by Cole Lepley
“Well, then I would hope that you can talk to me about it. I want to know how you’re feeling.” I lean in across the table. “I never want to cross a line with you if it’s not what you wanted.”
She leans in too, and kisses me once. “So far, you haven’t done anything I didn’t like.”
This makes me smile and I lean back to look at my menu again. “Good, because I have no idea what I’m doing. I’ve never dated a normal girl before.”
Tess almost chokes on the drink she was trying to swallow. “I don’t know what’s more shocking, the fact that you called me normal or that you just insinuated we were dating.”
My mouth goes dry instantly. Maybe I assumed more than I should have? I shake my head. “I have no idea what to call it, Tess. This is a place I never thought I would be and the things we’ve been doing are…”
“Amazing,” she answers for me.
Okay, maybe she does like it. “Yes, amazing. But, you have to know that I’d never want to hurt you. It’s going to take some time for me to figure this all out.”
“Take all the time you need,” she says with a shrug. “I get it. I know how messed up things with you and Sloan are. I don’t expect anything.”
Her expectations cause me to frown. It’s not a surprise that she would be still be worried about Sloan, and I hate that it makes her doubt me. I’ve always loved Tess more than I should. I’m just finally allowing myself to really show her.
She senses my apprehension and reaches over and gives my hand a squeeze. “Let’s just be us. You don’t need to impress me, Perry. You’ve already done that.”
“As nice as that sounds, I still have a lot of things I need to prove. Be patient with me, okay?” I give her a wink and she smiles back at me.
“I’m not going anywhere.
31
Jump
Perry- Then
Something bad happened today. It shouldn’t really surprise me considering how everything else has been going lately. I was on my way to pick up our latest inventory for the next couple weeks and I’m still standing here wondering what the fuck to do.
Sugar is sitting in her chair. Her knitting is still grasped in her hands, mountains of drugs stacked on either side of her—dead as a fucking doornail.
I rub my hand over my hair while muttering obscenities and pacing around her living room. Who is her emergency contact? Does she have family that will come looking for her? Do they know they know granny’s favorite pastime has been cooking meth and slinging green? So many questions and no fucking answers. I know one thing—I don’t want to be the one still hanging around when someone does come looking for her.
I’m careful not to disturb anything as I exit the house and almost run to my car. I call Walker once I’m safely on the road again. He answers on the second ring.
“Hey, brother. What’s taking you so long? Tess wants to go out tonight and I wanted to help you make a few stops.”
I laugh, glancing over at the bag on my seat. The empty one. “I don’t think that’s going to be a problem.”
“Why’s that?”
“The old lady’s dead.”
Walker laughs. He thinks this is a joke. “Quit playin’. You shouldn’t joke around about stuff like that.”
I light a cigarette and speak as I exhale a forceful breath. “I’m fucking not. She’s cold, man. I got out of there as fast as I could.”
There’s a pause. Walker’s thinking and I don’t think I like what he’s thinking about. “Did you get anything?”
I scoff. “No, I didn’t fucking get anything. I’m not stealing from Sugar.”
“She’s dead. You saw it with your own eyes. How will she know?”
My eyes widen as I take the exit to get on the highway. I’m not sure what kind of moral code falls into play when it comes to drug deals, but I think stealing is somewhat universal.
“Walker, you don’t know who she works with. Fuck, we don’t really know anything about her. For all we know she could have dozens of shady fucking gangbangers watching that place.” I shake my head. “No way.”
Walker sighs. “Listen, man. I get you, but what are we going to do? We can’t exactly go crawling back to Robby after what we did to him—or what he did to you.”
“Simple. We’re done.”
He laughs again. “Be serious.”
“I am fucking serious. We made more than enough money to get us by, and not only that, but the business is really taking off. By this time next year, you won’t even be worried about the cash we were banking from Sugar.” I pause to take another drag. “We can do it right from now on. This is a good thing.”
Silence on the other end of line.
“Walker, are you listening?”
It goes another beat before he answers. “I’m here, I’m here. I need to think.”
My nostril flare and I clench my teeth together. The bullshit working its way through his brain is sure to get us in a shitload of trouble. I can already see it.
“There’s nothing to think about. This was a sign. Let’s take it like it is and walk away.”
There’s a ruffling in the background and I swear I can hear his feet stomping down the stairs. “Come pick me up. I have an idea.”
I growl. “What about Tess? You said she wanted you to take her somewhere.”
“I’ll take her tomorrow. This can’t wait.”
With a heavy sigh and even heavier heart, I turn to get back to Walker’s street. My loyalty to him runs deep—no matter how fucking stupid he is sometimes.
Against my better judgment—and I mean any rational judgment at all—I’m parked outside Sugar’s again. I rap my fingers nervously on the steering wheel.
“This is bad. I’m telling you, man.” I shoot Walker a glare. “This is not what we should be doing right now.”
Walker grins, unaffected by my obvious aversion to this. “Since when has that ever stopped us?” He reaches for the door handle and I put my arm across him.
