by Lisa Shelby
“I’m good, sweetie. I was just thinking back to our wedding and how happy Ireland and I both were that night. I still cannot believe you got everybody there. Not to mention every detail down to my dress and a two-week honeymoon in the Irish countryside planned without me knowing. I will never understand how I could have been so dense. How did I not notice that something was up?”
I still wonder this after all these years.
“I had a ton of help and let’s just say I found lots of entertaining ways to keep you distracted. I can show you one of those ways now, if you want?”
I giggle and smack his arm.
“Some things never change.”
“Not when it comes to you and me, baby. What we got is a forever thing and that ain’t ever gonna change.”
“I love you, Georgia.”
“Love you, Gracie”
2010 Journal Entries…
Jonathan Kelly of Savannah, GA – May 24th, 2010 - I am here with the most beautiful girl I have ever met, and I am hoping she kisses me back when I kiss her in just a minute.
Wish me luck, J
Emily Jacobs of Portland, OR – May 24th, 2010 - I kissed him back (no luck needed). After that kiss, I sure would love for him to be the one to change my mind about those happily ever afters.
Wish me luck, E
You & Me Playlist
Take Your Time by Sam Hunt
I Don’t Want This Night to End by Luke Bryan
Give Me A Try by The Wombats
I Met a Girl by Sam Hunt
Lips by Marian Hill
Treasure by Tori Kelly
Bottle It Up by Sam Hunt
Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake
Would You Wait for Me by Brett Young
Do I Wanna Know by Arctic Monkeys
Fix You by Coldplay
Back Where I Belong by Jack Savoretti
Life to Live Again by Brett Young
Lost Stars by Adam Levine
Sugar by Maroon 5
Love You More by Raccoon
The Face by Kings of Leon
Wildflowers by Tom Petty
Stressed Out by twenty one pilots
Count On Me by Bruno Mars
Roses by The Chainsmokers (feat. Rozes)
Someone Like You by Van Morrison
Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You by Lauryn Hill
Brand New by Ben Rector
Make Me Like You by Gwen Stefani
Mess Is Mine by Vance Joy
Hold Me by Janine and The Mixtape
Every Other Freckle by alt-J
Break In by Halestorm
Die A Happy Man by Thomas Rhett
I’m Yours by Justine Skye (feat. Vic Mensa)
Fire and The Flood by Vance Joy
Not A Bad Thing by Justin Timberlake
You Are the Best Thing by Ray LaMontagne
Somebody by Natalie LaRose (feat. Jeremih)
Un-thinkable (I’m Ready) by Alicia Keys
By Your Side by Sade
Lost by Six60
Ain’t No Sunshine by Bill Withers
The Scientist by Coldplay
Just Breathe by Pearl Jam
Nobody ‘Cept You by Jack Savoretti
Parachute by Chris Stapleton
Ascension (Don’t Ever Worry) by Maxwell
Special by Six60
Back Together by Jill Scott
Baby Baby Baby by Joss Stone
My Love by Justin Timberlake
Forever by Six60
More
Book Two in the You & Me Series
More
Copyright © 2017 Lisa Shelby Books, LLC
ISBN: 978-0-9980953-3-2
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses,
places, events and incidents are either the products of the
author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance
to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely
coincidental.
All rights reserved. This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced
in any form, stored in any retrieval system, or transmitted
in any form by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy,
recording, or otherwise—without prior written permission
of the publisher, except as provided by United States of America
copyright law.
Except for the original material written by the author, all
songs, song titles, and lyrics mentioned in the novel More are
the property of the respective songwriters and copyright holders.
Cover Design, Interior Design & Formatting by:
Kiss & Tell Design Lab
Editor:
Laura Allison
Dedication
For A.
One of the strongest people I know. If only there were more humans in the world like you.
Also, for my amazing husband.
I will ALWAYS love you MORE.
Letting go of old behavior and expounding into the next phase of existence. Each of us transforms through multiple stages in our life. It is only through exertion that we emerge into who we will be next.
The Lesson of the Butterfly
Prologue
I can hear the sirens in the distance.
I can’t believe I made the call.
But I had no other choice.
Dad collapsed right in front of me and had what looked like a heart attack. There was always an unspoken promise in our house that what happened behind closed doors stayed behind closed doors. Tonight, was different. I knew I had to get help before it was too late or dad may not make it.
After years of praying that something would happen to him so that the nightmare that was my mother’s life would end…I just couldn’t let him die. The moment came and I couldn’t just stand by and watch him die.
Waiting on the front steps of our modest two story home in the suburbs of Portland, I can see the red and blue lights in the distance and I can hear the sound of the sirens. It’s a balmy night, but I can feel myself shaking. My nerves are on edge and I really don’t know what I’m going to say when they get here.
