by Lisa Shelby
I’m positioned perfectly so that I can stalk Emily from behind the entire forty-five minutes of class. She has no idea I’m even here. She’s in black yoga pants that stop just below her knees and a work out tank that fits just right. I’m not even within touching distance and I feel that thing I feel whenever I’m around her. That buzz. That something special that is all her. I felt it Saturday night too but I was too drunk, shocked and pissed not to think it was a bad thing. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself and in a shit mood. So I ignored that thing she has about her and that electricity that we share between the two of us. I pushed her away.
Between my spectacular view and my thoughts running circles in my head I’m shocked when class is suddenly over. I can’t believe I am thinking this but I wish spin class would never end. When the lights come on and the stark reality that she is about to leave me again sets in, I panic! Fuck! I can’t let her go again!
I see her get off her bike and she, Cami and their friend head over to Gabby. While they chat she’s standing on one foot while holding her other up behind her to stretch the front of her thighs. While she switches to the other leg she still has no idea I’m here but Gabby does. I love her for letting me handle this on my own and not letting Emily know I’m standing mere feet behind her. Emily starts to head out the door and Gabby gets my attention motioning with her head that I should follow. Actually, what she’s really saying is ‘Hey dumbass! Here’s your chance to say you’re sorry for being a total tool on Saturday night,’ and I hear you loud and clear, Gabs. It’s time to go get the girl. Or at least time to go grovel to the girl and hope she gives me the time of day because the truth is I don’t hate her. How could I? She’s my Gracie.
May the luck of the Irish be with me today.
It took a couple of minutes to make my way through the sea of people and bikes and walk up to Gabby to get the look of confidence I needed from her. That look of support that silently told me that I could do this. I love that girl. Devon really is a lucky man.
When I finally make it to the doors to the parking lot, I see her saying goodbye to Cami and their friend, and decide to wait until they’re gone to avoid an audience.
As soon as Cami starts to back out I see Emily head towards her Jetta. The same Jetta she was driving five years ago. That means her car must be at least ten years old. The part of me that will always want to take care of her instantly starts to wonder if she’s been getting the routine maintenance done on the car and if it’s in need of an oil change. I can’t help but worry that she isn’t as safe as she could be.
Shit, am I going to stand here and wonder about the maintenance record of her car or grow a pair and approach her? I guess I better grow a pair…here goes nothing.
“Emily!” I shout across the lot just as she reaches out to open the car door.
She spins around and is shocked to see me. She instantly pulls on her ponytail to tighten it like she does when she’s gearing up for something. That blush of hers that I love so much starts from her chest and goes right up to that perfect face of hers. She instantly takes two steps toward me and away from the car, but not in a run to jump in my arms way. More like a stay away from my property way. What the hell?
I catch up to her and breathlessly say, “Hi.”
Between class, chasing after her and nerves I can barely breathe.
“Hi, Jonathan,” she says with no affection in her tone.
“I saw you in spin class and thought I would try to catch you before you left.”
“Well, it looks like you caught me.”
Wow, it’s cold out here in this August sun. I must have been an even bigger asshole than I remember last Saturday. She isn’t being all warm and fuzzy, but she’s talking to me. I’ll take what I can get.
“Em, I just wanted to say that I am really sorry for being such a colossal jerk last Saturday night. I was shocked to see you and I had just had a couple of drinks and wasn’t really myself in that moment. So, I just wanted to say I was sorry.”
She takes a moment to think of her next words.
“Jonathan, I’m sure I probably deserve much worse than what happened Saturday night after the way I left things back in San Clemente. So, your apology is more than accepted.”
I feel the breath I was holding rush from my chest.
Oh thank you baby Jesus! She forgives you. Now ask her out or something you ass-hat!
“So, I was thinking that maybe we could meet for coffee or something. Not a date or anything. Just to catch up?”
Please say yes! Please say yes! I silently pray to whatever God will hear my plea.
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea, but thank you for the offer.”
Shit!
Fucking Alex!
“Are you with somebody?”
Please say no! Please say no! I once again beg the Gods above.
“No.”
Oh, thank God and everything that is holy! I feel like with that one-word answer, the course of my life has just changed and there is a light at the end of this long and treacherous tunnel. I know she didn’t say she still loved me or wanted to run off and have my babies, but it’s one less hurdle to get over. I don’t think I realized until this very moment how much I still loved her. I feel like my heart just started beating again for the first time in five years. I can’t get her to go to coffee with me but my heart is beating again and that’s a start! I feel energized and ready to do everything in my power to get her to change her mind and say yes to having coffee with me. Wait! If there isn’t anybody else, then who the hell is Alex?
“Who’s Alex, then? I just assumed he was your boyfriend.”
“Alex?”
“The other night…didn’t you say that he came down to California and rode back with you and Cami?”
With a little giggle she says, “Jonathan, Alex is a girl. She’s been friends with Cami and I since Jr. High. I can’t believe I never told you about her. She’s our other BFF. I just assumed you knew her. She just left with Cami.”
Oh, thank Fuck!
“If there isn’t somebody else then why can’t two old friends meet for coffee and catch up?”
