Richard shrugged. “I have no idea. I’m not convinced they exist just because Jesus said they did.”
“That’s why you’ve got to decide if Jesus is who he claimed to be,” Tex explained. “If he is, as he claimed, the Son of God, sent to die on your behalf so you could escape hell-fire, then you’d better pay attention to his message, don’t you think?” He paused. “If Jesus is God the Son, then only a fool would ignore him. If he isn’t, then he’s a liar or a madman.”
Angel said, “Richard, Jesus didn’t leave any room for neutrality on this issue—either you believe in him as God or you must accept he was a lunatic and a liar, because he claimed to be God. Everyone in his day understood his claim—that’s why the Jews wanted to kill him. They considered it blasphemy. And if you prefer to think of him as a lunatic, then how do you explain his miracles? He healed the sick. He raised the dead. He turned water into wine. He walked on water.” She paused. “There have been plenty of lunatics who claimed to be the Messiah. But they didn’t give sight to the blind, or heal anyone of anything. They didn’t feed five thousand people from a few loaves and fish—and they definitely did not rise from the dead.”
“You don’t know those things really happened,” said Richard.
Tex jumped back in. “No one of his time even tried to deny his miracles—they couldn’t. There were too many eyewitnesses. The only thing they did deny him was a fair trial—and that, it turns out, was God’s plan for salvation. Jesus had to die for us so we could be forgiven. But he could have refused. He didn’t, because he loves us. He loves you, Richard. He died for you, for your sins, so they could be forgiven.”
“Even that doesn’t make sense to me,” Richard said. “Why couldn’t God just choose to forgive us?”
Tex didn’t blink. “The Bible explains that. It tells us, ‘without the shedding of blood there can be no forgiveness of sin.’ Something has always had to die for atonement to be given. They used to sacrifice animal after animal in the Temple for the forgiveness of sins. That’s why Jesus is called the Lamb of God. Our sacrificial Lamb. Except his sacrifice was perfect, it don’t have to be repeated, and it can never be repeated. There is no other sacrifice that can be given or accepted for sin.” Tex shook his head.
“Look, let’s keep it simple. There is one way to be saved, according to God. And you’re goin’ to hell unless you take that road. You need to accept that you deserve punishment, but he died for you, as Romans 6:23 says: ‘For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.’” He paused, studying Richard with penetrating eyes. “So here’s your dilemma, Richard. If you don’t receive what Jesus did for you, you’ll remain in your sins. You will end up in hell. It’s like—choosing to stay dirty and grimy when he’s offering you a clean white robe!”
Richard was silent. Tex said, “Will you pray with me right now? You can tell God you’re sorry and ask him to forgive you—and he will! It ain’t rocket science, man. He does what he says he will do and he promised to forgive us if we ask him.”
Richard still said nothing.
“I’ll pray with you,” I said. I hadn’t actually said a formal prayer asking for forgiveness before. I’d done penance as a Catholic—I’d have to find out if that meant anything. Angel took my hand, smiling, while Tex murmured, “That’s good, that’s good, Sarah. Let me just read a couple more verses to back up what I’ve told you.”
Opening his Bible, he read things like, “God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” He looked up. “You hear that word, ‘perish’? It means die the second death. That’s what the Bible calls it when you are cast into hell. It’s the second death. It’s the death God referred to when he told Adam, ‘The day you eat the fruit, you will surely die.’ It doesn’t just mean physical death. It’s perishing, in the final and ultimate and most terrifying sense of the word.” He studied Richard, who was staring hard at the floor.
“Anything that happens down here on earth, no matter how awful it seems at the time is a drop in the bucket next to the suffering that will take place in hell. Because it never ends. It’s unending agony—”
“But Adam didn’t die physically, did he?” I asked. “I mean, not the day he ate the fruit.” I remembered that much from catechism classes at our old church.
