“I just wanted to suggest we move upstairs; my bed will be a little more comfortable.” She batted her eyelashes and gave me a cheeky grin, which I returned, jumping up from the couch and offering her my good hand. She giggled and took it, letting me pull her up and purposely crashing against my chest.
We went upstairs holding hands, and I barely took in the unfamiliar surroundings, with my gaze fixed on her body as I followed her to her room. My heart went wild the moment she switched on the light and I saw the red candles on the nightstand and chest of drawers, waiting to be the only light in the room.
“Ah, so you’d actually planned on ending the night here… All that Disney romanticism was only a means to get me upstairs eventually.” I used a teasing tone, feigning surprise—as if I hadn’t hoped we’d end up in her bedroom tonight.
She chuckled and spun back. “Maybe.”
“That’s my girl.” I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her forehead. “I was really hoping you’d show me your room, but didn’t want to sound too eager. How about we light those candles and go back to where we stopped?”
She nodded and reached for the packet of matches on the nightstand, dropping it and chuckling at her clumsiness. Her hands were shaking and she failed to light the match at the first two attempts.
“Need help there, beautiful girl?” I asked from my spot near the door.
She let out an annoyed groan and I laughed. Finally, the match lit up with a crackling sound, and the smell of sulfur filled the air. Claire flitted from the nightstand to the chest of drawers, and once all the candles were lit, she switched off the light, spun and plopped onto the bed, kicking off her shoes.
She looked at me provocatively from underneath her lashes, and patted the mattress next to her. “Yes, this is definitely more comfortable than the sofa. Want to try?”
I grinned and crawled toward her on the mattress, kicking off my own shoes, and not breaking eye contact until I was hovering above her, my lips only millimeters from hers.
“You’re right, it is comfortable,” I whispered against her mouth. She shivered, and I was glad I wasn’t the only ball of nerves in the room. “But I find this warm body beneath me to be even more so.”
She tilted her head so that her lips found mine, and I lost all self-control. She was my personal drug and tonight I was planning on overdosing on her—if she’d let me.
Chapter 25
Claire
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t hoped we’d end our romantic date in my bedroom, but I still couldn’t believe David was here with me on my bed, leaving a trail of hot kisses from my ear down my neck. I’d never been confident at being intimate with a guy, especially not after the way Peter complained about me not being fun at all; still, having David on top of me, kissing and caressing my body, felt completely natural, as if we’d done it forever.
David pulled back and supported his weight on his elbows, staring intensely at me for a few seconds. In the dim light provided by the candles his eyes were dark and huge, and I lost myself in them, forgetting all my insecurities and fears, wanting so desperately to erase all the bad memories I related to intimacy.
David isn’t Peter. He would never hurt me. He’d never be selfish or rough. He’d…
“Claire.” The way he whispered my name, with his eyes locked with mine, covered my whole body in goosebumps, even though the room was warm and we were still completely dressed. “Where were you just now? You looked… frightened. We don’t have to go any further, if you don’t feel comfortable.”
There. Just further proof that David was nothing like Peter, who would’ve taken what he wanted without asking for permission, without worrying too much whether I was in the mood for any of it or not.
I brought my hands to his face and brushed his cheeks with my thumbs, liking the way the stubble pricked my fingers. Opening up with him had been so easy when we were barely more than strangers; there was no reason not to talk to him about what troubled my mind now we were a couple.
“I’m more than comfortable having you here in my bed, but… remember what Peter said that night at the pub?” David stiffened at the mention of my ex, and I wondered if this chat would kill the mood and have him get off me and out of my room. Even so, I needed him to know what was going through my mind. I wanted him to know me, the real me that nobody ever got to see. “He was right when he said I’m not good at… this.”
His eyes narrowed a little, and he stared at me with a frown. “This being…?”
I rolled my eyes. “Sex, okay? He’s the only one I’ve ever been with, and both times it was like torture and I couldn’t wait for it to be over. Not that it ever took him long, thank goodness.”
I looked away and sat up, causing him to move off me. I was twenty-four but I felt more like an insecure teenager—not exactly the kind of woman I was sure he was used to. I was ashamed of my inexperience and felt stupid for even bringing up the subject. Yep, I’d officially ruined the night.
“Why don’t you tell me about it?” He sat next to me and took my right hand in his left one, intertwining our fingers. “I don’t particularly like talking about that idiot, but I want to know everything about you, Claire, even if I have a feeling that once you’re finished talking I’ll feel the urge to find him and kick his arse.”
I let out a small chuckle, in spite of the tension I was feeling, and he gave my hand a squeeze. “This might be a major buzz-killer, you know,” I said, brushing the back of his hand with my thumb.
He grinned. “Leave that to me. I’ll bring back the heat in no time.”
I rested my head on his shoulder, and he released my hand to wrap his arm around me and pull me in. With my cheek on his chest, the steady beating of his heart calmed my nerves. I heaved a sigh and started telling him the whole story about how Peter had managed to psychologically coerce me into sharing my first time with him, how uncomfortable and painful it’d been, as well as fast—at least for him. I’d always thought my first time would be special, but he’d only made me feel stupid, inexperienced and weird because I hadn’t liked it one bit. I’d just squeezed my eyes shut and waited for it to be over, blaming it all on my inexperience and all the awful things that were going through my mind at the time.
