“Hi Ma,” I said. “I’m just on my way out. Can I call you back?”
“Oh, thank God,” she said and burst into tears. “Kieran, I don’t know who was riding your bike, but the police just arrived. There’s been an accident.”
And just like that, my world fell apart.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Marie
You know that feeling where you’re in a really deep sleep and you have to struggle to wake up? And when you do, for that split second of disorientation, you can’t quite remember where you are or what day of the week it is? That was what it felt like when I opened my eyes on the side of the road. I had no recollection of where I was or what happened, but the second that realisation hit, so did the pain. Unimaginable agony was just everywhere. After that, I didn’t care what my name was or anything else. I just wanted the hurt to go away.
I turned my head to the side, and fresh pain exploded inside my skull. A mangled torso lay unmoving a few feet away.
“Tommy,” I whispered as the pool of blood beneath his head slowly crept towards me.
I was filled with sorrow, but also a sick sort of relief that it hadn’t been Kieran.
Kieran.
I pictured him in my mind as I last saw him, his cheeky grin as he kissed me goodbye. It was the very last thought I had before everything went black.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Kieran
“Look! For the millionth fuckin’ time, I’m her boyfriend. We live together. Why won’t someone tell me what the fuck is going on?” I shouted.
She was just a receptionist. I knew that. Rationally, I knew that shouting at her was a dick move. But that’s the thing, I wasn’t rational. I was so fuckin’ far from rational that I was gonna need restraining soon if someone didn’t come and explain what the fuck was happening.
“Sir!” the receptionist said authoritatively. “I understand that you’re upset and worried, I really do, but I cannot find out what is happening with you screaming in my face. Now please, take a seat, and I will find someone to come and speak to you. But if you don’t sit down, I’m going to have to ask security to come down.”
“Five minutes!” I told her and stormed away to sit down on one of the plastic chairs. I rested my elbows on my knees and ran my hand backwards and forwards through my buzz cut. They were the longest, loneliest minutes of my life. There were so many people I needed to call, but until I spoke to a doctor or someone, I didn’t know what to say. Over and over I kept telling myself it was my fault. I moved us out of the apartment I asked Tommy to pick Irish up. I let Irish ride around on the bike without proper leathers. Anything that happened to them both could be laid directly at my feet, and it didn’t matter whether they’d ever forgive me. If either of them were hurt, I’d never forgive myself.
“Mr Doherty. My name is Alice. I’m a nurse in the ER. Would you come with me please?” a lady said to me. Her brown hair up in a ponytail and wearing plain blue scrubs, she didn’t look much older than me.
“Can you tell me what’s going on? How are they?” I asked.
“Through here, Mr Doherty,” she said and led me to sit down in a small anteroom.
Miss Kelly and an unknown male were brought into the ER when the motorbike they were riding collided with another car. Miss Kelly was thrown some distance during the accident, but the unknown male was knocked off his bike and thrown under the wheels of another vehicle. At this time, we are only able to release specific details regarding the patients’ medical condition to their next of kin or immediate family, but I can tell you that Miss Kelly is in a serious but stable condition. At the moment, the unknown male is critical. That’s all I can tell you at this time, but if you can get their families here, I’ll be able to release as much as I know,” she explained.
I was shell-shocked. I’d locked onto the word stable, until she’d thrown critical in there, and then I was fucked. I couldn’t lose either of them. I just couldn’t.
“My girlfriend. She has a serious heart condition. She needs medical attention for it,” I told her.
“Don’t worry, we know,” she replied. “We found a medical warning card in her purse, and her medical records are in the system.”
“The guy, the one the police thought was me,” I explained, “his name is Tommy Riordon,” I told her as she wrote it down on her clipboard, together with his ma’s number.
“We’ll call Tommy’s parents now, but if you could direct any family members to come here, I’ll be back as soon as I have more news,” she said, and with a tight smile that offered little reassurance, she left me on my own again.
