by Lucy Gage
“Yeah. Usually weekly, but he’s called before when there was news, too.”
“I’m sure he’ll talk to you, then. Don’t get your hopes up too high. It could be the breakthrough or it could be a small blip along the path. We’ll find out eventually.”
Meg nodded, but she was tired of hearing that word.
Eventually.
As though she had all the time in the world and it didn’t much matter. When the hell would that eventually happen? Because she needed him, she needed Neil. She wanted him here, where she could kiss and hug him. And she wanted him to know how much she loved him and he her.
This was getting old. If she hadn’t switched her ticket to California for the flight to Minneapolis, she’d have gone to the airport and hopped on the first flight to Maryland to be with Neil. Time be damned! She wanted him now!
But her therapist conscience wouldn’t allow it.
Instead, she found a quiet corner and bawled like a baby.
**********
In therapy the next day, Neil admitted to flushing the sedative. The doctor asked him why he did it and he told her that he wanted a clear mind. He needed to think.
“And did it help?” she asked. A tall, statuesque woman, Major Hill might have reminded him of Meghan Miles had she been less plain. Unlike the gorgeous Meghan, Major Hill defined average in everything but her height.
Neil sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe a little? I still can’t figure out why it is that I would have said something like that. To Henry of all people. I don’t talk like that usually, Major. I’m not one of those guys.”
“Does that disturb you more than the fact that Specialist Jacobs indicated it seemed a rather detailed description for someone you didn’t know intimately?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s both. I’m appalled that I’d actually say it, but more so because if I knew things like that about this particular woman, I can’t imagine sharing them.”
“You’ve been infatuated with her for some time? This is the girl we discussed before, the one your best friend said was your girlfriend the day you woke up? The woman who was by your side when you came out of the coma?”
“Yes. And I spent half the night thinking about that. Why was she even here?”
“Perhaps she was supporting Mr. Williams?”
“They aren’t that close.”
“Was she nearby for some other reason?”
“I don’t know. She’s a therapist. Was there a conference here that week? She attends a lot of conferences.” How do I know that?
“Captain?” Major Hill said. “Captain Murphy.”
“What? Oh, I’m sorry. I have no idea how it is that I would know something like that.”
“That Ms. Miles attends conferences?”
“Yeah. I don’t know why I said that.” This is all too weird.
“Perhaps we should cut our session short for today. You seem to be agitated…”
“No! I’m sick of it! I’m sick of everyone trying to protect me from my own damn memories! Why can’t I know these things?”
“You can, Captain. In due time. You have to let your brain heal itself. It will let you remember when you’re ready for it.”
“And when the hell will that be? Because I’m tired of feeling so damn confused all the time. Especially about a girl I’ve been in love with since I was fourteen.” Neil’s chest hurt again. And he squeezed his eyes shut against the odd sensation as well as the confusion that arose when he said those words.
“What is it, Captain?”
“I don’t know,” he whispered.
“You’re pushing yourself too hard, Neil. Let it come naturally. Just focus on recovering your strength and agility. Major Lewis said you could start running again this week. Are you ready for that transition?”
Neil sighed. “Okay. Yeah. I’m ready. I like running. Always have. I’m glad I can finally do it again. It helps me clear my head every day.”
“Good. That’s great. I’ll be eager to hear how it helps you at our next session. We’ll wrap things up here over the next two weeks, but you’ll transition to new medical personnel when you return to Ft. Irwin. Are you looking forward to the move back?”
“Definitely. I feel like I can make more progress there than here.”
On my memories, anyway.
“Excellent. Do you have misgivings about leaving the hospital?”
“No offense, but I’ll be more than happy to leave this place. I’m ready to go back to my own apartment.”
“Well, we’ll come up with a new treatment plan for both your physical therapy and your counseling sessions. Provided you make progress over the next two weeks, we should be on schedule to send you home then.”
“I’m looking forward to it.”
