by Shey Stahl
Awesome.
I did the same and noticed him in the driveway, sitting in his truck as he warmed it up, staring straight ahead out the windshield. He never once looked at me as I walked by to my Durango.
The entire way to work I was freaking out. Going over everything that happened, last night and this morning, and looking for ways to right the situation.
I wanted to call Josh and tell him, rather than him have to ask me.
And then I wanted to call Brevin and asked him if he was okay.
He said nothing when he left the hotel last night and he wouldn’t answer the ten text messages I sent him.
Stevie wasn’t at the shop yet, as usual, which I didn’t mind today. I needed the time alone to gather my thoughts before I opened. The crisp winter morning covered the ground with a thick white frosty moss over the pavement and patches of ice.
To me there was something incredibly soothing about a winter’s morning when no sound exists outside of the city. I always thought it was the Earth’s way of giving you a little peace every morning. You just had to wake up early enough to see it. Six a.m. was certainly early enough.
I parked on the street as I usually did when I arrived before the sun came up. With no shortage of bums around downtown, the last thing I wanted was to meet one of them looking to make me their pillow in the alley.
As soon as I unlocked the door, sweet aromas hit me. It was a comforting smell, one I’d grown to love and associate with the one place I could call home.
My shop.
With a heavy sigh, I set my bag down in the office and went straight to work arranging the displays with the cupcakes and cake pops Kat had left neatly arranged in the kitchen.
I was halfway through my display, the morning sun now peeking through the front windows, when I heard a knock at the door.
We didn’t open for another two hours but it wasn’t unheard of for customers to be waiting for the moment we opened the doors.
What surprised me was seeing Brevin standing there wearing a dark blue hoodie and eyes that matched, blowing breaths into his cupped hands.
What the hell is he doing here?
For a moment, I wasn’t sure what he was doing until he gave a nod and pointed to the door for me to unlock it.
Setting down the cupcake in my hand, I jogged over to the door and let him in.
Nothing was said as he walked past me to sit down at the table, his own cup of Starbucks coffee in hand.
“Good Morning.”
He grunted out a reply, bloodshot eyes capturing mine.
“Did you sleep last night?” I wanted to reach out and touch him, have him hold me, or maybe I’d hold him. Either way, I wanted the contact between us.
“A little.” Brevin answered, breathing in deep as he relaxed into the chair. “What about you, up late?”
“Yes, but not for the reasons you’d think.”
As if he wasn’t sure what to say, or how to act, he began to fidget when I sat across from him with my coffee in hand. My second one of the morning.
Leaning forward, his elbows rested on his knees, hands in his hair, tugging. “I…about last night…”
“I’m sorry if that was awkward.”
His head bobbed, agreeing with a slow movement. “Yeah, it was pretty fuckin’ awkward.”
Lifting my cup to my lips, I took a drink of the sweet caramel latte. I thought about last night and Josh slamming the laptop against the wall. “I think he knows.”
Brevin’s eyes snapped to mine. “What makes you say that?”
His eyes, the darkness, the pure pain behind them made me want to cry and hold him and I had no idea if pain was what he was feeling. It could have been regret, or even hatred at that point.
“Because of how gentle you were.” My voice was weak, breaking and unsure of his reaction, as if I was a timid child afraid to admit the truth.
“What the fuck did he expect?” Brevin grumbled, tossing himself back in the chair again. “Did he want me to treat you like a fuckin’ whore? Slap you around, degrade you?”
“No, I—”
Brevin stood, taking a step in the direction of the door but then paused, peering down at me and I knew he was contemplating all the things he wanted to say to me. “That’s not what I do, Logan. I never wanted…I can’t do that again. I want you, and only you.”
“I know.” I said, rising from my seat to stand in front of him. “I’m not asking you to.”
Shaking his head, he cursed under his breath, clenching and unclenching his jaw. Turning abruptly, he grabbed the back of his neck with one hand pulling down.
