by Kahaula
“You look like you’re about to shit on the lawn, pup,” Bhar’s gruff lilting voice filled the quiet space. I sighed.
“I know you don’t do it often, Bhar, so maybe that’s why this look seems unfamiliar but this,” I motioned to my face, “is what thinking looks like.” He looked at me skeptically and stepped down the few steps from the altar space onto the grass. Because of course having grass was necessary to recuperation.
“I think I know what mental constipation looks like, Oli,” Bhar retorted. “You’re having another moment of guilt.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I sighed heavily and just wished this day would be over. Bhar trying to counsel me was just going to make shit awkward.
SLAM!
I was bent in half wheezing trying to recover from the gut shot that Bhar had taken while I was distracted. “What the fuck, Bhar!” I coughed.
“Don’t be a coward and deflect,” to my surprise Bhar’s eyes weren’t full of anger, they were calm. “You don’t want to talk about something then just say so. Don’t pretend you don’t understand me.”
“Yeah, well maybe I was just trying to avoid this,” I motioned to my sore stomach. The muscles and tissue were already healing but my anger and irritation were still right there.
“You’re struggling between who you were and the Chosen you are now,” Bhar’s steady voice was starting to freak me out. In the twenty years I had known him he had never been like this with me. Aphelele, sure. That man could soothe Bhar like he was born for it. Everyone else, beware. I angrily stared him down. He crossed his arms over his bare chest and waited. I blew out a breath and gave in.
“Fine,” I gritted out, “I’m struggling.”
“Mmm,” he grunted.
“Some of what Kara’s said is getting to me,” Bhar grunted in acknowledgement again.
“She’s not wrong,” his eyes shifted down to the grass at our feet and the fragrant plants all around. “What she doesn’t see is how we need all of this. People see the power but they don’t see the cost,” Bhar unfolded his arms and let them hang listlessly, “They never see the cost. Nor the centuries we live in service to others. The toll it takes on our sanity and our heart.” His final sentence was a whisper on the artificially generated breeze.
Bhar’s poignant words stunned me. He spoke to me but also to himself. His wistful gaze seemed to focus on something faraway beyond the garden. He tapped the auto-fastener on his pants then quickly shifted to his wolf form. Prowling off without looking back at the clothing he had shed, he ran and rolled in the grass.
Whatever moment we had shared was left behind as he rolled onto his back with his tongue hanging out. The false UV light paneling above shown down, and for a moment it was like we were both enjoying a day out together as pack mates. I peeled off my clothing and followed his lead.
The grass tickled my paws and the fragrances around me were magnified. Bhar nipped at my tail and we chased each other all across the healing space. After a while I bumped my shoulder against his and stalked off to grab my clothing in my jaws.
I had needed this.
Kara
“You’re exhausted,” Ai reached over and pushed one of my braids behind my ear. The concern and worry were stamped all over her face.
“I am,” I used my arm to cover my eyes as I laid back on my bed. Quintillus had visited me again and stayed the whole night. It wasn’t the sex that was exhausting. It was the constant mental and emotional focus it took to be around him. I had to project what made sense to him for the persona I had created.
“Show me and I will learn every way to please you,” Quintillus smiled as he kissed down the nape of my neck. His talented fingers traced my spine then branched out to trail along my ribs. I couldn’t help the smile and giggle that bubbled to the surface. “Ticklish, are you?” His laugh rumbled along my shoulders like thunder. In his arms I felt safe from any storm.
I was wrong. I’d never be safe with Quintillus.
I sighed and shook off the memory of last night. Every good liar built their lies upon a grain of truth. With each of the wolves I gave them parts of myself that were essentially true but could be tailored to each. Mea Lupus, even in their human form could smell basic emotions because of the chemicals we released from our pores. That was easy enough for me to manage.
