“Go fuck yourself,” he said, getting in his car.
We backed up and watched as he drove his car out of the parking garage, only stopping for a moment at the exit before speeding off into the city. He never could take an argument, and he was so damn stubborn that he was willing to give up his entire career just to prove a point. This time, though, I wasn’t going to go running after him, begging him not to go. This was his choice, and the repercussions were completely on him. I looked over at my father who was still breathing heavily.
“I’m sorry, Dad,” I said, watching everyone disperse back to the building. “I didn’t mean for him to quit like that. I didn’t come down here for a fight, either. It just kind of happened.”
“Don’t apologize,” he said patting me on the shoulder. “Your brother has always been a little asshole, ever since he was a little boy. He will either come around and come back, or he won’t. That choice is completely up to him. I just hope that you guys don’t stay mad at each other forever. The family is important.”
He was right, family was important, and while I was here beating up my brother, Tiffany was at home, contemplating her new family. A family that I was part of. Well, at least I had been an hour ago. I knew how she felt about Jordan and me, and I also knew she was going to lose it when she found out we got into a fight.
Chapter 30
Tiffany
Jason’s door was open, so I walked around the corner and stopped in his doorway, looking over at him sitting at his desk. He looked angry, and he had several cuts and bruises on his face. I knew I should ask what the hell happened to him, but I already had a feeling that I knew. Everyone had been talking about a fight the night before in the parking garage, but I didn’t listen long enough to find out who it was between. Now, looking at Jason’s battered face and not being able to find Jordan made me think I missed out on more than after-work drinks when I had gone home after work. I cleared my throat, grabbing Jason’s attention.
“Where is Jordan?”
“He quit,” Jason said, looking back down at his file. “Why?”
I took two steps into the office and closed the door, lingering there for a second before turning back around. I walked over, squinting my eyes at Jason, wondering when he was going to look up at me. Whatever happened when I wasn’t here had put him in a foul mood, and to be frank, I was just completely fed up with everything going on. Right or wrong, I needed to work through these issues with Jordan if I ever wanted to have a chance at a happy relationship with Jason.
“Things will never be okay between Jordan and me if he and I can’t figure out our own shit,” I said sitting down on the edge of the chair.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that I want to be on okay terms with Jordan. Not for me, not for the baby, but for you. If you and your brother continue like this, you’re going to end up hating each other. And then one day, you are going to end up resenting me for driving a wedge between the two of you,” I explained. “I don’t want to be responsible for that.”
“That’s just not true,” he said angrily.
“It is,” I replied. “Whether you can see it or not.”
I stood up and walked out of the office, shutting the door behind me. I grabbed a cup of coffee from the lounge and went to my desk, leaning back in my chair and closing my eyes. The last thing I wanted was for Jordan to quit. He loved this job with every fiber of his being, and I did not want to be the reason he walked away from it. I knew that Jason was worried that I wanted to get back together with Jordan, but that just wasn’t the case. I still wanted Jason just as much as I did at the beginning of all of this, I only wanted him and Jordan to be okay in their relationship. I would never be fully comfortable moving forward if I knew that I had been the root cause of them never talking again. It would change the entire dynamic of the family and cause tension in our relationship.
I went through the rest of the day trying to focus on my work. Jason didn’t come back out of the office after our talk, and I was almost sure that was a good thing. Everyone needed to cool off and take a breather. Even John had stayed locked in his office all day, and after what I heard went down in the parking garage the day before, I was surprised I wasn’t hearing it from him. I knew that it was me driving a wedge in their family, but I didn’t know what to do about it. When work was over, I grabbed my things and headed outside, hopping in a cab and heading over to Jordan’s penthouse. As I stepped out onto the curb, I looked up at the tall building, remembering just three months ago spending my first few days as a married woman tucked away in the rooms on the top floor. It was a strange feeling walking back in and having to ask the front desk guy to let me up the guest elevator. When I got to his floor, I walked over and knocked loudly on his door, assuming he would be there since he didn’t have a job anymore. When Jordan opened the door, he looked down at me with a stern face, a face I had only seen one other time, and that was when he had left me.
“Can I come in?”
He nodded his head and stepped to the side.
I looked around the penthouse, realizing that he hadn’t even moved one thing. Pictures from our wedding still peppered the fireplace, and I wondered if he had ever had Rosalie over to his place. It was a strange feeling standing in the living room of the apartment I used to feel at home in.
“Sit down,” he said gently, pointing to the chair across from the couch he was sitting on.
“I just want to talk,” I said sitting down. “When you left me, and I was all alone, I had zero plans to ever start dating anyone again. I saw your brother in a club that Mona dragged me out to, trying to pull me out of my depression. I had literally built a straw for my wine glass so I could lay down and drink.”
He smiled and chuckled, making me feel more comfortable.
