by Cole Lepley
I scratch my head, but retake my seat, turning toward her. She opens her soda and takes a small sip.
“You hungry?” I ask.
“Nope.”
“You sure? You should probably eat before cheerleading practice tonight.”
She keeps her eyes focused on the can rested between her hands. “I will. Later.”
I brush her hair back and kiss her cheek. “I’m sorry.”
She looks over at me but doesn’t say anything.
“Sloan, please say something,” I whisper. I can feel Jeremy and Walker watching, but I don’t care.
“I’m fine,” she whispers back.
I shake my head. “You’re not okay.” I take her hand in mine and rub small circles in her palm. “I shouldn’t have acted like that this morning. I just hate that guy.”
She narrows her eyes at me. “It doesn’t mean I would ever cheat on you. Don’t you trust me?”
That’s a loaded question, and one I must answer quickly. In the many times that we broke up, both of us have messed around with other people. Her list includes Johnny, which in my opinion makes him now off-limits in terms of friendship or basically anything.
“Yes, of course I do.”
“Then start acting like it,” she shoots backs.
I grab both sides of her face and kiss her softly. “I love you.”
It takes her a minute, but she finally smiles and kisses me back. “I love you, too.”
“Aww,” Walker croons from across the table. “True love does exist.”
I throw my banana at him and he catches it before it hits him in the face. He proceeds to peel it and take a large bite. “Thanks, man.”
Jeremy remains annoyed, leaning forward across the table. “If you two are done, I have an announcement to make.”
I place my hand on Sloan’s knee and face him. “Okay, let’s hear it.”
He clasps his hands together and his irritation turns into a large grin. “Tess will be sixteen in two weeks and I think we should have a surprise party for her.”
This gets Sloan excited and she claps her hands together in delight. “I love surprise parties. I can help.”
Walker and I exchange a look. Sloan is not exactly Tess’s favorite person, but she looks so happy to help I don’t have the heart to tell her she can’t help. I kiss the side of her head instead.
“That would be great, baby.”
Sloan smiles triumphantly and Walker grins.
“Okay, it’s settled. We’ll all meet at the garage later and come up with a game plan.” Jeremy takes a drink of soda and smiles to himself. “This party will be epic.”
11
Bittersweet Sixteen
Tess- Then
The guys were acting strange all week. Now I know why. I’m currently riding in the back of Walker’s jeep—blindfolded. Some may find this kinda kinky, but my brother and Perry are in the front seat. They said it’s a surprise and didn’t trust me to keep my eyes closed.
I feel a hand on my knee and I jump. Walker’s laugh fills the backseat and I smile. “Easy, babe. I was just going to tell you that we’re almost there.”
“Is this really necessary?” I complain, reaching for the fabric covering my eyes.
“Yes!” Perry and Jeremy call from the front.
Walker, I assume, readjusts the blindfold and kisses my lips once—definitely Walker.
I sigh as the vehicle continues forward and sways slightly, crunching on gravel. I know where we are.
The movement stops and a series of doors open at once. I take Walker’s hand and he leads me blindly along. The dew from the grass squishes between my toes through my flip flops until he stops. “Okay, open your eyes.”
The blindfold is removed and everyone shouts, “Happy Birthday!”
I smile wide as I take in all of the people gathered at Walker’s cabin. It was the perfect set-up really. All of the vacationers are gone for the season, so it only leaves the residents who only come up on the weekends. Not a lot of witnesses to bust a high school party that will most likely get out of control.
Perry comes up behind me and puts his arm around my neck, kissing the side of my head.
“You like your surprise, Bishop?”
I tilt my head back to look at him. “I love it.”
He smiles down at me and I get a weird shuffling in my stomach. Perry is my best friend, but even I can’t deny how beautiful his face is.
Sloan squeals from in front of me and reaches out for my hand. She eagerly pulls me forward, her spiral curls bouncing with her steps. “Oh, you like it? I thought you would.” She continues to drag me down the yard to a group of tables set up. “I had purple cupcakes made for you,” she turns to me, pausing for a moment. “Purple is your favorite, right?”
I nod, and she continues. “Okay, good. And I have several flavors of Jell-O shots, in case you don’t want beer.” She continues to describe each item of the table as if she’s on a game show. I have to admit, it was really nice of Sloan to do so much for my birthday. I had always thought she didn’t really like me. That she only tolerated me because of Perry.
She clasps her hands together and smiles. “So, what do you think? It’s perfect, right?”
“Yes, Sloan. It’s pretty perfect.”
She pours me a shot from a bottle of birthday cake flavored vodka and hands it to me in a toast. “To turning sixteen. May it be your best year yet.”
I tilt it back and close my eyes as the burning liquid makes its way to my stomach. It sure doesn’t taste like a birthday cake. I try to make a wish, but come up short. It feels like I already have everything I want, so what do I wish for?
There’s a lot of people at the party I don’t really know. My guess is Sloan took it upon herself to fluff the guest list so she could have fun too. It doesn’t matter to me though. I’m currently standing in front of Walker with his arms around me. He pulls my back flush against his chest and whispers in my ear.