Lucky for me, we weren’t together long enough to repeat the performance after that night. The second and last time he’d forced himself on me was the night I finally decided to leave him.
“When he walked into the pub that night, he’d probably already been drinking somewhere else. He used to go out with his teammates after a game. He had a couple more beers while he waited for my shift to be over, so by the time I was ready to leave he was a little over the top.” I looked away, staring at the flickering flames of the two red candles on the nightstand to my left. “I told him I’d call a taxi but he dragged me out to his car, saying he was in the mood for some action. I told him I was tired and I needed to go home and check on my mother, but he didn’t even listen to a word I said. He’d been very understanding and caring when we first started talking and I’d told him about my situation at home, but after a while he’d started saying I used my mother as an excuse not to live my life.”
“Insensitive jerk,” David muttered, rubbing my shoulder with his good hand. I leaned into him, wanting to find in him the strength I needed to keep talking.
“He didn’t let go when I insisted my mother was waiting for me, nor when I tried to pull away from his strong grasp. He pushed me into the back seat of his car, saying he was going to take what he wanted and that I owed it to him, since I’d been such a complete disappointment the first time.” I closed my eyes, trying to keep my breathing steady even as panic surged through me, blocking my air pipes. “He was too strong; I just couldn’t get him off me when all his weight was crushing me against the seat.”
“Please, tell me he didn’t do what I’m thinking he did.” David squeezed my shoulder and I heaved a sigh. I’d never told anyone what had happened that night—not the details,
anyway. Ciara knew I’d left Peter because he’d hit me, but not the reason why he’d done it. Opening up with David had always felt easy, and I didn’t want the ghost of my stupid ex to come between us, this wonderful thing that was growing between David and me.
Tears filled my eyes as memories of that night flooded my mind as I started telling David the whole story, leaving out no details. The way Peter was pinning me down against the hard seat, his hand keeping both my wrists above my head so I couldn’t break free, not even when I tried with all my strength. The pleading tone in my voice as I asked him to stop acting like that. The sting of my split bottom lip when the back of his free hand connected with my cheek after I turned my head and broke his sloppy kiss. The searing pain that radiated all over my face as my cheek was pressed further into the car seat. The hot tears that had filled my eyes and rolled down my cheeks when he’d hastily pulled down my jeans, ripping off my underwear in the process.The weight of his body on me. The stinging pain that shot all through my body. The shame and guilt I felt for letting him treat me like that, for believing his lies and not being able to see the person he really was.
I remembered scrambling out of the car as soon as he got into the driver’s seat, and running to the line of taxis waiting for clients. I knew he wouldn’t make a scene in front of everyone, so I’d straightened my clothes and hair and sneaked inside a cab, my heart thumping wildly as if I’d just escaped a serial killer.
“It’s okay, baby. It’s over, it’s all over now.”
I hadn’t even realized I’d started shaking until David pulled me to his chest, resting his chin on top of my head. It took me a few minutes to calm down, but David didn’t push me. He just rubbed his hand up and down my back, his voice a low soothing rumble repeating over and over that it was okay, that he’d never let anyone hurt me again.
He placed a kiss into my hair and pulled me even closer. I took comfort from his touch and his sweet words, and I swallowed the gigantic lump in my throat. I wanted to get to the end of this story. Once it was out in the open hopefully I’d be able to move on, get over it and forget it had ever happened.
“The following night he came to the pub as if nothing had happened, but I told him we were over and I had security escort him out. He let out an annoying chuckle, saying there was a queue of women waiting for him, and he definitely wouldn’t waste his time with a prude like me.” I exhaled, and the burden of shame, guilt and regret I’d carried around so long finally left my body with the breath I’d let out.
“That guy was just a selfish jerk and he didn’t deserve someone as special as you.” David kissed my temple and I shivered as his hot lips seared the side of my face. I could only hope Peter hadn’t ruined me forever, because I couldn’t think of not getting close to David, of not knowing what it would be like to be skin to skin with him. “Don’t worry, we don’t have to do anything right now. I can just cuddle with you all night until you ask me to go home. I don’t need anything more than holding you in my arms for this date to be perfect.”
I shook my head against his chest and pulled back a little to look him in the eye. Why couldn’t I have met David first? If I had I was sure my first time would have been a memorable experience, unlike the hurried five minutes it took Peter to get it over with without worrying too much about me.
“I don’t want him to ruin our night—I won’t let him. I know that with you it will be completely different, that it will be perfect, just like our first kiss but…” I swallowed the sob that bubbled up my throat and inhaled deeply, closing my eyes for a second. When I reopened them, David was staring languidly at me and a sweet smile tugged at the corners of his lips, those soft lips I’d become addicted to after only two weeks. “I just need a little time to pull myself together. You’re the first person I’ve told the whole story to. I feel like a load has been taken off my chest, but I want any bad memories to leave my mind completely so I can create new memories with you. I want to remember only you, as if you were my first.”