I feel so much older than my eighteen years, but keeping family secrets will do that to a kid. Nobody knows what happens in our happy-from-the-outside-looking-in home. My best friends, who I know I can trust with my life, have no clue. I know calling for help could potentially let our family secret out but what was I supposed to do?
There’s no more time to think about it. They’re here. The police car pulls into the driveway and I can see the ambulance is coming up the street as well. The officer on the passenger side of the police cruiser gets out first. He’s a middle-aged man with gray hair and a pot belly. He rounds the car and heads my way.
“Are you the person that called for assistance, ma’am?”
“I am, thank you for getting here so quickly. He’s in here,” I say as I turn to lead him through the front door and to my father.
I’m stopped in my tracks when I hear a deep familiar voice come from behind me.
“Alex, is that you?”
No! This cannot be happening. Of all of the officers that could show up tonight, why him?
I continue walking, purposely not turning around. I’m not ready to face him. I’ve never been ready to face him.
Why is this happening?
Is this really happening?
“Alex,” he shouts again.
As I cross the threshold I hear, “Excuse us, ma’am.”
The paramedics have arrived and are pushing their way through the door. I push myself into the door jam and make myself as small as possible to let them by. They rush to my father’s side while my mother cries over the top of him. It’s all happening so fast, and I’m so overwhelmed that it feels like my head is full of cotton. My father has collapsed, our family’s secret is being revealed, and all of it while the boy I have pined over since I was twelve years old is here to wi
tness the whole thing.
“Alex,” he says as he grabs my shoulder and slowly turns me around to face him. “Are you okay? What’s going on?”
“I’m fine, Mick. My dad needs help though. He just started slurring his words and then collapsed in front of us,” I reply back. I’m trying to use my long hair as a shield to cover the right side of my face so he doesn’t notice my eye starting to swell shut.
“Okay, let me get in there and see what I can find out for you, and we’ll see that he gets treated well.”
To my momentary relief, he leaves me standing in the entryway while he makes his way into the family room to check on my dad. I slowly walk behind him and am just entering the room when I see him take in the complete picture of what’s happened here tonight. It’s not too different from any other random Tuesday night. The only difference tonight is that it wasn’t just my mom that was in my dad’s line of fire, and for the first time 911 was called.
They’ve moved mom aside so that the paramedics can work on my dad, and Mick is standing with the other officer who is questioning her. My sweet, petite mom, who currently has a split lip, bruised cheek, a ripped blouse and an eye that is about to swell shut. Dad is usually better at strategically placing his marks on her. My ‘always in control’ father seemed somewhat out of control tonight before he fell to the ground.
Mick turns, and as soon as his eyes land on mine I can see them darken. He moves through the room, and in my shocked state it feels like he’s moving in slow-motion as he walks right toward me.
“Alex, talk to me,” he says once he’s standing in front of me.
He’s mere inches from me. It’s a place I have always dreamed of him being, but in this moment…in this moment I wish he wasn’t here.
“Alex, what happened here tonight? Talk to me. It’s just me.”
Keeping my gaze towards the floor, I answer him the only way I know how. “Thank you, Mick. We’re fine. We just want to make sure my dad is going to be okay.”
Not letting me get away with my lack of eye contact, he uses his forefinger to lift my chin and in the same motion moves my hair out of my face to push it behind my ear. That’s when he sees it. My eye clearly looks as bad as it feels if his reaction is any indication.
“Shit,” he whispers. “Alex, did your dad do this to you?”
I’ve dreamed of this moment my entire life. The moment Mickey Jacobs would gently touch my face and look me in the eye while tucking my hair behind my ear. But in my dreams, he wasn’t seething with anger. No, in my dreams he was looking at me with love and desire.
“Alex, answer me,” he yell-whispers in my ear.
I’m given a moment’s reprieve as the medics lift my dad onto a gurney and start to wheel him out of the house. One of the medics stays behind and asks my mom if she would like to ride in the back of the ambulance with him, and of course she does. On her way past me she touches my arm and simply says, “It’s okay Alexandra…no more secrets, my darling girl. It’s your time to live your life and let me take care of all of this.” She makes this last statement while making a twirling motion with her finger. She leans forward, kisses me on the cheek and follows the medics out the front door. To an outsider she looks like a distraught, abused woman but I can see the relief settle in. I actually see a new light in her eyes. A light I don’t recall ever seeing before.
I’m not sure why, but I feel like everything is about to change for the two of us. All I’ve ever wanted was for Mom to be safe and happy. As horrible as it sounds, I feel the weight of my mother’s pain and our family’s secret lightly lift off of my shoulders as I watch them put my father into the back of the ambulance.
The other officer approaches me with a small notepad in one hand and a pen in the other. “Miss Stotts, I’m Officer Truman. If you don’t mind we’d like to ask you a few questions about what happened here tonight? Your mother explained the fight that took place between her and your father and that you were caught in the middle of it all. Could you tell me what happened from your perspective? We can also give you a lift to the hospital if you need one.”