She’s silent and staring down at the car keys in her hands.
“Emily?”
Still nothing. Shit, did I say something? This is not going well.
I take my forefinger and put it under her chin and slowly lift her beautiful blue eyes up to meet mine while I search her face for any clue that will tell me what is going through her head. “Emily, meet me for coffee. You pick the place and the time and I’ll be there.”
I remove my finger that is holding her chin up and instantly feel the loss of our connection. She looks at me with sad eyes, for what seems like forever, and then quietly she exhales. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
Don’t let her change her mind moron!
“Okay, it’s settled then. I know it’s August and a little warm for coffee but I guess we can get iced coffee if you want or a smoothie or something else. Whatever you want is fine by me.”
Shut up! You’re rambling! Just breathe, you idiot.
A small smile sneaks across those delicious lips of hers. At least I amuse her, it’s better than nothing.
“Iced coffee is fine, Jonathan.”
“Sounds good, what works for you?”
“Do you know Elka Bee’s Coffee Haus, in Happy Valley?”
“I sure do.”
“Is Wednesday okay?”
NO! That’s not okay! That’s four days away! I scream inside my head.
“Wednesday is perfect.”
“Okay, I’ll see you then,” she says taking a step back to leave.
I don’t want her to leave yet so I go for it and say, “Here, let me give you my number and you can just tell me what time works for you as it gets closer. What’s your number and I’ll send you a text so you have mine.”
I break out into a cold sweat after I ask for her number. I mean really, what makes me think s
he’ll give it to me now? We spent a week together and professed our love to each other and she never gave me her number. At this point what do I have to lose? It’s worth a shot. I have to wipe my hands off on my shorts before I grab my phone out of my pocket. because my hands are so sweaty. I don’t want to look like a total ass and drop my phone in front of her. Might as well try to keep the level of humiliation to the lowest level possible while I wait for her to shoot me down.
As I stream all the wishful thinking I have into my thumbs, I pull up a new contact and type Gracie into the name field and then hover over the phone number box waiting. Right when I’m about to tell her that’s it’s okay and I understand, she starts giving me her number. I can feel myself shaking as I enter her digits into my phone. I hope to God she isn’t messing with me and this is really her number because I am going to write it on my fridge, write on paper and file it away. Hell, I may buy a little black book just to put her number in it. I am not losing this bit of gold.
I quickly send her a text to make sure she isn’t lying, and the relief I feel when I hear a ping from her bag is like a heavy weight being lifted from my chest. I watch as she pulls the phone from her bag and adds my number to her phone and then I hear my own ping. What I see on my phone brings the biggest smile to my face.
Gracie: Got it, Georgia.
I must look like a fool but I can’t help it. Just her three-word text has my heart practically pumping out of my chest. So, I send her another text but she starts to leave before she reads it.
“See you Wednesday, Jonathan.” She says as she walks the two steps back towards her car.
“See you Wednesday, Em.”
I make myself turn and walk back into the gym to get my stuff otherwise I know I’ll just stand and stare while she drives away. I don’t wanna scare her off.
I see Devon inside and he can tell just by looking at me that it went well. I’m too happy to talk about it so I just hold up my hand as I walk out the door. I jump in my truck and read her text:
Georgia: Thank you.
Gracie: You’re welcome, Georgia.
The use of her nickname for me is yet another glimmer of hope. I know it’s foolish, but it is hope I’ll feed off of to get me through the next four days until we meet for coffee.
I start my truck and take the first full breath that I’ve taken in five years.
Chapter 12
Emily
You can do this Emily. It’s just two old friends having coffee and catching up. It’s not like you are going to have to go sit across from the love of your life whose heart you broke over five years ago and act like it’s not at all awkward. No, that would be too painful for even you. That’s why it’s just two old friends meeting for coffee. No. Big. Deal. So you tried on everything you own to go get coffee, who doesn’t? You can do this. You owe it to him to at least give him some of your time after the way you left things.
As luck would have it, the only parking spot is right in front of the little local coffee shop…and the little two-person table that Jonathan is already sitting at and…yep, he’s seen me and has his hand up in a wave. Guess it’s too late to put it in reverse and take off now that I have been spotted. I can’t even take a moment to catch my breath because he’s right there!
I. Can. Do. This. I tell myself.
As I get out of Justine, my trusty old Jetta—I must admit I named her after spending my week with Scarlett—I take the five steps it takes to get to Jonathan and I see he has a friend with him.
He gets up and awkwardly comes in for a hug. I lean to the right and he leans to the left so we clank our heads together. We both reach our arms up to take the hug high and that goes wrong too. This is just too funny and I can’t help the giggle that bubbles out of me.
“Well, we’re off to a great start,” I say.
“Oh man, that was just terrible,” he chuckles.
“Let’s try again. I’m gonna go arms high and head to my right, got it?” I say with a smile on my face that I couldn’t stop if I tried.
“Got it. I go arms low and my head to the right too.”
Just to continue to lighten the awkward move I start to count and he joins in.
“1…2…3…hug!”
