by London Casey
“Wow,” Emily whispered. “You’re really good, Jake. Really fucking good.”
“Good?”
“At making someone trying to help you feel like a piece of shit. Like I did something wrong. And, no, Jake, this isn’t pity. I don’t know anything because you haven’t talked about it. You made a comment once. Have I asked you about it since then? No. You know why? Respect. You came to my door and asked me for help. I’m willing to help. You want to pay me? Fine. Pay me. I don’t give a shit. I’m just trying to be a good person. Maybe I just believe in helping. If you took more than five seconds to climb out of your own ass you’d ask me questions about my life. You’d know that I had spent the last few years taking care of my dying grandmother and that’s why I live here now. That’s why I’m working at the center. That’s why I want to help you, Jake. Because I know what it’s like to struggle and take care of someone you love so much yet sometimes it’s really… annoying. But by all means, Jake. You just keep hiding. Fix my table and break a window. Ask for help and make me feel like a piece of shit about it. Whatever you want to do.”
She sucked in a breath, losing her edge. Tearing into my ass wasn’t easy but I could tell it was a relief to her. She blinked fast, on the brink of tears.
Shit.
I had made the new neighbor cry.
Birds were chirping all around us, eagerly excited about the new day.
I should have just picked a fucking side. In or out. Either ask for help or don’t. Instead I tried to drag Emily into my fire.
I swallowed something hard, pride, and looked Emily dead in the eyes. “I have a routine. That’s what gets me through my days. I try not to think too much into the future. I try to just be here, right now. When the routine gets messed with, things tend to get out of control. I could just take Sadie to the garage with me. But I thought maybe if she had someone to be with. She likes you. It would be something nice for her. I didn’t want it to become…”
“Fifty,” Emily said.
“What?”
“An hour. Fifty dollars an hour. That’s my rate.”
“That’s your rate?” I asked.
“You wanted a price, so you got one. Plus meal costs. And maybe I’ll just teach Sadie how to eat lobster tonight.”
Now she was being cocky. Her nostrils flaring. Her eyes wider. Her right eyebrow raised. Her hips slightly turned, her right hand almost twitching, ready to slap me if I said something smart to her.
Again, why the fuck was I noticing shit like that?
Even when she smiled. Her lips were thin with a slight curve, like a hairpin.
“Fifty an hour it is,” I said. I reached for my wallet and took out sixty bucks. I called her bluff and put the cash into her hand. “That’ll get you started. I’ll leave the extra booster seat on the porch.”
Emily stuck her hand out. “You know I was…”
“I probably will need your number. Just to stay in contact. I’m going to bother you the entire time. And you’re going to have to send me pictures every thirty minutes.”
She smirked again. “Right. Give me your number, Jake. I’ll text you right now.”
I rattled off my number, guilt swirling in my gut, and watched as she typed a message. I noticed the way her hair was drying. How it became a little lighter. How the tight curls at the end were letting up a little.
Stop. Jake. Stop.
My phone buzzed in my pocket.
I went to reach for it.
“Wait,” Emily said. “Just read it when you get home.”
“What?” I asked.
She shrugged her shoulders. “I better go water those flowers, Jake. I don’t want them to wilt. Sadie would get mad at me.”
“You don’t want Sadie mad at you,” I said. “She holds a grudge like…”
… her mother… but I knew all the tricks… how to make her smile… her mother too…
There was that strange silence again.
“She’s going to be okay with me,” Emily said. “If you could, leave a key under the mat to your house. If you trust me. If not, no worries. Worst case, Jake, if she gets nervous, I’ll bring her to the garage to see you.”
Emily was saying all the right things and it really pissed me off. Because I never thought someone would say the right things to me ever again.
That pride tasted like shit again as I swallowed it and nodded.
“Thank you, Emily,” I said. “I didn’t mean… before…”
“Daddy!” a voice yelled.
I turned and saw Sadie standing on the porch, her little head popping over the railing.
She pointed to her messy hair.
“Seriously? Look at my hair!”
I laughed.
“There’s my cue,” I said to Emily. “From four to fourteen. And I’m not ready for any of it.”
I started to walk away.
“Jake,” Emily said.
I looked back.
“It’s all going to be okay,” she said.
I didn’t say a thing.
Emily turned and walked away.
Sadie called for me again.
I forgot all about her text message until I took Sadie to daycare. When I got back into the truck, ready to head to the garage, I grabbed for my phone and saw the text.
Now you have my number. And you can have my time if you ever need to talk. About YOU. It’s not pity. It’s care.
I stared forward. I tossed my phone to the passenger seat.
I think I found something worse than being alone and heartbroken.
Finding someone to care about and not knowing how to share your broken heart with them.
Chapter Thirteen
A Wrench and a Kiss on the Cheek
(Jake)
I pushed on the wrench and the goddamn bolt wouldn’t move. I had been working it for five minutes. It was my own damn fault though. It was the time I should have been going to get Sadie and taking her to Lisa’s house. The whole routine thing was sadly a sense of comfort for me. Kept things steady and moving forward. Where was I moving forward to? I had no fucking clue. But forward was good. Forward was healing, or at least that’s what I had been told.
