by K Webster
I let out a small laugh, devoid of humor. “You should hear it from the inside.”
“You could tell me,” he offers, his hazel eyes searching mine.
Gritting my teeth, I break my stare from him to look at Drew. Strong, fierce, powerful Drew who’s lifeless and hooked to machines. Because of me. “Some shit is better left unsaid.”
He squeezes my hand but doesn’t say anything else. I glance at the clock, wondering what’s taking Mia so long. She’s so brave. I can tell she wants to burst into tears every three seconds, but she holds it together like she’s doing it for us. I love that girl.
Speaking of that girl…
She slips into the room, a guilty expression on her face. My parents follow in after. As soon as I see my parents’ faces, my gut hollows out.
Mia wouldn’t.
I tense up, clinging to Ashton like he’s my lifeline and I’m about to get sucked into a black void I’ll never escape from. Panic claws up my throat and my eyes burn.
No.
Please, no.
I can’t lose them too.
Mia’s eyes water as she nears. “Please don’t be mad at me. I couldn’t let you hurt yourself any longer, Bray.”
I gape at her, my throat aching with emotion. Anger flashes hot inside me, but it’s doused in despair. Fear of the unknown threatens to consume me.
Ashton starts to pull away as my parents approach, both of them horror-stricken, but I tighten my grip on his hand. I can’t do this. Not alone. I can’t do this.
Mom sits beside me, taking my other hand as Dad kneels in front of me. Tears of dread pool in my eyes, leaking without my permission.
“Oh, honey,” Mom says, her voice shaking. “Oh, my sweet, sweet boy.”
“I’m s-sorry,” I choke out. “I d-didn’t mean t-to.”
Dad ruffles my hair, pressing his forehead to mine. “Brayden, Ben’s death was not your fault.”
A sob tears its way out of me. I can hear it echoed in both my mother and Mia. I can’t look at them. I’m ensnared in my father’s fierce glare.
“It was my fault,” I whisper, admitting to him what I’ve wanted to say for years. “It was all my fault.”
“No,” Mom hisses. “It was not your fault. I will not have you drowning in this guilt, thinking you’re responsible.”
“But I was!” I cry out, my heart aching. “You told us to stay inside while you went Christmas shopping. It was too cold to play outside, but I took him anyway.” I squeeze my eyes shut. “He got pneumonia because I took him in that cold weather. It was me. I did this to him. Your son is dead because of me.”
“Nonsense,” Dad barks out. “What happened to Ben was an accident. An unfortunate one. He’d been suffering from chronic colds for years.”
“But I took him outside,” I argue. “He wouldn’t have gotten sick if it weren’t for me!”
“I refuse to believe that,” Dad states. “He’d already had two bouts of bronchitis at Halloween and then Thanksgiving. His lungs were failing him. The pneumonia was a sad inevitability. It’s not your fault his little body was too weak. Not your fault.”
“But—” I start, but Mom shushes me and squeezes my hand.
“Not your fault,” she says. “Your brother adored you. Worshipped you, Brayden. Why do you think he never played sports himself? He wasn’t cut out for it because he was too sickly. Maybe you don’t remember this about Ben, but it’s the truth. He loved that his brother was strong and athletic and played hockey like a champ. The fact you gave him one last chance to play and be a kid was the best gift he’s ever gotten. We love you, Brayden, but we won’t allow you to take the blame anymore. Ben died loving you and thinking the world of you, as he should. It’s time to live up to those big brother expectations.”
Mom pulls me to her and I release Ashton’s hand to cling to her. I think back to all the times in our childhood. How I never got sick, but Ben caught everything. The flu, fevers, respiratory infections. He missed school a lot, whereas I always had perfect attendance. Maybe he really was sick and I never realized just how much.
“It hurts,” I whimper. “It’s hurt for so long.”
“No more hurting alone, baby,” Mom murmurs. “You have your daddy and me. You always have. And now you have Mia, Ashton, and Drew. No one wants to watch you suffer. We want you to let go of that guilt and be happy. Had Daddy and I realized it was this that has been eating you up all these years, we would’ve had this conversation a long time ago. It’s time to heal, sweetheart. We’re here to help you.”
