by Lynn Wolfe
Mary couldn’t imagine what the trip from America must have been like for the two women to whom Thomas was speaking. From what she’d heard about the voyage, it would have been difficult travel, especially for one expecting a child. She was still trying to make her way to Thomas when she caught sight of James walking down the plank.
“James, James, here I am!” Mary screamed waving her arms, but once again she could not get his attention, due to the noise among the crowd. “Drat.”
To her disappointment, James was still not in her reach. Mary continued to make her way, first calling to James and then to Thomas. She was sure one of them should hear her at any moment. Her excitement kept building. She was almost there––
Chapter Four
Mary stopped in her tracks as her whole world changed before her, in fact it exploded! Her heart almost stopped and her breath seemed caught in her lungs. Her face felt flush and tears blocked her vision.
“No!” Mary whispered ever so softly and desperately. “No!” she whispered again shaking her head as if to change the sight before her. She placed one hand across her stomach and the other over her mouth to stop the silent scream.
This cannot be happening, not now! Please, God, this has to be a mistake! Mary was pleading frantically in hopes this was some cruel joke.
“Why, James? Why?” Mary asked softly as the tears sprang out of her eyes. She stepped back into the crowd and tried to disappear. Quickly she wiped her tears away. She continued to step back but it was difficult since her tears were hard to see through and there were people all around forging towards the other ships.
What just happened? Why was it happening? Mary could no longer get her thoughts together. She turned from the horrible sight before her, yet, she found herself being drawn back to look once again to James in hopes she was mistaken, she had to be. Mary felt sick. She prayed that she must have made an error in her thought process.
But to her horror, she was seeing everything as if it was in slow motion. Her heart ached with sorrow. She felt nauseated and ashamed as if she’d done something wrong. She saw James holding the shorter woman, as Thomas took the hand of the taller one. And then, James leaned down and kissed the lady with child–—the way Mary had longed to be kissed on this day, tenderly, lovingly and showing all who cared to see he claimed this woman as his own.
Mary, knowing her life had changed forever; faced the fact there would no longer be a wedding and she would not be sailing to America. There would be no children nor would she live on a large plantation. All her dreams and hopes for the future had died in such little time. It was as if she had never existed in James Parker’s life. A whole year and a little more she had spent on her future, which was now wiped away in less than five seconds.
“Miss, are you alright? Can I possibly assist you in some way?”
Mary looked at the kind-hearted man who was addressing her. He was old enough to be her father and the look on his face told her he was unsure of what to say next. What could she say to this stranger that would make sense to either of them? How could she tell him her life had been destroyed? She was not prepared for such heartache! Not when she thought just a minute ago she was the happiest person in the entire world.
Mary knew she needed to get as far from the docks as possible. She must leave in case James or Thomas would spot her in the crowd. She couldn’t bear the thought of that happening. She had to get away! Now!
Mary realized the kind man was still standing before her waiting for a response. “I wish you could help me, Sir, I truly do. However, I’m afraid it’s too late for anyone to help me now. Thank you for your kindness,” Mary replied meekly.
Why had she said so much? Why tell this stranger anything? Why was she being polite? Mary had to get to a safe place. She turned and began to gently but hurriedly make her way through the throng of people who seemed to be swallowing her. Mary thought they were intentionally trying to prevent her departure. Were they really trying to force her to face the evil truth? Would they not let her pass until she was caught sneaking away by either James or Thomas? She had never before felt so foolish or embarrassed.
“Excuse me, I’m so sorry, please let me pass,” Mary repeated this phrase over and over as she continued to shove her way through as her tears blinded her. Yet, somehow she’d finally made it through the massive crowd to reach the sanctuary of the carriage.
Mary noticed the driver had gotten down to assist her. He must have seen her pushing her way to him. His face showed his surprise at seeing Mary in such disarray. No, it wasn’t surprise, Mary realized, it was pity. She was sure she saw pity on his face, but he said nothing to confirm her thoughts. Yet, he didn’t need to.