Quintillus, however, had the ability to naturally confirm or dig deeper. He said he wouldn’t touch my soul with his empathic abilities and I believed him. To an extent. I trusted his honour, because he was nothing if not achingly honest. But even he admitted to struggling with the urge to merge, as it were.
“I’ve been handling fencing of our smaller goods, most of which are in the wind by now,” Ai ran her thumb across my forehead soothing the headache she somehow knew I was fighting.
“And new jobs?”
“I’m taking my time vetting them,” she said carefully.
“Meaning?” I moved my arm off my eyes and gave her a hard look.
“Adohi is throwing out bait,” her moue of distaste was sharp. I laughed hollowly.
“He doesn’t think much of the Ferryman, does he?” I closed my eyes and pictured that asshole’s face. Ai snorted and began massaging my hands.
“That wolf doesn’t know who he’s fucking with,” she replied nonchalantly. I raised my eyebrows and smirked, keeping my eyes closed.
“He’s not stupid either,” I gave into the relaxing kneading of my sore body as Ai worked up my arm, “You know what he’ll do after the bait fails.”
“Use one of our real customers, if he can identify one, and get them to put in a job with us,” answered Ai. I grunted in agreement.
Thankfully in the last month, the ardour between Ai and I had cooled. She seemed to sense that I couldn’t handle any more on my plate. I think we both were reluctantly coming to the conclusion that we were partners in crime, and friends, but perhaps nothing more.
Ai scrubbed her fingers against my scalp and I let out a heavy sigh. A month of intensely intimate sex with Quintillus and I was nowhere nearer to their quarters than when I had met them. I had to make my play wholeheartedly or make a run for it.
“We have 2 solid options,” I leaned into Ai’s blessed hands and closed my eyes again. This time it was to mentally visualise what I was trying to pull together. “One: Keep vetting hard and go more exclusive. We’ve earned enough of a reputation and clientele to make a real go of it.”
“And the other?”
“We out Captain Kara as a liaison for the Ferryman,” Ai’s fingers stopped scratching my scalp rhythmically and she took in a sharp breath. She didn’t need to breath to live so I felt it was a bit dramatic.
“You want to burn Captain Kara?”
“I didn’t say that,” I sat up from the bed, sheets pooling around my naked torso, “I said we out Captain Kara as a liaison—“
“I heard what you said, Kara,” Ai’s scoffed. “You know I hear better than you or even those wolves.” I rolled my eyes at her catty response.
“If we control the narrative it’ll give us a good chance to get me into their quarters,” I pressed.
“A good chance?” She repeated back.
“We need to decide whether we’re really going to do this or not because fucking only Quintillus isn’t going to get us anywhere,” I growled in frustration.
“So what, you’re going to use your magical vagina to fuck all the wolves into giving you their data?” Ai sneered. I got up from the bed and threw back the sheets. I walked right into the cleansing unit and turned on the specially installed water shower function.
Steam billowed from the small alcove and into the other room. Within moments I felt Ai’s breasts pressed to my back as she hugged me from behind. For a few beats the water sluiced down us both before I wrapped my hands around hers.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered between my shoulder blades. “I’m... I’m scared. And I think jealous.” I kept silent. What could I say to make this better? A
month ago I was afraid to feel more for her and now I was afraid to realise I didn’t feel even half the spark I felt with Quintillus when I was with Ai. “I’m not blind either.”
“About what?”
“I’ve seen you with Quintillus,” she said softly.
“Ai you know I have to keep up my persona with him,” I began tiredly.
“I know that,” she turned me around to face her and she began washing my hair, “When you’re with him you show a part of yourself that you’ve never shown me.”
“I...,” I sighed heavily, “In order to project the emotions he expects I have to take myself on a mental journey in order to produce them.”
“Again, I know that,” her smirk was sharp but her eyes were sad, “But that’s not the problem though is it?” She smiled ruefully, “With me you don’t have to hide at all and still I’ve never seen the side of you that you’ve shown him.”
“Ai...”
