by Cole Lepley
I know I need to face this shit with Sloan once and for all. We need to let each other go, and stick to that decision. It’s devastating to lose the first person you ever loved. That soul-crushing loss is an indescribable pain. But her and I have been over for a long time. I may have asked her not to wait for me, but it was her choice to actually do it. If it were Tess, she would have never even considered it. She’d be sitting in the parking lot every day of my sentence waiting for me to be released.
That’s how loyal she is to me—and I’d do the same for her.
We close the shop late tonight because our last appointment ran over. The movie we wanted to see had already started so we decide to grab a quick dinner at the diner around the block. I push my food around my plate, not really having the appetite I usually do after my conversation from earlier. I didn’t tell Tess I ran into Johnny, and I can tell she senses my unease.
Her vivid eyes meet mine, but they’re filled with concern. “Something on your mind?”
I shake my head slowly. I don’t want to lie to her, but I also don’t want to increase the doubt I know she already has. I should’ve told Sloan when she called earlier in the week that I changed my mind, but I didn’t. No matter how many times she hurts me, it’s still so fucking hard for me to hurt her.
“It’s nothing.”
She scoffs before reaching for her glass of water. “Perry, how many times do I have to prove that you can’t lie to me?” She slaps at my hand and smiles. “I know you better than I know myself.”
I catch her hand and lace the tips of our fingers together. “You’re probably right about that.” I keep my eyes locked on our hands. “I just don’t know how to talk to you about certain things now.”
“Nothing has to change. You can still talk to me like you used to.”
I laugh a little. “No, there’s a difference when it comes to what you talk about with your girlfriend and what you talk about with your friend.”
“Am I your girlfriend?”
This causes me to finally smile. “You’re so much more than that, Tess.”
I see her chest rise unevenly for a moment, her heart no doubt pounding in her chest the way mine does when we talk about our future together. “Then it should be no problem. We’re different than most couples.” Her tone is casual, but shakiness creeps though.
I pull my hand back and dip a fry in ketchup. I let it drop to my plate instead of sticking it in my mouth. “It’s something I have to work out in my own head. You don’t need to worry about it.”
She steals the fry off my plate and smirks before taking a bite. “If it involves you, I’m going to worry. Whether you want me to or not.”
“We can talk about it later,” I say, tossing my napkin onto my plate. I reach for her hand again. “Tonight, I just want to spend the evening with you and pretend everything is perfect.”
She smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. The inevitable is coming. Sooner or later, Sloan is going to come looking for me, and when she does—I need to tell her the truth.
I pay the check and hold the door for her as we exit the restaurant. We walked since it was so close and I grab her hand as soon as we hit the sidewalk. We walk together silently until we round the corner that leads to her shop. That’s when an angry voice penetrates the tension in the air.
“What in the actual fuck?” Sloan cries.
Even though I don’t mean to, I drop Tess’s hand. Sloan takes measured steps toward us, her hands visibly shaking.
“Sloan…”
“How could you?” she asks, directing her attention to Tess. “After all that I shared with you before I left, and all the things you said to me. Was it a lie?”
Confusion creases my brow as I look between them. I never did get all the details from their little sleepover and I have a feeling she left a lot of it out when we did talk about it. Tess crosses her arms.
“I didn’t lie to you, Sloan. I told you what would happen if you continued to mess with his head, so don’t act surprised now.”
Sloan gets in Tess’s face and I grab her elbow to pull her back. She shoots me an angry glare, before looking back to Tess. “You were always jealous of me.”
Tess laughs. “Jealous? Are you kidding me right now?” She shakes her head. “Why would I ever be jealous of someone like you?”
Sloan strains against my hold. “You always wanted Perry and you know it. You think I didn’t notice the way you looked at him—at us? It must have killed you knowing you could never have him as long as I was around.”
I grit my teeth and squeeze her arm in warning. “Okay, that’s enough.”
She looks up at me, pulling her arm from my grasp. The hurt in her eyes still rips my insides out despite my anger. “Don’t act like everything I just said isn’t true.”
“You’re awfully judgmental for someone who has already promised their heart to someone else.”
She brushes a strand of hair from her face and I can see the struggle to keep back the tears I know are coming. “It’s one thing for you fool around with some random girl and have it not mean anything.” She looks over at Tess briefly. “But it’s another thing for you to do it with her.”
I lock my eyes on hers. “I’m not fooling around, Sloan.”
She presses her lips into a hard line staring back at me. It’s so quiet for a moment, but it doesn’t give me the peace to figure out what to say next.
Sloan adjusts the strap of her handbag on her shoulder and for the first time I notice her hand is missing a certain piece of jewelry.
“It’s my own fault for leaving you alone with her. There isn’t any obstacle to keep you apart anymore.”
A tear falls down her cheek and I reach for her without thinking again. She pulls back from me and takes off down the street. I give a look back to Tess over my shoulder.
“I’ll be right back,” I say quickly.
I don’t let my eyes linger too long on her face before I jog to catch up with Sloan. I know what disappointment looks like—it’s all I ever see.