Chapter 33
The doctors said it would be good to have a familiar face there to greet him, so Owen met him at the military transport. Jack would join them for drinks and dinner later. Neil couldn’t wait to return to normal life. Or, as normal as military life got, at least. It’d been his life for long enough that he considered it normal, anyway.
A big, manly hug from Owen, with claps on the back and a firm squeeze, would be all the affection he’d get until he saw Chandra.
“Jesus, Murph. You’re a sight for sore eyes. I missed you, buddy. You scared the shit out of me. Don’t do that again.”
“I don’t plan on it. Not that I can remember what the hell I did. They still won’t debrief me, Sarge.”
Owen looked shifty. “Yeah. I know. I heard the details from Jason. They’re worried that you’ll have a bad PTSD reaction, Murph. You know that’s why they won’t tell you.”
“What the fuck? This is bullshit. It’s my friggin’ life and they won’t even tell me about it!”
“Do you really want to know?”
“Are you actually going to tell me?”
“If you want to know, yeah. I can’t tell you everything because I wasn’t there and you know Jason couldn’t tell me the classified shit. But he told me what happened to you, at least the basics. I’d want to know if it was me.”
“Do I need a beer for this?”
“Hell, yes. Let’s go meet Jack and I’ll tell you then. He left Sarah again. I’m sure he needs a beer, too.”
“Shit. What happened this time?”
“From what I gather? Same old, same old. Better call him, have him leave his bike at the apartment. I’ll be DD tonight. You two can tie one on together.”
“I wanted to have a beer with you, too.”
“Oh, I’ll still have one. Trust me, we’ll be there a while.”
**********
Meg’s phone rang with an unfamiliar number. “Hello?” she said.
“Meghan? This is Owen Nichols. Sergeant Owen Nichols. Neil’s roommate.”
Meg’s heart raced. “Um, okay. Hi, Owen. What can I do for you?”
“Neil is home. He’s been drinking with me and Jack. Well, mostly with Jack. Earlier, I told him about the bomb blast.”
The one that injured him. “And?”
“He doesn’t remember much about it. Things are still fuzzy. The more he drank, the more loose he became and he talked about you. Not in a way that said he remembered, just the way he used to do before. He was really sad, Meghan. He was never sad when he talked about you in the past, before you two got together. He misses you, even if he doesn’t know it. If it’s any consolation, he really wants to remember.”
“Thanks, Owen. I miss him, too. Can you do me a favor? Can you take care of him? Help him as best you can? I know it’s hard for him. Major Lewis has been keeping me updated, but I had a patient with amnesia once, in grad school, and it was torture for her not to recall her kids or her husband. Her condition was much worse than Neil’s, but it’s still difficult, even when you know.”
“That you’re going to remember?”
“Right. And that these people who say they love you and care about you are trying to do what’s best. It doesn’t a
lways feel that way. He’s been running again?”
“Yeah, he said he started a couple weeks ago.”
“Good. He needs that outlet for the stress. I’d be there for him, if I could. But it sounds like I still won’t make it better. Not yet, anyway.”
“I wish I could tell you that he showed up today and something triggered his memories.”
“No. It’ll happen at some point. I know it’s true and I have faith.”
“Good. Take care, Meghan. I’ll keep you updated.”
“Thanks, Owen. I hope I get to meet you someday.”
“Me too, Meghan. Me too.”
**********
The fabric of the black dress stretched more than he would have thought. He tugged at the neckline and exposed her breasts. God, they were perfect. He slid the dress down to her waist. The lust in Meghan’s eyes was so potent, he could drown in it. She didn’t make a move, just let him touch her, let him take control.
Neil freed her breasts from the lacy, black bra covering them. It lifted, separated and made her gorgeous boobs look even more so, but he wanted them out where his mouth could enjoy them better, his eyes could feast on their beauty.
He leaned in and took a nipple into his mouth, sucked it hard until she gasped. Her hands fisted into the lapels of his uniform and a moan escaped her throat.
