grew red in the face.
“You’re wrong! Everyone liked you and it’s not fair!” She lost it right then and there and began screaming incessantly at the top of her lungs. “It’s not fair! It’s not fair! It’s not fair!”
I stepped back, slightly frightened by how worked up she was. She seemed like she was losing it, so I waved my hands in the air trying to calm her down.
“Melody think about it. Boys weren’t interested in me. Not then or now.”
My sister grunted, still red-faced and emitting spittle. “Oh yeah? What about Derek? He liked you.”
I scoffed and shook my head. “That’s nothing, and you know nothing ever happened with Derek. If he asked a couple questions about me, then so what? It was because he knew I was pregnant and alone, and that the father had left town. It wasn’t because he was interested.”
I paused, taking a deep breath.
“What’s gotten you like this? You’re seeing things that aren’t even there. You’re imagining that you’re a victim of some sort, when no one’s out to get you. I’m not trying to prove anything. Mom’s not trying to prove anything. No one is out to hurt you, Melody, so why are you acting like this?”
But my sister just couldn’t listen to reason. She’d worked herself up into a state where nothing made sense.
“That’s bullshit! Everyone likes you, even when it’s not romantic. I’m super nice to the people I work with, but they still don’t like me. No one cares whether I come to work or not. No one cares if something big is going on in my life. I don’t have a single friend.”
I took a deep breath, looking her straight in the eye.
“Melody, you can’t expect to meet real friends working at a strip club,” I pointed out. “It’s not you that is the problem. It’s the type of business that makes it impossible. Half the girls at that strip club are junkies, and the other half you wouldn’t want to be friends with because you would never be able to trust them. The people at my work are all family people. We’re friendly with one another because we’re that type of crowd.”
She scoffed and threw her hands in the air. Then, she turned around and walked toward the wall before punching it hard. Bending over in agony while clutching her fist, she flipped her head back up and literally snarled at me like an animal. Her teeth were bared, and there was venom in her eyes.
“You think you’re so special, Abby. You think your son is so special. Why? Because you fell in love with a doctor? Because you’re going to get out of Farmington? Think again, bitch. You know nothing.”
I took in a deep breath and shook my head.
“You’re right, I no longer know anything about you, Melody. And to be completely honest, I have no interest in knowing anything else about you anymore. You’ve betrayed my trust. You’ve gone against everything that Mom taught us. You’re fighting with me today because you think you’ve been dealt a bad hand in life. But that’s false, and you need to grow the hell up before karma catches up with you.”
With that, I shook my head and pushed past her, walking down the hallway toward the kitchen. My heart was heavy in my chest. I wanted to stay and talk to her, to try to calm her down, but the problem was that Melody’s issues ran much deeper. She needed to see a therapist and explore the root cause of her unhappiness with a professional. My words were useless, and I’d be wasting my breath.
With tears in my eyes, I walked back into the kitchen and smiled at Mattie, who was still sound asleep in his seat. I picked it up and made my way out of the house without a second glance. There was no more that I could do for my sister.
Once I was safely back in my own apartment, I carefully put the sleeping Mattie into his crib and covered him with a blanket. Then, I turned off the light and pulled the door almost closed. Back out in the apartment, I grabbed a bottle of water and sat down on the couch.
With trembling hands, I took out Ryder’s letter. Was I ready to read it? Given the turmoil roiling through my chest, I wasn’t sure. But at the same time, I couldn’t put it off forever. With tears in my eyes, I unfolded the paper.
My dearest Abby,
I hope that this letter finds you well. I’m not very good at small talk so I’m just going to jump into it. From the moment I packed my things in Farmington, I’ve regretted my actions. The truth is, I don’t want to run anymore. I want to be with you, and I want to have a real relationship where we make a life together.
Because how I feel about you is very simple. I love you, and I miss you terribly. I never meant to hurt you, even though I know that’s what I’ve done. My only excuse is that I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve never been in love, and finding myself head over heels for the first time threw me for a spin. As a result, I acted like a fool, and did things no man should have done. Can you forgive me?