He squeezed me a little tighter. “I will be your first, whenever you’re ready. I’ll be the first who’ll cherish your body and put your happiness before anything else, just like you deserve. Unlike the jerk who only thought of himself.”
His words went straight to my heart, melting the ice shards Peter’s words and behavior had left in their wake. With each heartbeat new life rushed through my veins; hope, love, and happiness filled every inch of my body, bringing back the confidence Peter had taken away from me two years ago. I wanted to be with David more than anything else, but I wanted it to be right, to feel right. Until the elephant in the shape of a bulky rugby player had left the room, I wouldn’t be able to put it all behind me and be over him, over the humiliation, the hurt, and the guilt.
“I love you,” I said, looking up from his chest and finding his lips. He let me brush them gently a couple of times before he took charge, moving from my lips up to my eyelids, my forehead, and to my ear. I gasped when his hot breath tickled my ear shell, and he chuckled against my skin.
“Sorry,” he said as he pulled back and stared at me. “I got carried away.”
He placed another soft kiss on my lips before sitting back against the padded headboard of my bed. He let out a sigh of contentment and pulled me close to him. I rested my cheek against his chest again, loving the sound of his heartbeat.
We breathed in unison in the silent room, neither of us feeling the need to fill the quiet with small talk or empty words. His good hand rubbed my arm up and down, while my hand traced circular patterns on his chest, eliciting a soft moan every now and then. This felt good. Even though it hadn’t turned out the way I’d meant when I first prepared everything for our date, I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I was in the arms of the most wonderful man I’d ever met and would ever meet. Things were starting to look up at last.
I wasn’t sure how long we stayed like that, but when he spoke, asking me if I was awake, I nearly jumped out of my skin. He laughed and kissed my temple.
“Sorry. Maybe I should go home and let you go to sleep now.”
I squeezed my arm tighter around him. “Please, stay with me. Ciara’s not coming back until Sunday. I don’t want to be alone.”
I looked at him and he was frowning. I’d practically begged him, but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t imagine walking him to the door and coming back to this bed without him.
“You won’t ask me to wear one of your girlie pyjamas, will ya?”
I laughed and shook my head. He grinned.
“Good, then I’ll just send a quick text home, to let them know I’ll see them tomorrow.” He bit his bottom lip as if he hadn’t meant to say it, and tilted his head to look at me. “I know it’s silly, but it puts my mother’s mind at ease to know where we are. After what happened to Declan—”
“That’s sweet of you,” I cut him off, kissing his cheek.
His eyes widened in surprise. “You don’t think I’m too old for that?”
I shook my head. “For other people, maybe. But your family has been through a lot, and I can understand how your mother must feel whenever you guys go out.”
He gave me a brilliant smile and pulled me in for a kiss. I wasn’t sure what I’d said, but I didn’t complain—I loved having his lips on mine.
I disappeared inside the bathroom to get changed, and when I emerged in the least childish pyjamas I owned, he was lying on top of the covers with his hands behind his head and his long legs crossed at his ankles, as if he belonged there. It was a beautiful vision, something I wished I could see every night. He smiled when I walked in, and I felt the urge to cover myself, even though my flannel pyjamas covered enough—even too much of my body.
“Nice jammies.” He sat up and got off the bed in a swift movement. He stood in front of me and fidgeted with the hem of my top. “How am I supposed to keep my hands off you when you’re looking like that?”
I laughed, and pushed him away from me with both hands on his chest. Note to sel
f: visit a lingerie store A.S.A.P.
“Stop it, or I’ll have you wear my sheep-patterned pyjamas and will take pictures to hang around the university.”
He raised his palms in surrender and gave me his childish grin. “You don’t happen to have a spare toothbrush do you?”
“Left cabinet, top drawer.”
He kissed the tip of my nose, then spun and walked barefoot into the bathroom, leaving me with a racing heart and flushed cheeks. I couldn’t believe David would be sleeping in my bed tonight. It was exciting and terrifying at the same time, but I couldn’t wait to lie on the mattress with his arms around me, and my head on his chest. I got goosebumps just thinking about it, so I busied myself blowing the candles out and getting under the covers before David returned.
A couple of minutes later he opened the door, and the light coming out of the bathroom flooded the dark bedroom. He was wearing only a pair of gray, tight boxers, and a white undershirt. My chest tightened at the sight; I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to sleep a wink with that hunk in my bed. When my eyes stopped the perusal of his body and returned to his face, he was smirking and my cheeks immediately flushed hot.
“Now if you’re done ogling my drool-worthy body, would you mind switching the table lamp on so I can turn this one off and come to bed without stumbling or hitting my toes on the dresser?”
“Drool-worthy, huh? You’ve got such a big head, David.”
I flipped the switch and he turned off the bathroom light, taking two long steps and slumping on the bed beside me.
“I can sleep on top of the covers if you can’t stand to have my hot body too close to you.” He turned his head toward me with a cheeky grin.
I slapped his arm, giggling at his silly comment, then rolled on my side and draped my arm across his taut abs, absentmindedly tracing my hand over them. Wow. I’d never thought he was this fit.
Finding Our Hearts Page 22