“It’s okay,” with the water running down our faces I almost missed the two tears that dripped from her eyes, “Cassie says first love is always the hardest but that eventually you realise that there’s so much more love out there in the world looking for you if you let it.”
I cupped her cheek and kissed her softly. This was the conversation I had been dreading and here she had had my back throughout it. Just like always, Ai was there for me.
“Cassie’s right,” I pushed Ai’s hair back from her face and hugged her close. She was one of the few friends I had made in the lonely years since escaping from the program. “Thank you, Ai.”
“I’m going to be spending a whole lot more time at Cassie’s getting laid after this from now on,” she winked. We both laughed and the sadness of earlier fell from our shoulders down the drain.
Stepping out of the shower unit, Ai and I quickly dried off and dressed. As heartwarming as this moment had been, and as necessary, we needed to put our heads together. Adohi wouldn’t stop. If he had been frustrated a month ago, I could only imagine he must be driving all the others insane by now.
“Adohi’s a tracker, we have to give him something,” I checked my braids and all the hidden items I had wrapped up in them. “Something plausible.”
“And something that plays into the Captain Kara identity that you’ve built up here and with the wolves,” Ai nibbled on her lip and sat across from me on the bed. My cabin on the Charopos wasn’t large but I had prioritised bed space and minimised everything else. I didn’t really need a desk and chair when I did all my real work from my command chair on the bridge.
“I know how to play off being a known liaison for the Ferryman easily,” I huffed, “The tricky part is getting them to realise it too without causing more problems.”
“Cassie?” Ai perked up.
“No, we’ve already used her to make the introduction,” I scratched the back of my neck, “She can be used as confirmation when they go off to check if their new found information about me is correct. That’s more believable.”
“We can even have her tell the story of when you had me show up to eviscerate her former owner,” Ai laughed darkly.
“Perfect,” I nodded. “Now we just need a way to get them to the information, then naturally to her.”
“I’ve got it,” the evil smile on Ai’s face left me without a doubt that whatever she had put together in her mind would serve us well.
Aphelele
“You’ve been at this for hours,” I was trying to coax Adohi away from his set up in the command centre.
“There’s still more data paths to check,” he said gruffly.
“Yeah, because running those paths all month has totally worked out for you,” mumbled Oli.
“Shut the fuck up, puppy,” yelled Adohi. I held back my sigh. Those two were always going at it.
“Make me, o great tracker,” sneered Oli.
Adohi jumped up so hard his seat flew back behind his desk. A snarl later and Adohi in his half form tackled the young Chosen. Oli got the upper hand and shifted to his half form as well. I rubbed along my forehead in exhaustion. I wasn’t about to get between two giant bipedal wolf-men’s spat.
I couldn’t even imagine how our ancestors handled their grievances or the shifting. A full shift to our four legged wolf form would tear through most clothing and that was if we didn’t do it ourselves to get free. Caesar’s favoured Tenth Legion had opted to wear only a fuller wrap cingulum lupus, short caligae, and a red paludamentum with gold trim. When on an official march they also carried a separate kit of specially made armour for what they had called their ‘battle form’ and we now called half form.
I was thankful for our standard issue Mea Lupus tech suit. It was made from flex material that formed to our shape, no matter what that was. Adohi and Oli’s fight pulled me out of my internal musings. Their grappling and snarls added to the din of chairs and tables being smashed out of the way. At the very least it meant there wouldn’t be fabric scraps added to this mess.
“What the fuck is going on,” Gaius’s telepathic voice rang out like a sharp bell throughout our minds. “Adohi! Oli! Why are you two fighting and breaking shit in the command centre on Castra 3?”
“Maybe they’re getting out a little sexual frustration,” Kastur’s teasing mental voice added into the mix. Gaius’s telepathic abilities, including that of linking all of us, only worked within our pack. The fact that he could do it over any distance made us an incredibly dangerous and well respected bloodhound unit.