35
Collateral Damage
Perry- Then
I’ve been distracted lately. My sister Mackenzie’s been getting ready to go off to college and between trying to keep Walker in check and trying not to piss off Sloan—I’ve been wearing pretty thin. That being said, I can tell something isn’t right with Mack. She should be out of her fucking mind excited to be going to Yale in a couple months to study Art. It’s her passion and she worked her ass off to get into that school. So why does she seem like she doesn’t even want to go?
I lean in her doorway, watching her pack another small box. She giggles when she notices and the sound fills my heart, causing a smile to crack on my face.
“Perry, you could actually help instead of standing there staring at me.” Mack flicks her long chestnut hair over her shoulder and gives me a look.
I take a few steps into her room, resting my hands on the back of her desk chair. “You good?”
She cocks her head back to me and smiles. “Yes, I’m perfect. Why?”
“I don’t know, you seem off to me.” My jaw ticks. “Is Sean being a respectful little shit?”
Her eyes drift away from mine and she continues to put desk items in the box. I move to catch her hands when she reaches for a stapler. “Mack, look at me.” My voice is forceful as I remove the object from her hand.
She sighs. “Sean is fine. Everything is going to be perfect when we leave for Yale at the end of summer.”
“But it’s not perfect now, is it?”
“It’s complicated.”
This causes me to laugh, but it’s more bitter than anything else. “I’ve never said a relationship was complicated if it wasn’t completely fucked.”
Mackenzie rocks back and tucks her legs underneath her, abandoning the box. “I’m looking forward to going somewhere where people don’t know who he is.” She looks over at me and the sadness in her eyes makes me violently angry. “I think that will
make things so much better.”
I highly doubt that will be possible. Sean’s dad is a recruiter for the New England Patriots and Sean is the starting quarterback for Yale next year. Did he earn it? Yes and no. He plays good ball, but it’s the inside connections that sealed the deal for him.
I kneel down and gently grab her chin. “Mack, I’m only going to ask you this once.” I pause to take a breath while she nods. “Does he hurt you? Has he ever hurt you?”
“No,” she whispers.
“No?”
“No,” she says a little more confidently.
I don’t believe her, but I move to stand anyway.
With my hands planted on my hips I stare down at her as she continues to fill the small box with notebooks and pens.
“I love you.”
She raises an eyebrow. “I love you, too.” She pulls her hair up into a bun, eyeing with suspicion. “What’s wrong?”
I laugh once. “Can’t I tell my sister that I love her?”
“Sure you can,” she says, standing up and reaching for the masking tape. She proceeds to seal off the box before turning back to me. “It’s just, you only really make a point to say it when something is wrong.”
My teeth clench together so I don’t speak. If I tell her what I’m really thinking we’ll get into a fight, and I hate fighting with her. Especially since she’s leaving soon.
She crosses her arms. “Why don’t you tell me what you’re thinking and we can work through it together?”
I grip the back of my neck. “It’s not that simple.”
Mack rolls her eyes and steps past me into the hallway. I follow her down the stairs to the living room. My mom is in the kitchen cooking dinner and I spot Sloan seated at the breakfast bar where I left her. My parents love Sloan. She’s like the perfect daughter-in-law. Sweet, beautiful, comes from a nice family—basically the total package.
My mom smiles at me when I round the corner of the stairs. “Perry, we’re just about to sit down to eat. I hope you’re hungry.” She gives a loving smile to Sloan. “Sloan baked an apple pie for dessert.”
I stifle a laugh. I would bet my life Sloan picked it up from the bakery downtown, but I’ll let her have it. She tries to do nice things. I walk by on my way to the fridge and plant a kiss to the side of her head. She smiles back at me so bright I almost forget why we’re all here.
My mom pulls a large pan of lasagna out of the oven and sets it on a cooling rack. My father’s working late so he’ll have to miss most of the announcement. Not that he would care anyway.
“So,” My mom says, passing around a bowl of salad while the lasagna cools. “I hear you have made some new plans.”
I nod, scooping lettuce and tomatoes onto my plate. I shove the cucumbers onto Sloan’s because I know they’re her favorite. I reach for the bottle of dressing and turn my attention back to my mom. I feel Sloan grab my hand from under the table and give it a squeeze.
Before I can begin, Sean comes strolling through the kitchen, casually late as usual. He walks directly to Mack and kisses her hard on the lips. He makes my blood boil for some reason, but she really likes him so I keep my murderous thoughts to myself.
“Sorry, I’m late,” Sean says taking the seat next to Mack. “Practice ran over.”
My mom flashes a smile. “That’s no problem at all. We just sat down.” She turns to me. “Would you get a place setting for Sean please?”
I move to stand, but Sean beats me to it. “Oh, it’s no problem at all Mrs. Michaels. I’ll get it.” He winks at me and it makes me angrier. There’s something not right about that kid.
My mom laughs, “Please, call me Diane.”
Sean gives her a megawatt smile and I almost gag. I keep shoving large forkfuls of lettuce into my mouth.
Sloan nudges me with her elbow. “What?” she whispers.
I shake my head and continue to fill my mouth with salad so I don’t act like a dick.
Sloan lowers her voice and tilts her head to me. “Are you going to tell them, or should I?”
