by Gina Gordon
Penn looked over at Pete. His face was frozen in shock.
Her mother sighed. “They all seemed to like competition. Thrived on it. So I never questioned your methods. But apparently that wasn’t really the case.” She turned to Penn. “I thought you were happy, Pennelope. If I’d known you weren’t, I would have spoken up years ago.”
She stared blankly at her mother. She appreciated the support, if belated, but right now, there were too many thoughts spinning around in her head. The only words she could muster were, “Thanks, Mom.”
Penn felt lighter than she had all week. She felt like herself. And she owed it all to Cole.
She wasn’t going to feel bad anymore about not following the same family drum. She had so many other qualities that not living up to the few skills her father valued would no longer define her as a person. Not as a daughter, or a sister, or a friend. Or as a woman.
“I think the other kids and I should go for a walk down the beach.” Her mother patted her father’s knee and stood, shuffling the rest of her siblings out of the pit toward the shoreline.
Then it was just her and her father.
“Pennelope?” Her father’s voice carried over the sizzle and crackle of the fire.
But she said nothing.
The next thing she knew, he loomed over her with his hands on his hips. The classic Harold Foster I-mean-business stance.
When she still didn’t acknowledge him, he sank down into the sand beside her, letting out a tiny groan on his way down.
Silence fell between them as she once again poked the stick into the ash, but her father broke it with a sigh. “I’ll admit it. I did want you to be like your brothers.”
Finally. The truth. She only hoped it would set her free.
“I couldn’t relate to you. I didn’t know how to interact with a little girl. So I treated you like a boy. In hindsight, maybe that wasn’t the best idea.”
“You wanted me to be a demure little girl who said yes, please, and thank you, but also a warrior on the field. It was impossible to live up to.”
So, she had stopped trying. Maybe if she had rebelled against it all as a teenager, her entire life might have played out differently.
“But you are my little girl.” He lifted her chin and wiped away a tear she hadn’t even known was there. “And my little girl isn’t supposed to swear or wear skimpy clothing.”
“But don’t you get it? The pressure to be a good girl meant I never had any fun. So, when I went off to college, boy, did I have fun.”
Frat parties. Beer bongs. Dating. Lots and lots of dating.
He held up his hands. “I don’t want to know.”
She had no intention of giving him details. There were some things a girl needed to keep to herself.
Her father shook his head, confusion again washing over his face. “I want the world for you, Pennelope, but I just don’t understand you.”
“You don’t have to, Dad.” Waves crashed loudly in the distance, startling her. “It’s not your—”
Her father grabbed her chin, forcing her to look over at him. “What if I want to understand?”
She smiled. She had to give him credit. He was trying. Trying to relate to her on a level he wasn’t familiar with—an emotional level. Harold Foster wasn’t the most demonstrative man in the world.
“I push you because I want you to succeed.”
“I have succeeded.” She straightened, her body going into defense mode. “I’ve tried so hard to make you proud, Dad, but you make it impossible when you refuse to see things outside your comfort zone.”
“I do like my comfort zone.” He laughed softly. “I just want you to have the same wonderful life that I’ve had with your mother, with you kids.”
Crap. Now he was making her feel guilty for poo-pooing his very normal, mundane life. It made him happy.
She leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder. She didn’t remember ever doing this as a kid. And for the first time ever, she felt a tiny bond with her father. One that wasn’t built on sports or false personas. For the first time, he was truly seeing her, and she saw the love in his eyes as he looked at her.
She might not have achieved what she’d set out to do. She hadn’t won the cup. But this trip hadn’t all been for nothing. Not even close.
She’d finally been able to get everything off her chest with her family. From now on, she would be herself, good-girl persona not required.
“I have to admit, as much as I disliked you being so…different, I hadn’t seen you that happy in a long time.”
She wasn’t so happy anymore.
“Thanks to Cole,” she said.
“So you love him.”
She shrugged— A gesture that immediately made her think of him.
She probably couldn’t do a lot of things now, without thinking of him.
“Why did he leave?” he asked. “Is it because you didn’t win the cup?”
She wished that were true. Then she wouldn’t have died a little inside hearing the awful details of his past. She wouldn’t have had to watch him walk away. That was something she might never recover from.
She shook her head, willing away the tears threatening to fall. She didn’t want to cry in front of her father. She was already too vulnerable right now. “Because I didn’t give him a reason to stay.”
When push came to shove, she couldn’t be what he’d needed. She’d let her fears push him away. And she might never get him back.
She had walked into this situation with her eyes wide open. She’d known the end game might very well strain their relationship, but she had no idea that it would break her heart.
“It’s just not meant to be, Dad. Regardless of what I want.”
Her father pulled away, straightening his shoulders, looking down at her with conviction. “If there’s one thing I taught you, young lady, it’s never to give up. To fight for what you want.”
Too bad she’d forgotten that when it mattered most.
“If this boy makes you happy, if he’s what you want, then you fight for him.” He hugged her into his side. “If you love someone, don’t be a schmuck like me. Say it. Prove it. Life is too short to waste assuming the world is right, when it’s so very wrong.”
