by Shey Stahl
“No, we broke it off when I found out her and Josh were messing around.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shrugged, winked at me and took a step backward toward the door. “Don’t be. Take care of yourself, Logan.”
Breathing in deeply, I felt some relief now. “I will.” Stepping toward him, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, up on my tippy-toes to reach his height. “Take care of you, too.”
He breathed in, too, and smiled into my hair. “I will, honey.” And then I felt his shoulders shake with amusement. “We could—”
I shoved him back with my hand placed on his chest roguishly, smiling as I did so. “That’s why you came here, wasn’t it?”
“Absolutely not! I swear.” He raised his palms again, his eyes sparkling like the day I met him. “I’m totally kidding. Well, no, I’m not,” he added, “but it was meant to be a joke.”
“You’re a good guy, Jeb. Stay that way.”
Reaching behind me, I opened the display case and handed him his favorite lemon cupcake. “I know these are your favorite.”
That raised a chuckle from him, but it seemed half-hearted. He took it, smiled, and then gave me a look, one that begged for me to see he wasn’t like Josh. There was more to him and I knew that all along. He didn’t need to explain. “You’re a beautiful girl, Logan. Stay away from guys like Josh and me.”
“You’re not like him.”
“In ways I am.”
“I don’t believe that. You would have never stood for what happened with Sutton.”
“You’re right. I wouldn’t have. And I’m sorry you went through that.”
“I am, too.”
Jeb leaned in, keeping the cupcake in his hand and kissed my temple. “See ya around.” And then he turned and left. Relief washed over me that he’d come to make peace.
Josh was still that man who made me realize I wasn’t a shy, naïve little sister anymore.
I had wants, desires, and craved certain aspects of danger in ways I never knew.
He had his reasons for what he did and how he handled it. It didn’t mean I agreed with any of them, but they were his reasons.
What Josh did show me was confidence, sexual confidence and how to handle it. Until him, I wasn’t comfortable enough to say what I wanted. Then again, Brevin and Jeb helped me understand it too.
THREE WEEKS AFTER I left Brevin’s, mid-March, he returned to my store with a piece of paper in hand.
“A dozen cupcakes.”
I smiled when he walked through the door. “Did your sister pop out another kid?”
He studied me for a long moment. A soft grin was at bay, barely there, but fading just as quickly. “No, they’re for me.”
“Oh, God, you’re getting married?” I teased, hoping that same boy who found humor in anything I said was still there. If he still found humor in my words, I knew he was still mine. And I desperately wanted another chance with Brevin.
“Nope.” Brevin grinned, full on, leaning into the counter. The way he reached for the business cards and ran his hand over them reminded me of when we first met. “I need something to cheer me up. Girl dumped me, got fired…I’m lucky my parents haven’t kicked me out yet.”
“Did he fire you?”
“No, I quit that night.” Protected by a cautious front, he looked at the floor. Rubbing the back of his neck, the frustration eased. “Never went back.”
“Do you regret it?” I asked, watching Stevie open the door to the shop, supplies in hand after her trip to Costco and then walk right back out.
“No. Not at all,” Brevin replied, watching Stevie back away. “Why would I regret falling in love, regardless of the outcome?”
“I’ve never heard it said like that.” My breath hitched, trying to find the right words to say and then I went with, “I’m sorry for everything.” I felt like I needed to say it.
He paused, swallowing hard. “So where does that leave us now?”
I reached out for his hand. “We start over. No screen names, no website…nothing. Just two people dating.”
One hand tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, the other wrapped around my neck and gently tugged me closer. His lips pressed to my forehead with ease. “I’d like that.”
I relaxed into his touch, a smile playing on my lips. Somehow, I knew everything would work out just as it should.
“WHAT HAPPENED IN college?”
Light hit the side of his face, late spring sun shining down on us. His face was devoid of any color, his mind pulled apart, tested by my simple question.
We were walking around Capital Lake, talking, remembering, and being what drew the two of us together in the first place.
Swallowing over guilt, Brevin’s brow twisted. “I was never much of a drinker. It seemed like a waste of time to me with how hard I worked to get where I was, in college with a full ride.” We started walking again, his hand reaching out to hold mine. I took his willingly, giving him time to explain. “I was twenty-one, got into some trouble and went out with some guys from the team. We ended up getting in a car accident that night. The NCAA found out, withdrew my scholarship and I was kicked out of school for a DUI. A year later I had just started a summer job with JD Construction and wanted to party one night. I wasn’t driving though, just drinking. Long story short, that night Ashley was trying to get a hold of me because she needed a ride home. I blacked out and forgot all about giving her a ride.”
“And she needed a ride?”
“I didn’t know at the time what she needed but when I went home that weekend, Cortney had told me what happened with her and Josh. He’d taped her having sex with him and Sutton.”
If I hadn’t thought Josh was the biggest piece of shit on the planet before, I did now.
“That’s why you don’t drink?”