Just when I thought he’d walk out, his eyes angled back to mine. “So it’s over between us?”
“I didn’t say that either.” His brow creased, glare intent on my face as tears burned my eyes, threatening to spill over any moment.
“I won’t be the other guy either.” His words seemed like a command, flat and lifeless as though he didn’t believe them. “I want be the only guy.”
My heart lurched in my chest at his statement, because it was true. It should be.
I never wanted it to be this way, to have to choose, to feel like I needed to choose.
After leaving the shop, I made my way back to the house, uncertain of the mood Josh would be in tonight. Would he be pissed? Would we even speak? This morning left me with a lot of doubt and after seeing Brevin, more doubt on what I really wanted.
As I pulled into the driveway, I noticed a white Ford truck parked behind the Lexus and figured he had one of his employees over.
Inside the house, I noticed the man wasn’t his employee. I’d never seen this guy before.
“Who is that?” My stare met a man dressed in black jeans and a white t-shirt, drinking beer with Josh in the family room.
The man, who appeared to be in his thirties, was covered in tattoos, long dark hair tied back in a bun and a thick full beard. He looked scary if you asked me, but then again, any man with a full beard looked like he belonged in a biker gang.
“That’s Sutton,” Josh replied, giving a nod to the man who was now watching me. I knew the look he was giving me. “I’d like to watch you with him.”
Had he set this up without asking me?
“How did you meet him?” I set the bottle of water I retrieved from the fridge on the granite counter and stared at it.
Josh moved beside me, the heat from his body scorching mine. “He’s a business contractor of mine. Owns an electrical company.”
“And he’s here because…” I let my voice fade on purpose. My stomach churned at the thought, my mind drifting to Brevin and the way he looked at me this morning. Like he’d do anything to kidnap me and make me see the life I had now, wasn’t the one I should be living.
“I think you know why he’s here.” Josh raised an eyebrow. “Do I really need to say it?”
I suppose not.
So this was how it was going to be.
I didn’t feel right about sleeping with Sutton. One, because I didn’t know him. Josh had always said it could be whoever I wanted, yet he was demanding I sleep with this guy.
“STOP!” I SCREAMED, unable to catch my breath, tears blinding me. “It’s enough!”
Nothing felt good, everything hurt, muscles, skin, my fucking hair, all of it.
I was in the bedroom, Josh with the camera in his hand watching as Sutton literally fucked me so rough I was sobbing, begging for them to stop and let me breath.
I was tied up, restrained and told not to move. He placed a rope around my neck, tied to my hands and then behind my head. Every move I made to untie myself, pulled the rope tighter to the point I couldn’t breathe. My skin was ripping apart, burned, tearing as the pain radiated throughout my body. Even my lips hurt, throbbing uncontrollably from the lack of oxygen as Sutton drove into me, thrusting harder and harder…
There were moments where I blacked out.
Others where I wished I would have.
Sutton didn’t stop.
His chest rumbled in a growl. “It’s enough when I say it’s enough.”
Josh said nothing in reply.
Nothing at all.
He was letting Sutton do this to me. His nerve, his blatant disregard for me and stopping this left my heart in splinters and sickening rage bubbling in my stomach.
It was then I realized Josh hadn’t given Sutton the same rules he gave everyone else. All he said to him as he entered the room was, “Fuck her good.”
“Stop,” I pleaded, crying so hard I was sobbing now. “Just stop. It hurts.”
A rough touch jerked my head back. “Don’t you fucking move.” His drunken words slurred, but still as forceful as his touch. He wrapped his arm around my chest and shoulders bringing me back to his own chest. “You’re going to fuckin’ like and you know it.”
I stared at Josh, his silence my breaking point. How could he do this?
I could see him shaking, wanting to stop this, knowing it was far past being consensual sex now. He was raping me and Josh was allowing it.
Sutton took a handful of my hair and then slammed my head back against the mattress. Though the mattress was soft, the action was enough to bring fresh tears to my eyes.
