by Debra Kayn
Alone once again, she would depend on herself. Just like she had pre-Dutch.
Chapter 20
THE DEW ON THE GRASS soaked the toes of Marla's sneakers. Marla stood in front of the unlocked shed door. After six months of living at the house, she was determined not to let another day go by without finishing the last job on her list.
She set the broom and shovel against the outside of the shed and pulled on her rubber gloves.
Going inside was much more complicated than putting up with the nauseating odor she'd prepared for and expected. At one time, the shed was her haven away from all things bad and scary.
To go inside, she had to step into her past. A past she was determined to overcome.
She slowly opened the door. Holding her breath, she waited to see if anything would scurry out.
Her stomach rolled. The last time she'd gone inside the shed, she ran there, seeking safety. A place that would protect her from the truth—that her mom was dead. News that Dutch had given her and had expected her to accept.
She shivered, hoping the rodents had given up and found another home.
Grabbing the broom, she stepped inside, being careful where she planted her feet. She wielded the broom, striking out into the air, knocking down cobwebs. As she cleared the area in front of her, she concentrated on the low rafters, then the corners.
Once she was sure the spiders were out of the area above her head and on the ground, she hurried outside, walking into the middle of the yard. Inhaling deeply, she could still smell the decaying odor left over from her childhood. The scent probably clung to her nostrils.
Pacing back and forth, she talked herself into going back inside. The worst part of the job was still to come.
Last weekend, she'd dug a hole to the right of the shed and hoped it was big enough to dump the filth and debris in.
She raised her arm to wipe the perspiration from her forehead, remembering the germs and whatnot rotting away inside and stopped before she touched her face. She felt filthy and contaminated, and she'd only begun cleaning.
With tonight a workday at the pool hall, she forged forward with the shovel in hand. There was no easy way to clean the shed out but to remove everything on the dirt floor.
Four hours later, she dumped the shovel and broom by the back door and peeled off the dirty gloves, letting them fall to the ground. She'd worry about throwing them away on another day after she took a shower and scrubbed herself clean.
Stripping her body inside the house, she carried the filthy clothes straight to the garbage. She wouldn't miss them. They were old and not something she'd wear in public.
In the shower, the water ran cold before she could pull herself out. Glancing at her cell phone, she had enough time to get dressed and eat a sandwich before she needed to leave for work.
Surprised that cleaning out the shed had taken up most of the day and the whole time, she'd only thought of Dutch two or three times.
Chapter 21
FALCON WALKED INTO the pool hall. Marla stepped away from the tap behind the counter and retrieved a bottle of whiskey from the shelf. Since the first night of work, she'd always catered to the Moses Lake Chapter president, knowing exactly what he wanted each time he stopped in.
She grabbed a glass and hurried across the room, setting the bottle down in front of him. For some reason, Falcon always needed an unopened bottle, which he'd carry with him all night if he stayed.
It wasn't any of her business why he had the odd habit, and she knew better than to ask. Falcon went through at least fifteen bottles a month. Though he rarely finished a whole one.
She had her own assumptions. The main one being Falcon was paranoid and believed someone would poison him.
Since WAKOM Motorcycle Club owned the pool hall and used it as a clubhouse, Falcon could do what he wanted.
"Are you having a good night, Marla?" Falcon pulled the bottle toward him, always pouring it himself.
"A busy one." She looked over her shoulder before meeting his gaze. "There's a hot game going on over at Table Six. Others say it's close."
"Tell them to put a hundred on Malcolm." Falcon leaned to the side and took out a wad of cash from his pocket. "Give me a kiss for luck."
She laughed, leaning over and kissing his whiskered cheek.
"That's all you got to give a man?" Hooking her leg with his hand, he kept her close.
She liked Falcon. He was harmless, and as she had found out, he enjoyed teasing as much as her.
She leaned down and put her lips beside his ear. "No man can compete with my two fingers."
She held up two fingers on her right hand and bent them in a wave as she walked away in amusement. Falcon wasn't expecting anything from her. She'd discovered he was safe to tease, just like she would with her friends back in Bellevue.