The more time she’d spent with Cole, the harder it became to keep her emotions out of the game. She’d spent her entire life being smart. Made every decision with her head, not her heart or libido. But Cole Murphy scrambled her brain, leaving it useless and ineffective.
No matter how much she might have wanted this week in paradise to change the game between them, it had backfired. He had finally trusted her enough to break down the steel and cement he’d erected around his heart. And she’d been the one who’d forced him to put it back up.
“Thanks, Dad.”
He kissed her forehead and got up. “Are you going to be all right?”
She would be. Eventually.
Cole wasn’t ready. For her. For a life filled with love. He might never be ready.
She knew nothing in his history could be bad enough to scare her away. Even the parts she didn’t know yet. But even if her gut told her she was willing to fight for him, for his past, for their future, she couldn’t do that with a man who wouldn’t let her in.
Chapter Sixteen
As soon as the plane touched down, Cole ran full speed ahead with the club, working directly with their investors and volunteers. A job he usually reserved for Penn. Never in a million years would he have thought he’d become the social butterfly in the family. But something had changed in him. And he knew it had everything to do with her.
Penn.
He loved her. With every fiber of his being. And he’d left her in Hawaii. Left without a word, without a good-bye. He just hadn’t known how to give his heart away. He still didn’t. For so long, he’d held it tight, kept it locked up, offering his love to only two women in his life—his biological mother, who’d broken it with her skewed priorities, and Vivian,
who had held it so sacred, but had left this world so quickly she’d taken a piece of it with her.
For so long he’d walked around with a dark cloud, unable to shake it. It seeped into his being, into his very soul. But it was Penn that brought him peace. She tuned out the world around him and brought everything into perspective. Because she was so daring, carefree, and light. The exact opposite of his moody brooding. She made him lighter simply by being near him.
Although he’d made a good effort to keep his darkness in check in Hawaii, the moment things got tough, he’d floundered and lost his way. He’d let it take over. Because that’s how it would always be.
How could he possibly subject Penn to that kind of future?
Walking away had made it easier on both of them. She didn’t have to choose, and he didn’t have to find out what that choice might be.
Like a coward, he steered clear of his restaurant this morning, knowing Penn would be back to work. She knew his deepest, darkest, most haunting secrets, and he just wasn’t ready to face her yet.
He walked through the back door of Carmel, hoping to find Finn. Instead, he found Veronica, sitting behind Finn’s desk.
“Hey, Cole. What brings you by?” She winced and unconsciously rubbed her ample baby belly.
“I…uh…was looking for Finn.”
She stopped what she was doing and set the papers down in front of her. “He’s in Niagara.”
Shit. Cole had been there when Finn booked his hotel room. He should have just told the truth.
“He’s tasting new—” Her soft half-sigh, half-moan carried from the desk. “Oh!” Suddenly, Veronica stood and grabbed her belly, doubling over in pain.
“V?” Terror instantly gripped him, and everything else was forgotten. She didn’t look so good. All of the color had drained from her face. She sounded even worse. “Are you all right?”
“I don’t know.” She used the desk as a crutch and walked toward him. When she came around the desk corner, he gasped. She had blood all over her pants.
No, no, this was not happening. He broke into a sweat.
“V, stay calm but… You’re bleeding.”
“Wha—What?”
She tried to look down, but her stomach was in the way, so she touched the juncture of her thighs and cried out when she pulled her hand away covered in blood. “Cole! Oh my God!”
He raced over and pulled her into a hug, then cradled her against his side as he headed for the door. “Come on, we’re going to the hospital.”
“Finn?” She looked up at him, her face wrenched in pain and a tear trickling down her cheek.
“I’ll call him on the way. Let’s just get you there.”
On the way out, he grabbed some tablecloths from the storage room and spread them over the passenger seat of his car. When she was settled, he buckled her in, then sprinted around to the driver’s seat. Hopping in, he pulled out his phone and hit speed dial.
Finn answered on the third ring. “Hel—”
“Brother, you better get your ass back here, this instant.” The engine roared to life.
“What’s wrong?” Finn demanded.
“I’m taking V to the hospital. There’s blood—”
“What?”
Cole’s heart thundered. He swallowed hard and took a corner on two wheels. “She’s in pain, and dude, I— I’m taking her to the hospital as fast as I can.”
Silence.
Veronica gripped his arm. “Finn!” she cried out, gasping at another pain.
“I’m leaving right now,” his brother yelled. “Just…tell her to hold it until I get there.”
“Hold what? Not like she can h—”
Veronica screamed, clutching the bottom of her belly with one hand and Cole’s arm with the other.
“Gotta go, Brother.” He tossed the phone on the console and drove like a demon.
They were taken into the emergency room immediately. He’d been pushed out of the way by nurses and banished to the corner of the makeshift room walled by a blue curtain. Every sight and sound was magnified—the insistent beep of the machines, the sound of the automatic doors behind them, the squeeze of gel out of a bottle. In his corner, he took the time to call Neil and Jack, informing them of the situation. He sent a text to Finn, giving him an update.
