by Zara Zenia
To my relief, he didn’t try to call back after I ignored him. The elevator doors opened, and I stepped off and into a long well-lit modern hallway. I stood in front of room 827 and inhaled sharply. I shifted my weight and glanced at the ground. I was alone in the hall that was still and silent.
Now all I had to do was hope that she would answer the door. If I could get on the other side of it, maybe my luck would shift to the better.
My knuckles rapped against the wood frame. I waited through the silence and held the oxygen in my lungs because I was afraid of what would happen next.
After a few moments, I heard a female speak in a weary voice. “Who is there?”
“It’s Lucy. Lucy Rivers.” My voice sounded high, squeaky and full of anxiety.
A second or two passed without response. I began to suspect I was really alone and on my own. I finally allowed myself to breath out the disappointment consuming me. That’s when I heard the door unlocking from its bolt.
“Lucy? What are you doing here so late?” Ella’s expression was one mixed with concern and trepidation. She looked beyond me down the hallway with suspicion.
I tried to reassure her from the beginning. “Don’t worry everything’s alright and I’m sorry to come here at this hour. I was just hoping I could come in and talk to you about something?” I winced as I waited for her to respond, hoping she would let me in. I wasn’t sure where her mate was or if he allowed visitors, but he had seemed nice when I met him before. I was too tired to walk all the way back to Harkzak’s house anyway.
Ella was a girl who I had met at a dinner party when she first arrived on Xicret. She was American and Earth born. She had told me when I first met her that getting taken by the Xicret race was the best thing that had ever happened to her.
She said that back at home she was rich and had a lot of friends, but she felt lonely on the inside because nobody really cared about the person she was inside, they just wanted to use her for her money. I’d gone there tonight because I knew that Ella was the best person to seek advice from since she had lived through the same trials I had after being abducted.
But I’d noticed from the very beginning after meeting her that she was happy to be on this new planet with her new mate. I wanted to know if I could enjoy that same lifestyle as well or if I should try to go back home. I searched her eyes, pleading.
“Yes, please come in, of course.” She moved aside to let me in.
“Thank you.” I turned around and gave her a friendly smile.
“Come, sit in the living room. Would you like a warm cup of tea or anything?”
I thought about it and warm tea sounded so cozy and wonderful right now. “Yes, that sounds fantastic. Thank you again, so much.”
“Oh it’s no problem, dear.” Ella was dressed in a long silky silver robe and her dark brown hair was worn down and fell just below her shoulder line and she was barefoot. Her skin was creamy white and familiar.
“So how are things going with Harkzak?” she called out from the kitchen, glancing at me over an open cabinet as she prepared our tea.
“Um, I’m actually here to talk to you about that,” I called back and sat on the couch anxiously.
Her apartment was modern and sheik with lots of clean lines of grays and whites. She emerged from the kitchen a few minutes later carrying the tea in adorable oriental style cups. She had a genuine glow about her and I felt safe and comforted being there.
I took my cup from her gratefully and clinched it with both hands, appreciating the warmth that radiated from the beverage that smelled magnificent. “Wow. I can’t wait to taste this; it smells delicious.”
“Thanks, its jasmine tea. It’s one of my favorites.” She smiled warmly and made me feel refreshed inside.
I took a deep breath, knowing I owed her an explanation as to why I had shown up on her doorstep so late at night. “Well, I came here tonight because I’m having a problem that I can’t sort out on my own.”
“Okay, I’d be happy to try and help you out, dear.” She placed a cool slender hand over mine and smiled as if it were no big deal. She had a natural ability to stay neutral and I needed that right now.
“Harkzak admitted something to me tonight that was sort of…upsetting.” I looked down at the tea, afraid to go on.
“Ok, what was it?” Her voice piqued with interest.
I couldn’t stop what happened next. The heavy burden of overdue tears burst from me and I couldn’t contain them anymore. There was a well bursting from inside of me.
“I was having so much fun with him.” I sobbed and wiped my nose, trying to compose myself but my chest heaved up and down with my wails. I was really selling the ‘ugly cry’ tonight.
“Oh dear,” Ella squeezed my hand tightly and frowned with concern.
I looked up at her through my wet eyes and cleared my throat. “I went through painstaking details tonight to create a decadent dinner and elaborately lavishly decorated table for him tonight. I was so excited to present my hard work to him, thinking he would love it.”
I looked at Ella and she nodded a cue for me to keep going in my explanation. “So anyway, he was acting really distant and quiet so I began to get self-conscious that he didn’t like the food or the decorations or something.”
I swallowed hard and cleared my throat again. I took a deep breath to compose myself before going on.
“I asked him what was wrong, and he told me that the Looking Eye he showed me was all a lie, that everything I saw within it was merely my own reservations and worst fears being mirrored back to me, but none of it was truth.”
“Oh my.” Ella sat back on the couch. She leaned against the cushions. She remained calm and poised. “He is not supposed to use the Looking Eye. I don’t know much about it other than the fact that it’s illegal to have in practice on this planet.”