“Thank you for the offer, but I can drive myself,” I reply ignoring his first question.
“If you’re sure, Miss Stotts, but do let us know if you change your mind. So, tell us what happened tonight.”
I look at Mick, who hasn’t left my side, and he gives me a small smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. He rubs my arm and gives me a nod of his head that encourages me to go ahead and share my story. My story. Nobody was ever supposed to know my story.
“Um, well…my mom was in the kitchen cleaning up and my dad was trying to watch TV but couldn’t hear it because she accidentally let a cupboard shut a little too loudly. Dad got out of his chair and started yelling at her. He hit her across the face and she stumbled back against the refrigerator, and then he started to choke her. I ran up behind him to try to pull him off of her, and he turned around and hit me. I fell to the floor and he was back to hitting mom. He was hitting her in the stomach, but then he hit her in the face and she fell to the floor too. All of the sudden he was trying to yell at the both of us, but his words started to slur and he was stumbling. Before I knew it, he was on the ground and looked like he was having some sort of seizure or something.”
I stop my rambling and Officer Truman asks, “Was this the first time something like this has happened?”
“No.”
“How many times before has this happened, Alex?” This time it’s Mick that asks the question.
“He doesn’t usually hit me, but he hits Mom often.”
“For how long, Alex?”
I’m too embarrassed to answer. I’ve never wanted anybody to know that my entire childhood has been full of fear and heartbreak. Watching your mother be mentally and physically abused most of your life isn’t exactly something other people understand or relate to. Yes, he hits me too…but not often. Usually only when things get too rough and I step in to try to help Mom.
“Alex,” Mick asks again, but gently.
I just look at him and shake my head back and forth as the tears start to stream steadily down my face.
Shame.
I am so ashamed.
Not a moment later I feel Mick’s strong arms holding me at the same instant I feel my knees go weak. If his arms weren’t around me I would be in a puddle on the floor.
“I got you, sweet thing. Shhh…I’m here, Alex. You’re gonna be okay.”
Mickey freaking Jacobs is holding me in his arms and just called me “sweet thing”. If only it wasn’t for all the wrong reasons. He feels bad for me and he’s comforting me out of pity. Pity is something that I always feared seeing in the eyes of those I care about if they knew what happened in the Stotts household. I’ve managed to make it almost 19 years without being the recipient of their pity, and I’d really like to keep it that way.
I pull myself away from the one pair of arms I have always dreamed of being in and look up into his deep brown eyes. “Mick, please don’t pity me and please don’t tell Cam and Emily.” There are only two secrets that I have kept from my two best friends, Cami and Emily. The first, the truth about what happens behind the closed doors of my home. The second, the fact that I have been in love with Emily’s brother, Mick, since the first time my twelve-year-old eyes met his fourteen-year-old eyes.
“I won’t say anything, Alex, but you know you can trust them. They love you like a sister and they would be there for you. They wouldn’t pity you. They would do whatever they could to help you. You know that, right?”
“I do know that, Mick. But I’m not ready.”
“Well, if you don’t want to talk to them you can always talk to me. You’re practically family, and if you ever need anything at all, just call.”
And there it is. I was “practically family”. He thinks of me like a sister yet I will forever be in love with him.
Such is life…
My life anyway…
Chapter 1
M
ick ~ 2015
“Hey, Riley!” I yell over the noise of the crowd.
Kells is packed tonight and its nights like these that I thank my lucky stars. When your best friend is the bartender and Assistant Manager at one of your favorite bars, you count yourself lucky. Kells isn’t a nightclub, but an old Irish pub that is a classic here in Portland and always packed on weekend nights.
“Whatcha need, Mick?” Riley yells from behind the bar.
Leaning over the bar, to make sure he can hear me, I yell back. “Emmers and the girls are going to be here tonight. Make sure all their drinks and whatever else they want go on my tab.”
While slowly, yet perfectly, putting the finishing touches on a black and tan he replies. “Will do, Mick. It’s good to have Emily back! I can’t wait to see that baby sister of yours, and Ireland too. I can’t even imagine how big she is now. I’ll make sure everybody knows you got the girls covered.” He turns his attention to the middle-aged man in front of him and slides him his drink. “Here you go, O’Keeffe.”
Tonight, is gonna be a great night. All my friends are here and my baby sister should be here any minute. She’s been living in California for the last eight years, and I am so relieved to have her and my niece back home. Home. Right where they belong. Emily has been through a lot and I’m glad she’s finally listening to reason and letting me help. I know she thinks that living with me will be a nightmare, and she’s hesitant about the whole idea. But what she doesn’t know is that I’m starting to grow tired of my lifestyle of partying and sleeping around. Having them at my place is just what I need to start this whole process of growing up. I don’t plan on ever getting tied down or doing the whole marriage thing, but I do know that I spend too many of my nights sneaking out of dark bedrooms in strange houses.