Sutton stopped suddenly, and flipped me over onto my stomach and then lifted my knees so I was on all fours for him. I felt the coarseness of the rope before he wrapped it around my neck, tighter this time. The bristles felt sharp, pointed, digging into my flesh.
“I don’t want that,” I told him, my words shaking from the sobs that were coming from deep within my chest, willing Josh to look at me.
How can he let him do this to me and not stop him?
Sutton’s palm made direct contact with my face, the sensation sizzling and ruthless. “I didn’t give you permission to speak.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Josh, his fists clenching.
He wanted to stop him.
He remained silent.
Sutton picked up the pace, never breaking his rhythm.
I tried to focus on anything but the physical and emotional pain I was in.
Nothing worked.
I begged Josh, pleaded, but nothing made a difference.
There was no outward noise that he had come, but I felt the gush over my back, hot spurts and the light grunt that left his lips. His breathing gusted my neck as he bent forward and loosened the rope without saying a word. I wanted to gag at the idea of any part of him on me when he took his hand and rubbed in the wetness on my back.
“Get the fuck off me!” I screamed, squirming against Sutton.
When I was free from the restraints, I was off the bed immediately, wobbling and then gaining some bearings. I stormed over to Josh, ripped the camera from his hand and threw it against the wall.
“You fucking son of a bitch! How could you let him do that to me?” The disdain in my tone sparked his patronizing smirk.
Did he think this was fucking funny?
Sutton laughed, pulling on his jeans and then waved. “Thanks, man.” And he was out the door.
Josh stood, his body pressed to mine, his hand wrapped around my neck, fingers digging into my heated flush. I felt the rush, the blood trickling from my neck where the rope hand sliced me open, tear-soaked and breathing heavy.
Josh’s eyes swept over to mine and he glared, taking on a solemn edge. Before I knew, could comprehend, he was accessing, deciding on words he wanted to say, to blister my skin with.
I craved to punch him. Even fisted my hands so tight I could feel my nails digging into my skin and the ache in my bones from holding on too tight.
Josh swallowed, his pensive stare taking in everything from the blood to the tears. When his tongue swept over his lower lip, his brow raised. “You broke the one rule I gave you.”
The blood rushed from my face.
He knew about Brevin.
I glared, wishing I could level him with my stare and knowing no one could. Not a man like Josh Daniel. “How did you know?”
“It was pretty fucking evident when I saw you two together. Go ahead, tell me you didn’t fuck him when I was out of town.”
“You’re not wrong.”
His eyes met mine with a penetrating gaze. “For how long?”
“Just once. He didn’t want to be the other guy.”
“He can kiss his job goodbye.”
“More than likely he won’t care.” His jaw flexed, anger pulsing which only made mine soar higher to the point there was no backing down now. He had no fucking right. None at all. “And I don’t fucking care. So what. I fucked Brevin. You fucked Addison. We all fucked, Josh, but never ever is it okay to let someone rape a woman and stand back and watch! He raped me. He fucking raped me and you did nothing!”
The realization hit him immediately, like a punch to the gut and he sucked in a labored breath. No longer looking for revenge, he realized the extent of what happened as he surveyed my appearance up close. I was bleeding. My cheek was swelling and I was crying.
I could go to the police.
Josh shuffled from foot to foot, uncomfortable and he swallowed running a shaking hand over his forehead. “I’m sorry.”
“You should be sorry!” I slammed both my balled up fists into his chest, hard. His breath blew out in a huff as he caught himself against the wall in the bedroom. “None of this is okay, Josh.” I took the towel in my hand and wiped away the blood that was now seeping over my chest from my neck. “You’re one fucked-up son of a bitch if you think any of that was okay!” He flinched at my harsh words.
“I’m sorry!” Josh shouted back at me, his voice louder than I’d ever heard before. He stood, taking one step toward me, eyes dark and so angry. “I can’t tell you how fucked up I really am. I can’t tell you why I let that happen. I don’t know what you want me to say to make it better.”