The weight that always crushes down on me feels lighter.
“I’m sorry,” Mia says, leaning her head against my shoulder. “Please don’t hate me. I just couldn’t watch you kill yourself over this any longer.”
It’s then I realize Ashton has pulled her into his lap and her hand now covers my hand he’s holding.
“I could never hate you,” I tell her. “Ever. I love you.”
She smiles and presses a kiss to my lips. “I love you too, Bray.”
“For the record, I love you too,” Ashton says. “I think I fell in love with your ass before your heart, but all that matters now is I love both.”
We all laugh.
I lean forward and capture his mouth with mine. “I love you, Ashton.”
It’s bittersweet to share this moment without Drew. More guilt flings my way, but without the burden of thinking Ben’s death is all my fault and that my parents would hate me, it’s a little easier to bear. Drew’s condition is out of my control, just like Ben’s was. All I can do is pray to God Drew will make it out of this alive.
“You kids look exhausted,” Mom says. “Why don’t you go home and nap? Daddy will stay here with Drew while I cook up some supper. I think after some rest and a good home-cooked meal, you all will feel better. Okay?”
I give my mom a quick kiss on her tearstained cheek. “Okay. I’ll take these crybabies home and put them to bed.”
Ashton laughs. “Says the guy with snot running down his nose.”
Smirking at him, I swipe at my nose with my middle finger.
We all laugh again, and fuck if it doesn’t feel good.
I wake to a boner against my ass. It’s dark out, but a quick glance at the clock tells me it won’t be for long. I’m physically and emotionally drained. While my secret about Ben had been revealed to my parents and we were able to work through those emotions, it did nothing for the state Drew is in. He’s still not here with us where he belongs.
I can’t believe he was going to leave us.
And now he might leave us for good.
Imagining a life without Drew makes my stomach churn. He’s always been a part of my life, and recently he’s been a vital part. Like an artery that runs through my body. Without him, I’ll bleed out, suffering without his love and life running through me. I know Mia and Ashton feel just as connected. The three of us are suffering without Drew. We need him. And when he wakes up, we’ll remind him that he needs us too.
School.
Hockey.
NHL.
Careers.
Nothing matters in the grand scheme. I’d give up everything to keep Drew right here with us. We’re a foursome and we can’t function missing a quarter of us. Every piece is necessary for our happiness.
When he wakes up, I’ll do everything in my damn power to convince him. I know Ashton and Mia will be right there with me. We’ll kidnap him if we have to. Ashton would probably be into it, the little freak.
“Thoughts. Loud. You forget I can practically hear inside your head,” Ashton says, flexing his hips so I’ll feel his morning wood. “You okay?”
“Just thinking,” I murmur, not wanting to wake Mia.
“We’re going to get him back,” he says, caressing my abs and kissing my shoulder. “You know that, right?”
If he’ll ever wake up, I’m certain we’ll persuade him.
“Yeah, I know.” I turn my head to meet him for a kiss. “And then we’re
going to get a bigger bed because your boner is not a good alarm clock.”
“I beg to differ,” he argues, rubbing against me again. “Feels pretty good to me.”
A girlish giggle has me smiling.
“I think boner alarm clocks are the best alarm clocks,” our girl says, scooting close to me. She presses a kiss to my lips.
I hold her to me, enjoying the way Ashton clings to me from behind. All we’re missing is Drew. I’d thought, at one time, that it might be strange or crowded seeing three people at the same time, but it turns out that when one of us is missing, it’s cold and empty.
I need all three of them.
“As much as I want to strip Bray down and take his sexy little ass while he makes you squeal, Mia, we better get up and showered. Molly promised us breakfast, too. I need her food more than I need sex.” Ashton gives my ass a squeeze and then he climbs out of the bed. “Let’s go.”
It’s more than that.
He feels it too.
So does Mia.