“He did,” Tex said. “That is, he started to. He was made in perfection—to last forever—so he still lived hundreds of years before his body actually died. But death began its work on that day. And he also died spiritually. And he would never have had to face death at all if he hadn’t sinned. And neither would we. Think about that.”
He looked back to Richard. “If you perish, Richard, you’ll be eternally separated from God and all that is good. There’s no salvation available for those in hell. It’s too late, then.” He paused, waiting to see if Richard would respond. When he didn’t, Tex continued, “Jesus said for those who go to hell, ‘there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’ That is a picture of misery. Sheer misery.”
“Yeah, well, I think if ‘God so loved the world,’ there wouldn’t be a hell!” Richard stood up, and took a deep breath. “I’ve had enough of this for tonight, if you don’t mind.”
Tex stood up too and he took a breath, folding his arms. “I do mind, actually. Listen here, Richard, if you expect to live beneath our roof—”
“We’re staying in the barn, Tex,” he intoned, as if it made a big difference.
“That’s still my property,” he returned. “I’d like to let you stay here. But I won’t keep someone unwilling to examine the Scriptures with me. That’s like contributing to your death. I see you as heading for a great big cliff. You tell me, Richard, should I just let you keep going towards that cliff at breakneck speed, knowing what’s coming for you? Huh? I can’t do that.”
“What if there is no cliff?”
Tex cleared his throat. “Search your heart and ask yourself what happens when you reach the end of this road we call life. Just ask yourself. The Bible says God has put it in the heart of man to know He exists. All creation shouts, there is a God. And if there’s a God then he knows what’s coming and HE SAYS THERE’S A CLIFF!”
“Now, if you think you know better than God, then I guess there’s nothing more I can say to you. But take this—” he picked up the dog-eared copy of the New Testament and handed it to Richard. “And read it. Read the words of Jesus. Read it and pray that if it’s the truth, God will speak to your heart and let you know it.”
Angel was looking on. She did not look happy. Richard took the Bible from Tex but said nothing. He strode off, letting the door bang behind him.
Angel said, “You were a little hard on him, hon, don’tcha think?” She went to him, stretched out her arms and circled his neck. He lifted her off the ground to get her face even with his. “You can’t strong-arm someone into faith,” she said softly, looking into his eyes. “You have to let the Holy Spirit speak to his heart.”
“I know that,” he said, gruffly. “But we are called to snatch the lost out of the fire. I’m just snatchin’ is all.” She rubbed her nose back and forth against his.
I figured they were about to make out—maybe they’d forgotten I was there. I stood up to follow Richard but Tex called, “You wait just a minute, young ‘un. We’re not finished with you.” Tex’s voice was deep and ominous but he didn’t fool me any longer. The only thing scary about him was that he could turn us out. Smiling, I said, “You mean, we’re gonna pray?”
“Right.” He tried to sound ornery. When I only smiled he said, “Uh-oh.”
“She’s got your number, hon,” Angel said. “Sit back down here,” she added. “We’re gonna pray for you. And then we need to do something to celebrate!”
“Cool!” I said. In a minute, I’d said a prayer at Angel’s leading, word for word, after her. I told God how sorry I was for all my sins. I asked him to forgive me because of what Jesus
did on the cross. And I told him I wanted to follow him for the rest of my life. We talked and laughed at the table and played a game of cards. Angel made a big stockpot of popcorn, and we had water flavored with lemon powder and sugar. It was so fun.
I was happy, floating on air. My worries about being kicked out had vanished, and Tex and Angel were just too neat for words. I felt like I’d just joined a church, like I was a member now, formally. I now felt sure—I was going to heaven when I died! I felt a new love for the Lord. One day I might even tell Angel and Tex about my encounter at the library when Jesus had given us water.
When I reached the loft, I was hoping Richard might be sleeping. He wasn’t. In fact, he wasn’t there at all. His things were gone, too. I found only a note:
Finding Dad. I’ll be back.
