by T. K. Rapp
Marta and Abbi showed up and thanked me for being there for Tabor. There was no place else I could imagine being. Even if Tabor didn’t want me around, I’d be there for him. A part of me hoped that he would see me and I could talk to him when he was not as angry. But the way he’d looked at me, I knew he needed space, and I had to give him that.
I wasn’t the type to back off, especially when I felt I could help. So I waited while Abbi and Marta went to visit him and tried to keep myself busy. When they came out they wore matching smiles and seemed to be in better spirits after talking with him.
They suggested we take a walk to the cafeteria to get some coffee and wait while the doctors did whatever it was they needed to do.
“What happened?” I asked when we sat down with our cups of coffee.
“I don’t know if he told you, but Tabor had ALC reconstruction in the past. This isn’t a first. And he always knew it could happen again,” Marta said.
“But he’s going to be okay?”
“He’ll probably never play football again,” Abbi said. “There’s no meniscus left to reattach it.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t understand—what you’re saying is like a foreign language to me.”
“The first time he tore his ACL was in high school. He had surgery and it took almost a year for him to get back on the field.”
“The first time?”
“And the second, he tore his MCL. Rehab was bad and he knew then that another would end his career.”
Marta reached for my hand and squeezed gently. “He’s going to have surgery in a week to repair the damage, but he’s not going to be able to play again.”
“Will he be staying in the hospital until the surgery?”
“We’re going to take him home today,” Abbi said. “You might want to give him a day to stop being pissy before you visit.”
“Visit?” I scoffed. “He doesn’t want to see me.”
“He’s angry, Dani. I know my brother, and when he’s like this he says things he doesn’t mean.”
“I went about this all wrong. I should have called him before or gone to see him,” I said.
“There’s nothing you could have done. He always knew this was a possibility,” Marta said. “I agree with Abbi—let’s give him some space and let him recoup a little.”
I nodded and she winked.
“I’ll talk some sense into him.”
She knew her son better than anyone, so I deferred to her expertise. I didn’t want to push and ruin the chance of fixing us.
We finished our coffee and talked about happier things, like Abbi’s wedding. They had met with the planner and picked the venue, but were still trying to figure out the rest of the details. Marta was smiling as Abbi gushed about the wedding dress she’d found, but with the wedding months away, they were on a time crunch.
I didn’t want to bother my family with picking me up, so I took a cab home, and when I was behind closed doors, I cried. They weren’t ugly, sobbing tears. I was sad for Tabor and what he’d lost.
It had been a long day, so I stripped off my jeans and climbed into bed still wearing the jersey. I tried to think of a happy time Tabor was in the bed with me, and smiled, recalling the way he made me laugh. It had been too long since he was there, but I still felt his presence.
Despite my better judgment, I turned on the late night news and waited for the sports segment to come on. Kip Stanley and his overly bronzed skin sat behind the desk and started in with the lead story of the night—Tabor.
“Quakes fans were stunned when the giant went down as Hunter tried to make a tackle. Initial reports claimed that it appeared to be a neck injury, but the replay showed it was a hit to the knee. Our own Felix Matthews is outside the arena with more,” Kip said.
“Thanks, Kip. Yeah, it was a nasty blow for both Hunter and the Quakes. The coach said he was treated in the locker room before being transported to the hospital for more tests. We’re hearing speculation that it’s an ACL injury, and if you recall, JT mentioned in the past that he’d already had his knee reconstructed once. For now, we’ll just have to wait and see.”
I clicked the remote and turned off the television because the reporters were pissing me off. They were talking about Tabor like he was just any other person, but he wasn’t. He was the man I loved, who had given so much of himself for the game. They didn’t know him or care for him like I did, because to them he was a commodity.
There was no use in staying awake, because I had a big day ahead of me. I’d see Tabor and help him through this in whatever way I could.
I went to sleep hoping to dream of happier times with me wrapped in his arms.
“You have to be okay, Tabor. I mean it. I need you. I didn’t mean anything I said. I was angry and stupid and I didn’t mean any of it. Just please be okay and come back to me.”
I leaned over carefully and brushed my lips to his softly before sitting down again, still holding his hand.
Why is he unconscious?
“I had this plan,” I told him. “I was going to somehow get your attention so you’d see that I was there. I needed to do something big to show you that I was sorry.”
I wiped my tears away and stared at him in silence.
“I should have just called you days ago.”
The door opened and a doctor walked in with the nurse. He glanced in my direction, so I moved out of his way to give him space to check his patient. I couldn’t hear what he said to the nurse, but he made some notes and nodded his head at me.
“Are you the girlfriend?” the doctor asked.
“Long story,” I said, unsure what we were anymore.
“Before we sedated him, he was asking for Dani.”
“He did?”
He still loves me.
“There’s a lot of swelling and we have to monitor him for a few days,” the doctor said. “We have to keep him sedated until we know what’s going on.”
The doctor left the room and I was staring at Tabor, who looked peaceful. Too peaceful.