“I want to tell you something, Tess.”
My stomach immediately begins to stir with excited nerves and I turn around to face him. I place my hands on his waist.
“What’s that?”
He stares down in my eyes for so long I find myself wondering if he’s going to say anything at all. And then he does.
“I love you.”
At first, it takes a minute for me to process what he said. Love? I was just getting used to the idea of having a boyfriend. How do I know if I love him? Lucky for me, I’ve watched enough romantic movies to know that if I don’t say it back, regardless if I mean it or not, he’ll be hurt. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt Walker.
I kiss him once. “I love you, too.”
The way he smiles back at me melts my soul. I can see it in his eyes and all over his face. He truly believes we’re supposed to be together. I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him tightly. When I open my eyes, I look over his shoulder and spot Perry and Sloan down by the dock. They’re clearly fighting. Perry is throwing his arms around and Sloan has that look on her face like she’s completely shocked he’s mad about something. It’s always the same.
Walker pulls back, interrupting my view of their argument. He cups the side of my face.
“I need to go somewhere with Jeremy for a bit, but I’ll be right back.”
I nod. For some reason I don’t even feel the need to ask where he’s going. The only thing I can think about is getting to Perry to see if he’s okay.
Walker kisses me once more and heads over to where Jeremy is waiting by the jeep. I cross my arms and glance around the party. Everyone is fairly drunk by now and several groups have formed throughout the yard. The funny thing is, I don’t feel like I belong to any of them. I spend the majority of my time with the guys—and Sloan, and didn’t really attempt to form too many female friendships outside of the group.
I finally see Perry pacing along the border of lake, smoke from his cigarette curling into the air around him. With a deep breath, I
walk down through the yard toward him. He sees me coming and smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
“There’s the birthday girl.” He pulls me to his side when I get close enough and I wrap one of my arms around his waist. “You having fun?”
“Yeah,” I say with a small smile.
“Is there something else?” he asks, with a smirk. He hands the cigarette to me and I take a drag. It’s not a habit I’d like to have full-time, but it seems to be something I like to do when I’m around him.
I pull my foot out of my flip flop and run it through the damp grass. “Walker told me he loves me.”
Perry’s eyes widen when I look up at him. “Whoa. Strong words.”
I huff a laugh. “You’re one to talk. You tell Sloan you love her like a million times a day.”
“Yeah, that’s different.”
“How’s it different?”
He looks thoughtful for a moment, lighting another cigarette he pulls from behind his ear. He takes a drag and looks up through the yard. I follow his gaze to Sloan who is giggling and hanging on Johnny.
His eyes darken. In the pale moonlight, they look almost black. “Girls like Sloan need to be told that.” He continues to watch her while he speaks to me. “It gives them a certain satisfaction that they’re wanted or some shit.”
“So, you don’t really love her?”
His eyes snap to mine and he shakes his head. “No, I do. I love Sloan, but I don’t know why.”
I’m surprised by his confession. I’ve watched him defend every shitty thing she does to the death, and now, he’s questioning the depth of his love for her.
“You think Walker doesn’t really love me?”
He steps closer, his eyebrows pulling in. “No, I’m not saying that at all. I’m sure Walker believes he does. How could he not?”
I smile a little, but remain slightly confused. Perry’s talking in circles, which is normal for him when he doesn’t want to say what he’s really thinking. He stares up the yard again, and this time, Sloan kisses Johnny. Right in front of everyone.
Perry jaw ticks, but doesn’t move. He remains eerily still for the longest time and I’m afraid to speak.
Finally, I reach my hand out to touch him. “Perry,” I say hesitantly. “She’s not worth it.”
He looks down at my hand and then back to her. “She said I’m too obsessed with her. That I like to control everything she does and don’t let her have her own friends.” He looks back to me. “What the fuck is that? She does whatever she wants and I get mad one fucking time because she’s being a little too friendly with another guy and suddenly I’m obsessed with her?”
I risk a glance back to Sloan and my own anger burns behind my eyes. I’ve always been protective of Perry. His heart is my heart and every time she stabs him in it, I want to rip her throat out.
My hand grips his tighter. “She’s only doing this because she knows it bothers you. She likes to hurt you and that makes me want to hurt her.”
Perry raises an eyebrow, finally shifting his eyes back to me. “I find it cute you always feel the need to defend me, but maybe I don’t deserve it.”
I laugh. “Of course you do. You’re the best person I know.” The skeptical look in his eye causes me to sidestep a little. Sometimes I forget I have a boyfriend who should mean more than him. But the truth is … no one ever will.
“Well, one of them.”
He bites his lip, scanning my face. “Walker will never hurt you.”
When he turns to walk away, I grab his arm. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He keeps his arm tense, but doesn’t attempt to move further away. “It means exactly what I said. He won’t hurt you. He’ll be someone you can rely on and he will love you with his whole heart and no one else. That’s the kind of guy he is.”
I let go of him, cocking my head. “And what kind of guy are you, Perry?”
He releases a bitter laugh. “Not that.”
I scoff. “I don’t believe that.” I take a step closer. “You try to act all hard because that’s the way you want people to see you. I see different.”