He gently helped her into the carriage and immediately took his seat. He swung the whip over the horses’ heads to gently prod them ahead.
Mary felt like it took a lifetime for the carriage to stop at her destination. The driver jumped down to assist Mary to the door. She quickly handed him the money she had promised and without saying a word entered the only place she knew she could find safety to grieve in private, safe from all the cruelty of the outside world that was thrust upon her this day.
She feared if she went back to the cottage, Thomas might go there looking for her or her father and she wasn’t ready to face him, or anyone, at this moment.
Mary knew her face was streaked with tears but she held her head high as she walked pass Miss Minnie, who was fitting a customer for a pair of gloves. Mary saw Minnie look to her with a surprised expression but Mary never wavered as she continued her walk to the back room.
She overheard Minnie explain she was needed elsewhere. Mary knew Minnie would turn the customer over to Alice, the other seamstress, and join her shortly. Yet, she still wasn’t ready to face anyone.
Mary quickly entered the back room which was the fitting area for their customers. She sat down on the small sofa and finally broke down and sobbed. She was glad the sofa had been placed there for the customer’s family and friends to view the private fittings. She was also glad no one was using it.
She felt numb. She saw with such sorrow her beautiful wedding dress hanging in the corner. The pearls and lace on the dress had added such elegant features to her gown. Each pearl she had hand sewn on. There were so many pearls that Mary had lost count. Her heart ached more than she thought possible.
She was now seeing a wedding dress she would never wear. She stared at her beautiful work as the dress seemed to come alive before her. After all the hours and love she had put into her dress, Mary had to face the truth, the dress was going to be put away–forever. The tears flowed once again from despair and heartbreak.
“Mary, are you going to answer me?”
Mary was startled. How long had Minnie been there?
“I’m sorry, did you say something?” Mary asked.
“I most certainly did, Mary, I asked you what happened to cause you such duress? Has something happened to James? The pain on your face tells me something terrible happened at the docks. I can’t begin to help you unless I know what transpired.”
So, she wasn’t in a dream. Minnie’s words confirmed she was in the present. “Yes, Minnie. I am hurting because something awful did happen!” Mary said as she realized she had found her voice.
Mary took a deep breath before she continued. “I’m hurting, I’m angry and I would like to murder someone!” Mary stood and walked over to her wedding dress she so loved. She reached out and gently touched the bodice of her dress.
“He loves another! That bastard came back to England not to give me the emerald rings he had promised, but to rub my face in the fact he has wed another, a quite lovely blond hussy.
“At least I assume he has wed her, for she is certainly with child! James wouldn’t have a mistress. Not him! Not that arrogant American rake. And that isn’t the only bit of news I bring you. Thomas, the one who I thought would have spared me from such humiliation, has returned to England as well, after swearing to me he would neve
r return. He also has a lovely blond with him and as far as I know, he might be married, too!
“Why, Minnie? Why would James do this? Why hadn’t Thomas written to tell me James no longer wanted to marry me? I’m so embarrassed and devastated! I’m such a fool! All I want to do is crawl into a hole and die. To think of all those hours I worked on my beautiful dress, Minnie, and dreamed of the day James would return to make me his wife.
“I’d been so happy this past year, until this morning! This morning, Minnie, I thought I was the happiest woman in the world, to now find out I’m the saddest person alive.”
Minnie could hardly stand to hear this awful news Mary had brought. This wasn’t the man she knew. “Mary, child, what did James have to say for himself?”
“You don’t think I spoke to the jackal do you? I didn’t dare let him see me. Oh, Minnie, when I finally reached the ship, I found Thomas standing on the dock obviously waiting for James, with those two lovely women. I just assumed he had met those ladies on the ship. The one with Thomas is rather tall and slender with beautiful long blond hair. The other blonde, James’s wife I assume, is much shorter, but very attractive, from what I could tell. In fact, they both looked beautiful and wealthy, much different from me.”