I released my grip on the wrench and backed up. I threw the thing to the bench and grabbed a rag, wiping my hands clean. I flexed my hand a few times as I stared forward outside the garage bay to the parking lot and beyond.
“Need help, boss?” Paul asked me as he put a coffee mug down that had a half naked woman that was chipped away from washing it too much.
“Nah,” I said. “Just not in it right now.”
“Thinking about your girl?”
“Huh?” I asked, picturing Emily.
“Your girl. Sadie. Your daughter.”
“Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Right.”
“I could handle the place,” Paul said. “If you need to go for a ride.”
“Thanks. I’m good. I’m good. Do me a favor though. Get the bolt loosened on the engine. Did you get those oil changes done?”
“All done. Oil, filters, wiped the exterior and vacuumed the interior.”
“Stickers on the window?”
“All of them, boss,” Paul said.
“Good job. Let me go make those calls quick. Then we’ll check this engine and that SUV off to the side probably needs brakes. Check and tell me. I’ll call them. He’s an old son of a gun who thinks we’re out to scam him.”
Paul laughed. “You got it, boss. I’m on this.”
“Paul, did you get anything to eat yet?” I asked.
“No. Why?”
“Get that bolt loose and then call and order some pizza. On me. I appreciate the help today.”
“Thanks, boss.”
I walked into the office and plopped down in Mickey’s seat. He was home, resting, and feeling better. He had a doctors appointment tomorrow and knowing him, he’d show up to the garage no matter what he was told.
I picked up my phone and stared at it.
No text yet.
I dropped the phone and ran my hands through my hair.
I had to trust her. I had to trust Emily. I didn’t want to text her and have her look away from the road, even for a split second.
A split second was the one thing that took Everly from me.
I stood back up and the chair shot back and slammed against the wall.
My phone started to ring.
I grabbed for it.
“Mickey?” I asked.
“Jake. How’s it going?”
“What the hell are you doing calling me? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Checking on the garage.”
“What garage?” I asked.
“Funny. Really funny. Mess with a guy’s head who has a concussion.”
“You don’t have a damn concussion, Mick. Your brain has always been rattled.”
“Well, when you live through the years I have…”
I walked around the desk and opened the office door to the main lobby area. It was as big as Mick’s office.
“Hey, Mick, you got a second for me?”
“I’m on my damn couch. I’ve got nothing but time. What do you need?”
“This has nothing to do with the garage,” I said. “And when we’re done talking you fucking forget about it.”
“Won’t be hard with my head right now,” Mickey said with a weak laugh.
“When Laura…”
I hesitated to say the word.
“Died,” Mickey said. “Just say it, Jake. When Laura died.”
“When Laura died… and everyone bothered you…”
“What are you asking me?”
“You ever date anyone else?”
“Date?”
“Yeah. Fall in love? Try?”
Mickey let out a sigh. “Coming to me for advice on this is bad, Jake. I don’t know the answers to your questions. I wish I did. You just have to go by your gut. Your heart. The worst thing that could happen with a date is you don’t like it. So you don’t do it again. I mean, you’re not asking someone to marry you, right?”
And goddamn if the second Mickey didn’t spout that last line did I look out of the window and see Emily’s car pulling into the parking lot.
“Hey, Mick, I gotta go,” I said. “Sorry. Sadie’s here.”
“Oh, hey, right. Jake?”
“Yeah?”
“I can’t help you with advice because I never had any kids. You’ve got Sadie. She’s forever the number one thing in your life. But don’t forget, she’s missing someone in her life. More than you are and ever will. So if someone ever enters her life and can and wants to fill that void… I don’t know if you can keep her from that.”
I opened the door and watched as Emily climbed out of the driver’s seat. She opened the back door and put her hand out for Sadie to take. She grabbed Sadie’s bag, smiling, Sadie smiling right back at her.
My heart ached.
I felt my eyes fill with tears.
I stepped back and pinched the bridge of my nose.
“Mick, I really gotta go. Thank you.”
“Yeah. Do your thing.”
I ended the call and painted a smile on my face. I hurried out of the door and when Sadie saw me, she started running. I crouched down and remained there until she jumped into my arms. My nose was overtaken by the smell of Sadie. The fruity hand soap. The sugar from whatever snacks all the kids had at daycare.
I wrapped my arms around her.
“I missed you,” I whispered.
“I missed you too, Daddy.”
I stood up, taking Sadie with me.
Emily stood there. She had a brown paper lunch bag in her hand. She lifted it up.
“Dinner,” she said.
“Oh?”
“Sadie insisted we make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich,” Emily said.
“So you don’t go hungry, Daddy,” Sadie said.
“Wow,” I said. “That’s awesome. Thanks, sweetheart.”
I kissed Sadie’s cheek.
She giggled and wiggled, always hating when my scruff tickled her.