It’s why we haven’t touched each other sexually since Drew was rushed to the hospital. We don’t feel right without him. Like if we hold out for him, eventually he’ll come back to us.
“Better get up before he hogs all the hot water,” I say, kissing Mia’s forehead.
We join Ashton in the shower, and despite the hot bodies in there with me, we don’t do anything other than bathe. When we get Drew back, we’ll take a million hot, filthy showers. That’s a promise.
I’m more relaxed as we walk through the snowy parking lot toward the hospital. The flakes are fat and fluttering all around. At one time, I hated the snow, but today, I find beauty in the scene before me. The way the air puffs out white each time we breathe. The fact that Mia and Ashton are wearing matching Ice Hawks beanies—beanies I gave them. Seeing them in my beanies makes my heart swell in my chest. Mom fed us a huge breakfast and fussed over us like we were toddlers. It means a lot to me that she treats Mia and Ashton like they’re her kids too. I know it means a hell of a lot to them too.
“What do you guys want for Christmas?” Ashton asks. “I haven’t even done any shopping.”
“Me neither,” I admit.
“And I’ve been too poor,” Mia says with a laugh. “Though Dad must be trying to make amends because I noticed my account had several more zeros this morning.”
Relief floods through me. I wasn’t keen on her father, but I was glad he left his bitch wife and seems to be attempting to bridge the gap between them.
“Oh great,” Ashton complains, looking down at his phone.
“What?” I peek at the screen. It’s a text from his dad asking him to call him. That it’s urgent.
“Just call him,” Mia urges. “We’ll wait for you.”
He groans but dials his dad, putting him on speaker. Curtis answers on the first ring.
“Ashton,” Curtis states in greeting. “How are you?”
“My boyfriend’s in a coma. What do you think?” he throws back.
Curtis sighs. “I’m sorry. I just worry about you is all. Your mother and I both do.”
“Funny,” Ashton deadpans. “What do you want?”
“I wanted to let you know that we started the investigation on the video that was leaked. After interviewing Sasha, she admitted that she took the video and sent it to Travis, but she didn’t forward it to everyone else. To escape academic probation for being a catalyst for what happened, she spilled everything she knew. Corroborated what you’d said about the bleach and the threats made to you. Apparently, Travis saw her as an ally since she was angry at you for outbidding her for the date with Brayden. He admitted to her that he also planted the marijuana in your bag and slashed your tires.” Curtis sighs, making the sound rattle through the phone. “I’m sorry, Ashton. I thought I was doing my job right, but you nailed the hammer on the head when you said I chose my position over you. I was trying to do the right thing, and in return, it hurt you.”
“What happens now?” I ask, unable to keep quiet. “Will that asshole be held responsible for hurting all of us?”
“His grades were suffering, so he was going to be put on academic probation for the upcoming semester, so this newest stunt he pulled has forced the university’s hand. He’s been suspended until he can prove he wasn’t the one who sent the video. If he fights it, I’ll have to involve the police, and I made sure he knew this. Last I checked, he was packing up his dorm and going back to Ohio.”
“At least we won’t have to deal with that asshole hurting you anymore,” Mia says to Ashton.
“I don’t think he’ll be a problem from here on out,” Curtis agrees.
“Thanks,” Ashton mutters. “If that’s all, we better get inside.”
“Actually,” Curtis says, his voice tight. “I was wondering if you’d have dinner with me and your mother. It’s been a while and with Christmas around the corner, I thought—”
“No,” Ashton barks out. “Not unless the people I love can come with me.”
I smile at him, proud of his bravery to stand up to his father.
“Of course,” Curtis tells him. “I may not exactly agree with the things you do, but I can tell when my son is happy. Despite what you may think, it’s all we’ve ever wanted for you. I know I come down hard on you a lot, but it’s because I know your potential, not because I’m trying to change who you are.”
“This isn’t a phase,” Ashton says. “I want you to know that. I know I’m a lot of things—reckless, careless, wild—but not when it comes to them. They’re the smartest, most right thing I’ve done in my life. I love them. All three of them. And if you can accept that about me, then maybe we can find better footing with our relationship, Dad.”