I place my hand on his chest and he squeezes his eyes shut. It beats against my palm, causing my own heart rate to climb to alarming speeds.
“Bishop, I won’t allow myself to cross a line with you.” He opens his eyes and they sear into me. “You’re too important.”
I’m not sure what comes over me, but I shove him back forcefully. “That’s a crock of shit.”
Hurt flashes in his eyes and he closes his fist over his heart. “It’s true.”
“That’s what all guys say when they’re not really into you.”
Perry’s nostrils flare, but he walks over to me and grabs me by my waist. He tilts my chin up so I have to look directly into his eyes. “Listen to me, Bishop, because I’m only going to say this once and we will never speak of it again. Are you listening?”
My mouth instantly goes dry, so I nod.
His tongue runs across his bottom lip and he tilts his head down to me. “I could kiss you right now and it would be fucking amazing.”
“Then why don’t you?” My words are breathless and my legs feel weak.
“Because if I do, everything changes. Even if there were no Walker and no Sloan between us, you and I—would never work.” When I open my mouth to argue, he keeps going. “You are the only thing in my life that makes any sense. I can’t ruin that like I ruin everything else.”
I grip his shirt, trying to pull myself closer. “You won’t…”
He shakes his head. “I know myself. I know I love you too much not to fuck up. I can take disappointment from everyone else, but not from you.”
Perry moves back from me and lights another cigarette. I still can’t find the will to make my feet move.
“Be with Walker,” he says, turning away from me. “He’s good for you.”
I watch Perry walk along the lake until he fades into the darkness. Tonight, two guys told me they loved me. Any other girl would be over the moon to have that kind of admiration given to them. But for me, it breaks my heart. I know that even if there were no Walker or no Sloan, it wouldn’t change anything. Perry’s heart is trapped somewhere in his tortured soul and it’s going to take more than someone like to me to break through.
12
Deadlines
Perry- Now
Sloan’s head is resting on my chest as I stare at the ceiling. This is the second night she stayed and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I may not have a strong moral code, but even I know this is wrong. If he was abusive to her or was also unfaithful, I could feel better about it. The fact is, Johnny, for the most part, is a decent guy. I mean, I would really like to knock him the fuck out, but that’s just because I want her too.
I’ve always had trouble sleeping. It didn’t just start when I went to prison, it began much earlier than that. Right after Jeremy died I had nightmares almost every single night. I tried talking to Tess about it once, but it was too hard. I hated drudging up painful memories for her because the simple fact was we couldn’t change it. Jeremy was dead and we all suffered because of it.
I lift Sloan’s arm gently and roll her to her side. She murmurs something into the pillow and falls right back to sleep. I kiss the side of her head and slip off the bed. After throwing on a pair of sweatpants, I step outside to the small balcony above the stairs. I light a cigarette and don’t even take a full drag when my phone begins to ring. I reach into my pocket and smile when I see the display.
“It’s after two in the morning this better be good.” I speak roughly into the phone.
“Uh—well, I …”
My sister Mackenzie’s roommate Zander stutters back in response and I stifle a laugh. I love fucking with him.
“It’s about Mack,” he blurts.
All humor fades from my mind. I clear my throat. “What’s going on? I was just messing with you by the way. You can call me anytime, you know that.”
There’s a pause. “I know that, but I think she’ll be upset with me if she finds out that I did.”
“I don’t give a fuck. If something is going on with Mack, I need to know about it.” I take a long drag and let it blow out through my nose. “And I have a feeling you’re about to tell me something I’m not going to fucking like.”
Another pause.
“Cornell is playing Yale next weekend.”
My jaw starts to tick and I flick my ash roughly over the railing. “Okay, what time is the game?”
Zander lets out a strangled sigh. “Perry, you can’t come. Mack said a condition of your parole is that you can’t be within a certain distance of Sean and you absolutely cannot assault anyone.”
I laugh darkly. “Who said anything about assault?” I take another drag and speak as I exhale. “Next time I’ll finish what I started.”
“Should we be talking about this over the phone?” Zander whispers.
I laugh again. He’s so paranoid. I can clearly picture him, hunched down in a corner somewhere, cupping his hand over the phone as he speaks.
“Let me worry about it,” I say, pacing around the small deck. “Listen, I have shit going on this weekend, important stuff, but I’ll be there before the game. Don’t tell her I’m coming either. There’s no condition in my parole about me hurting you.”
Zander laughs and it sounds nervous. “That’s you joking again. Ha-ha, Perry.”
“Am I?” I leave my tone ominous.
“Uh…”
I laugh louder this time. “Yes, I’m fucking with you. Get some sleep. It’s late. You’re supposed to be smart and shit.”
“Okay, good talking to you Perry.”
“Yeah, you too.”
I end the call and lean over the railing. The timing of this bullshit couldn’t be any worse. If I murder Sean, I’ll go back to prison and Tess will really be alone in this world. Then there’s Sloan. I don’t know what the fuck is going on there but I know for a fact if I left again, I would come back to her most likely on her second marriage with three kids and minivan. Well, probably a very nice SUV—a minivan isn’t her style.