by J. Minter
After a moment of feeling badly for myself, I went to the refreshments table, leaned over a tray full of caramel apples decorated to look like jack-o’-lanterns, and ladled out a cup of punch for myself. But some creepy guy dressed like one of the winged monkeys from The Wizard of Oz kept staring at me, so I wandered upstairs again, hoping to find somewhere quiet in one of the back rooms to just sit and figure stuff out.
Right after she moved in, Sara-Beth converted the bedroom at the end of the hall into a walk-in closet on a grand scale, with two giant chests of drawers and a couple of clothing racks stretching all the way from one wall to another. I went in and closed the door behind me. It was kind of comforting in there, with all the Prada and Versace and Chloé dresses rustling around, and the wall of shoes arranged by color, like one of those rainbow spectrums from science class. I sat on the window seat nearest the door and stared down into the yard. Sara-Beth’s decorator had strung up a bunch of little paper lanterns shaped like skulls, and a big group of my classmates were out there in their costumes, chattering and mingling and moving around. They all looked so playful and friendly in their superhero capes, rubber masks, and bedsheet togas that I almost wanted to go down there and join them. But making new friends wouldn’t solve the trouble with my current friends. I sighed, and the glass fogged up a little, so I wrote my initials in script in the steam like I used to do when I was little: F.F.
The door squeaked open, showing part of the hallway and a figure silhouetted against the light. I sat up and tried to look cheerful. I didn’t want some total stranger to think I was in here moping around because no one would talk to me. But when the guy came all the way into the room, I realized it wasn’t a stranger at all. It was Adam.
“Hey,” he said, lifting the Kermit-the-frog mask off his head. “I’ve been looking around for you for, like, ever. What’re you doing hiding out in here?”
I’d been avoiding this exact moment all evening and the minute I was in it, my heart started beating faster in my chest. And I knew that, despite all the problems he was causing me and my friends, he was the one person I’d really wanted to see.
“Oh, you know … it was crowded,” I stammered, feeling shy and kind of embarrassed to have been caught in SBB’s über-closet.
He walked into the room, carrying the Kermit-the-frog mask under one arm like a football helmet. The green terry-cloth suit looked funny on him, like he was walking around in pajamas or something, and, despite all the guilt and nervousness I was feeling, I started to giggle.
“What?” he asked, sitting down next to me on the window seat.
“You look ridiculous in that costume.”
“This?” Adam gestured at his fuzzy green ensemble and said in a mock-serious voice, “This is no costume. I think it’s time you know—I’m Bogie’s real father.”
I laughed again, this time for real.
“Listen, I’ve been wanting to talk to you,” he told me. “Someplace more private than the bio room. Because you never said anything about what happened after the game the other night. I mean I e-mailed you, but I never heard back. …” He trailed off.
I hadn’t said anything because I didn’t know what to say. And I still didn’t.
“I wish I could say I just kissed you on impulse, but there’s more to it than that,” he went on. “It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. I know we haven’t known each other for long, but there’s something about you—”
“But Adam …” My voice came out as a squeak, and I cleared my throat. “Adam, I have a boyfriend. You must know that.”
“I do. That’s what makes this so hard. I mean, I hoped you were just friends when I saw you guys in the stairwell, but …” He looked down. “Bennett’s a great guy—he’s smart and funny and really … real. I can see why you like him so much. We’ve been e-mailing back and forth—and he mentioned you guys were dating—and so far, from everything he’s said and done, he seems like a real stand-up guy. I keep thinking, if I’d met him any other time, under any other circumstances, we would’ve been friends.” Adam moved his face close to mine. “But the way things are now, I can’t talk to him without feeling jealous. Because of you.”
It was funny: watching Adam from a distance, like on the football field or from across the room at a big high school party, he seems so confident and unbreakable. But talking right then, he looked so … I don’t know, so vulnerable. When he was breaking everybody else’s heart it was easy to forget that his own heart could get broken, too. So I guess that’s why, when he leaned in to kiss me, I didn’t stop him.
