by Lucy Gage
He shook his head. “I live in Boston, too. I’m a day trader. My cousin is on the BU hockey team. I came for the game.”
“I’m not looking for a boyfriend.”
“What are you looking for?” he asked.
“A good fuck,” she boldly replied. Her pounding heart belied her shock at having said it, though it had propelled her toward him in the first place. Meg didn’t pick up guys in bars for sex. She’d lived with that reputation, but she preferred not to live up to it.
“And you want that from me?” Jason asked.
“Do you see any other guy pressing his dick into me?”
He shook his head. She felt the hardness in question grow thicker against her hip.
“If I like the way you kiss, I’ll let you take me home.”
Jason ran his hand through her hair and tugged at the base of her scalp, enough to make her mouth tilt. He covered her lips with his in a deep, sensual kiss that engulfed her, the way Nico used to do. Tight nipples and an unquenchable pool of need in her core made her hands grip his head and pull him further into her mouth.
When they broke away for air, both of them breathed heavily.
“That’s what I want,” she said.
“I aim to please,” he replied.
“Can you drive?” she asked.
“I can. Where to?”
“I’ll get the key from my friend and tell her to come home later.”
“Your friend won’t care?”
“No.” Em walked onto the dance floor and Meg kept hold of Jason’s hand. “Emma Bean, can I have the key to your place? Jason is taking me home. Can you give us an hour or so?”
“Are you sure?” Em asked, wary.
“Yes.”
“Okay. We’ll head back in an hour.”
They exchanged apartment and car keys.
“I’ll see you then.”
Meg followed Jason out the door and instantly wished she had her car keys so that she could retrieve her coat. As the winter air chilled her blood, she started to doubt the intelligence of this idea.
“Having second thoughts?” Jason asked from the driver’s seat of his Audi.
Meg shook her head. “No.”
He glanced at her in disbelief.
“Okay, maybe.”
“We don’t have to do this. I think you’re all kinds of sexy, Meg, and I’d love to see you naked, but if you don’t want it, I’m not the kind of guy who likes to force women.”
She relaxed, knowing control lay in her hands. The decision to do this would be hers and on her terms.
Meg took Jason’s hand and unlocked the door to Em’s apartment. As they stepped inside, she asked, “Do you want anything to drink?”
He shut the door and shook his head. Stepping closer, he threaded his fingers in her hair like he had in the club. “I’m going to kiss you. If you don’t want this, leave it at that and I’ll go. If you really want to be with me, show me.”
She nodded her understanding, and she really had no idea what the answer would be until his lips brushed hers. He was a good kisser, an excellent one, really. And lust took over when the tingle from his mouth rushed heat through her body and made her open her lips for him. Just to make sure he knew she was saying yes, she snaked a hand between them and cupped his erection. It was impressive through his jeans and she wanted to know more.
Jason growled and lifted her off the ground, wrapping her legs around his waist and pressing her against the wall. “No turning back?” he asked, breathless.
“No.”
After, he held his body off hers for a few seconds, then collapsed next to her on the bed, both of them breathing heavily.
A minute or so later, he said, “Are you sure you don’t want more than this? Because I could do this again. We both live in Boston.”
Meg closed her eyes. She couldn’t go straight into something else with a heart still raw from what Travis had done to her. Ending things cleanly would be better.
“I’m sorry. I can’t, Jason. It’s not that you weren’t amazing. Thank you, for giving me exactly what I needed and then some. But I recently ended a bad relationship, and I’m not up for a new one. Not now.”
“If I give you my number, will you call me when you’re ready to try again?” he asked, turning toward her, brushing hair from her face.
She shook her head. “No. I don’t want to lie to you. You seem like a great guy, but I can’t do this. It’s not you. Don’t ever think it was you, okay? I wish it could be different, but it can’t.”
He gave her a sad smile and said, “I won’t regret it.”
“Neither will I.” And she meant it. As much as this went against her usual nature, she really did need this, a way to push Travis out.