“That’s why I don’t’ drink. I know enough to know I can’t handle the stuff. I can’t just have one drink.”
At least he was smart enough to admit it.
“One mistake doesn’t mean you can’t try again,” I told him, hoping he understood the meaning.
A smile tugged at the corners of his lips and he knew this was our chance again.
He understood the meaning.
I fell in love with Josh for the way he controlled my body and tempted me to need more.
I fell in love with his eyes and the constant desire etched within the bright blue.
I fell in love with his touch, the possession it held and the way hands splayed over pebbled skin and knew exactly how to handle me.
Notice a pattern?
All that was physical. Far less sustainable than an emotional love. Physical love could tempt your heart into believing that was all you needed.
Brevin was different from anything I had ever experienced.
I fell in love with his laughter that ignited mine every single time.
I fell in love with his smirk, playful and sexy and the way it warmed my soul to remember it even now.
I fell in love with talking to him while he tasted cupcakes and told me he preferred cake, but liked my frosting. And the way he showed up unannounced and the way it made my day better.
I fell in love with his joking manner and the way I would think of his remarks, both flirty and dirty at times. Especially when I would remember it later and smile, or blush.
All of that was emotional.
Emotional love could blind you. An attraction driven far deeper than anything physical.
I shouldn’t have to apologize for trusting myself and knowing I didn’t belong with Josh. I think that was exactly why Brevin came into my life. He came into my life at a time when my head was playing tricks with my heart, giving me haze into blinding myself.
We fall down, stumble through life and make mistakes.
We’re human, and we’re not perfect.
And often times, when we’re at our worst and thinking this couldn’t be happening, not to me, those were the times we learned most about ourselves. Yo
u kept putting one foot in front of the other and kept going, finding strength in the fact that if you continued walking, maybe you’d find what was waiting for you on the other side.
And when we were there, we could look back and see how far we’d come.
I saw that now.
Physically and emotionally, I’d never felt more connected to someone than I did with Brevin. He was there for me when I was leading myself down a very dark path.
Had he not been there with me that night with Sutton, I wasn’t sure I would have been okay.
The sun was already high in the sky when I made my way to the house, hot and sweaty and wishing we had air conditioning.
Being nine months pregnant, I wanted air conditioning in the worst way. It was one of those luxuries you’d think to yourself, if I would ever commit a murder to have that, it would be that.
Drastic I know.
Let me tell you, there was a lot about being pregnant that seemed drastic to me.
My swollen feet hit the wooden planks, fresh smells of the early summer sky welcoming. Almost as welcoming as sweet cream and the rich fluffy of a warm cupcake.
“I’m back,” I said, running my fingertips over the deck railing Brevin was working on.
He smiled, his head lowered, focusing on the nails in his hand. And though I couldn’t see his eyes, I knew the smile touched them. “I missed you, both.” “We missed you.” I stepped closer to wrap my arms around his neck, hugging myself to his sweaty chest.
Thinking of the way I said we, made me smile because I was considered a “we.”
I was carrying Brevin’s baby. A boy.
It made me think about how this all started and if we would look back on that time in our lives and regret anything that had taken place.
Every inch of my skin tingled when he touched me, sending my heart racing as it always did. I thought back to that first touch in the shop, the memory, the realization my life changed that day.
His hands moved from the railing, to around my body, mirroring my embrace. Reaching up, I ran my hand over his light stubble and his lips parted. Leaning in, I pressed mine to his, reveling in their softness and the underlining control I knew behind them. This man would be mine forever.
If I didn’t, the ring on my finger told me so.
Brevin smirked when he noticed my thoughts were gone and my eyes were on his detailed craftsmanship. His heart poured into every detail of our house.
“This is amazing, Brevin.”
He swallowed, his sigh that followed heavy as he pulled me to his side, tucking me around him. “It’s nothing special, but it’s me.” He couldn’t have been more right about it being him.
“It’s beautiful.”
“It’s for you.” This moment, with him, had never meant so much.
“Meet me in our room. I have something to show you.”
So I waited, in our room.
A few moments later, he entered. “What did you want to show me?”
“Me.” He grinned, shedding himself of his clothes. As his body covered mine, he whispered the words to “La Bamba,” slow and deliberate, and nothing like the upbeat tune was. Though it was incredibly intimate, I started laughing.
When his erection pressed to my center, I stopped.
“Brevin…” I breathed against his soft lips when he made the first thrust inside of me.
“Kiss me,” he whispered, long lashes lowering and fluttering like the beating of my heart. He gasped, his body trembling. “Just kiss me.”
Without denying him any longer, my lips curved around his, melting, kissing him deeper and giving myself completely to him.
His hot skin pressed against mine, his heaving chest touched mine and our hearts beat together. He rolled me, his knee sliding between my legs making his intentions clear. His kiss was next, soothing tingling skin. It was slow and deliberate, two things that defined Brevin Chase very well as he moved inside me.