As soon as she left, I pulled out my phone and rang Con on speed dial.
“Hey, what’s up?” he asked when he answered. As quickly as I could, I explained what had happened.
“Em,” he hollered to his wife before coming back to me. “How are they both doing?”
“They won’t tell me shit till their families get here. Marie is serious but stable, but Tommy is critical. I’ve given over everyone’s numbers and the hospital is calling everyone now. Look, I know you want to get here for Tommy, but could you pick Marie’s ma up? I’ll text you the address now. I don’t have her number, but I want to make sure she gets here as quickly as possible. Just tell her you’re a friend of mine.”
“Don’t worry, brother. Em’s met her ma before, so I’ll bring her with me. We’ll be there as soon as we can. What about your Ma?” he asked.
“She’s gone to pick Dris up for me. I don’t know when I’ll be home and I don’t want him alone, so she’s going to take him back to her place and I’ll keep her posted when I here anything,” I explained.
“Okay Kier, we’re on our way. You just hold tight,” he ordered and hung up. As quickly as I could, I tapped out the address and texted it to him. Then I pulled up another number, keeping a promise I’d made, but never thought I’d have to keep.
“Hello?” Luca answered with surprise.
“It’s Kieran. I know you’re on the rigs, but I thought you should know—”
“What’s happened?” he said, all business, and I told him. “Fuck!” he cursed down the phone.
“I’ve sent a mate to pick up your ma, but I don’t know her number. Can you call her and let her know someone’s on their way to get her? I don’t want her panicking about how to get to the hospital.”
“I’ll call her now. We’re scheduled on tomorrow’s chopper for the shift change, so it’s the earliest we’ll be able to get out, but we’ll be there by tomorrow night. Keep me posted the minute you hear anything though, okay?”
“Of course,” I said, kind of wondering why he wasn’t screaming at me for destroying his sister’s life. If she hadn’t met me, she’d never have been on the back of that bike. All her life she’d battled with a weak heart. Who’d have thought I’d be the one to nearly kill her?
“And thanks, Kieran. I appreciate you calling and keeping us in the loop,” he said.
“No problem. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Bye,” he replied and hung up. Two seconds later, I was vomiting in the bin next to me.
***
I thought the worst thing was getting the phone call. It wasn’t. It was having to look into the face of Irish’s ma while I explained what happened. Con had phoned John and Mary, Tommy’s parents, who’d already spoken to the police and were on their way when he called. I didn’t think I could handle calling another person.
Despite having stopped for Stella, Con walked through the door first. I stood as he hugged me. I struggled to keep it together. I didn’t need to talk about shit with him. He knew how I felt. It had been his girl in here not so long back, fighting for her life, and Tommy meant as much to him as he did to me. He was our brother. There weren’t words to describe what the thought of losing him meant. Em followed straight after, her eyes red from crying.
“Where’s Stella?” I asked, finally.
“She’s with the doctors, seeing if they’ll give her any n
ews.” Con looked me in the eyes. “He’s gonna pull through this. You know that, right? You could throw the fucker under a bus and he’d still come back fighting. He’s just that tough. So stop borrowin’ worry till we know what’s what.”
I nodded, getting myself together. Just then, in burst Mary and John, looking devastated.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered to Mary. Tears threatened to fall as another wave of guilt rolled over me. Tommy was their only child and the absolute centre of their universe. It would tear them both apart if he didn’t make it.
“I’ll let the nurse know you’re here,” Con said, after giving them both a hug. Minutes later, he walked back into the room followed by a serious looking doctor.
“Mr and Mrs Riordon. My name is Dr Owens. I’m a senior consult in the ER. Would you like to step outside a moment so that we can talk about your son’s condition,” he said gently.
“It’s okay, Doctor. We’re all family here. We don’t need to step outside,” Mary said. John, Mary’s quiet and stoic husband, who was the complete polar opposite of his wife and son, wrapped his arm around Mary’s shoulders and squeezed, as though he was bracing himself for bad news.