Most of the members avoided Falcon. She suspected they couldn't understand his sense of humor. Despite never smiling, he was a funny guy who loved to flirt. Of course, the bikers being men, they wouldn't get a chance to see Falcon flirting.
Rubble walked out of the kitchen, carrying three plates. "More food is ready. Can you grab the orders?"
"Sure." She retrieved four plates and walked them out. ""Who ordered a cheeseburger with jalapenos?"
Axel walked toward her. She used a nearby table and set the plates down in her right hand, leaving the order behind.
"Thanks, babe." Axel tossed down a five-dollar bill.
"My pleasure." She left the money there.
None of the bikers would steal from her. In that respect, the Moses Lake Chapter was the same as the Bellevue Chapter.
She called out the other orders. When they were all picked up, she gathered her tips and shoved the cash in her pocket. She made better money here than at the feed store, and time went by faster.
"Marla!"
She turned at the loud female voice and found Alyssa pulling King through the room. Shocked to see her best friend, she headed toward the door. "What are you doing here?"
Throwing her arms around Alyssa, she swayed side to side, happy to see her.
"King's meeting some guy here at ten o'clock to look at a motorcycle." Alyssa pushed King away. "Go, do your thing, honey. I'm going to hang out at the counter and bother Marla.
She pulled Alyssa with her over to the counter. "Sit and fill me in on what's been happening back home."
"Same thing that I tell you in our texts."
She rolled her eyes. Texts and talking face to face were two different things.
"Are you hungry?" she asked.
"I could eat. What's good?"
"The burgers." She stepped back. "I'll get the cook going on one for you. Will King want one?"
"Probably."
"I'll make it two."
When she came back from the kitchen, Falcon had zeroed in on Alyssa. Having no time to warn her friend, she picked up the washcloth and wiped down the counter while keeping an eye on the two of them.
Alyssa was tight with King and on the verge of moving in with him. She wouldn't want Falcon ruining that for her friend.
"You're a long way from home." Falcon sat down on the vacant stool. "Did your dad come with you?"
"No. I'm with King." Alyssa half turned, found King, and pointed. "He's meeting a guy named Malcolm. Something about a bike for sale or parts of a bike for sale."
Falcon nodded. "Yeah, I know which bike he's taking a look at. It might be a while until Malcolm is free. He's playing a high stacks game."
"No problem. We've got time to stay for a while." Alyssa took a sip of the water Marla set in front of her. "So, how have you been? I don't think I've seen you in a couple of years. Were you at last year's rally?"
"I was there, but only for a few hours, and then business took me away." Falcon whistled softly. "Damn, you were just a little girl the last time I saw you, and here you are, all grown up and looking good."
"I wasn't quite that young." Alyssa laughed. "Are you coming to the rally next month?"
Eavesdropping on their conversation made Marla homesick. She loved attending the rallies when the three WAKOM chapters came together. It was like a reunion, being able to see people she'd met once a year.
"Yeah. It should be good," said Falcon.
"I keep trying to convince Marla to come, but she keeps making excuses." Alyssa brought her into the conversation.
Her heart sank. Since she'd worked at the pool hall, she'd kept her association with Dutch, Rachel, and Skull to herself. Most of the Moses Lake men who'd attended the rallies in the past no longer recognized her now that she was an adult. Plus, when Dutch was free, she always kept her distance from everyone else, preferring to be with him than in the middle of the action.
Falcon frowned. "Is your dad a patched member?"
He knew she wasn't married or claimed by any of the bikers. Feeling like she'd deceived him, she shrugged, trying to play it off as not that big of a deal. "Sorta."
"Who?"
She swallowed, knowing he'd ask. "Skull from the Bellevue Chapter."
She might as well be upfront. WAKOM expected loyalty from everyone around them, and she knew better than to keep information from a member when they asked, especially a president. If she got lucky, he hadn't personally met Rachel and Skull and wouldn't ask if she was the child they'd received eleven years ago.
Falcon studied her, not saying a word. Put on the spot, she fled and went to check on Alyssa's order.