“Some lucky guy is going to snag you someday. I’ll be jealous if I ever see you with him. Are you sure you won’t take my number?” He caressed her from jaw to hip and back, toying with her nipple on his way by.
It was tempting to say yes.
“If it’s meant for us to find our way back together, we will and the timing will be right. I might be ready in a week or a month or a year. In the meantime, I’d never expect a man as beautiful as you to sit around and wait for that to happen. Knowing my luck, I’d decide to give it a shot and you’d have met the woman you’re going to marry.”
“You’re an enigma, you know that?”
“I think I’m pretty straightforward.”
“I’ve met plenty of gorgeous women, and none of them made me want to beg them to change their mind about me. But you do.”
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“Don’t be sorry. I’m not. I just wish I could change your mind.” His mouth latched onto her breast and he suckled. Lust pooled again, but her head took control and she lifted his chin to make him stop.
“I won’t change my mind. No matter how talented your mouth is.”
He grinned and then sighed. “Okay. I should go, then, before your friends get here. Less awkwardness all around, right?”
Meg nodded. “Yeah.” She kissed him sweetly. “Thank you. It doesn’t seem like you helped me, but you did.”
Jason began to carefully get dressed, a sad smile on his face. She’d effectively given him the brush-off. Normally, she’d have embraced his offer for this to be more. He’d likely be a decent candidate for that, but Meg couldn’t go there now. If they shared a destiny, then she’d rely on the universe to bring them together again.
He left her with a heated kiss that had Meg contemplating what could have been – which had certainly been the point. And when she heard the door close behind him, she burst into tears. Not for the loss of a potentially great guy, but for the loss of the dignity she’d clung to all these years.
Her reputation as a sex fiend masked the truth, that she’d only had four lovers, including Toby, Nico, Travis, and now Jason. She’d tried, for years, to be opposite of what people had always said, but now, after stupid Travis had pummeled her heart, she’d turned to sex as a balm.
Shame flooded her whole body.
Em found her, under the covers and in tears. She ran to the bedside and said, “Meggie? Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”
Given what had happened with Victor, she should have respected Emily’s concern at the bar more.
Meg shook her head. “No. No, he was perfect. Fantastic in bed, actually. A real gentleman. He even asked for my number and all but begged me to consider seeing him after this. But I said no.”
“What? Why?”
“It wasn’t about that. It was about erasing stupid Travis. Jason wasn’t my boyfriend. He was just a palate cleanser. Nothing more.”
“What?”
“Like at a winery, when they give you something to cleanse your palate between tastings.”
“Okay. So, you’re not going to see him again?”
“No, Em.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
“I insisted, in fact.”
“As long as you’re ok
ay with it…”
“If we’re meant to be more, I’m convinced it’ll happen someday.”
Em was quiet for a moment. “Meggie? Can I ask you something and you won’t get mad?”
“Sure, Emma Bean. What is it?”
“Do you do this all the time? When you’re trying to get over someone?”
She shook her head. “No, Em. I don’t. This was the first time.”
“Oh. Okay. Well, I just wondered, is all. Was it weird? Having sex with a virtual stranger?”
“No virtual about it. He was a stranger. But he was a good guy. He’ll probably make someone a great husband someday. I swear, I’m fine. Really. I doubt I’ll do it again unless I’m desperate to get a guy out of my head, but Jason wasn’t a mistake.
“Good. If you want to talk about it…”
“You’re here. I know, Em. You’re always here to listen.”
“Don’t forget it, okay?
“Never. I’m here for you, too.”
“You’re the best friend ever.”
“So are you.”
**********
Bucksport, Maine, five years ago…
The sledgehammer smashed into the steel pin one last time. He’d been in Georgia all summer, so you’d have thought the heat and humidity wouldn’t bother him, but Neil lost a quart of water helping Danny and his dad erect the tent for his best friend’s graduation party. Swinging a sledgehammer for an hour probably didn’t improve the situation any.