“The police informed us that your son was riding a motorcycle that collided with a car at a junction. They suspect it may have been a drunk driver or a stolen car, because the vehicle didn’t stop. While Tommy’s passenger was thrown from the vehicle, the collision knocked your son under the wheels of another vehicle. As far as we can tell, he’s broken several bones and there’s internal bleeding that we are going to need to operate on quickly. His heart has stopped twice, and we’ve had to defibrillate to bring him back. As soon as he’s stable enough, we’ll get him in to surgery. His helmet was pretty banged up and cracked in several places. At this point, we believe he has some swelling on the brain, but we won’t know how serious that is for a few days, until the swelling subsides. We’re going to do everything we can for him, but the next twenty-four hours will be critical,” the doctor informed us gravely.
“Can we see him?” Mary asked.
“Not until after the surgery, I’m afraid. It really is absolutely critical that we get him into the operating room as soon as possible. If you’d like to wait here, one of the nurses will let you know as soon as he’s been moved down to theatre,” Dr Owns said.
He left the room and Mary collapsed on John, gut-wrenching sobs racking her body. I couldn’t stand to see her like this, so I threw my big arms around them both. The day I lost my da, Mary had been the one to comfort me. She’d thrown her arms around me and the scent of flowers made everything just a tiny bit more bearable.
“It’s my fault,” I admitted to her painfully. “He was riding my bike because I asked him to pick her up. I wanted to finish getting everything moved into our new place. It should have been me.”
Her sobs turned to sniffles as my words reached her. John released me and pulled a clean white handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to his wife. Wiping away her tears, she sniffed loudly, then looked up at me, her face a picture of determination.
“Now you listen here, Kieran Patrick Doherty. I’m going to explain this once, and it better penetrate that thick bloody skull of yours, ’cause I ain’t up to explainin’ it again,” she said pointedly. “What happened to my boy had absolutely nothing to do with you. Misplaced guilt is a wasted emotion that makes a mockery of life. If it had been you in Tommy’s place, what then? Your mother has already lost your father. Do you think she could survive losing you? Live the life you were meant to live, do the things that you were born to do, and take care of the people who need you. My Tommy needs your strength more than he needs your guilt, you hear me?”
“You are the strongest woman I know, Mary Riordon,” I told her truthfully and wrapped my arms around her. She burst into a fresh round of tears, and I held her tightly as John rubbed her back. She let go as Stella walked through the door, and the two women comforted each other.
“Did they tell you what’s happening?” I asked Stella earnestly. I didn’t know anything more than that she was stable.
“She’s doing okay, love,” Stella reassured me. “She was out cold for a while, and she’s pretty banged up, but as far as the doctors can tell, she hasn’t broken anything. They are a little worried about the fact that she was unconscious for so long and the strain on her heart, so they’re going to run some tests in a little while to make sure everything is okay. Her heart rate is high and she’s having a little trouble breathing, but all in all she’s very lucky. It could have been much worse.” She pulled herself up short then as she realised what she’d said. It was worse. Much worse for Tommy.
“Have you seen her?” I asked her. I desperately needed to see her with my own eyes, to listen to her heart beating and know that she was still with me.
“I did, but only for a moment,” she said. “She’s in intensive care now, but I’m pretty sure they’ll transfer her to a ward once her cardiologist has seen her. You’ll be able to see her then.”
“I’m so sorry, Stella,” I said. I felt Mary staring after me, given her speech about misplaced guilt, but I owed it to Stella to apologise.
“Were you in the car that hit them and drove off?” she asked, but didn’t wait for my answer. “Of course you weren’t! So you have nothing to be sorry for. I’ve been in and out of hospitals many times in my life, Kieran, far more times than any mother should ever have to. What I’ve learned in all of that time is that faith will carry you through anything. Faith in God, faith in life, faith in the power of good. Sometimes, faith is the only thing that makes sense when nothing else does. It is more powerful than anything else, even guilt. So use it.”