“I’m not sure if you got my message, but I called you. I needed to tell you I was sorry. Because I am. I’m so sorry, Tabor. I let you think that I wanted to hide what we were, but it was stupid solution to a problem that was out of our control.”
I reached for his hand again and threaded our fingers the way they belonged.
“I don’t remember the last time I was so miserable. I was starting to annoy myself with the woe-is-me crap. So I did something about it. I think you would’ve been proud. I went to the school and got reinstated, and River’s Kids starts up on Monday. Isn’t that great?”
I kissed his hand again and rested my cheek against it.
“I’m going to make this all up to you, I swear it.”
Tabor’s eyes flew open and he stared at me…all traces of love evaporated from his eyes.
“You did this, Dani. And I never want to see you again.”
I woke up in a sweat, my eyes wet with tears. The images of him practically paralyzed reminded me of how serious his injury could have been. He was “lucky” it was just his knee, but I knew he didn’t see it that way.
I picked up my phone and started to call him, but stopped with my finger hovering over his name. Abbi suggested that I give him time, and it was after midnight. Tabor needed his rest and I needed to back off, so I set the phone down and went back to sleep.
That time, I thought of everything I would say when I saw him the next day.
C h a p t e r 28
D A N I
Tabor’s car was in the front of his house when I showed up the next day. I didn’t second-guess myself when I decided to drive over to see him. Twenty-four hours had passed and I felt that maybe he’d be ready to see me. Though there were no phone calls or texts to tell me I was right…or wrong.
I rang the doorbell and Abbi stood on the other side with a smile as she held it open to let me in. It was as if I was a stranger in his home, and I didn�
�t like it. Being in his place always felt comfortable and inviting, but at that moment, I felt anything but.
“Couldn’t wait, huh?”
“If I need to come back, it’s fine. I just had to try.”
“No, come in. He’s in the his room.”
“How is he today?”
“He’s on some pain meds so he’s sleeping right now, but you can go visit him if you want.”
I tried to force a smile before walking the short distance to his room that waited down the hallway. When I entered the room, the blinds were closed and a machine was making a loud noise that was hard to ignore.
Tabor was sleeping and I wondered how he was able to do so with the sounds swirling about. His leg was hoisted in a machine that, at the time, was still.
I sat down next to him on the edge of the queen-sized bed and took the opportunity to touch his face. He looked peaceful, like in my dream. Though I had an aching fear that he might wake and lash out.
His chest rose and fell with every breath, but it wasn’t enough; I needed to see his eyes, I needed to hear his voice again.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, lying next to him on the bed.
Being next to him made me feel at home, and given the awful sleep I’d endured the night before, I felt my eyes grow heavy. I wanted to fight it, to stay awake, but being next to him was what I needed.
***
“Dani,” a whisper called out. “Dani. Wake up.”
I opened my eyes and shut them when I realized where I was. It felt like everything since our fight had been a bad dream.
“Dani,” I heard again.
My eyes finally fluttered open and I tried to let them adjust to my surroundings. I’d lost all track of time. I wiped the sleep from my eyes, and sighed when I saw Tabor still asleep.
“Guess you’re tired,” I heard Abbi say and my head snapped in the direction of her voice. “Didn’t sleep so well, huh?”
In my haste to get out of the bed, I fell to the floor, but managed to finally get to my feet.
“Tabor said you were a klutz,” she teased good-naturedly.
“I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“It’s okay. I just wanted to check on you. On both of you.”
“Is it okay if I stay with him a little longer?”
“Yeah. Totally fine.” She smiled before disappearing from the room and closing the door behind her.
I rested my head against his chest and listened to his even heartbeat. It was so peaceful and brought a smile to my face. But when I felt a hand cradle the back of my head, my heart lodged in my throat. I closed my eyes, the tears spilling out of them all over again. Tabor had broken the dam I had built up to keep all the emotions away, but I didn’t care.
A feeling of dread washed over me, because I was afraid of what I’d see if I looked into his eyes. The last time I’d seen him, those same hazel eyes had been full of pain and betrayal. I did that to him. No matter how much I wanted to take it back, I knew that what I did was something we had to face.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, his voice dry and void of all emotion.
“I know you said you didn’t want to see me yesterday, but I had to try.”
“You shouldn’t have come.”
As I sat upright, I saw the same dead look in his eyes and I wanted to shake him—anything to make my Tabor return.
“I had to check on you and tell you how sorry I am about everything. I was so upset about my job and…you know what, forget it, no excuses. I’m just sorry. I didn’t mean any of it.”
“You meant some of it,” he said.
“Maybe at the time, but it’s not how I feel. I took care of it.”
“Took care of what?”
“I went to the school the other day and talked to the new principal. He agreed with me that I shouldn’t have been forced to do anything because I did nothing wrong. River’s Kids will be up and running on Monday, thanks to Millie.”
“I’m happy for you, Dani.” But his tone lacked anything resembling happiness or even love.