The minute it started happening, though, I knew it was wrong. I’d only kissed two guys before Adam—Bennett and my first boyfriend, Jonathan—so I had some idea how I wanted to feel during a kiss: safe and happy. But even though Adam was a good kisser—a really good kisser, actually—and totally adorable, I didn’t feel that way at all. Instead, I felt guilty, nervous, and worried that someone might see us. And that pretty much takes all the fun out of a kiss.
I pulled away and looked past him, down the hall, and what made things even worse was that, the minute I did, I saw Judith sidling up to another lanky green frog, taking him by the hand, and standing on her tiptoes to push up his frog mask up past his lips to get a look at him. I looked away, out the window, and—there was Meredith, standing in a corner of the garden, deep in conversation with a frog of her own. I looked back at Adam, who was watching me, looking hurt and confused.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
I took a deep breath. “Adam, I really like you—I do—but I just can’t do this.”
“But Flan—”
“Like I said, I have a boyfriend … and … and it just doesn’t feel right.” I got up. “I have to go.”
“Flan? Flan—wait!” But I was already out the door, taking off down the hall at top speed.
CHAPTER 27
IT’S NOT EASY BEING GREEN
By the time I got out to the hallway, Judith and her frog had disappeared. I pushed through a bunch of kids dressed as jungle animals and flew past them down the stairs. Even over the noise of the party, I could still hear Adam calling me, but I ignored him and hurried away, holding on tight to the banister strung with bloodred Christmas tree lights.
I didn’t see SBB, and couldn’t figure out where to go, or what to do. I thought that maybe I could scramble over the garden wall back into my own yard, or at least sit down outside for a while and get a breath of fresh air, but I knew for sure that there was no way I could think straight in this room full of shouts and laughter and guys dressed like Gandalf, small-town sheriffs, and the balding Stuy principal, Mr. Skille. I was halfway through the living room, headed for the kitchen, when all of a sudden I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around. Kermit.
“Listen, Adam,” I hissed, “I’m serious! We can’t keep doing this.” I shook his hand off my shoulder. “Someone could see us.”
Kermit stood still for a long moment, like he was some kind of puppet statue. Then he reached up and took his frog-head off.
I gasped. It wasn’t Adam at all. It was Bennett, and he had this horrible look on his face, like I’d totally, totally betrayed him.
Which, I realized with a stabbing pain in my stomach, I had. I had been so worried about Meredith and Judith fighting, and about whether I liked Adam or Bennett more, that I had never really considered how hurt Bennett would be if he knew I had feelings for Adam.
My mouth was still hanging open and I was so startled I couldn’t think straight. I just wanted to wipe that awful, hurt look off his face. But the first thing I managed to say was, “I thought you weren’t coming!”
Bennett looked away. His eyes were already starting to get kind of wet-looking.
“Obviously,” he croaked.
“No—wait, Bennett, that’s not what I meant at all. I mean—” It was hard to get words to come out right with him staring at me like I’d just ripped up all his Green Lanterns.
“I can’t
believe you’re cheating on me. And with Adam,” he spat. “God, do I feel stupid. I actually thought I was becoming friends with him. And you … I can’t even—” His voice cracked, and he turned to walk away from me.
“Bennett—Bennett!” I tried to grab on to his arm, but he took off into the crowd.
My classmates danced wildly around me, clearly having the times of their lives, but I stood motionless as a hollow, aching feeling crept over my body. My throat tightened, and I worried I was going to start crying right there in the middle of SBB’s haunted living room. What had I done? Someone knocked into me, spilling bloodred punch on my beautiful dress, and I felt that the night couldn’t get any worse … until I turned around and saw Meredith and Judith standing there, glaring fiercely at me. I never would’ve dreamed that a girl-pirate and a ladybug could be scary costumes, but right then they seemed like they’d come right out of one of those awful slasher movies.
“How long have you been there?” I gasped.
“Long enough,” snapped Judith.