“If you didn’t speak with James, how are you sure he was with her or that he has taken a wife?”
“Oh, that is the best part. When James left the ship to meet Thomas and the women, I foolishly was calling to him and waving my arms to get his attention. But the only person he was focused on was this woman standing by Thomas. Once he reached her, he kissed her–on the mouth. No Minnie, I made no mistake! That was a kiss from a man claiming his woman!
“I nearly fainted right then. I remember putting my hand over my mouth to stifle my scream. But my scream never came. Then, all I could do was back away and try to blend into the crowd praying all the time that neither Thomas nor James would see what a fool I had been.”
“Mary, I don’t understand. How could something as awful as this happen when you and James pledged yourselves to each other? I wish I had the words that would give you some comfort, Mary. I, too, would like some answers this day.” Minnie said realizing she had worried something was amiss, but never in her wildest thoughts did she think James could be so cruel.
“The pain is so deep. I can barely stand it, Minnie. Thomas swore he would never return to England after his last fight with father. He swore it! Yet, he did return and he wasn’t even kind enough to spare me this horrible pain and embarrassment.
“Do you suppose they had a grand time making fun of me? Were they all laughing at the stupid little sister who was foolish enough to think a man of means like James Parker would ever have feelings for a girl who works in a dress shop? Let alone make her his wife!
“I believed all those beautiful words he told me. I truly thought I was going to live in America, on a plantation, with the most wonderful man in the world. Only to find out he’s nothing but a bastard. As for Thomas, at this moment words cannot express my anger for allowing me to make such a fool out of myself. In a million years, I would never let anyone hurt Thomas if I could stop it. I would have protected him at any cost.
“Father always told me James was nothing but an arrogant American. All this time, I thought it was father being the fool. I blindly trusted James.”
Mary then became quiet. She ran her hands over the pearls which adorned the bodice of her beautiful wedding dress. The dress that was the only thing remaining from the life she had dreamed of having–and a wedding gown she would never wear. She couldn’t bear to look at it any longer. Mary sat back down upon the sofa looking at the floor before she spoke.
“It’s a beautiful dress, isn’t it Minnie? It’s as beautiful as all my dreams once were.” After several seconds Mary once again composed herself as Minnie sat patiently next to her allowing her to take all the time she wanted to talk.
“I’m so naïve. I’m a simple seamstress who stupidly thought I’d met my prince. You know I was never one who cared if James was wealthy or not. I would have married him no matter what. I loved him for what I thought was a wonderful, sensitive and caring man. Not the bastard he turned out to be! How could I have been so stupid?”
“Mary, none of this story makes any sense. There must be some mistake!”
Mary laughed sarcastically. “Oh, it’s all true, Minnie. Believe me, I wish it wasn’t. I loved James so much it consumed my life. I’ve nothing left but a broken heart and shattered dreams.
“My brother was aware I’d be going to greet James. He didn’t even send a letter warning me not to come. No, they both allowed me to continue with my false dream for an entire year. They allowed me to go to the ship with expectations of receiving a ring and to be married in a few days! How cruel! They made a fool of me! I have tried my entire life to be a kind person to everyone; I never knew anyone could be so mean and cruel.”
But then, Mary had some clarity to her thinking. “No, what I said isn’t entirely true, Minnie, I made a fool of myself, didn’t I? I thought James was madly in love with me. And I am still in love with that bastard!”
Minnie’s heart was breaking, too. She would have done anything to spare Mary this pain. “I can hardly absorb or understand what you’re telling me. I’m sorry this has happened. I can’t believe James would do such a thing. There must be a reasonable explanation, Mary. There has to be.”
Mary shrugged her shoulders. “My life’s now empty, Minnie. What am I to do? At least father will be happy to know I’ll now be staying in England. I can barely stand the thought of how I’ll have to hear him say he told me James was nothing but an arrogant American. I should have listened to him. Even drunk, father knew he wasn’t what he claimed. Father was the only one who saw through his lies.”
