by T. K. Rapp
“Yeah,” I muttered. “Okay.”
We ended the call and I was left to my own thoughts, which were screaming too many things to put in order. I knew that Tabor wanted me; I could see it in his eyes. And even though I felt like his feelings for me were growing, he hadn’t admitted it to me. All I could do was assume.
I didn’t feel we’d reached the point in our relationship to assess where we thought things were heading. In a couple of weeks he’d be spending his days at training camp—something I was told was rigorous. And in another month he’d be knee-deep in regular season football. I didn’t want to add to his stress, not to mention my own. I was still trying to get the after-school program set up for August, and I hadn’t even started getting my classroom together.
Even though Tabor was imperfectly perfect and I knew I wanted him, I had to wait. It wasn’t the right time to figure all of it out. With or without him.
My phone buzzed in my hand and I felt the butterflies before I answered.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey yourself,” Tabor’s deep voice rumbled. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m good. You?”
“I think so,” he said before adding, “I’m sorry if you felt pressured to go with me to the shoot. I don’t want you doing anything you don’t want to do.”
My heart swelled and I wished he were there with me so I could kiss him.
“I love…” I said, before panicking, “being with you.”
I heard him exhale and sound lighter when he said, “Me too.”
I was smiling from ear to ear and I knew I was feeling the real thing. “So if you want me there, I’ll be there.”
“I want you,” he said and then laughed. “There.”
“Cute,” I answered.
“You know, Dani, one of these days we’re going to have to admit what’s happening here.”
“And that is?” I wanted him to admit whatever it was before me.
“That you’re falling for me,” he answered as if he simply knew this to be true. Honestly, it freaked me out that he said it so casually, because it completely shook me up.
“Don’t confuse me with your groupies.” The moment the words came out I winced, because it sounded so much crueler than the playful way I’d intended it.
“Play it that way if you want, but I think we both know it’s true,” he said.
“I was kidding,” I said, closing my eyes and wishing I could take the words back. Tabor had never treated me like I was anything other than someone special, and I was throwing accusations at him so heartlessly.
I felt as if my insides had been sliced open without my knowledge, exposing every thought, feeling, and fear for everyone to see. Tabor knew what I felt for him, but I wasn’t sure the feeling was mutual. I hoped it was. I suspected it was. But I wasn’t ready to put my heart on the line without some assurance it would be returned.
“This is not a conversation I want to have over the phone,” I finally said.
Before I could say anything else, I heard some noise through the phone. “I’m coming back,” Tabor said, ending the call before I could argue.
C h a p t e r 15
D A N I
“What’s going on?” I asked when I answered the door.
Tabor’s hands were braced on the doorframe and his eyes trailed the length of my body, taking in my T-shirt and cotton shorts that exposed my legs. When his eyes met mine, my stomach swirled, unsure of his reason for rushing over.
“Are you okay?” I asked, breaking the silence.
“I think there’s something you want to talk about,” he said. “Can I come in?”
No sound came from my mouth. Somehow I’d lost my voice in that moment and all I could do was step aside. I closed the door behind him and rested my head against it, trying to quell my nerves. I took a deep breath and turned around to find him still watching me.
“Want something to drink?” I took a couple of steps, only to realize that he wasn’t budging.
Tabor stood with his arms crossed over his chest, straining his shirt across his arms.
“Okay…should we go to the living room?”
“What conversation do we need to have, Dani?” Tabor sighed and looked nervous as he gauged my mood. “Are we breaking up?
“What! Wait…what are you talking about?”
“You said you didn’t want to do it over the phone, so I came back. I was hoping we could talk it out.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Breaking up wasn’t on my radar, and the fact that he thought that’s where my head was made me feel like a jerk. I was messing the whole thing up.
I stepped around him and he followed me into the living room, sitting on the end of the couch. I took the seat farthest from him, needing the space. My wine from earlier had grown warm, but I swallowed the last of it anyway. The TV was on and still muted, offering a distraction.
“Break up,” I repeated before looking at him. “Why would I want to do that?”
“I don’t know, you just sounded so serious.”
“I thought you knew.”
“What am I supposed to know? If you don’t want to break up, can you tell me what’s going on?”
“I’m an idiot,” I said.
“No you’re not. C’mere,” he said, reaching for my hand.
The living room was dark, only the TV and the kitchen light illuminating the space. I scoffed. “You come over here.”
He wasted no time in bridging that gap, taking my legs across his lap as he had done earlier. His thumb was brushing over my shin while his other hand found mine.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
“First off, I don’t want to break up,” I said.
His lips pressed to mine and I was thankful for the distraction. I ran my hand to his neck, pulling him closer to me. Tabor deepened the kiss, running his hand up my thigh. We continued kissing in the darkness and my heart thumped in my chest. I leaned up and moved, placing my legs on either side of his, knowing what I wanted.
I reached down, pulling his shirt over his head, and tossed it to the floor. His hands traveled beneath my shirt, his palms pressing against my bare skin.