“Maybe it should this time. This isn’t who we are, it’s something bad that we started when we were too dumb to even realize it.” I look him straight in the eyes, pulling my arm back. “We can change that now. We can be the people we were supposed to be.”
Walker rolls his eyes. “Sloan isn’t going to be with you just because we quit.”
My jaw clenches and I speak through my teeth. “This isn’t about Sloan.” I lean back in my seat and release a sigh. “She wasn’t wrong though. I know this shit is wrong and I do it anyway.” I look over at him again. “What about Tess? I know she isn’t cool with this either. What are you going to do when she’s had enough? Are you really willing to put her through that?”
“Stop it, Perry,” he says forcefully. The anger in his face surprises me. “You always bring it back to that and it pisses me the fuck off. She’s my fucking wife and I’ll worry about what’s best for her.”
I shake my head. “This isn’t it.”
Walker’s fist slams into the dashboard. “And I said I’ll fucking decide that! Worry about your shit and stay the fuck out of mine.” He exits the car and slams the door shut behind him.
Even though I kind of want to punch him right now, I follow him. At the end of the day, Walker is still my brother. I can’t let anything to happen to his irrational ass.
We make it to the front door before anyone says anything. He turns to me first. “I’m sorry.”
I pat him on the back. “I’m sorry, too.” I apologize even though I know I’m right. Sometimes it’s just better that way.
He bites his lip for a moment. “We can just take what we usually get. Maybe a little more, but not enough to make anyone that may be watching suspicious.”
“Fuck it,” I say, turning my hat backwards. “What do we have to lose?”
I wish someone would have told me the answer to that question. After grabbing twice the normal amount, we’re back at the old bridge waiting on our guy to show up. We meet at this spot at this exact time every
Saturday. He’s never been late—until now.
I keep glancing nervously back to the road the truck is parked on. We always leave it at the end and walk the rest of the way. At first it was because we didn’t want anyone to recognize our vehicle. Now, we’re pretty well known and it’s a moot point.
The bridge runs high above the river and I focus my eyes on it as we stand a half-mile away. It’s a fairly long drop to the bottom and just the sight of it makes me shiver. Heights were never my thing.
Walker nudges me, pulling his gloves on. “Where is he?”
“I don’t know, man,” I say, shoving my hands in my pockets to ward off the chill in the air. “This isn’t like him. I have a bad feeling about this.”
Headlights appear down the road and Walker grins at me. “See,” he says, adjusting the strap of the duffle slung over his shoulder. “We had nothing to worry about.”
It’s never a good idea to say that, especially in situations like these. My heart pounds when I see flashlights pointed our way. Thugs don’t carry flashlights—cops carry flashlights.
“Run!” I yell, pulling his sleeve as I turn to bail.
We take off up the road, our feet pounding against the pavement until we are met by the metal grates of the bridge. The light is coming at us from both sides now, so there’s only one option. I take a look to my right and swallow hard.
I grip Walker’s jacket sleeve, breathing hard. “Can you swim?”
His eyes widen, following my gaze over the side of the bridge. “Perry, I’m terrified of heights.”
“Well, I don’t feel like going to jail tonight so suck it up.”
Quickly, we climb over the railing and dangle our feet over the edge as the officers close in on us.
“Okay, on the count of three, we jump.”
I glance over at Walker who has his eyes shut tight, gripping the guard rail for dear life. He nods. “Okay.”
“One…Two…”
I look behind me and they’re so close they could reach out and grab us.
“Fuck.” I shove Walker over the edge. “Jump!”
The fall is far enough that I have time to regret it on the way down. When my body hits the water, it feels like I slammed into a brick wall. I don’t have to dwell on that for too long though. The icy water makes my lungs burn as I struggle to paddle to shore. It’s not deep, but trying to move quickly after falling from that high is a challenge.
Walker keeps beside me until we reach the edge and pull ourselves out. He doesn’t have time to yell at me for pushing him because the cops above are now making their way down. We run down a trail until we reach the road again. Walker bends at his waist, breathing hard.
“Perry, what are we going to do?”
I look around, checking both sides of the road. They’re coming for us and there’s nothing we can do to stop them. The only logical thing I can think of is for one of us to distract them while the other gets away with the drugs. By one of us—I mean me.
“Go,” I say shoving him toward the woods. “Take the bag and go back to the house.”
Walker’s jaw hardens. “No way. I’m not leaving you.”
Sirens ring in the distance and I know we don’t much time before they come blazing up the road.
I plant my hands on his shoulders. “You have to. I’ll distract them while you get away.”
Walker scoffs, looking over my shoulder. “How will you distract them? By getting arrested?”
I smile.
He shakes his head again. “Perry, I can’t leave you.”
“You have to,” I say, more forcefully this time. I push him harder toward the trail. “You’re carrying all the evidence.”
I don’t wait for a reply and take off down the road, toward the flashing lights. It doesn’t take long to be surrounded. As I’m raising my hands in the air, I know Walker will get away. They only want one of us. This isn’t about nailing some kids slinging drugs. This was a set-up. Now I just have to figure out who’s coming for us, and more importantly, what do they want?