Minnie couldn’t believe it; she too, had been fooled by James. She had always prided herself in the ability to judge people. This was the first time she’d failed in her analysis of someone’s character.
There’d been nothing about James to alarm her he wasn’t the wonderful man he portrayed himself to be, until he hadn’t written to Mary. Even then, Minnie only had some unproven doubts. Now, watching as Mary struggled to barely hang on, tore her apart. James would pay for what he had done to Mary, Minnie vowed silently. Somehow, someday, he would pay.
Then, Minnie thought of Thomas. He and Mary had been as close as siblings could be. They had shared everything. Thomas would have known this would destroy Mary, yet, he did nothing to stop her from going to the docks today. What happened in America to change Thomas into such an uncaring person? Minnie hadn’t a clue.
“Mary, child, once you are able, please go home. You need a few days off. I’ll explain your situation to Alice, she can finish any work you’ve started or take over any commitment you’ve made, until you are up to returning. When our regular patrons come to the shop, I’ll explain your wedding was called off as gently as I can. By the time you return, many of the customers will be aware what’s happened and little should be said,” Minnie pleaded, but she saw to no avail. The look on Mary’s face told her she wasn’t about to go home.
“Aye, but that will not end my pain. Think of the pity I’ll receive. Poor, Mary Ball, jilted right before the wedding. Or would they say I should have known better than to expect a wealthy American to marry a seamstress. I feel so stupid. I hate myself for having been so trusting. I’m nothing more than a mere, naive child! No adult would be so foolish.
“But what really hurts, as much as anything, is not only did James betray me, my own brother allowed me to believe I’d be getting my ring once I reached the ship. He should have warned me! I would have warned him if the situation had been reversed. I would never have allowed him to be humiliated.
“And I don’t wish for anyone to pity me, Minnie, not now, not ever! Everything I ever wanted is gone. Still, I won’t have people pitying me!
“All the while I’m planning my future; James is making his home with someone else. I’l
l never allow myself to be put in that situation again. Ever! I shall never marry! I’d rather remain alone the rest of my life, than to endure this horrible pain ever again.”
Mary knew she’d never allow any man to take her heart after today. Minnie survived just fine without a man in her life, and she would, too.
“Mary, don’t go saying things you’ll regret. You’ll fall in love again, trust me. And when you do, he’ll be a better person than James Parker.”
Chapter Five
Mary rested on the sofa. No, she thought, she wouldn’t fall in love, again. Finally, after several minutes, she was somewhat composed. She saw Minnie observing her. “I know it’ll take a long time to rid my soul of that bastard.”
“Aye, Mary, it will. But another hard cry will help some, too.”
As Mary heard Minnie exit she felt her heart breaking into a million pieces. How much pain could one person endure? Somehow she would survive this. She had to. But could she ever stop loving James?
Mary could almost hear her mother speaking, “Mary, stay strong. You can get through this, no matter what.”
“Oh Mother, what a fool I’d been. I don’t think I’m strong enough to overcome this pain. I don’t. The cost was much too high.” Mary didn’t care how foolish she sounded talking out loud. Nothing mattered to her especially her pride.
Mary knew she would have to handle this bitter disappointment alone. If she didn’t want people to pity her, she couldn’t pity herself.
“Tonight, Mother, I shall look for the brightest star. I’ll seek your comfort. If only you were here. I need you now more than ever. Why did you leave me so long ago?” Mary sobbed uncontrollably.
Chapter Six
Ten years earlier
London 1820
Mary sat quietly by her mother’s bed moving her small fingers as if she was playing a piano. For the last year she sadly watched the light fading from her mother’s eyes. Those same eyes which once shone brightly and laughed so easily as Mary told her silly stories or Thomas mimicked different animals and their sounds. Their mother would laugh until she cried with pleasure at their antics, until she became too ill to respond.