Chapter 59
ANDREA
I. AM. IN. LOVE.
I can’t stop thinking about Roper! He is a beautiful guy. And he’s sweet. And funny. And nice and just…perfect!
Lexie and I were here in bed in our PJs when there was a knock at the door. Well, it was him! He popped his head in and eyed me gingerly. “Sorry to bother you girls; I just wanted to leave Andrea with a parting thought for the night.”
I said, “Oh, really?”
He said, “I figured you might need something to feed sweet dreams.” His gaze strayed to Lexie. “Maybe you do, too.” I wasn’t thrilled that he’d included her, but only because I want his attention all to myself! Nevertheless I smiled, guessing he had a silly joke in store. Roper always had silly jokes in that handsome head of his. I didn’t know how he did it. But his look turned serious and he gazed at me.
“I was reading the Bible and thought I’d share what spoke to my heart.” He came a few steps into the room, holding a small candle-sconce over the open Bible in his other hand. He cleared his throat.
“With God we will gain the victory; and he will trample down our enemies. Psalm. 60:12.” He flipped to another page. “The LORD is a warrior; the LORD is his name. Exodus 15:3.”
“I have one,” said Lexie. A stab of remorse filled me because I hadn’t done much Bible memorization, and I envied Lexie at that moment. “The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but victory rests with the LORD. Proverbs 21:31,” she said.
Roper nodded. “Good one.” He glanced at me. I was covered by a sheet and light blanket but had sat up. Was he waiting to see if I had a good one too?
To hide my sad lack of Bible knowledge, I said, “Got any more?” with a smile.
He continued, “I called to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I have been saved from my enemies. Psalm 18:3.” He added, “Here’s a really good one from Leviticus. ‘I will grant peace in the land, and you will lie down, and no one shall make you afraid.” He glanced at us. “Good stuff, huh?”
“Yeah!” We agreed heartily. I was so touched that he’d come up to lift our spirits. The room, with only candlelight, held a soft glow that seemed to wrap Roper in a halo. It was perfect.
He continued, “You will pursue your enemies, and they will fall by the sword before you. Leviticus 26:7.” Lexie and I whooped appreciatively. Smiling, Roper continued, “Five of you will chase a hundred, and a hundred of you will chase ten thousand, and your enemies will fall by the sword before you. That’s 26:8.”
More whoops. We were having fun.
He read on, “I will look on you with favor and make you fruitful and increase your numbers and I will keep my covenant with you. 26:9.” I didn’t whoop at this one because it embarrassed me, words of being “fruitful” and “increasing.” But Lexie cried, “Yeah! Read that one to Blake!” and then we burst into laughter.
Roper gave us a moment to contain ourselves, and then, still smiling, said, “Wait; I’ve got more. Check this out, it’s the next verse! ‘You will still be eating last year’s harvest, when you will have to move it out to make room for the new.” He looked up, “Another version says, ‘you will eat old store long kept.’ Is that cool, or what?”
We whooped appreciatively, and would have kept it up except Mr. Martin’s head appeared in the doorway.
“What in heck—” he started. He stopped in surprise, seeing Roper, and then the Bible in his hands. He stepped in frowning, and shut the door behind him. He turned to us. “What all are you doing?”
Roper grinned. “I was just reading the Word to the girls. Words of encouragement.”
“It certainly sounded like it,” Lexie’s dad said. “The whole house can hear how encouraged you are.”
“Sorry,” Roper said. Lexie and I apologized also.
“Okay then, wrap it up and get to sleep. Tomorrow we’re doing drills.” His eye lingered on me. “You’ll have to stick with a .22—on a bipod—until that arm gets stronger, but you need to keep up with practice.”
After he’d gone, we thanked Roper for reading to us. He shut his Bible and said, “My pleasure, ladies. And now I’ll leave you with a different kind of thought.” He rubbed his chin, thinking. “Ok. This one’s for Andrea.” Straight-faced he said, “A man told his doctor, I’ve hurt my arm in several places. The doctor said, Well, don’t go there anymore.” It sometimes took me a few seconds, but I always got Roper’s jokes and I giggled. Suppressing a smile, he went on, “I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.”