“You look like you could use this,” Charlie said, handing him a Gatorade.
“Thanks. My electrolytes appreciate it.”
“You have to stop this, Neil.”
“What’s that?”
“Going away every summer and coming back sexier than the year before. It’s not fair to the women of the world.”
Neil would have blushed had he not already been flush from the exertion of raising a circus-sized tent. “You can’t say stuff like that, Charlie. It bothers Danny.”
“He doesn’t care. As long as I’m in his bed and no one else’s, it doesn’t matter to him who I ogle. Besides, you know I love you, but aside from the fact that I drool over your body and your tattoos, I still think of you like a brother.”
“Maybe you should keep your drooling to yourself when Danny is around. He gets pissed at me every time.”
“Even though he knows you’re still gaga over Meggie?”
“Who said that?”
“Oh, please. As if anything changed.”
“I haven’t seen her in years.”
“Well, maybe your luck is changing. She’ll be here tomorrow.”
“What? Danny didn’t say that!”
Charlie laughed. “Oh, you’re too cute. As if he wouldn’t invite her to the party when he knew you’d be here. Besides, they’re both a big part of the family, and you know his parents and mine are friends.”
Damn it. Danny had waited to have this party until Neil returned from his training this summer. Which meant he’d planned all along to invite Meghan and force Neil to interact with her. Great. Now he had to worry about losing the power of speech. Because he could never seem to utter a single sentence with Meghan in the vicinity.
The next afternoon, with the party in full swing, Neil had relaxed. So what if Meghan showed up? He could handle it. She’s just a woman, he told himself. Women like you just fine. You talk to women all the time now. You can talk to her. If she even came to the party. So far, she’d been absent.
But when she finally made her appearance, Neil clammed up as much as ever. She stood on the other side of the yard, sun-kissed brown tresses piled on her head to beat the heat, tendrils escaping the artful arrangement of chopsticks in her hair. Her bright-pink sundress accentuated her tan skin, the short length showing off her mile-long legs. When she laughed, throwing her head back, he smiled.
Damn. The woman defined the word gorgeous.
“Gonna talk to Meg?” Danny asked.
“Sure. Just as soon as my tongue starts working again.”
“Sounds fine to me.”
“Yeah, well, I’m sixty feet from her. Walk closer, see if I can speak. I guarantee I can’t.”
Danny laughed. “You’re joking.”
“Do I look like I’m joking? I went over to the coolers and I almost stopped breathing.”
Snorting, Danny said, “That’s ridiculous. Just talk to her. She’s not scary.”
“I don’t doubt it. But my body isn’t getting the hint. If I told you the shit I did in training this summer, you’d piss your pants. I got through that with no trouble. Talking to Meghan, however, is beyond my abilities.”
“Christ, Neil, when are you going to get over it?”
“I’ll let you know.”
Charlie bounced up to them. “Did you talk to her?”
“Will you two stop?” Neil said, exasperated.
“What’s his problem?” she said to Danny.
“Stage fright.”
“Seriously, Neil? You’re…” she began, but thought better of what she’d planned to say. “Just talk to her.”
“Maybe. If I can stop having an anxiety attack, I’ll do it.”
Shaking her head, Charlie said, “You might not get many more chances in this life, Neil.”
He sighed. “I know. Believe me, I know.”
**********
Meg felt eyes on her. She casually glanced across the Williamses yard and saw a big guy talking to Dan and Charlie.
“Who’s that talking to your sister and Dan?” she asked Emily.
“Uh, Dan’s friend. He’s in the military.”
Meg rolled her eyes and turned back so she no longer looked in his direction. “Ugh. Jarhead. Great. So, like Toby.” Her high school boyfriend, the jackass who’d ruined her reputation when she wouldn’t let him make BDSM videos of her, had joined the Marines when he finished college and didn’t get drafted by the NFL.