“Yes, that’s what he said. I know his guilt extends beyond my understanding now. I could tell by the way he was looking at me that he was so sorry, but I just don’t know what to think. He told me I could go home if I wanted to.” I trailed off there, looking out the window.
It was beginning to drizzle outside. Rain had the same cozy feel to it here on Xicret as it did back on Earth. Suddenly, I became captivated by watching the little water droplets collect on the window pane.
“I think your answer is within your heart,” Ella said, shattering through my deep thoughts.
“What do you mean by that?” I asked, needing further explanation. I stared up at her through huge, blue, tear stained eyes.
“Where are you happier? Is it here with Harkzak or back on Earth? Can you weigh in your heart which place and situation brings you the most joy?” Ella pointed her dark brown eyes at me, searching me.
I knew she was trying to make me discover what I was really feeling inside. She wanted me to expose the ugly reality.
“Hmm,” I said and sat back too, placing my hands in my lap. I pondered her question reflectively.
“Think about this,” Ella offered. “If your life was so perfect back on Earth, then why did it show so much negativity? If you were happy back on Earth then why did the Looking Eye show you only the things that you would consider your worst nightmare?”
She raised a good point, and I was beginning to see the light. I was happy that I had made the time to come here for this little burst of encouragement from somebody who had been through some of the same things I had.
“Well I think a lot of my sub consciousness was worried. For instance, back on Earth my boyfriend used to bully me into losing weight. It was always a sore spot between us because it never came easy for me and I thought he wanted me to be someone else or look different,” I confessed.
“Okay and what about Harkzak?” She raised an eyebrow.
I wondered if she was reading my mind. We were that in sync.
“Harkzak seems to care for me and love me for who I am inside, not what I look like,” I admitted this fact for the first time out loud to another pe
rson.
Ella leaned in closer to me. “Well you might be on your way to seeing a new prospective then.”
“Yeah, but it doesn’t change the fact that he did lie to me,” I retorted.
Ella looked pensive for a moment, calculating the right response. “Perhaps he lied to you out of love.”
“Why would he do that?” I still didn’t quite understand but I could tell she was onto something.
“I mean the part about him finally telling you the truth. The fact that he couldn’t go on with the untruth shows great character in a man, one that you shouldn’t take lightly.” Ella’s stare turned stoic, reflective and grave.
I shook my head and shrugged. Her perspective could be right. “Do you think so?”
“I know so. He could have chosen to carry on with the lie forever and you would have been none the wiser, you would have given up on your family thinking that they didn’t care about you anymore, but Harkzak wanted to give you options and to let you know you hadn’t really been forgotten.”
Fresh tears pooled in my eyes again. I almost wished I could have gone on without knowing my family really cared about me after all. The fact that they were probably still out there heartbroken and missing me made me feel even worse.
If I could have just lived the rest of my life here on Xicret blind to the truth, things might have turned out remarkably different.
I respected Harkzak’s honesty and he did seem genuinely loving. It made him seem so decent and pure to me, even overlapping the lie. Fred was a different story. It was almost as if the image was more important to him.
He wanted the great job, the great trophy wife and the big apartment in the big city. Fred and I looked good on the surface, but how long would that last before the foundation came crumbling to the ground?
The more I thought about it, the more I began to realize the grandeur of the pressure he had put me under to be perfect all the time. The revelation made me blurt out something. “When I’m with Harkzak I feel like I can be myself with no strings attached. I’m not always constantly looking for approval.”
Harkzak cared about me on a deeper level that didn’t involve aesthetics and the perfect branded image. I was completely different than him as far as looks were concerned but he never judged me, not once.
“I think that’s your answer then.” Ella patted my thigh with a knowledgeable smile.
“So you think I should give Harkzak another chance?” I held my breath, but I already knew what her answer would be.
“I think that you should follow your heart, and if your heart sings to allow him another chance then I absolutely feel that you should walk down that path instead.”
“It would be a lot of trouble and hassle to go back home. Maybe he would let me talk to them? Find some way to speak with them back home and let them know I am okay and I’m happy?”
I wasn’t sure if this would be a reasonable option, but I thought that Harkzak probably had the resources if it came down to it. He’d already told me I could go home so I felt sure he’d allow me to communicate with them.
“I’m sure something like that could be arranged if it came down to it.” Ella yawned.
“I’m so sorry I’ve kept you so long.” Guilt lashed at me for staying here whining at Ella for so long.
“It’s no trouble at all, Lucy.” Ella gave me a deep hug that gave me a warm sensation.
“It’s raining pretty hard right now. Would you like to stay the night here? I can call Harkzak and let him know you are ok and you will talk to him in the morning if you’d like.”
Relief flooded me. “That would be great, Ella. Thank you so much. I’ll owe you big time.”
She stood up to lead me to her guest room. “Don’t worry about it. On Xicret you’re family.”
I felt touched by her kind words. I’d never felt more at home in my entire life. If the kindness from Ella was a testament to the way I’d be treated by the people here on Xicret, I would have my work cut out for me. Making a decision about whether to stay or go was going to prove difficult. I didn’t know if sleep would come easily for me that night, but one thing was certain. I had to follow my heart.