“I can respect that,” Curtis agrees. “Plus, you know I like all three of them. It doesn’t change anything with Drew as far as the university is concerned, but as your father, I can accept that he’s your boyfriend. Drew is a good man. Brayden and Mia are great people too. So what do you say? Dinner one day soon?”
Both Mia and I nod at him.
“Yeah,” Ashton grunts. “I guess so.”
“Good,” Curtis says, relief in his tone. “We’ll talk soon and figure out a day. Bye, kids.”
We all say bye to him and Ashton pockets his phone. He holds one of my hands and Mia holds the other as we walk in. After being here for several days, the staff is used to seeing the three of us together. At first, we got a few sour looks, but then, the nurses took a liking to us, especially Ashton because he’s a nut, and they started babying us, bringing us snacks, extra pillows, and generally looking out for us. People are a lot more accepting than you’d think. Especially the ones who love you.
“Elaine,” Ashton calls out to one of the nurses when he sees her exiting Drew’s room. “Any donuts you can steal us today from the break room?”
“You literally just ate,” I state, chuckling. “Like fifteen minutes ago.”
He shrugs. “I’m always hungry.”
Mia giggles, swatting at Ashton.
It’s then I notice the look on Elaine’s face.
Teary. Smiling.
“I was hoping you three would show up soon,” she says, her grin widening as she opens the door.
My heart seizes inside my chest. Ashton is the first to snap into action, dragging me and Mia along. It isn’t until he pulls us into the room that my entire world spins around me.
Drew.
Our fucking Drew.
Awake. No longer attached to machines making him breathe. Sitting up in bed, looking tired as hell but alive.
“Dr. Palmer just stepped out a bit ago,” Elaine says. “But Drew’s doing great. Aren’t you, honey?”
Drew’s eyes slowly roam over Ashton, Mia, and then settle on me. “I am now.”
I’m the first to launch myself at him.
I hold on to him, and I’ll be damned if I ever let him go.
Brayden wraps his arms around me and I feel like I can finally breathe agai
n. When I woke up early this morning, alone, my stomach bottomed out. Not because I was attached to tubes and in a hospital room, but because I thought Brayden, Ashton, and Mia were done with me. And I wouldn’t blame them. I pushed them away, was attempting to run when Ashton found me. I don’t remember anything after that, but I imagine Brayden told them I was leaving. Rather than fearing for my condition, I was regretful of what I’d done to them.
Once Brayden releases me, he drops into a chair by my bed. Mia sits down in the chair next to him and trails her fingers up and down my arm while Brayden holds my hand. Ashton plops into a chair on the other side and grabs my other hand. My heart swells as I glance at each of them. Ashton has dark circles under his eyes. Mia’s are puffy. And Brayden looks pale, his own eyes a bit bloodshot. They’ve been worried about me. Because they love me. And I was going to leave them.
“Well, hello again,” Dr. Palmer says, walking in. “Still feeling okay?”
“Better than earlier,” I croak, my voice incredibly hoarse. How could I not be with the three most important people surrounding me?
“As I told you this morning, you had a stroke,” he explains. “I want to ask you some questions now that you can talk. Have you been taking your medication as prescribed?”
When I first woke up and sort of panicked, they took me off the machines and checked my vitals. After a few tests, they gave me some water for my throat since it was scratched from being intubated.
“Yes.” I would never risk my life like that. I saw what it did to my dad.
He nods. “Were you stressed leading up to the time of the stroke?”
Before I can answer, Brayden speaks up. “Yes, he was. We got into a fight.”
I sigh, hating that he’s blaming himself for this. “An argument isn’t going to cause a heart attack,” I tell Brayden, locking eyes with him. “This was not your fault.”
I look at the doctor. “I was under some stress because of personal stuff going on, but the truth is, I felt like something was wrong for a while. I just ignored it, not wanting to deal with it.”
Ashton’s hand squeezes mine at the same time Brayden’s does.