Maybe you can, or maybe you can’t, but at the bottom of this letter, I’m going to include my new contact info in case you want to reach out me. If you don’t reply, I’ll assume it’s because you’re not interested in building a life together. It breaks my heart, but I’ll accept it. In fact, I’ll understand because I would feel the same way if I were in your situation.
But no matter what happens, even if I never see you again, I want you to know that the time I spent with you was magnificent. You are magnificent, Abby. You are a woman in full, and whatever choice you make, know that I will always have you in my thoughts.
Love,
Ryder
When I finished reading, there were tears in my eyes. My heart beat wildly at the thought of Ryder penning this letter. It was magical, lyrical, and utterly heartfelt. He loves me! But how do I feel in return? Did reading this missive, albeit months late, make a difference? With my pulse pounding in my ears, I only knew one thing. I had to see him to talk about possibilities. Because Ryder is the father of my son, and maybe, just maybe, we have a future together.
30
Ryder
When I got the text from Abby asking to come over, I immediately responded yes. My apartment was kind of messy so I took the time to walk around and pick up any trash or dishes that needed to go into the kitchen. My place was a pigsty because I’d fallen into a bit of a depression, and neglected to clean.
Abby knocked on my door within twenty minutes. I opened it up and invited her in. She looked gorgeous, if a little frazzled.
“Hey, you look upset. Are you okay?”
She hurried inside, setting the baby down in his car seat. Mattie looked like a cherub as he slept peacefully with not a care in the world. Abby glanced around the apartment, puzzled.
“Wait, is this the same place you stayed in last time?” she asked, her brow wrinkling.
I rubbed the back of my neck and nodded wearily. “Yeah, it’s the same.”
She gave me a quick grin. “Figures. I’m just really glad I didn’t have to see the old lady next door because she remembers me, and probably thinks I’m crazy. Not that I blame her.” Then she glanced around, looking hesitant.
“Are you okay?” I asked again.
Abby looked at me, biting her lip.
“Kind of, maybe. I can distinctly remember my heart being broken on the front stoop of this building, if you remember. I’d just discovered that you’d left without a word, and well, the memories make me … I don’t know. Reluctant, I guess.”
I nodded with understanding.
“Listen, I get it. I’m sorry about what happened, and I completely understand if you don’t want to talk, which is why I’m surprised you’re here now. The last time we spoke, I thought we were done. You wanted me to stay away. Did something change?”
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br /> Slowly, Abby reached down into her bag and pulled out an envelope before unfolding it. My heart raced. It was the letter I wrote her, and Abby looked sad, and almost heartbroken, while fingering the paper.
“Ryder, I have to apologize. I said a lot of nasty things the last time we were together, accusing you of lying and all sorts of evil motives. Because it turns out that the letter really exists, and I’m so sorry for not believing you. I apologize for being such a bitch, and throwing insults your way while questioning your integrity.”
“Shhhh,” I replied putting my hand over hers. “You don’t need to apologize. I’m the one that owes you an apology and I’m glad you finally got the letter. It took me a while to summon the courage to write it, and to admit how I felt. I never meant to hurt you, and I never meant to leave you alone and pregnant with our child. If I had known, I would have come back in an instant. I never stopped caring about you, sweetheart. I fell in love with you, Abby McAllister, and I have never stopped loving you. Do you hear me? Never.”
I watched as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them, she reached up and put her hand to my cheek in a gentle gesture.
“I understand, Ryder. I had a lot to work through too, including my mistrust and my fear of being abandoned. I had to learn that I deserve respect from people, and not just from you, but from a lot of different people. I had to stop saying things were okay when they weren’t okay.”
Nodding, I took her hands.
“I know, sweetheart, and anything I can do to help you, just let me know because I love you. But let me ask you this: how did you get your hands on the letter? Where has it been?”