Chapter Eighteen
Lucy
I sank into the guest bed at Ella’s house and enveloped the sheets around my body. I needed to feel safe and wrapping myself into a blanket cocoon was the fastest way to make that reality happen.
I tucked the warm, soft sheets around my face until only the top of my head was poking out of them through a little hole to breathe through.
Nobody could touch me or hurt me through this makeshift cocoon. I was under a wall of my own protection in this literal security blanket. I was grateful that the sheets were soft and smelled clean and fresh. I was also glad that Ella had the room for me and was willing to help me out for the night.
I closed my eyes. I tried to concentrate on making sleep happen for my reeling, active brain. I was ready to dream but sleep was robbed from me at the moment. There were far too many valuables to contemplate right then.
I lay there for several moments in my metaphorical blanket of security and pondered my life now and back then, at home in my youth. I squeezed my eyes shut tight so that I couldn’t even see the moon radiating a glow of dull light through the room.
It was almost as if my soul drifted outside of my body and I was living in an alternate universe both in the past and the present in this moment. Everything I had ever known and worked toward was lost. My goals had shifted, and I had seen things I’d never be able to explain to anyone back on Earth.
I was overcome with the depth of how surreal this adventure had become. The fact that I was on a different planet, millions of miles from Earth and Greenwich was crazy to me. I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. If I laid there still and peaceful with my eyes closed, I could almost pretend that nothing had changed.
That was the ultimatum I was now facing. So many factors had changed. My outlook was shifting. I didn’t know if I wanted to stay wrapped up in my comfort zone with the same people in my life any longer. Harkzak had changed me and made me view the world with a new pair of eyes.
On the other hand, my home back on Earth and everything that I had grown up knowing was ripped away from me. I was getting comfortable here, but Earth was the only thing I really knew. I had already proved to myself that I had the ability to adapt to new changes by coming here to Xicret and attempting to fit in with the people here.
Where I came from, everything seemed so trivial and small now that I was in this situation and had seen more than one galaxy. It had been a wild ride up to this point and was still blazing full steam ahead. I still needed answers from myself and from Harkzak.
I would be a legend back home. A cultured legend. I had seen far beyond the galaxy than any of my friends or family ever would. It was true that I hadn’t been the first human girl in her early twenties to be captured and brought back here. I was sure Xicret was crawling with people just like me. I should try to find all of them and make some kind of foundation or society. It was an idea I could table for another day if I decided to stick around.
My mind began to replay memories like a movie reel. Some of them were fond and lovely, but some of them were sad and miserable. That was the nature of being alive. I felt sure the people on Xicret lived the same way. There were ups and downs, highs and lows to life.
I couldn’t help the intensity for which the memories jolted me and plowed through my brain. I became completely absorbed and consumed by each and every vibrant memory as if my own life was flashing before my eyes.
The first real flashback that came to me was unfortunately one of the bad ones. I saw everything plain as day in my mind as if I were reliving it. I had gone to one of Fred’s triple A baseball games. He was right on the cusp of being snagged up by the Yankees. The victory was so close we could both taste it, and the thrill wobbled our cores with pleasure thrilling excitement.
I had been extremely proud of him and all the cha
llenges he had overcome to get to this place in his life. He had worked hard for everything he earned. That was something I really idolized in Fred and it made me respect him with fondness that I couldn’t feel for anyone else.
Fred had been temporarily living in Scranton, Pennsylvania where the players went in order to get drafted to the Yankees. I had driven the several hours to get there, excited to watch him pitch and be in action out on the field where he belonged and felt most at home.
I remembered it like it was yesterday. My heart had been racing the entire drive down there. I had wanted Fred to succeed with every fiber of my being.
His efforts had been tireless. He had no choice back then but to put baseball above everything else in his life including me. He lived and breathed the sport, but I didn’t mind it at the time. I knew it was only temporary and eventually we could relax and enjoy our lives once we were both settled into our careers.
Looking back though, I was able to see the hindsight red flags that were frantically being waved in front of my face, but I was just too stupid or delusional to catch onto them.
I wanted him to succeed as equally or perhaps even more than he did. I always tried to be supportive of him as he trudged ahead for his career. I would have done whatever it took to stand by his side and be the doting girlfriend.
I knew that we would make everything work in the end and that eventually the time we had to spend apart would get better once he was drafted. I also had my own list of things to focus on at the time. I needed a job as a teacher in the city and was excited for all the prospects in front of my future. Tying up the loose ends would have been the last puzzle piece in the relationship of Fred and Lucy.
If only I had known back then that the illusion of happiness was doomed to fail eventually. That past seemed like it was a million years ago.
Back in the present moment, a single tear escaped from my tightly shut eyelid and trickled its way down my cheek until I tasted its salty flavor on my lips. I remembered how I had sat in the hard metal stands at the game, my heart swelled with pride as I watched him pitch. My throat had gotten sore from screaming and cheering his name, my palms stung from clapping.