“The next day I asked Jason out to lunch,” I continued. “We had a great time, and it was very unexpected. One thing led to another, and I found myself seeing him almost every day. He found this specialist for me to see. I gave them all my samples, but when the results came back, they told me yes, I had PCOS, but I was also pregnant. It caught me so off guard you could barely talk to me for days. Then it all settled in, and Jason was so wonderful about everything.”
“Do you love him?”
“Yes,” I said after thinking for a few moments. “I do love him, very much.”
“Look,” he said leaning forward and taking my hand. “I know you didn’t do any of this on purpose. You don’t have that kind of anger or revenge in your body. I knew from the first moment I found out that it was literally one of those fluke things that happen that catch you off guard. But I couldn’t help but feel completely enraged by it. It felt like a betrayal on both of your parts, and it was hard to come to terms with the fact that you loved each other. I felt like I had been cheated, but I knew it was because I had walked away. After sitting here today, just staring off into the distance, I realized that you and I were never meant to be. We had a hell of a time together, but we weren’t meant to grow old with each other.”
“I completely agree,” I said, smiling and squeezing his hand. “It was really hard for me to realize that in the beginning, but when I moved past you that day at the lobby of the office, I knew the pain had all gone away. I still cared for you very much. I want what is best for you, and I don’t like to see you hurting. I want you in my life and the baby’s life.”
“And I want to be in the baby’s life.” He smiled. “It just might take me a little bit of time to get used to everything.”
“Well, you have eight months until it’s here, so I think that is plenty of time.” I laughed. “You know, if I had known that I could get pregnant, and it would only take a couple of months, I would have pushed you to try harder. Despite whether we were right for each other, I loved you very much, and I considered you my best friend. I had planned our family out in my head for so many years that I can still see the child I imagined we would have. I know it’s weird, but I’m a gi
rl, so what can I say?”
“You aren’t the only one.” He chuckled. “I thought about what our family would be like and what our children would be like. I imagined a little girl who had your blond hair and pretty green eyes and a little boy with dark hair and dimples like me. I think, though, in the end, it was harder letting go of those dreams than it was letting go of each other. We were living our lives based on dreams of the future not based on our love for each other. It was bound to end at some point.”
“Well, I can admit that I didn’t try to convince you to stay,” I said. “I let you go without a fight and just slunk down in my depression, not even sure what I was depressed over. I didn’t fight for you to stay, and though it wasn’t on purpose, I know it was something in the back of my mind. I think I knew it wouldn’t work no matter how hard I fought, so I didn’t.”
“I know,” he said sitting back. “I noticed that right away. I realized that on about day three that you weren’t going to try to fight for me. I wasn’t playing games, but I guess when you’re in a relationship and you suddenly break it off, you wonder how much they will really fight to keep you. It made me bitter that you had given up just as easily as I had, but I was made out to be the terrible person. People on the outside, especially the ones who have never been married or in a serious relationship don’t understand how marriage is a two-way street. Why would you fight for someone who didn’t even show a tiny amount of sadness when they no longer had you in their life? I knew then, our relationship had never been as strong as we liked to try to make it out to be.”
“I agree with you,” I said. “For me, I just didn’t have anything else in me at that moment. My heart was completely broken, and I didn’t know where to go next, so I just gave up.”
“Well,” Jordan said, standing up and reaching down for my hand. “We had some really good times together, and I want to keep our friendship alive. I want to be an uncle for that baby, too, but you just have to give me some time to adjust.”
“I can do that,” I said, leaning in as he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed, kissing me on the top of my head.
Jordan walked me to the door and smiled as I walked out feeling so much better about everything. I was finally able to sit down and have a conversation with him that didn’t include yelling, screaming, or name calling. In the end, I realized that neither one of us thought we were meant to be, but in the end, we both did things that really hurt the other person. I felt bad about that fact and realized that I truly did give up on Jordan as soon as the waters got rough. I took the elevator downstairs and hopped in a cab, giving them Jason’s address. I pulled out my phone and dialed his number, listening to it ring and ring until the answering service picked up the call. I hung up feeling frustrated at the fact that he wasn’t answering my calls. Where was he? I could feel my emotions start to simmer up in my chest, and immediately, I was worried that after all of that, he was going to be the one to give up on me. There was no way I was going to let that happen.
Chapter 31
Jason
My brain was completely wired, and all I could do when I walked in the house was drop my bag on the floor and plop down on the couch. I sat there drinking a beer and flipping through the channels, not actually focusing on anything. Instead, I was letting my mind simmer, forcing my unconscious to do the work my conscious mind was too tired to take on. After a few hours, I yawned and flipped off the television. I tossed my bottle into the trash and grabbed another out of the fridge. As the door shut, I heard a knock at the door. I groaned. Who the hell would be showing up at the house at night without letting me know first? I opened the door, and my gaze fell on Tiffany. She was shivering from the cold, and tears were running down her cheeks. I immediately pulled her inside and wrapped my arms around her, the look on her face shocking me back to reality. I pulled back and looked into her weepy eyes.