She rubbed my cheek gently, like my own ma would to comfort me, and went back to talking with Mary. Marie knew Mary through their respective business, floristry and wedding dresses kind went hand in hand, so I guessed that Stella and Mary were acquainted the same way. It was Mary Riordon who’d sent Em, Tommy, and me to Marie’s shop to help Em find a wedding gown, where I met my girl for the first time. It was just another thing I had Mary to thank for.
Without anything to do other than wait, Con, Em, and I walked miles to and from the vending machine, keeping everyone supplied with crap tea and coffee. Over the next couple of hours, the small room filled up quickly. Liam, Albie, Danny, Heath, Ma, and even Father Pat turned up. We were a family, and it didn’t matter that we weren’t all blood. Family held you together when you didn’t even realise you were falling apart.
The door opened a little while later, and we all held our breath, hoping it was a doctor with some good news. We were more than a little disappointed to see the police.
“I’m PC Harding. Which one of you is Kieran Doherty?” one of the coppers asked.
“I am,” I replied. “You here about the accident?”
“Yes. I’d like to ask you a few questions. Would you prefer to step outside?” he asked.
“No, we’re all family. I think everyone would like to know what happened anyway,” I told him, and he nodded.
“Take a seat,” I offered, standing up to vacate mine. He had pulled out his notebook, and I could see he was struggling to write standing up. If he was intimidated sitting between Liam and the heavyweight champion of the world, he didn’t show it. I answered all of his questions as best I could. We were all insured to drive each other’s vehicles because we swapped rides so much, the bike was in perfect working order as far as I was aware, and yes, Tommy was a careful driver. With Marie on the back of the bike, he’d have been a choir boy. Tommy didn’t take many things seriously, but the safety of our girls was one of them.
“I think I have everything I need for now. The more we know about the condition of the bike and the drivers, the better we can understand what happened. I will add this though. The road was wet, and Miss Kelly and Mr Riordon slid when they came off the bike. Witnesses have reported that Miss Kelly was wearing a heavy leather bike jacket and gloves, and that Mr Riordon grabbe
d her when they slid and managed to pull her into the side of the road away from the traffic. He let her go and continued sliding under the wheels of another vehicle. He probably saved her life.”
He left the room in a stunned silence as we contemplated what he’d said. I pinched the bridge of my nose to hide the tears that were sliding down my face. My brother, who gave me more shit than anyone else I ever met, may have just given his life to save my girl’s. It was a debt I could never hope to repay, and if he didn’t make it, I might never even have the chance to say thank you.
Con folded Em into his chest as her soft tears penetrated the silence. Nobody said a word, until Mary Kelly spoke.
“That’s my boy,” she whispered.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Marie
As soon as I woke up, I knew I was in a hospital. The smell, the ever constant sound of the place, even the beds, were all so familiar that I didn’t panic. It felt just as normal as waking up in my own bed at home. What I couldn’t remember was how I’d got there.
Then there was the pain.
I wriggled around experimentally, but every tiny movement was agony. Eventually, I rested back against the pillows and the pain settled into a dull ache. I wanted to see Kieran so badly, but I didn’t have the energy to even reach for a buzzer to call the nurse. As soon as I thought about Kieran, and how his friends were helping us move, everything came flooding back. I knew we’d been in an accident, but the details were more than a little fuzzy. It had all happened so fast, and I was pretty sure I blacked out as soon as the bike went down. I worried about Tommy. He’d insisted when he got to my place that I put on jeans and that I wear Kieran’s leather bike jacket and gloves. I hadn’t wanted to. They were heavy and cumbersome, but Tommy refused to take me anywhere without them on. I’d only ever seen the comic, happy-go-lucky side of Tommy before. It was kind of sweet to see that he had a stubborn, protective streak.
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