I bite my lip. Having Sloan say it would be taking the easy way out. No one will attack her for my decision. On second thought, I have to face this one my own.
I clear my throat when Sean makes his way back to the table. “Um, I decided to enroll at State next semester—for Art, like Mack.”
Mackenzie squeals and claps her hands together, Sean continues to look falsely amused, and my mom is eyeing me carefully.
“College? Since when was that part of you plan?”
“Shouldn’t it be part of everyone’s plan?”
She smiles. “Yes, but you and Walker were doing the tattoo thing. I honestly didn’t think you would go.” She pauses, embarrassment creeping into her cheeks. “Yale is so expensive, we—uh, we used most of the money for her tuition.”
Mack’s face falls and I quickly cut in. “Don’t worry. I have plenty of money saved.”
Sloan remains quiet, but arches a brow. She knows where that money comes from and I hope she’s smart enough to keep her mouth shut.
Mack stares across the table at me with tears in her eyes. “Are you sure, Perry? I can go to a cheaper school.”
I shake my head. “No way. You earned it and you’re going.”
“You’re the best brother, you know that?”
I smirk. “I do.”
The mood around the table starts to shift from awkward to celebratory. Now I just have to figure out how to tell Walker and Tess. I can still work at the shop sometimes between classes, but at least now I can prove to Sloan that I’m not just going to walk around being a thug all my life. I can give her a life she can feel safe in, the right way, because it’s what she deserves. Finally, everything seems to be going in the right direction.
Later that night, Sloan spends the night in my bedroom. My parents typically frown upon it, but the ride to campus is almost an hour and we are adults after all. It’s just after one when I hear a commotion from down the hall. I assumed Sean left hours ago, but the sounds are coming from down by Mack’s room.
I slowly move my arm out from under Sloan and make my way to the door. There’s hushed shouting and when I get close enough, I can see Mack backed against the wall. I know now why the voices sounded so muffled. He has his fucking hands around her throat.
I burst through the door and grab him by the back of the neck so fast, he releases his hold of my sister. His eyes are wide as I hold him up off the ground.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I growl.
Sean tries to pry my fingers back so he can breathe, but I only squeeze tighter. Mackenzie is huddled in the corner, shaking. Even from a distance, I can see the prominent red mark across her face.
I grip Sean’s neck and slam him back against the wall.
“Did you fucking hit her?”
He sputters, but nothing coherent comes out. I’m still cutting off his air supply.
“Perry, stop,” Mack chokes out.
I shoot her an incredulous look. “Stop? You want this fucktard to throw you around?”
She shakes her head, tears pouring down her cheeks. “You’ll get in trouble. He’s seventeen.”
“I don’t give a fuck.” I turn my hard eyes back to him. “I’ll kill any motherfucker who messes with my sister—regardless of who they are.”
“Perry, please,” Mack begs. She’s standing now, pulling at my sleeve.
The light down the hallway flicks on and I know I’m running out of time. Sean gives me a sick smile because he thinks he’s saved. That’s when my internal switch flips. My fists reign down on him so fast I have no idea what part of his body I’m hitting. Soft—maybe stomach, hard—breaking some bones, warm—blood flowing everywhere.
I hit him over and over until I feel several pairs of hands pulling me back. One of them is my father, the other—I can’t be sure.
I hear my mom screaming in the background, “What have you done! What have you done!”
It’s all wh
ite noise to me. Sean’s lifeless body lays in a pool of blood on Mack’s bedroom floor.
Mack gives me a shove. “Get out of here, Perry!”
I steal a glance back to Sloan, lingering in the doorway. She looks terrified. I can only imagine what I look like. I walk to her and she’s crying. I wipe a tear from her eye and surprisingly she wraps her arms around my neck. “Be safe,” she whispers. “I love you.”
I hug her as hard as I can. “I love you, too baby. Look out for Mack.”
Our embrace is cut short when I hear my dad yelling to call 911. I take the leap out of the second story window and weave my way through yards until I reach town. I make it to the one place I know I need to be. Regardless of the impromptu brawl, Walker and I had extremely important business tonight. If he makes this deal without me, he’s as good as dead. I have to stop him.
Sirens ring into the night as I jog through alleys to avoid the main roads. If I hadn’t beaten him so badly, my parents wouldn’t have needed to call the cops. No one could have talked me out of it when I saw the fear in my sister’s eyes. I wanted to kill him.
I think I did.
When I make it to the shop, Tess pulls the door back and gasps. She brings her hand up to cover her mouth. “Oh my God.”
“Tess, it’s nothing. I need your help.”
She starts to cry as she takes in my blood covered clothes.
I plant my hands on her shoulders. “It’s not mine, sweetheart. I’m okay.”
She shakes her head, the tears coming faster. “What did you do?”
“I did something bad and I need your help.”
“Anything.”
I really hope she means that. There’s more than one terrible thing going to happen tonight if I don’t get where I’m supposed to be.
36
Better Than Yourself
Tess- Then
Perry is covered in blood and the metallic scent is invading my nostrils. I haven’t even had a moment to ask what he did. At this point I don’t care. All that matters is Perry’s safe—for now.