My heart was pounding so hard and fast that I wondered if he felt it too. I placed my hand over his heart and kissed him one last time before pulling away. Tabor wrapped his hand over mine and I knew he was watching me as I stared where we joined on his chest.
I could hear the blood rushing and pounding in my ears, the room feeling like a sauna.
Say it.
“We don’t have to do—”
I put my other hand over his mouth and shook my head.
Say it.
He kissed the palm of my hand and I softly ran it over his jaw.
“I’m scared,” I whispered, unsure if I’d said it loud enough. I stared at his lips, unable to meet his eyes.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” he answered back and I shook my head.
“That’s not what I’m scared of. I’ve been hurt and I’ve survived.”
“Then what are you afraid of?”
“What I feel for you.”
“What’s that?”
“I can’t say it,” I said, fear lacing my voice.
“Why not?”
“Because it’s been a long time.”
“Say it, Dani,” he pleaded.
“Why? It might ruin everything.”
“Or maybe it won’t.”
“I’ve never said it to someone first,” I admitted.
He knew what I wanted to say, that much was clear. Why he wanted me to say it so badly was beyond me.
“Look at me,” he commanded. When my eyes met his, the light reflected in his that I’d come to know so well, I had no choice.
“I love you,” I said, as if it were my last breath. I felt like my world was spinning in that instant. If I hadn’t been in Tabor’s arms, I probably would have passed out from the sheer weight of those three words.
Luck
y for me, I was in his arms, and he pulled me closer, pressing his mouth to mine. My lips parted, our tongues grazing and exploring. I held his face in my hand, kissing him with every bit of love I could muster. Saying the words had freed me, allowing me to open up to him the way I wanted, and he hadn’t rejected me or laughed in my face.
Abruptly, Tabor’s hands gripped my shoulders, separating our lips and placing distance between us. I wasn’t sure what was happening, but I was embarrassed as I began to second-guess myself.
“Hold on,” he said, our shaky breaths beginning to normalize. He moved me off his lap and paced the room, placing his hands behind his head.
I couldn’t help it, I felt like a fool. I’d exposed my heart, and though I didn’t regret it, it hurt like hell to see his reaction. I wanted to curl into myself and hug my knees to my chest while I waited for his words, but I refused to show weakness. He walked over and sat on the coffee table in front of me.
“Dani,” he said, reaching for me.
“It’s okay, Tabor,” I said, fighting off a wave of tears. I was thankful for the dark, and hoped he didn’t see the wetness creeping its way to the surface. “It really is.”
“No, it’s not,” he said.
“You don’t have to say anything.”
Please. Just stop. Walk out the door and leave me with my dignity.
He huffed a laugh and reached out for me. I wanted to slap him. How could he laugh at me?
“You don’t understand,” he said, entwining out fingers. “This is all wrong.”
“What is?”
“This. Right now. All of it.”
“Let’s just call it a day and talk tomorrow,” I offered, needing the space.
“Fuck,” he muttered. “I fucked this all up.”
“It’s fine. Really,” I said, mustering up all my conviction to sell it.
“Let me start over,” he said, inching toward the edge of the table, closer to me. “I love you, too. And I should have said it back as soon as you said it, because I feel the same way. God, Dani. I love you so fucking hard that I think I must be crazy.”
I was stunned into silence and he continued.
“I didn’t want you to think I was saying it just because you said it, or to get you into bed…”
I leaned forward and silenced him with a kiss.
“I love you, Tabor,” I whispered against his lips before planting another kiss on him.
My fingers grabbed hold of his shoulders, pulling him to me on the couch. His bare chest rested against mine I wanted to shed the clothing between us.
“Shirt,” I muttered, hoping he’d take care of it for me. And with one fluid movement my shirt was removed, tossed somewhere on the floor along with his. My shorts offered little in the way of modesty, but I didn’t care. Tabor’s free hand trailed along the elastic waistband, stopping at the small of my back.
“Wait,” I murmured against his lips, placing small kisses as we slowed. He shifted his weight on his elbow, almost falling off the couch, causing me to laugh. “This isn’t going to work.”
“I think you’re right,” he laughed, sitting up and pulling me with him. He kissed the tip of my nose sweetly and reached down for his discarded shirt. I scrunched my forehead and watched as he began turning the shirt right-side out. I grabbed it from his hand and tossed it to the floor where it belonged, and he looked from the floor and back to me.
“Upstairs,” I said, standing up and grabbing his hand. It took him less than a second to realize what I was saying before falling in behind me. As I got to the first step, I turned and faced him, enjoying that we were at eye level.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said, looking into my eyes.
“Please don’t break my heart,” I warned.
“I’m pretty sure it goes both ways, baby.”
I nodded in understanding and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him again. I loved the feeling of his skin beneath my hands, and I wanted more.
“Are we doing this right here?” he asked between kisses. “Because I don’t care where it happens.”