“I love it when you do that,” she said.
“Good. I love doing it. I need to have you. Right now.”
“Take me. I’m yours.”
“Are you?” Sucking the other nipple, he bit her gently.
She cried, “Yes! God, yes.”
“Just for now.”
He peeled the dress over her hips, where it dropped to the floor and pooled at her feet around the strappy, black, five-inch stilettos she loved and that Neil could never get enough of seeing on her.
“No. Not just for now.”
Meghan tipped his head to her face and in her eyes everything he’d ever wanted to see – all that passion, desire, and the love he had for her, the love she had for him, too – he witnessed it.
Neil swallowed hard. “Yeah?” he asked.
She nodded as she gently removed his uniform jacket and placed it on a chair. The respect for his uniform undid him. In a frantic movement, he clutched her to him, crushed his mouth to hers and devoured her. Hands gripped her very fine ass – a perfect fit for his big paws – and his fingers found their way instinctively along the seam between her cheeks where her thong lay. The sexiest moan reverberated through her.
“You like that?” he asked as he kissed her neck in the sweet spot near her ear.
“Yes,” she breathed.
“You want me to touch you there?”
“Y-yes.”
He laughed. He’d never, not once, heard her unsure. “We don’t have to do that.”
“No, I want it. I trust you.”
“Do you?” Neil felt blood surge between his legs.
“Yes. Have you ever done that before?”
“No. Never even thought about it until now.”
“Do you want to?”
“With you? I want to do anything and everything that gets you off. Have you done it?”
“No. Never. But God, do I want to try it with you. I don’t know why. I just want you every way I can have you.”
“I like the idea of us doing new things together.”
“Me too.”
“Do you?” he asked, genuinely surprised.
“Yes,” she said, sounding sure again. She looked at him, square in the eyes. The brown pools were nearly black.
“Are you sure you want this?” he asked as his fingers tested where he’d soon take her, if she meant it.
She kissed him hard. “Yes. God, yes. Stop teasing me.”
“Not teasing. Just making sure. You have anything? You know, to make it easier?”
Meghan smiled. “I do.” She walked over to the bedside table, bending low to reach into the drawer. As she did, she flashed him every single bit of her treasures. God, Meghan bent over with her breasts hanging out of her bra, a thong barely covering her ass and those fuck-me heels. If he hadn’t been hard as a rock before, he surely would be now.
She produced a tube of KY Jelly. “Think this will work okay?” she asked. He must have looked surprised, because she said, “I like to prepare for anything.”
Neil took his time as he walked toward her, removing his uniform piece by piece until, like her, he was standing in only his underwear. He stood in front of her, hands rubbing her shoulders, and kissed her gently. His lips worked their way toward her neck and he whispered in her ear, “I’m going to get you so excited that you’ll beg me for it.” He flicked the clasp on her bra and it fell to the floor.
She shivered, which betrayed the truth of the matter. Her words said the opposite of what he knew she felt. “I don’t beg.”
Neil’s hands found their way into the front of her panties, where the tip of his finger grazed the sensitive nub and incited a moan. “You will,” he whispered, and Meghan whimpered.
“Uh uh,” she murmured.
“Yes,” he insisted as he peeled her thong over her hips and squirted the jelly onto his fingertips. She stepped out of the lingerie, maintained eye contact when he ran the pads of his fingers along the crack between her cheeks. He massaged until she was pliant, then he eased his way inside. For an instant, Meghan’s eyes opened wide and she let out a tiny gasp. But then she moaned. And the dance began.
Neil kissed her, deeply, in time to the rhythm of his fingers. And before long, Meghan shoved down his boxers and began to stroke him with KY. “Now,” she said. He wanted it too. Wanted it badly.
“Beg me,” he teased.
“No. Do it. Now.”
“You aren’t asking nicely,” he chided. “I might just stop.”
“No! Don’t stop. Please. It feels good. Just do it, Neil.”