“What happened?”
She shook her head and walked into the house, taking her coat off and rubbing her arms up and down. She looked around and then turned back to me, still crying. I was completely at a loss and had no idea what could be wrong with her. We had just left work a few hours before.
“Why are you so upset with me?” She was almost sobbing at that point, and I had no idea what she was talking about. I walked over and hugged her again, not even knowing what to say. “I called you several times.”
I looked around the room searching for my phone, but I didn’t see it on any of the surfaces. I patted my pockets trying to find it until my eyes rested on my bag by the door. I hadn’t even thought about my phone when I got home, instead, I had walked in and dropped my bag, leaving everything from the day barely inside the house. I shook my head and chuckled at the ridiculous of the situation, quickly straightening my face as she looked up at me angry.
“I came home and was so tapped, I just dropped my bag by the door,” I explained. “I went over and sat on the couch and channel surfed. My phone was inside my bag, and I didn’t hear it ring. It’s probably still on silent from work.”
She turned and looked at the bag on the floor and then back at me, sniffling as she let the information process. She let out a deep breath and walked into the living room, plopped down on the couch, and pulled the throw around her shoulders. She was freezing cold, and I wondered why she was out so late. She should be tucked warmly in her bed by now, not knocking on my door in tears.
“I just came from Jordan’s house,” she said. The words shot right into my chest, and I was almost afraid to ask why. There was plenty of time for her to go talk to Jordan. Why did she feel the need to go over there right after we had an argument about it? I could feel my jealousy start to bubble up in my chest, and I tried to push it down so I could hear her out.
“Why?”
“I needed to hash all of this crap out with him,” she explained. “For you and for the baby. I don’t want to bring this child into a family that can’t even be in the same room during holidays. I needed to explain to him what really happened. We never had that conversation after he left, and it's important. It kind of helps break that tie that is there when you’re married to someone.”
“I understand all of that,” I said, sighing. “What I don’t understand is why it was so important that you had to rush over there tonight to do it. Jordan wasn’t going anywhere, regardless of whether he quit or not. I just don’t understand why he is so important to you.”
She sat there for a minute, looking at me like I was crazy. I thought that was a pretty straightforward question, but apparently, it was the wrong one. I took in a deep breath and braced myself for her answer.
“Because I wanted this shit figured out right now, not tomorrow, not six months from now, right now,” she said angrily.
“I understand,” I said. “But it still bothers me.”
“Look,” she said standing up and pulling on her jacket. “I don’t know what the hell you want. Would you rather sit around and let this go on and on forever? You know that isn’t going to work, and it's only going to continue to push us further apart.”
“Tiffany, I only mean—”
“I know what you mean,” she said interrupting me. “Think long and hard about us, your life, our family, and this baby. You need to understand what you want before you go getting angry at me for trying to fix this giant mess.”
She stomped across the apartment, buttoning up her coat. She walked down the steps and out the front door, slamming it behind her. I walked over to the window and watched as she hailed a cab, climbing inside and taking off down the street. She was so angry, but I didn’t understand why. Everything was going to work itself out in the end. I knew it, but I didn’t need to picture the woman carrying my baby rushing over to her ex-husband's house to make things right with him when she left me sitting in the office reeling after she and I got into it. I felt like I was being chosen last for the game, and I didn’t like it at all.
I walked over and sat down on the couch, left alone again, but stunned at
what just happened. My mind was going crazy thinking about what she said before she left. I knew what I wanted. I had always known what I wanted, and it was her. I had spent years pining over Tiffany, even when I didn’t consciously realize I was doing it. Then, after all that time, I had finally gotten her in my arms and to make matters even more exciting, we were expecting a baby together. She was the girl of my dreams and always had been. I had just gotten her, and now I was sitting alone in my house terrified that I was about to lose her, and I really didn’t understand why. I knew it was important to her to hash all of this out, but it had only been a day since my brother and I had duked it out in the parking garage at work. Now, I was faced with the idea that I could lose her and my brother at the same time. This was not at all what I thought of when I pictured myself taking time to really let my mind rest tonight. I should be curled up in bed with Tiffany, not watching her run from my house, wondering if I’ll ever see her again. Either way, I loved that woman, and I wanted to be with her and my child, and I was not going to let anyone take that away.
I walked over and pulled my phone from my bag, looking at the calls I had missed. They were all from Tiffany and all while she was probably on her way over to my house. I flipped through my phone and pressed call. I needed to talk to Jordan, really work this out if it were at all possible. I completely expected to get the voicemail, but was really surprised when he picked up after the first ring. The first few seconds of the conversation was awkward, so I cut through the bullshit and just started talking.
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