Hiding Behind Love

by Karly Morgan

  Reality settled back in quickly, and the guilt and fear from before chased away my desire. This could get ugly fast, and I had no idea how to stop it now that sacrificing myself was off the table. Too bad it was too soon for a pregnancy test to show any accurate results.

  The conversation turned to more mundane topics while we finished our meal, but my mind wasn’t focused on any of it as I desperately tried to find a way to protect my new family. I managed to keep just enough track of what they were chattering about and contribute just enough to keep them from becoming suspicious of where my mind was truly at: my father and Carver.

  “Ya kids head on up ta bed. I’ll get the dishes tonight,” Caleb said finally, grabbing my full attention from the thoughts swirling around in my head.

  “Now that’s an offer I’m willin’ to take,” Kolton said easily, climbing to his feet and pulling me to mine. He winked at me before giving his mother a hug and kiss on the cheek and sweeping me back off my feet and whisking me away upstairs to our room.

  I called out “good night,” unable to offer anything more as my eager husband claimed me as his own for the night. Anticipation raced through me as he climbed the stairs two at a time with me pressed against his chest. This was a part of being married I could definitely get used to.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Kolton

  Having Carissa snuggled up tight against me as she slept was the most amazing feeling I’d ever experienced. I laid there, wide awake, mulling over everything that had happened recently to bring her into my life. Never had I imagined finding a woman as good and as true as this one. Especially after the wringer Karlene had put me through.

  “What are you thinking about?” Carissa’s sleep thickened voice asked me as she stirred in my arms.

  “You,” I answered honestly. “How much everything’s changed since ya entered my life.”

  “Oh…” she said softly. “I’m sorry if I’ve messed things up for you.”

  “Oh, darlin’, that’s not at all what I was thinkin’ ‘bout. Ya haven’t messed a single thing up. If anythin’, ya went and made all our lives that much better,” I admitted, both to her and myself. If we were going to move forward, honesty had to be the base we built from, and the idea of letting this woman slip through my fingers made me ache inside so deeply I’d rather die than experience it.

  “But what about Bonnie’s choice to forgo being on the transplant list to push us together? I can’t see how that makes any of your lives better.”

  I heard the sadness making her voice wobble and felt the tear that leaked from her eye land on my chest.

  “Ma admitted somethin’ to me earlier while ya were in talkin’ to the sheriff…” I knew my mom would be pissed that I was telling her this, but I’d already decided not to lie to this woman. “She never called her doctor. She was never removed from the list. She only told us that to get us to agree to marryin’ each other.”

  “What?” Carissa screamed as she pushed off my chest to sit up, turn, and stare at me as if she couldn’t believe what I’d just told her.

  Hell, I was still trying to digest the fact my mother had lied to both of us so effectively and didn’t feel a drop of remorse for doing so.

  “Why would she do that?”

  “Other than achievin’ her end game, I have no idea.”

  “Aren’t you pissed? I know I sure as hell am.” Her fists were balled on top of the sheet covering her sinfully hot, naked body.

  As much as I wanted to bury myself inside her again, we needed to do more talking instead.

  “I’m hurt more than anythin’ that she’d lie to me. I never imagined there would come a day when she’d ever do somethin’ like that to me. It’s nothin’ I can’t forgive, though, since in the end, I win the most.”

  “How does anyone win when someone lies? Hell, I’ve been dealing with my parents’ lying to themselves, each other, and everyone around them for years and haven’t seen a single person win from it. Not once.”

  “Because in the end, I got you. As long as we’re together, we both win.” I stroked her arm before tugging her back down to rest her head on my chest again, her hair fanning out around my chest and stomach.

  “She could’ve talked us into this without resorting to emotional blackmail based on a lie,” Carissa said, pain I understood filling her words.

  I knew she’d already become attached to my mother, and that was another reason I’d fallen for her so quickly.