His tongue plunged into her mouth again, as he added another finger. She gasped against his lips, then moaned loudly.
“Please?” she breathed.
He didn’t want to tease her anymore, was desperate to know how it would feel to be inside her like that.
“All you had to do was ask nicely,” he said. He bent her over the bed with her head down. “It’s probably going to hurt, sweetheart.”
“I know. I want it, Neil. Please.”
He eased out his fingers and gently, so gently entered her. Holy shit. And he thought she was tight before. “God, Meghan. Are you okay?” She hadn’t been breathing, or at least it seemed that way.
“Yes. Yes. Oh, yes. So good, Neil.”
He rubbed her clit with his other hand. The further inside he went, the more delicious it felt. He wouldn’t last long like this, with a build so swift and violent.
“Jesus, Meghan. I can’t hold on much longer. You’re so damn tight.”
“Don’t hold back.”
“Are you sure?”
“So sure. Please. Give it to me, Neil.”
And he gave it all to her, exploding in a huge, gushing orgasm, crying her name as she joined him and screamed his name, too.
**********
Neil shifted and realized his shorts were saturated and sticky. The ridiculously bright light, even behind closed eyelids, told him morning had come. The fragrance of coffee, eggs and bacon permeated the air. Greasy hangover food.
He’d need it.
The knock at the door startled him.
“Murph, you okay?” came Jack’s voice, the Texas accent of his childhood still heavy in his timbre.
Neil cleared his throat without opening his eyes. “Uh, yeah, Strongman. Be right out.”
“Okay, man. Breakfast is almost ready.”
Shit. He’d had a wet dream? Jesus, he hadn’t done that since…hell, he couldn’t remember when. He rolled out of bed, head pounding. Yep, drank too much. Maybe that explained it.
Feet on the floor and only a little unsteady, Neil shimmied off his boxers in an attempt to
keep the mess contained. He used the towel hanging on his door to wipe things clean. Then he grabbed a new pair of boxers and his basketball shorts, pulling a t-shirt over his head as he walked out of the bedroom.
Jack moved bacon from the griddle to a paper-towel-laden plate. He stood at the stove barefoot, in low-slung jeans and an old Army t-shirt, his arm tattoos peeking out of the sleeves.
“Mornin’,” Jack said. “You okay, man?”
“Yeah. I guess. I’m definitely hung over. And possibly still a little drunk. But I’m fine otherwise. Why?”
“Just was makin’ some funny noises is all. Thought for a minute you’d picked up a girl at the bar and I’d been too drunk to remember. Sarge is out for a run so I couldn’t ask him.”
Shit. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Hell, I’m sorry. No chicks in my bed.”
“Huh. Well, must have been some dream, then.”
“Jesus. I’ll say so. I had the biggest wet dream I’ve had since I was a teenager, I think.” Neil plopped into a chair.
“Well then. I wouldn’t mind gettin’ laid like that in a dream.”
Jack set the bacon, eggs and cups of coffee on the table.
“Can I ask you a personal question?”
“Have I had any wet dreams lately?” Jack joked.
Neil rolled his eyes. “No, not that.”
“Oh, well then shoot.”
Taking a bite of eggs, Neil paused. How to say this? “You ever, you know, gone in the back door?”
Jack almost choked. “You mean have I ever had anal sex?”
Neil blushed. “Yeah.”
“I have. Why do you ask? Did you dream about me, Murph?” Jack teased, batting his long lashes.
Neil understood that Jack wanted to diffuse his embarrassment by making a joke of it, but he had a serious question.
“Funny. I just wondered, you know, if…if it’s different.”
“Okay, I guess we’ll get back to the why. But yes. It is.”
“If you’d never done it before, could you accurately imagine it?”
“Are you askin’ if it’s enough like bein’ in a girl’s pussy that you could imagine it correctly without ever havin’ done it?” Neil nodded. “Well, I personally haven’t been with any girls that tight. Maybe, but I’d doubt it.”