“I can’t believe you, Flan.” Meredith shook her head in disbelief. “All that talk about saving our friendships and guys not being worth it, and this whole time you were—I mean, did you set the No Adam Rule just so you could keep him for yourself? Who would’ve thought you’d be the kind of person to do such a thing?”
“No, wait!” I cried, grabbing Judith’s arm. “Listen, this is all just a big misunderstanding. I can explain everything.”
Judith angrily shook my hand off. “We’re sick of your explanations, Flan!”
“Yeah,” Meredith put in. “What kind of friend steals a guy like that?”
“I wasn’t stealing him, though!” I said pleadingly, desperate to make them understand. “I swear, he just kissed me—and—and I didn’t know what to do.”
“Yeah, right!” Judith put her hands on the hips of her ripped black pirate skirt. “He just kissed you out of the blue! Because he always goes around doing that. Puh-lease.”
“Yeah,” Meredith agreed. “If it was that easy to get him to kiss you, then I—then people’d be doing it all the time.”
“He just likes me.” Why did every word that tumbled out of my mouth just make things worse?
“Well, I don’t see what’s so special about you,” said Judith. “You don’t even have on a sexy costume. Come on, Meredith.” She grabbed her friend’s arm and the two of them stalked off. She whirled around one last time and called back, “And Cinderella? Grow up, Flan.”
I stared after them miserably, wishing I had a fairy godmother to wave her wand and make everything go back to the way it used to be.
CHAPTER 28
LOST AND FOUND AND LOST AGAIN
I went to search for Bennett, hoping against hope that he hadn’t left the party yet. I was worried he was out wandering the streets of New York in his borrowed, footie frog suit. The idea kind of broke my heart. But I tore around the party anyway, hoping to get a glimpse of a dejected Kermit so I could try to talk to him at least. I went into the kitchen, where a bunch of burly guys were having a Bloody Mary-drinking contest, then out into the backyard, where I ran into Philippa and Mickey. Philippa was lounging on a lawn chair wearing a black turtleneck dress, a black velvet cape, and red lipstick. She looked sophisticated and a little bit bored. Mickey, on the other hand, was wearing torn jeans and running around, shaking his head like a wet dog. Apparently he had fallen into the apple-bobbing tub and gotten his shirt completely drenched.
“Hey, Flan,” Philippa called to me from over on her lawn chair, waving me over with her drink.
“Some party, huh, Flan?” a wild-eyed Mickey said with a wide grin. A piece of red apple skin was stuck to his front tooth, and his dark hair was all stringy and wet. It looked like the only part of him that had been washed in days. I couldn’t decide if he was supposed to be Kurt Cobain, a lumberjack, or just a pile of dirty laundry. “How’ve you been? I haven’t seen you or Patch since Feb lost her sense of humor.”
“Tell me about it,” I said. I was trying to keep my cool, but I guess I looked upset, because Philippa tilted her head at me, all concerned.
“Hey, Flan, is everything okay?” she asked.
“Well, I’m just looking around for my boyfriend, Bennett.” As soon as I said the word boyfriend, I realized that it was probably no longer true. “Has he come through here? He’s wearing a Kermit suit.”
“I haven’t seen him,” said Philippa. “Mickey?”
“Hang on just a sec, there’s my cell.” After some groping around, Mickey found his phone in his pants pocket. “Hey, it’s your brother!” He flipped open his phone. “Patch, you’re back from the dead!”
“I don’t think he’s seen him,” Philippa mouthed.
I nodded and wandered away before Mickey could think to put me on the phone with Patch. The last thing I wanted right then was to talk to my crazy family.
I went back inside to check the kitchen again and was about to give up the search when I suddenly spotted Bennett coming up from the door that led to SBB’s basement. He’d taken off his Kermit costume and was wearing some sort of stained, torn green suit with a V across the front of it and moon boots splattered with what looked like raw fruit. I rushed up to him.
“Bennett, listen, I’m so sorry,” I panted. “I know this looks bad, but just give me a chance to explain, please?”