“I told Dr. Putnam that I wasn’t willing to lose you for my job,” I said, unable to look at him. “I mean, if you want to try to fix this.”
“What game are you playing here?”
The door opened and Marta stood at the entrance with wide eyes. I looked from Marta to Tabor in shock. I heard Abbi clear her throat and whisper something to Marta, but I didn’t bother asking anything of them.
“I don’t understand.”
“You break up with me and I don’t hear anything from you. Then you show up to my game—what are you trying to pull?”
“Tabor…”
“You won, Dani,” he snapped. “You hate that I play football…and if you haven’t heard yet, I’m done. Is that what you wanted to hear? Does that make you happy?”
“Stop it,” I argued. “You know that’s not what I wanted.”
“No, actually, Dani, I don’t know. From the time we met, all I’ve heard is how much you hate football and how scared you get when you watch me get hit. Well, great news, babe, I’m finished.”
“Jeez, T, take it easy,” Abbi said, stepping forward to quiet her brother. “You don’t have to be such a jerk.”
His laughter was humorless and it made my skin crawl. I’d never experienced the angry side of Tabor before, and though I wasn’t scared, it made me sad. Was that really what he thought of me?
I looked down at his beautiful face as tears filled my eyes, but he refused to look at me. When I reached for his hand again, he flinched at my touch but didn’t pull away.
“If you don’t hear anything else I’m telling you, please hear this: I love you. I don’t care who you are or what you do. I’m not going anywhere. I get that you’re pissed, and if you need to take it out on me, that’s fine, I can handle it.”
Tabor turned his face, and when his eyes met mine they lacked the love I was familiar with. He was broken and I still loved him in spite of it all.
“You can handle it, huh? I’ve lost the one damn thing I’m good at, and you can handle it? I have nothing left, football is who I am, and you walked away because of it. So why don’t you go ahead and keep on walking.”
His words ripped my heart in two, but I’d done the same to him before.
“I’ll go, but we are not finished, Tabor. Understand me? Deal with your shit and then you call me when you’re ready to talk. But we are not over.”
“That’s a cute speech,” he said before closing his eyes. “Can everyone just leave? I wanna be alone.”
“Son…”
“Mom, I just need some time. Okay?”
Abbi grabbed her mom’s hand, her anger rolling off of her in waves, and led Marta out of the room. I picked up my purse and started making my way to the door, but stopped and walked back to his bedside.
“I’m going to say something else to you that you may want to think about. I was never with you because you’re JT Hunter. I was with you because you stole my heart. In spite of my misgivings, I allowed myself to fall in love with the kindest, most big-hearted man I’ve ever met. The person who just tore into me wasn’t the man I fell in love with.”
His eyes gave nothing away, so I reached for his face and made him look at me.
“The man I love doesn’t treat his mom and his sister, or the woman he loves, like shit.”
He opened his mouth to speak, but I turned and walked out before he had a chance. I didn’t want his apologies, nor did I want more of his biting words. Tabor had been delivered life-altering news, and he deserved to be angry. But it didn’t mean I needed to be on the receiving end of his wrath.
I walked down the corridor and found Marta and Abbi standing together in the living room. When she spotted me, Marta walked over and folded me into her arms.
“He doesn’t mean it,” she excused. “He doesn’t.”
“I know,” I answered, returning the hug. “I wish I could do the last two days all over again. If I didn’t show up
to that game…”
“It would have happened at the next one, or the one after that. It’s not your fault, Dani. And once he calms down and talks to the doctors, he’ll see things differently.”
“I hope so,” I said.
Abbi walked over and hugged me. “Mom’s right. He doesn’t mean it. Just give him some time.”
“I have lots of that.”
I started walking away when Marta called my name.
“Thank you.”
“Anyone would have done the same thing,” I said of my presence.
“No. For loving him, flaws and all.”
She was right. I loved him for everything he was. I’d allowed him to believe differently when I let him walk out my door. But every strength and flaw made him the person I was supposed to love. He needed time to come to terms with that.
C h a p t e r 29
T A B O R
I almost stopped her from leaving the room.
When she grabbed my face to make me look at her, I had to fight the urge to pull her to me and kiss her. Dani’s fingers touching my face was almost too much to bear. I heard everything she was saying to me, but I didn’t want to listen to it.
I inhaled deeply, the remnants of her flower-scented shampoo lingering in the air. The night I’d left her place, I was all but on my knees begging her to reconsider. And yet, she showed up to the hospital and my house…and just like that, I was supposed to forget everything?
Dani told me that she would choose me over her career. But would she? Or was that something convenient to say, considering that she hadn’t truly lost anything?
I had stood in front of her like an idiot, waiting for her to change her mind about me. About us. But she let me walk away and made no attempts to fix it. I had to assume that’s what she wanted.
When Mom told me that she and Abbi couldn’t make it to the opening game because of an appointment, I was relieved. I’d already endured countless questions about what had happened between us, and when the topic came up, I found an excuse to get off the phone. It wouldn’t be as easy to do in person.
But then she was there.