I looked at Emily.
She took the time to play into Sadie’s idea. To make me a sandwich. To drive it here.
I slid Sadie down to the ground. “Hey, sweetheart, why don’t you go play on Mickey’s chair for a second. I want to talk to Miss Emily.”
“Can I have your phone?” she asked.
I gave Sadie my phone.
She hurried away.
“Fifty bucks an hour and I get a PB and J?” I asked.
“Yeah, but it’s my PB and J.”
“That good, huh?”
“You be the judge.”
“Oh, I will,” I said.
Silence.
Seconds ticking by.
“She had a great day,” Emily said. “I figured from here I’d stop and grab something for dinner. Anything you don’t want her having?”
“She’s four,” I said. “As long as she’s not throwing back shots of whiskey at a bar, I’m okay.”
“Right. No whiskey.” Emily smirked.
“Funny,” I said.
“I’ll get her out of your hair,” Emily said. “She just wanted to swing by. I could tell she was getting nervous that she didn’t see you right when the day ended.”
“Thank you for that, Em.”
Em. Again? Really?
“Miss Emily,” I said.
“Don’t call me that. It’s weird.”
“Yeah?” I asked. “Why?”
“I don’t know. It just is.”
Emily took a step and my hand shot out. I touched her left hip to stop her. To keep her in place. I stared ahead, not looking at her. I felt my fingers tighten a little.
Dammit.
Slowly, I turned my head to the right. She turned her head to the right. We looked at each other.
“Thank you,” I said again. “Just know that. Whatever I say. Whatever I do. I appreciate this.”
“I know,” Emily said. “And I’m not trying to do anything funny here, Jake. I care. I’m helping. It’s giving me a sense of purpose again.”
I gave a little tug and Emily was no match for my strength. She stumbled closer to me. I leaned in more than I should have and I brushed my lips to her cheek.
Guilt rose but so did something else.
I felt her hand touch my hand and that’s when I pulled back.
A second later, Sadie called for me.
I walked away, but I realized something.
I wasn’t going to be able to get away from what I was starting to feel.
Chapter Fourteen
I’ll Keep the Seat and the Glitter
(Emily)
I walked from the kitchen with a small bowl of popcorn and froze for a second. There was a time not that long ago I would have been bringing my grandmother popcorn as she watched the nightly news, gameshows, and then reality shows. For a woman whose mind was not there for such a long time she loved her reality shows and she kept up with all of them. To her, they were glorified soap operas.
Tonight was different.
I heard the cartoon zing and zoom sounds from the TV, along with a high pitch voice asking for help looking for the triangle. Sadie sat on the couch, legs out, feet on the coffee table, a blanket over her legs. She was hooked.
Something about it just… well, it sort of felt right. Like the life I would have had if my grandmother didn’t need me. Not that I would ever look back and regret helping her, there was just that feeling of… all that I missed out on.
But I had it now. Even if it was in the form of my neighbor’s daughter.
I gave Sadie the popcorn. “Please only take one piece at a time.”
“Okay, Miss Emily,” she said. “May I please have a drink of milk?”
“Sure. Can I trust you with a cup with no lid?”
Sadie shrugged her shoulders. “I spill things sometimes. Not on purpose though.”
“Of course not,” I said. “Well, I don’t have any cup
s with lids. So you’re getting one without.”
I got Sadie a small cup of milk and sat on the couch next to her. I was amazed how well she knew how to use the remote to the TV. Hell, I didn’t know what all the buttons did, but Sadie did. She found exactly what show she wanted to watch.
I had to admit though - I looked at the clock and realized I was only a little while into the cartoon stuff and it was getting to me. I could not imagine sitting there hearing those sounds all day long. But at least Sadie chose something educational and interactive. She yelled answers at the TV like the characters could hear her. Spitting popcorn from her little mouth, her little toes wiggling when she got the answer right. Her socks were supposed to be a bright pink color but were now much darker thanks to being used too much. There were fuzzes all over her socks too. Just something about that stuff… all those little details in life…
Sadie turned her head and looked up at me. “It’s dark out.”
Her little hand rested in the popcorn bowl.
Some character asked where a red ball was.
Right behind you, friend, under the chair…
Sadie didn’t answer.
“What’s wrong with it being dark out?” I asked her.
“Daddy is always home before it gets dark out.”
“Oh. Right. Well, you know your daddy is working late tonight, right?”
“But in the dark?”
“There are lights at the garage, Sadie. And lights that turn on outside.”
“I know,” she said. “I just…”
“You miss him,” I said, smiling.
She shrugged her shoulders.
I put an arm around her. “It’s okay, Sadie. If you want, we can go to your house. Go to your room.”
“No,” she said. “I like it here. I like your house. It’s always messy.”
I let out a laugh. “Thanks, Sadie.”
“What?”
“Nothing,” I said. “You know, it won’t always be this messy. I’m still unpacking.”
“You’ve lived here for like forty two months now,” Sadie said. She took a handful of popcorn and went back to her snack.