I moved away and darted up the stairs, disappearing into my room to the right. I stripped off my shorts, tossing them into the hallway so he could see them, leaving me in nothing but my black bra and panties. I heard his feet racing up the stairs and I stood waiting for him as he entered my room.
Tabor looked like he was about to pounce, and I smirked as his shadow loomed in the threshold. He sauntered toward me until he was up against my body. His hand ran up my back and tangled in my hair as I raised my face to his. He dropped his mouth to mine, devouring me as my fingers unbuttoned his shorts.
He was stunning to look at, but knowing his heart and that it belonged to me made him so much more amazing. I briefly closed my eyes and thanked God for bringing this man into my life, because I couldn’t recall a time when I’d been happier.
I sat down on my bed and pushed myself up to the pillows, waiting for him. My entire body buzzed in anticipation of what was about to happen between us, and I was more than ready. I loved this man and though I was glad he’d said it too, somewhere deep inside, I knew he’d felt it before he said the words.
His knee pressed into the mattress, his weight shifting the bed. Slowly, like a lithe animal, he crawled onto the bed until he was positioned over me. The only things separating us were insignificant pieces of material that might as well have been cinderblocks.
“Tabor,” I whispered, feeling warmth throughout my body. I reached up and stroked the side of his face, needing to touch him in some way. “I’m a virgin.”
His entire body stiffened and the air shifted. “What?”
The silence settled between us and I burst into laughter.
“I’m kidding,” I laughed. “That’s not what I was going to say, but I couldn’t pass it up.”
“So not the time for jokes,” he chuckled before kissing me.
“No?”
“No.”
“Sorry,” I murmured into his mouth. “I’ll make it up to you.”
“Promise?” he asked seductively.
“Promise,” I whispered as his body sunk onto mine. “But Tabor…” I tugged on his boxers. “We need to take these off.”
Before I registered the action, he’d taken them off and managed to remove my lace panties as his hand skimmed my thigh. Tabor’s lips trailed a line of kisses up my stomach, causing it to clench in anticipation. I was about to make love to him, and for some reason I wasn’t self-conscious at all. We loved each other, and that was all I needed to know. The time was right. For us.
His hand skirted along my side, causing me to squirm beneath him. As he made his way up my body, his finger ran along the edge of my bra and stopped at the strap where he slid it off. His kisses ignited a fire inside of me that I was ready to douse, though a slow burn was acceptable.
“Are you sure?” he asked once more.
I grabbed his face and put everything into that kiss, telling him, without a doubt, what it was that I wanted.
Only. Him.
C h a p t e r 16
D A N I
I couldn’t stop messing with my hair.
Up?
Down?
Flatten it?
What will Tabor’s mom like?
The thought had plagued me all day and I was nervous that I wouldn’t make the cut. Of course she had to be the most amazing person on the planet. Tabor made that very clear. His mom was the sun and the moon and everything in between…though I doubted she was actually a saint.
I’d been introduced to plenty of mothers in my time.
Okay….one. But still, she had thought I was too good for her son. She told me so herself.
But Tabor was a different beast. I wondered if his mom was the protective type who thought no woman was ever good enough for her “little” boy.
When I asked Tabor to tell me something about her, the recurring theme was that she had done everything for him. Hell, the woman sounded like a supe
rhero—a thought that was both sweet and scary as hell.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror and squared my shoulders, mustering the confidence I knew was hidden in there somewhere.
Simple. A ponytail and neutral makeup.
I knew that it didn’t matter what I did—she would either like me or hate me as soon as we were introduced. Meeting a boyfriend’s family had never been as important as it was that day, because by then I could admit I was completely, madly, crazy in love with Tabor. The tough part would be explaining to others that it had nothing to do with “who” he was to everyone else. It was “who” he was to me that counted.
Tabor walked into the bathroom and wrapped his arms around me from behind, joining me to stare at our reflections. He kissed the side of my neck and smiled. “You look beautiful.”
My cheeks flushed at his compliment and he lightly squeezed me against him.
“Do you think your mom and sister will like me?” I asked, hating the nervousness in my voice.
He took a deep breath, his face impassive as he exhaled. “If they don’t, I’m gonna have to stop seeing you.”
It felt like the blood was draining from my body and I wanted to vomit. I nodded slowly, understanding what he was telling me when he laughed and turned me to face him. His hands cupped my cheeks and he placed a chaste kiss to my lips.
“They’re going to love you, Dani. And even if they don’t, I do. Just be you, and they’ll see why I’ve fallen for you.”
It was hard not to smile when he complimented me so sweetly. My heart was an easy thing to sway when it came to Tabor. Unfortunately, my mind wasn’t as easy to convince. While I hoped what he said was true, a larger part knew how moms were about their sons.
I’d heard Millie say numerous times that no one would ever be good enough for her Colton. And he wasn’t even a year old!
I wrapped my arms around his neck and looked into his eyes, searching for the truth. If he was lying, I couldn’t tell, so I gave up and decided that it was possible I was worried for no reason.
“You just better hope they don’t like me more,” I said, adding a wink.