Even though it might have been slow and gentle, I still lost myself, finding that consuming bond that showed me I finally had everything.
Handling me with care, his breathing returned to normal. Brevin’s hands then framed my face. “I love you, Logan.”
My smile was wide and real when I answered him, meaning every word and feeling it soul deep. “I love you, Brevin Dean Chase.”
I can tell you a story about love but in reality, will you believe me if you don’t experience it for yourself?
Maybe I lost you at some point, probably with Mr. Creampie or maybe back when I made decisions based on what I thought was right, verses what I felt.
Believe me when I say I lost myself a few times.
So there you have it. My story. It was a story and in some ways, it wasn’t finished.
I believe if there is someone out there for us, a soulmate, we will find our way to them, and I did.
Now, do you see that boy, the one to your left?
Yes, him. The one holding the baby in his arms?
That’s my Brevin.
A man who would do anything just to see me smile.
Do you remember that girl from the alley a few years back?
She was how we tied together.
Brevin was the brother she couldn’t get a hold of.
Crazy enough, I was tied to him in some bizarre fate.
And now, the two of us were tied completely.
“He looks just like you,” I whisper, wrapped tightly in Brevin’s arms as we gaze down at our son held against his daddy’s chest.
“He’s one handsome little guy.” Brevin gloats, running the tips of his fingers over baby pink cheeks. “Aren’t you, Ritchie?”
I stiffen and glare up at him. “We are not naming our son Ritchie.”
“Why not?”
“I thought we agreed on Beckett Dean last week?”
“We did. Just wanted to see if I could get away with it.” Turning his head, he kisses my temple, his voice lowering into a whisper of his own. “You’re going to make a great mother. He loves you as much as I do.”
I held some fear over becoming a mother but it was easy to I would never be like my mother. I had no expectations for my son. Only that he would know I love him no matter what.
Brevin drew back, his right hand moving from Beckett to twist and touch the side of my face, drying my tears with a swipe of his thumb.
“Is this where you quote something romantic?”
“I could…”
“I’d like that.” Taking his hand in mine, I kiss the back of his hand, waiting for the perfect set of words to tie this all together.
He doesn’t say anything at first, his breathing light. Sighing, his breath tickles my skin when he whispers in my ear, “Her beauty doesn’t hide beneath her sea green eyes, but in the breath you gasp when you find her. And the only way to catch your breath is to kiss her, as she took your life when she blinked.”
I nod, gazing into his eyes. “Who said that?”
“Me. When I met you.”
I believe now more than ever, with all my heart, there is a love that can be strong enough to withstand anything it’s tested against. There is a love out there that words, feelings, hell, even its breath is imprinted into every vessel of your heart. And just when you think it’s not there, it reminds you, thudding rapidly in your chest, its beat the only indication you felt it at all.
The idea for this book presented itself in a unique way and I knew I had to write it. It was a challenge to myself to tell such a complex story. It’s unlike anything I’ve written before and though the subject matter may be considered offensive, taboo even, it’s very much an awakening, both for the characters and myself, as a writer.
Thanks to my family, as always.
Louise – Thank you once again for the wonderful cover. You’re such a beautiful person inside and out.
Hot Tree Editing and Becky – I don’t know what I would have done without you. I handed you a manuscript that was so different from anything I’d ever written and way b
eyond my comfort level and you helped me, pushed me and made me see exactly where I was trying to go with it. Thank you so much!
My BETA girls, I love you so much. Thank you for being there for me night and day.
Thank you to my readers for your continued support.
Shey Stahl is a USA Today Best Selling Author, a wife, mother, daughter and friend to many. When she’s not writing, she’s spending time with her family in the Pacific Northwest where she was born and raised around a dirt track. Visit her website for additional information and keep up to date on new releases: www.sheystahl.com.
You can also find her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SheyStahlAuthor
Additional works by Shey:
Series
Racing on the Edge (Happy Hour, Black Flag, Trading Paint, The Champion, The Legend, Hot Laps, The Rookie, Fast Time and Open Wheel)
Crossing the Line (Delayed Penalty and Delayed Offsides)
The Redemption Series (The Trainer and The Fighter - coming in September)
Unforgettable (All I Have Left)
Stand Alones
Deal
Awakened
Everlasting Light - October
Bad Blood - December
The Trainer
Shey Stahl
Available now on Kindle, Nook, iTunes and Kobo
Chapter One
Fight Card
A fight card or card is a program of boxing consisting of all the boxing matches that take place during a boxing event. Fight cards consist of a main event and an undercard of the rest of the matches.
Monday
April 4, 2011
No one used their home phone anymore. We used cell phones. So when one rang, what did we do?
We stared at it like it was a bomb.
“Phone’s for you.”
“For me?” Awkwardly, I looked at the device as if I had no idea how to even handle it.
“Anyone else around?” Jared tipped the phone toward me, his other hand bringing his beer to his lips. “Yes, you.”