“Leave me alone, Flan. I’m going home,” he muttered.
“But Bennett, I just want to explain!”
“I don’t want to hear it. It’s obvious what happened—I don’t need the details.” He pushed past me and started down the hall, but I caught up with him again when he ran into a group of former United States presidents.
“Well, at least tell me what happened to your clothes? And why aren’t you baby-sitting your cousin?” I asked, squeezing past Abe Lincoln.
“I was never going to baby-sit my cousin,” he shot back. “I just wanted to surprise you.”
“Surprise me?” I repeated, baffled.
“You were so upset about your frog dissection unit, I wanted to help you.” He barked out a sharp laugh. “So I’ve been at Stuyvesant with my brother all night, rescuing the frogs out of your bio classroom so he could take them all upstate to the nature preserve he works at on the weekends.”
“Oh my God. I can’t believe you did that.” I wanted to reach out to hug him, but he was looking at me with such a disgusted expression that I let my arms fall limp at my sides.
“Yeah, well, it seemed important to you. Afterward I put on this Buck Rogers costume—remember, that old comic book space hero from the movie we watched at your house? No, of course you don’t—you were probably daydreaming about third downs or whatever the whole time.”
“I was not!” I protested. The fact was, though, I had kind of tuned out most of the movie. When I told Bennett I loved old films from the ’40s, he apparently thought that meant I liked guys who talked like radio announcers and dressed like rejects from the starship Enterprise, when what I really liked were towering romances and vintage Chanel ball gowns. Bennett had made the movie even more boring by constantly pausing it to talk about how it was different from the “groundbreaking” comic book series, the first four books of which he’d found on microfiche at the library. I tried to think of something that would prove I’d been paying attention. “There was a girl astronaut in it who wore an aviator cap, wasn’t there?”
He went on as if he hadn’t heard me. “But when I cut through the parade to get here, I wound up getting pulled onto this float covered with people dressed up as angry gorillas, and well …” He looked down at his ruined costume.
“Oh, Bennett,” I said.
“When I got here I got sent down to the basement by some guy named Thorn, and it was the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen in my life: all these rusted chains and iron shackles were hanging on the walls of the stairs. Down at the bottom, this guy done up as some sort of leather Viking shoved me in a frog suit.” His eye flashe
d angrily. “You know the rest.”
I blurted out. “Bennett, I know you’re mad—and you have every right to be—but if we could just talk about it—”
“Mad? That’s a huge understatement. Flan, this has been the worst night of my life. I think I’ll exercise my ‘right’ to be ‘mad’ somewhere really far away from you.” And with that, he stormed out of the party, the door loudly slamming shut behind him.
CHAPTER 29
A NEW DEAL
I was sitting in the upstairs guest room on the patchy black velvet cushions of an ancient sofa, crying, when Sara-Beth Benny flitted into the room. She may not have been a fairy godmother, but there was no one in the world I wanted to see more.
“Sweetness, I just heard,” she said, flinging her bony arms around me. She sat down on the couch. “I could kill that boy—he’s absolutely ruined the party. I mean of course no one noticed but I just can’t believe anyone would talk to you that way.”
“But I deserved it.” I sniffled. “I’m a terrible person, Sara-Beth. I’ve messed everything up tonight.”
“Don’t say things like that!” She looked shocked. “Flan, this is all a question of bad luck and bad timing. No jury in the world would convict you, and with all the courtroom dramas I’ve been in, I should know.”
“I’m not saying I should go to jail.” I blew my nose into one of the black napkins with fanged purple spiders on them from a stack Sara-Beth Benny had handed me. “But I’ve been a lousy friend and an even worse girlfriend.”
Sara-Beth shook her head. “Everyone makes mistakes, Flan. Think of how many times I’ve decorated this place in absolutely hideous styles! There was the Moroccan nightmare, the life pod, the 1960s bubble furniture, the French country—”
I blinked away some of my tears. “Bubble furniture? I don’t remember that.”