“You can’t make it better!” I shouted, but between the rush of my blood and my pounding heart, it sounded like a whisper. “That’s where you’re wrong in all this. I’m leaving. I’m going to leave this house and I’m done. You need to be that sorry. Sorry that you let it happen and sorry that there is absolutely nothing you can do to convince me to stay now. I want you to be so fucking sorry that your lips can’t form the words. Be that sorry.”
“Goddamn it, Logan!” Growling out a rushed breath, he punched the wall, the muscles in his shirtless body rippling with the motion. The sheetrock cracked, breaking on impact with the force of his right-handed jab, dust floating around. “I am. I AM THAT FUCKING SORRY!” he shouted. “I am!”
No he wasn’t. He wasn’t even close to being that sorry.
“Sorry will never ever make what you did okay,” I whispered harshly, keeping my chin up and eyes level. He needed to know there was no fucking way I would stand for this, or forgive him.
“I was mad and I went about it the wrong way.” His brow furrowed and he looked physically sick, his face pure white, swallowing over and over again.
I didn’t care if he collapsed to the ground right then.
I didn’t.
I knew one thing for certain. I wouldn’t, couldn’t feel bad about anything that happened with Brevin. Not after what Josh did tonight.
Not knowing what else to do, I went to Stevie’s parent’s house, and she called Brevin even when I asked her not to.
He was pissed when I told him what Josh said, but he seemed to only be concerned with me and making sure I was okay.
His hands slid frantically up and down my arms. “We should take you to the hospital.”
I agreed to let them take me to the hospital since my neck appeared like I might need some stitches. With a towel pressed to my neck and Stevie and Brevin arguing over taking me, I heard the rumble of Josh’s truck.
Brevin’s glare shot to mine. “Does he have a fuckin’ death wish?”
More than likely, at that point, Josh might have.
In a rush, we were out the door and ready to leave for the hospital. Josh was out of his truck, standing in the dr
iveway staring us down.
“Leave,” Brevin said, taking a step toward Josh, his anger clearly visible in the way his body moved quickly and in jerking motions, hands fisting at his sides and muscles tensing.
“I need to talk to Logan and to make sure she’s okay.” I caught something in Josh’s eyes that made me uneasy in the way he was looking at Brevin. “Until I do”—he shrugged—“I’m not going anywhere.”
Brevin’s protective side stirred, flaring up like a fire that suddenly gained strength with the wind. “I should fucking level your ass right now, you stupid son of a bitch! How could you do that to her?”
Josh’s stare remained on Brevin.
“Why are you here?” I asked in a shaking voice. Brevin turned and stared at me, and then back to Josh.
Josh looked around, his face somber, apparently deciding on what he was going to say. “I needed to know you were okay. You left and I was hoping you went to the hospital.”
“I should have gone. But you know what, if I go, they’re going to do a rape test on me and ask me who I was with.”
Josh’s glower fell to the gravel, the gravity of the situation weighing on him. “I know.”
“Just leave!” Brevin shouted, shoving Josh backward into the side of his truck. “Get the fuck out of here!”
Josh snorted, catching himself, obviously disgusted with Brevin and why he was here. “Is that any way to treat your boss?”
“You know what, fuck you, Josh. I quit!” Brevin shoved him backward about a foot, again. “You’d best leave before I shove your fucking face through the side of your truck.”
“I’d like to see you try, kid,” Josh challenged, unsure if Brevin would actually take a swing at him.
Brevin looked at me, slowly, watching my reaction to the words and then turned back to Josh.
“Are you really going to hit me?” Josh laughed, entertained by Brevin’s harsh demeanor.
“Fuckin’ right, I’m serious. Leave.”
Josh didn’t move and went to say something but Brevin stopped him.
“I’d watch what you say to me right now,” Brevin snapped with a calm edge that held more warning than it did a directive. “I could easily have you arrested right now. How could you put her in danger like that?”