  “I’m not sure she woulda been able to get me to agree to marryin’ ya without doin’ what she did. I was pretty dead set on not ever havin’ another relationship after the hell Karlene put me through, and Ma knew it. The attraction I felt for ya had me damn near runnin’ for the hills anyway, which is why I fought her idea even harder,” I told her as I cradled her against me. “I knew that once we spoke those vows, I’d never be able to let ya go, and that terrified the shit outta me. Ma saw that and did what she felt she had to do to get me to agree.”

  “What happened with Karlene?” she asked quietly, almost too soft for me to hear her, as if she was scared of my reaction.

  After the way the bitch crashed our wedding BBQ, Carissa deserved to know the story, whether I wanted to rehash it or not. She needed to understand why I’d been so hell-bent on keeping her at a distance and how significant my feelings for her were after such an ordeal.

  “Short version?” I asked, praying she wouldn’t make me go through the entire story from beginning to end.

  “Whatever you want to share, but I need to know at least the major points,” she replied, splaying her hand on my stomach and twirling her index finger through the hairs there, sending my thoughts spiraling away from Karlene and into dangerous territory.

  “Well, if you want me to tell ya anythin’, you’re gonna have to stop doin’ that,” I choked out, barely containing the lust surging through me.

  “Sorry,” she said, stilling her hand against my skin, which was still a distraction but also reassuring as I sifted through my memories of the past to find the most relevant ones so she’d understand.

  “Karlene’s always been a handful, but she was a lot mellower back then. I’ve known her since we were little,” I started, wrapping my hand around Carissa’s and holding it tight in my own for the strength to get through telling her this. “She annoyed the heck outta me when we were real young. Her ma was close friends with my daddy, which shoulda told me somethin’ right there, but I was too young and stupid to realize it.

  “We were in all the same classes growin’ up, so there wasn’t much gettin’ away from her, and when I really started noticin’ girls, she was right there, front and center, makin’ sure she was the one who got my attention. I was a typical teenage boy full of testosterone and thinkin’ with the wrong head and said yes when she asked me to the Sadie Hawkins dance. Of course, she wasn’t the first girl I’d gone out and fooled around with, but she always found a way to make sure things went south with any other girl.” My head spun as I realized for the first time that Karlene had been behind the demise of at least most of my relationships or dates before her and I had gotten together. I’d never noticed or cared before now.

  “By the end of the night, we were the ‘it’ couple at school. Karlene was on top of the world, and as long as I was gettin’ some, I didn’t care,” I told her, wishing I’d been smarter back then. “And believe me, Karlene put out and was damned good at it. She had boys followin’ her around everywhere both before and after we got together.”

  “Do you think she cheated on you?” Carissa asked hesitantly.

  “Back then, I was so cocky I never would’ve believed she’d betray me like that. Several of my friends warned me about her, but I didn’t listen like I should have,” I told her, feeling like the idiot I’d been back then.

  “We all make mistakes,” she told me softly, and I squeezed her hand, feeling grateful she wasn’t judging me for being so stupid back then.

  “Karlene was the worst on
e I ever made. She was screwing every guy in the county behind my back, except my friends who wouldn’t touch her ‘cause she was supposed to be my girl. They warned me so many times, but I stubbornly refused to listen.” I shook my head and closed my eyes, preparing myself to continue.

  “We all want to believe the best in the people we care about,” she offered, trying to comfort me when all I could think of was how much of a fool I’d been.

  “I honestly thought I’d loved her back then. I’d had plans of marryin’ her and startin’ a family after we graduated. But after meetin’ and bein’ with you, I know now that all I ever felt for that woman was lust.

  “She came to me the mornin’ of our senior prom and told me she was pregnant. I was horrified. There was no way in hell my mama wouldn’t beat my ass for knockin’ Karlene up while we were still in high school. Shit, I wasn’t even ready to think about bein’ a daddy at that age.

  “I completely lost it, and she was in tears. When I finally calmed down, she revealed that she didn’t think it was my baby and that I shouldn’t worry about it, she’d handle it all. Little did I know, she’d already made an appointment to have an abortion.” Tears streamed down my cheeks as I choked out the last words I’d spoken.