So far, it had been a nightmare. But he’d stayed with Veronica the whole time, taking Finn’s place until he arrived. V was in so much pain she looked like a ghost of her normal self. Her hair was soaked with sweat. Her face red and splotchy. And every once in a while, a tear would stream down her cheek, despite Cole’s murmurs of reassurance that everything would be all right.
Was he a total asshat for silently thanking God for giving him a penis?
When they told her she had a placental abruption and was going to need a C-section, she looked up at him with tears in her eyes, terror scattering across her face. “I’m scared.”
He wished he could take her pain away. He wished he could change the circumstances.
Where the fuck was Finn?
Cole was freaking out more and more by the minute. He actually felt faint.
He took her hand. “It’ll be fine, V. Should I maybe go get Sterling or—”
She clamped down on his hand. “Don’t go. Please, Cole.”
He sucked in a calming breath.
Man up, Murphy.
He heard Penn’s voice in his head. It was exactly something she’d say to him when she was calling him out.
“Of course I won’t.” He patted Veronica’s hand, and she relaxed her grip a little. “And Finn will be here soon.” He pulled a chair closer to the bed and clasped her hand in his.
And they waited.
Finally, Finn raced through the door. “Where is she? What’s happening?”
Fear was plastered all over his face, but that turned to relief when he spotted Veronica on the bed. New tears crested in her eyes when she saw him. He hurried over to her. Planting a soft kiss on her lips, he wiped away her tears and murmured into her ear.
Cole’s heart suddenly hurt. Seeing them together on the verge of this life-changing event made him feel all alone.
He quietly headed for the door.
A hand gripped his shoulder and he turned. Fear darkened his brother’s eyes, and it tore him apart. “Thanks, man. For taking care of her.”
Cole pulled him into a heartfelt hug, offering all of his strength and courage. “It’s going to be okay, bro. I promise.”
He headed out to the waiting room, stopping outside the door to look at his worried family huddled in the semi-circle of green plastic chairs. He didn’t know what he would do if anything happened to a single one of them. They all meant the world to him.
Sterling’s eyes were rimmed red, and in an intimate gesture, Jack swiped away a stray tear from her cheek, then pulled her close. Neil and Carson were both stoic; neither of them expressed their feelings outwardly. But by the way Neil fisted one hand at his side, he knew he had a war waging inside of him. Mark and Cal, Veronica’s brothers, sat together on the far right. Cal banged the back of his head against the wall in a steady rhythm, while Mark hid his face in his hands as he rested his elbows on his knees. He turned his attention to the left, and there was Penn. She sat by herself, aimlessly scrolling through her phone.
His heart pounded inside his chest like a sledgehammer. No matter how much distance he gave himself, his reaction to her was always the same. A visceral need to touch her, claim her for himself.
“Cole!” Sterling spotted him just as he opened the door, and the whole family jumped up and rushed forward.
“Is she okay?” Cal asked.
Cole ran his hand through his hair and told them everything he knew. Afterward, although he hadn’t done much to ease their worry, they all settled down to wait.
But Cole was restless and paced the room. He couldn’t stop the feeling of dread from settling in his stomach. The “what ifs” bombarded his brain. There were too many possible outcomes fo
r him to even keep a level head. This feeling was exactly why he distanced himself. Even with the people he loved most in the world, he just couldn’t bring himself to let them in. He couldn’t risk the utter devastation when the inevitable loss happened.
Another forty minutes passed. It was taking too long. Something was wrong.
“Are you doing all right?” He tensed when he felt Penn’s hand slide up his back to his shoulder and squeeze.
He hadn’t been doing all right. He had been panicked. Restless. Worried. Useless. There was no end to the flurry of emotions that had rushed through his system over the last couple hours. But right now, with Penn’s bright eyes and warm body, the world could blow up around him, and he’d be calm—completely at ease because she was near.
To ease her worry, he turned and smiled, although it wasn’t his brightest.
“Veronica is going to be fine.” She grabbed his hand. “She’s tough, and so is that baby.” He saw it there in her eyes, the worry for not only Veronica and the baby, but for him.
He nodded.
“I know it’s hard for you to see me.” She dipped her head, lowering her gaze to the floor. “It’s hard for me, too.”
Instinctively, he reached out and placed his index finger under her chin, then raised her head to meet his gaze. Penn shouldn’t look down. Not for anyone.
“We’re still friends.” It was impossible for him not to remember how her lips felt against his when she blurted, “I’m here if you need to talk.” Her eyes watered, tears pooling at the sides. “And you have to know that nothing’s changed the way I—”
“She’s beautiful!” Finn burst through the doors of the waiting room. His eyes were shiny with happy tears, his lips curved up in the biggest smile Cole had ever seen. “Just like her mother.”
Cole let out a steady breath, relief and happiness washing over him. They were all right. Both of them.
He turned to Penn who was smiling widely, unable to get her half-admission out of his head.
The way what?
Did she have the same feelings he did? Or was she trying to tell him she still wanted to keep her distance because of her career?
He searched her face for an answer, but she gave away nothing. With one last squeeze to his forearm, Penn left him standing in the corner and joined the group, bombarding Finn with questions and congratulations.