After we said our good-nights and he’d gone from the room, Lexie’s head came into view as she hung over the side from the top bunk to see me. In the dark, I could only make out her outline. She’d almost scared me.
“What?” I asked.
“He likes you.”
I smiled in the dark. “How do you know?”
“Oh, c’mon. His coming in here. It wasn’t for me.”
“I like him too.”
“I know. I’m glad you don’t like Jared anymore.”
“Well—Jared’s okay, but when I was in his cabin, I didn’t want to be alone with him. I don’t feel that way with Roper. You know what I mean? I like Roper more.”
“Jared’ll get over it,” she said.
“I hope so. I don’t want to hurt his feelings.” An even bigger regret was now he’d probably never take the risk of looking for my mother and Washington.
My mother! I didn’t want to think about her. Baby Lily had cried a lot the first few days but she was better now. What if Mom never returned? Lily would forget her entirely. I forced myself to stop thinking about it. There was nothing I could do.
Chapter 60
SARAH
I was stunned by Richard’s note. I couldn’t believe he’d abandoned me! And the thought of him being out there alone terrified me. I’d saved his life, hadn’t I? Without me, who would watch his back? I got angry. How could he leave me without even saying goodbye? I’m his sister!
But after the initial shock wore off, I remembered a conversation we’d had. Richard had overheard me and Angel talking about the Bible. I found him afterwards in the loft, lying down with his hands beneath his head, staring at the barn ceiling. He didn’t look at me as I rounded the top of the ladder, but said, “So is religious instruction over?”
I sat down near him. “For now, yeah.”
He grimaced. “I was thinking. I’m gonna find out if Aunt Susan is still alive.”
I opened my mouth to object but he hurriedly continued, “I’ll leave you here. You’re safer here. If I find out that we can live on the ranch over there—and maybe see if Dad ever showed up—I’ll come back for you.”
“What if you find out we can’t? What if Aunt Susan’s dead, which she probably is? And what if you get yourself killed going off alone?”
He rolled over to face me. “You mean, alone without you? Have you been keeping me alive? Are you saying I need you to survive?”
I stared at him. “You don’t need to get mean about it. I think we need each other to survive. We are all the family we have.”
His brown eyes were serious. “I said I’ll be back.”
I frowned. “Tex and Angel are letting u
s stay here! They have everything we need and I—I care about them. Why can’t we just stay here?”
“They could change their mind at any time. Maybe they have a grown son who’s gonna come back and put a gun to my head, too. Or maybe it’ll be a nephew. Who knows? We’re not their family, Sarah. They don’t owe us anything, and I don’t want to get kicked out in the middle of winter.”
I was feeling upset but I tried to stay calm. I had to think like Richard, use an argument he’d appreciate. “They realize the more hands they have around, the easier the work for all of us.”
Richard was staring at the ceiling again. “The more hands to work, the more mouths to feed. I think we’re on borrowed time and one day we’re gonna wake up and they’ll tell us to be off.”
“They wouldn’t do that, Richard! They aren’t like that!”
“You don’t know what they’d do. We really don’t know them.”
“Well, tomorrow I’ll ask them. I’ll ask what they think about us staying; and whether they might want us to leave when the winter comes and it’s harder to get food.”
“What makes you think they’ll be honest with you?”
“Richard, you don’t get it because you’re an unbeliever. They are Christians, and I’ll ask them to tell me the truth before God.”
“Oh, that’s gonna make a big difference,” he said, sarcastically. “Don’t kid yourself, Sarah. Just like everyone else, they will do whatever it takes to survive, and if that means getting rid of us they’ll do it. Tex had us tied up at gunpoint, remember.”
“He thought we killed his wife! I’d say that’s cause to be suspicious of us and tie us up!”
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