  “Oh, Kolton…” Carissa whispered, sliding up my body and leaning her forehead against my temple and stroking my cheek.

  “I told her there was no way I’d allow her to harm that baby, especially if there was a chance that it was mine. We fought over it so loud, Mama came to see what all the fuss was about. Karlene tried lyin’ to her, but it was no use. You’ve seen how well my mom sees through people’s bullshit.”

  “She’s good,” Carissa said, and I heard the admiration she felt for my mother.

  “Karlene was too dumb to realize it and kept diggin’ her grave. Considerin’ Ma never liked her to begin with, things went from bad to worse when I finally spoke up and told Mama what we were really arguin’ about. Mama sat Karlene at the kitchen table, refusin’ to let her leave while she called her parents.” I shuddered at the memory of the look on my mama’s face while she’d been on the phone. A tornado coming straight at you while you just stood there welcoming it was more inviting than the thunderous look on her face as she listened to Karlene’s mother on the other end of the line.

  “I don’t know why Mama bothered. Karlene’s mama had been the one to schedule the appointment for the abortion and was gonna take her to it the next day. Her mama was primed to sweep it all under the rug as if it never happened.” I knew I sounded bitter, but I couldn’t help it. “Her daddy wasn’t the mayor yet, but he was primed to be the followin’ election, and they couldn’t have Karlene runnin’ around pregnant while they were tryin’ to secure people’s votes. People are pretty old fashioned ‘bout things around here.”

  “I’ve noticed,” Carissa said, and I gave her a tight squeeze of my arm. She was still stroking my cheek, and her forehead was still pressed against my temple as she waited for me to continue.

  “Mama was livid, and I was just stunned. Here was the girl I thought I was gonna marry, pregnant with possibly some other guy’s kid and plannin’ to abort it the very day after she told me about it. All I could see were my plans for the future swirlin’ down the drain.

  “I was gutted like one of the fish I’d caught one of my weekends fishin’ with Caleb and the ranch hands. Mama tried talkin’ sense into both Karlene and her mother about what they were plannin’, but neither would listen. Karlene’s mama ended up hangin’ up the phone on my mama and refusin’ to answer when she called back over and over again.

  “When Mama finally gave up tryin’ to reach Karlene’s mama again, she tried reasonin’ with Karlene some more. Karlene just laughed as if all of it was one big joke, got up from the table and left without even botherin’ to look at me sittin’ there, feelin’ like I was dyin’ inside.”

  “My God, that woman is heartless,” Carissa breathed, shaking her head against mine as if she couldn’t comprehend how cold my ex had been about the entire situation. “Selfish, slutty bitch.”

  “Yeah. That about sums her up perfectly,” I agreed, my heart hurting at the thought of my baby never havin’ the chance ta live.

  “I guess I don’t have to ask if she went through with it or not. Judging by most people’s reactions to and about her, I think I’m safe to assume she did,” Carissa stated, calmer than I could have said it.

  “Yeah. Needless ta say, Karlene and I were over at that point, but she didn’t seem to get that memo right away. When she returned to school, claimin’ she’d had the flu to excuse her absence for two days, she tried to act like nothin’ happened. I broke up with her in the middle of the cafeteria.”

  “I bet that was a hell of a scene,” Carissa commented dryly.

  “Understatement of the year. She lost her mind in front of a good portion of the school. It was embarrassin’, to say the least.”

  “I can only imagine. I’d be horrified if someone had done that to me. After meeting her the few times I have and seeing how she behaved after our wedding, I can picture how she’d reacted when you’d told her the two of you were over,” Carissa said, horror lacing her words for the scene she was picturing in her mind. I was pretty sure she couldn’t picture how bad it actually got. I didn’t even have the words to describe how nuclear Karlene had gone that day. “How in the world can she possibly think she still has a chance with you after all that?”

  “I have no idea. I’ve never led her to believe I’d ever take her back after what she’d done. I can’t even look at her without wonderin’ if that baby she’d aborted was mine and wantin’ to wring her neck for not givin’ me the chance of ever knowin’ for sure,” I told her.