“This young fucker needed to be taught a lesson,” Adohi answered, his half form’s giant wolf mouth hung open as he panted and growled at Oli.
“Oh, please! You’re just bitter because you’re failing at the one thing you’re good at and taking it out on the rest of us,” Oli’s rather uncharitable assessment was closer to home than Adohi liked. He lunged again for Oli but the wolf dodged and tripped him, further proving his point.
“If you’re falling for shit like that then you really are off your game, Adohi,” Pollux, Kastur’s more serious twin made Adohi snarl and clench his clawed fists in tighter.
“I can’t find him,” Adohi’s admission gave us pause. Adohi’s head lowered and a soft short whine escaped past his jaws. He rarely admitted to being stuck or incapable of doing something. His greatest strength wasn’t in his tracking ability but in his resolve to keep trying new angles. It was what made his jaded cynicism cut so deep; he knew first hand how many ways people could disappoint you.
“Adohi has done his best, chased every data chain available out there,” I added. I needed Gaius to know how hard this was hitting Adohi.
“I don’t doubt your diligence nor your skills, Adohi,” I was grateful that he knew us all so well. It was Gaius that had pulled us together, finding each of us, and knowing we were a pack. “Something will present itself. But you won’t be able to act on it, if you don’t take care of yourself.” Gaius could have pushed Adohi or us for more information with his ability but he respected our privacy and trusted our skills. Trusted us.
Adohi shifted back to his human form and closed his eyes. He let out a slow breath and unclenched his fists. Oli shifted back as well and began cleaning up the mess they had made with their fight. After a second slow breath, Adohi joined him.
A small smile touched my lips. They weren’t speaking, but they were working together to clean up the mess their fight had made. Adohi held a small broken piece of a chair and swept his eyes over to his workstation. Oli was already setting the chair right and picking up some of Adohi’s scattered data stacks. Gratitude and contrition softened Adohi’s eyes. We all cared for each other and if a tussle is what Adohi needed then I was glad Oli had given it to him.
“Adohi maybe you should take next rotation of judicial duties for the station,” suggested Gaius. We looked at each other.
“Gaius, I’ve taken all judicial duties for the yearly visit this time around,” added Quintillus. No one had informed Gaius of the change, but we hadn’t thought it important at
the time. “It seemed the most efficient way to do this since there are so many cases. Plus, I’ve already found more than one case where a Truthseer would have been the only way justice would have been served,” his mental voice was tinged with irritation and suspicion.
“The pup and I have been spending time around Castra 3, learning the changes that have occurred since we were here last,” Conchobhar’s deep and rumbling voice felt like it caressed my mind as he spoke through Gaius’s telepathic link. Oli snorted and shook his head when I turned to look at him with one eyebrow raised in question. “I have to say, this place is completely different the last time we were here 15 years ago.”
“Better or worse?” Kastur was probably only interested in knowing whether he had entertainment to look forward to when they met up with us.
“Better—,“ Answered Conchobhar.
“Worse—,” Quintillus answered at the same time.
“Well which is it?” Kastur prodded.
“What?” Conchobhar, Adohi, Oli, and I all asked incredulously.
“Uh-oh! Dissension in the pack,” teased Kastur.
“How the fuck can it be worse? You’re fucking the only woman worth fucking on this whole station!” Conchobhar’s vehemence may have been much more explicit than my own but I knew he was only projecting all of our irritation and confusion about Quintillus’s statement.
“Don’t talk about Kara that way, asshole!” Quintillus’s defensiveness carried a challenging growl that I had never heard from my calm and coolheaded friend before. “She’s starting to make me aware of some serious underlying issues here.” All of us seemed to calm at his explanation.
“She’s not in danger is she,” Oli questioned nervously, “We know how dangerous the Ferryman is but we still stupidly asked her what she knew about him in a very public place.”
“It was unwise,” I agreed.