When I get my one phone call later that night, I don’t call Tess or my parents—I call Sloan.
32
Push & Pull
Perry- Then
I’ve been staying with Sloan for a couple weeks now. She has an apartment just outside of campus with two roommates she met at school. So far, they seem pretty cool. I didn’t really expect to be shacked up here with a bunch of girls, but every time I try to leave Sloan asks me not to. It’s like a switch was flipped after I was arrested. For the first time, she’s afraid to lose me.
Everything is fine, though. No charges were filed after my arrest because apparently it was a misunderstanding. Someone called in gunfire out by the old bridge at the exact time we just happened to be there. Highly fucking doubtful it was a coincidence, but just to be sure Walker and I have kept a low profile ever since. I for one am grateful. If I’m ever going to be successful in this life then I need to start walking a straighter line.
I’m getting dressed for work and Sloan is watching from her seat on the edge of her bed. I can tell she wants to say something, but for some reason she remains quiet. It’s really starting to bother me. I never imagined I would miss her constant bitching, but the new Sloan is just weird.
I tilt my head to her as I’m fastening my jeans. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m totally fine,” she says with a quick smile.
After shoving my wallet in my back pocket I lean down to kiss her. She wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me deeper. I smile against her lips. “I’ll only be gone until six or so. You won’t miss me that much, baby.”
“How do you know?” she pouts, still grasping the back of my neck.
With a sigh, I shift her from her seat and onto my lap. I brush the hair from her face and her arms come around my neck again.
“Tell me what’s wrong,” I say gently.
She hugs me closer, resting her head on my shoulder. “I just like having you here. I missed you for so long I didn’t think you would ever come back.”
“You didn’t call me either,” I add bitterly.
Her lips brush my neck. “I was afraid you wouldn’t answer.” She picks her head up and looks at me, her eyes weary. “What I said to you at the wedding…I didn’t mean it like that. I want to marry you and spend my life with you, it’s just the things you do scare me.”
I kiss her temple and run my hand up and down her arm. “You don’t need to worry about it anymore. We’re done. I’m going to do things right from now on.”
“God, I hope so,” she breathes. “I really love you. I’m not sure I would’ve lasted much longer even if you didn’t.”
Her sentiment is nice and all, but I’m not sure I believe her. That being said, I also can’t really blame her either. If anything, this was all my fault. Instead of going with what I thought was right, I went along with what my friends wanted. I sacrificed the relationship with the girl I’ve been madly in love with since the moment I laid eyes on her. You would think that love would have been enough to keep me on the straight and narrow—but it wasn’t. Now I need to make up for it. I need to prove to Sloan I can be reliable, and I can be the guy she sees planning a future with, and hopefully I’ll be able to give her one.
I make it to Tess and Walker’s shop a little after ten. I’ve been easing my way into it to see if it’s something I’d like to do full-time and have only been working with them one day a week.
Tess is thrilled about the option, but for some reason Walker doesn’t share her enthusiasm. I keep going back to what he said in the car when we were outside of Sugar’s. He’s made comments before about Tess and I’s relationship, but I’ve never seen him that angry. It offends me if he thinks I would ever cross a line with her.
Since it’s been somewhat awkward lately, I stop for muffins on the way to brighten the mood. I still make sure to get the blueberry ones Tess loves. He can’t get mad at me for wanting to make her happy. That’ll never change.
When I stroll through the door, Walker and Tess are huddled in the back. The look on her face indicates immediately that it’s not a pleasant conversation. I set the bag down on the counter out front and start walking back to them.
“Everything okay?” I ask, coming to a stop beside her.
Tess drags her thumb under her eye and smiles. “Everything’s fine.” She rushes around me and I raise an eyebrow to Walker.
“What’s going on?” I whisper.
He shakes his head. “It’s nothing. She’s just worried.”
“About what?”
“Stupid stuff.” He grins and then starts to walk away, but I know her better than that.
I grab his arm before he makes it a full step. “It’s not stupid if she’s upset. Fucking tell me.”
His eyes narrow a little and I release my grasp. He ruffles his hand through his shaggy hair with a sigh. “Robby came by last night.”
Air hisses through my teeth. “What the fuck? Why didn’t you call me?”
“I was waiting until I saw you today. It wasn’t a big deal.”
I lean into him. “Not a big deal? Are you fucking high right now? That guy tried to kill me the last time we ran into him—and what? Now you’re fucking buds or something.”
“No,” he says shaking his head. “He was being cool and shit. He has a proposition for us.”
I look over my shoulder at Tess. She’s leaned over the counter shoving a muffin into her mouth staring blankly at the wall. I’m thankful she’s not in the dark about all of this, but I hate how it’s taking such a toll on her. When I turn back to Walker, my nostrils flare in anger.
“You need to cut the shit.” I poke him in the chest and he takes a step back. “We’re fucking out. End of story. The only thing you’re going to gain by making deals with Robby is a prison sentence.”
Walker crosses his arms. “Oh, since you’re back with Sloan you’re gonna to ride in here on your high horse and act like you’re better than me?”