  Honestly, that was my biggest peeve of the whole thing. Her cheating was secondary to constantly wondering if I would’ve been a father or not, although it pissed me off royally that I had to wonder about that at all. If she hadn’t have been sleeping around, there would’ve been zero doubts at all.

  “Did her dad know?” Carissa finally asked.

  “Not until after it was all over with and Mama went over there to confront him about what his wife and daughter had been up to. Things got bad for quite a while. Mama made sure everyone knew what had gone down, while Karlene’s mama denied it all and dragged us through the mud,” I told her, hoping she’d see that we could handle whatever her daddy decided to throw our way. “It went on for years until it finally came out that Karlene’s mama had been havin’ an affair with my daddy and she’d done the same thing she’d had her daughter do. She’d gotten pregnant and aborted it to hide the truth.”

  “Like mother, like daughter, huh?” Carissa asked, seeming to be unsurprised by that revelation. It had rocked my world when it had come out and was the final straw that broke me. That day I applied to Ohio State University, vowing to put this place in my rearview mirror for good.

  “Yeah. By the time all that came out though, daddy had been long gone for years and Karlene’s mama scrambled to save her marriage that was already on the rocks. Her husband had already been elected into office and people were happy with the job he was doin’, sidin’ with him through it all.”

  “What about Bonnie? How did she handle it all?” she asked quietly.

  “Like it didn’t even faze her. She’d known daddy was screwin’ around behind her back and hadn’t cared a lick. She’d had me and by that point refused to let him anywhere near her,” I informed her, proud of the woman my mother had become by that point. “She’d already moved down to the room she occupies now, refusin’ to move back up here to this room, even after the bastard hightailed it outta here.”

  “And I imagine she and Caleb were already secretly together by then too. He’d have helped her through everything,” she commented, settling in next to me with her head on my shoulder.

  “Back then I just thought they were just good friends. It took me a long time to figure out what they were up to and when I finally did, I didn’t bother to
say anythin’. They were two grown, consentin’ adults who both deserved some happiness after all they’d been through. Besides, Mama was gonna need someone to be there for her while I was gone and I knew Caleb would protect her with his life if he had to.”

  “He sure does love her,” Carissa said and I could feel her cheek lift in a smile.

  “Almost as much as I’ve come to love my beautiful wife,” I told her, shifting her so she was lying across my chest. She lifted her head and stared at me in amazed wonder when I said that so easily. What was the point in fighting it? Especially if it kept her right here by my side.

  “Kolt—”

  “I know we’ve only known each other for such a short period of time but I know what’s in my heart. You make me feel whole in ways I’d never known I could feel before. I can’t—and won’t—lose ya now.” My heart felt like it was in my throat when I thought about her going back to her daddy and divorcing me to marry that Carver. Even though she’d told me she wouldn’t meet his demands, I couldn’t fight the fear building in me that she would change her mind and go anyway. Especially now that she knew mama was still fighting to survive. Would the possibility of her being pregnant keep her here?

  “I love you too Kolt,” she whispered, leaning down and covering my mouth with hers in a kiss that bound us together in ways I’d never imagine feeling connected to a woman before. Everything I’d experienced with Karlene paled in comparison to the passion, love and wholeness I felt with this little firecracker I now had the honor of calling my wife.

  Our conversation was effectively ended as we showed each other our feelings several times over, slow and sweet until the sun began peeking over the horizon and we fell into an exhausted slumber, wrapped tightly around each other.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Carissa

  It had been weeks since my father and Carver had shown up and demanded that I meet them at their hotel in town. I hadn’t gone, which still terrified the hell out of me. The fact we hadn’t heard a thing from them since had my anxiety ramped up to levels I’d never before experienced. I knew they hadn’t let my disobedience go and were just biding their time, waiting for us to drop our guards to strike. They were snakes that way. Not wanting to stress Bonnie out or have Caleb and Kolton worrying over me, I did my best to keep my nerves in check.