As we embrace we both hold on a little longer than we should. So long we are swaying a bit to the rhythm of both of our hearts that are beating a little faster and louder than normal. He feels like home.
Jonathan pulls away and says, “Well, that went a bit smoother than our first try, thank goodness.”
“Yes, it did. But don’t be rude, Jonathan,” I say with my hands on my hips. I amuse myself while I watch the scared confusion that breaks out across his handsome face. “Introduce me to your friend here.”
I can see the relief fill his body when he exhales a large breath and says, “Ah, yes. How could I forget my sweet girl…Emily, this is Frances, or Frannie. Francis, this is Emily.”
“Oh, Jonathan, she is so sweet!”
I bend down so I can properly introduce myself and give Frances—the cutest little dog I have ever seen—a proper hello. A few scratches behind her ear and a few licks to my cheek and I tear myself away to tell Jonathan how adorable she is.
“Thanks. I rescued her about a year ago. I take her everywhere with me. Hope you don’t mind me bringing a third wheel?”
“Of course not, she’s awesome. What breed is she?”
“She’s a mutt, but I’m sure there’s a little shepherd and maybe even a little pit bull in there. Not 100% sure, but I love her just the way she is.” He says and even though his words are sweet and there’s a smile on his face he doesn’t have that same sparkle in his eye that he did years ago.
“Uh, I hope you don’t mind but I went ahead and ordered for you. One twenty-four ounce, iced, non-fat, white chocolate mocha, no whip and one of the best marion berry scones you will ever eat.”
Breathe Emily…just because he remembers exactly how you like your coffee and what your favorite flavor pastry is, it doesn’t mean anything. Keep breathing and say thank you.
“Thank you, Jonathan. It’s perfect.”
“No problem, I owed you for the other night. It doesn’t make us even or anything, but I just want to say one more time how sorry I am.”
I really don’t want to talk about or think about that right now so I divert the conversation to something a bit more lighthearted.
“So, Frances huh? Is she named after somebody?”
“Nope, it’s the name she had when I adopted her. She responded to it so well already that I just left it. Besides she an older girl so it fits.”
“We’ve got Frank at Mickey’s but he’s nowhere as cute as her. Oh man does he snore and fart. He’s a bulldog so there’s just no getting around it.”
“Oh, I’ve met Frank and you aren’t kidding. He certainly leaves an impression.” He chuckles.
“You have?” I ask surprised that he would know Mick that well.
“Yep, I’ve known your brother for four years now. I’m not sure why, but he brought Frank to a St. Paddy’s party one year and then I helped him move into his place and saw Frank again then. There’s been a BBQ or two as well. I can’t believe Mickey Jacobs is your brother. What are the odds of that?” he asks, as if he’s just as shocked as I am by the small world we find ourselves in.
I feel myself starting to get emotional at the fact that Jonathan has been so close to me all this time and I had no idea. I wonder if he knows?
“Life’s pretty crazy isn’t it?”
As always, he’s reading my mind.
“It is…So, how did you end up in Portland?”
He takes a big inhale and slowly lets out the breath and shares his story with me.
“Wow, okay this is hard. Um, while we were in Afghanistan, I lost my mom. Apparently she’d been sick when I had been back to visit her the week before I met you, but she didn’t tell me. She said she didn’t want me worried or to take my mind off my missions. I was so angry, Em. How could she
have not told me? She was all I had and she knew she was dying and she didn’t let me be there for her.”
I can’t help but reach out and take his hand.
“I am so sorry for your loss, Jonathan. I know how much she meant to you, how much you loved her…” I say while holding back my unshed tears.
He squeezes my hand, then lets go to scrub his face with his hands and then runs them through his hair. I can tell he’s trying to collect himself before he goes on. It’s clear this is all still hard for him.
“They sent me home from the desert for a week to make arrangements and then I had to fly back after the funeral. I don’t know what I would have done without Liam and his family being there to help me figure it all out.”
“The Fanuas, right?”
“Wow, nice memory,” he says with a little smile before he grows somber again. “Yep, Mr. and Mrs. F pretty much did everything. They knew mom was sick, but she made them promise not to tell me. I know they feel horrible about it now, but it’s not their fault and I don’t blame them at all. So, anyway I finished my tour and then came back to Camp Pendleton for the last couple of months, as planned, and then I got out and went back to Savannah. It was too hard to be there. Without my mom there it just didn’t feel like home. I had the Fanuas and I had friends from high school, but being there just didn’t feel like home. I had been saving money for years to buy my mom her dream house and now she wasn’t there.”
“Oh, Jonathan,” I say because I don’t know what else to say.
“So, after being home a month Devon could tell when we talked that I wasn’t in a good place and he suggested I move out here. He offered me his spare room and I knew that Portland State had a really good Criminal Justice program so…I went for it. I didn’t stay in his spare room long. I had my savings, so I got an apartment close to school at first and then after I knew the city better and had my group of friends I ended up moving out here to Happy Valley. I built my dream house and something my mom would have loved. It just felt right. The house may be too big for me and Frances, but I feel like in some way I kept my promise to my mom even though she isn’t here to enjoy it.”