“Um, I don’t think so. Jarheads are Marines, right? I think he’s in the Army.”
“Same difference.”
Meg was on an anti-Toby rant at the moment. She’d just dumped this jerk named Rex who hadn’t looked like Toby, but who’d acted like him. Actually, Rex had been worse. She hadn’t slept with him yet, but she’d found hidden cameras in his apartment. Thankfully, the discovery had happened after only a few dates, and Meg didn’t let things get physical at that stage. Between what had happened with Victor and her guilt over Jason, she’d become cautious.
“Charlie says he’s a good guy.”
“Whatever. Not interested. I’m renewing my policy of no shaved heads and no muscles.”
“I thought Rex wasn’t beefy?”
“No, but his bullshit reminded me that most guys who look like Toby act like him, too. Rex was an outlier.”
“I don’t know, Meggie. I think jerks are jerks, no matter what they look like. Josh is muscular and he’s not a scumbag like Toby was.”
Meg had to give her that. Emily’s current boyfriend, Josh Ricker, had earned his muscles the hard way, with hours spent outside and at his job in the State park service. The quintessential nice guy, you’d be hard-pressed to find fault in Josh. And yet, Em did. The two of them were highly incompatible, but Em refused to see it or at least refused to end the fledgling relationship.
“Be that as it may, Josh is also an outlier.”
“Whatever you say, Meggie. Don’t be surprised if I say I told you so when you finally find a nice guy who looks like that and you can’t stay away from him.”
“As if you can’t stay away from Josh.”
“He pursued me. I can’t help it if I like sleeping with him. You know how little luck I’ve had there. And he grew on me.”
She refrained from rolling her eyes. If Emily had just dated Carlos, she wouldn’t have been so disappointed in her lovers. And she’d have been less likely to hold on to a guy like Josh, who barely held her interest half the time.
“Let’s not argue. I’m here for the night
. We should go out after.”
“Charlie and Nina might go dancing with us again.”
“Sounds like a plan. Just don’t let me take a guy home this time.”
“Don’t want to repeat Jason?”
“Don’t need to repeat Jason. Rex was a mistake, but he was a close call. At least I figured it out before it was too late. Otherwise, I might find myself the unwitting star of amateur porn. If I’m going to do that crap, I want to get paid.”
“You wouldn’t!”
“Of course I wouldn’t! I was kidding. Well, sort of. I’d never do it, but certainly not for free. Let’s find some food. I’m starving.”
They wandered toward the food table, closer to where Mr. Beefy stood with Dan and Charlie. Meg’s eyes involuntarily strayed that way and she tried to be discreet so that Em wouldn’t notice and give her a hard time about looking. She couldn’t help but look. Despite her stance against such guys, her eyes and her body were still attracted.
“I swear, you have a hollow leg. How do you eat so much and never gain weight? I have to keep on top of Pilates and yoga or I see it in my hips when I eat Ben and Jerry’s.”
“Excellent metabolism, darling. It’s in the genes. We get it from Nana. Nina is the same way. We don’t have the same shape, but we have the same crazy metabolism. Besides, you know how much I love my laps at the pool. And I spend half the warm-weather months hiking.”
“How is it that I’m dating Josh and not you?”
Meg laughed. “I don’t know, Em. I ask you that all the time. Not that I want your boyfriend, but he has more in common with me and your sisters than you.”
Emily smiled. “Yeah, but he wants me.”
Meg grinned back. Yes, he did. Much to her sister Annie’s chagrin.
“Do you wish you’d moved in together sooner?”
Em scoffed. “No. I liked my space. How do you like living with Carlos?” Her best friend averted her eyes. Uh huh. Em hated to admit it, but she had regrets about Carlos.
“It’s great. Weird when Nico visits, but otherwise tons of fun. And I love when Ariel hangs with us.” Being a surrogate aunt to Carlos’ little girl counted as a bonus to her living arrangements.
“You still don’t want to revisit the Nico situation, huh?”
“No.”