In the kitchen, she stuck out her lower lip and exhaled, blowing her hair off her face. Tonight certainly turned out differently than she'd imagined.
She loved seeing Alyssa and missed her terribly, but she also knew that someone connected to the Bellevue Chapter also brought her past with them.
The door opened behind her. She jumped, ready to get out of Rubble's way, and Falcon cornered her in the kitchen.
He walked straight up to her, forcing her to lift her chin to see him. "You belong to Dutch."
The remaining pieces left of her heart, after Dutch forced her out of his life, rattled inside of her, making the pain even worse.
Her eyes burned. She opened her mouth to tell him she no longer was involved with Dutch, and a sob escaped. Like a dam bursting open, she tucked her chin, pressing her hand to her chest to keep all the emotions from spilling out on Falcon's feet.
"Aw, fuck." Falcon grabbed her and pressed her into his chest. "Don't cry."
The embrace was awkward. Embarrassed and devastated, she felt herself slipping back into her depression.
She hated how she felt. Dutch had promised never to leave her, and she was foolish in believing a man like him would ever settle for a girl like her. No matter how grown-up she became.
To her horror, her feelings were deeper and more permanent than how Dutch thought of her. To him, he finally figured out that she was a charity case. A child he took pity on.
Falling in love with him, she hadn't known any differently that caring about someone felt a lot like love. She took his help, comfort, affection, and attention and believed without any hesitation that his feelings were as deep for her as her's were for him. That what they had together would last forever.
What sucked was that she still felt like their bond was the most perfect thing in her life. In her heart, she would always belong to him.
But, he'd let her go in the most painful and humiliating way.
"Come on now, wipe your tears." Falcon forced her to stand on her own and held out the front of his T-shirt. "Dry your face."
"I'm sorry." She willed the tears to stop. "I don't mean to cry."
Sometimes, it felt like she would drown from all the tears she'd shed over the last year and a half. Though Falcon was the only one beside Alyssa who'd witnessed her breaking down.
"I wasn't keeping our relationship, our old relationship, from you on purpose." She sniffed, shaking her head. "I just want to put him behind me."
Falcon refrained from commenting.
"I love working here." She blew out her breath. "If you want me to quit, I will."
"You're not quitting." Falcon ran his hand across his jaw. "You know he's out of prison, right?"
She nodded. Knowing he was free and she wasn't with him hurt worst of all.
She'd hoped and set her mind on him coming to see her once he found out she'd taken the deed for the house that he'd offered her. But, he never came.
"Are you okay to finish working tonight?"
"Yeah." She mustered a broken smile. "No problem. I'm fine. That was...I think I'm going to start my period."
He chuckled. Her face flushed. She wasn't even the type of woman to use being a woman as an excuse.
"I'm going before I make a bigger fool of myself." She walked out of the kitchen, not even remembering why she'd come into the room.
As soon as she stepped behind the counter, Rubble yelled, "Take your break."
"It's okay. I'll work through." She looked for Alyssa and found her beside King, standing next to pool table number three, gazing at her with a worried expression.
"Get the hell out of here." Rubble pointed. "Now."
"Okay. Okay. I'm going." She hurried across the room, sided up to Alyssa, and asked her to go out back with her.
Once she was outside, she groaned loudly in frustration. "Falcon knows."
"About?" Alyssa rubbed her arms against the chill in the night.
"About Dutch." She paced beside the picnic table—probably the same one she'd stolen food off of as a child. "I'm surprised he didn't fire me on the spot for keeping information from him."
"It's not a requisition to divulge all your history before working here." Alyssa sat down on the bench. "He asked. You told him. Things should be fine. It would be different if you'd lied."
She sat down beside her friend. "I don't even know why my connection to Dutch makes a difference to anyone else. It's over."
"Is it?"
She frowned. "You know it is."
"Just wondering if he's made contact with you, and you haven't told me."
"Trust me, it would be the biggest surprise of my life if he did. I'd tell you." She held her hands out in front of her. "I'm shaking."
"Here." Alyssa opened her purse and took out a pack of cigarettes. "It's not weed, but the nicotine will help you relax."
"Thanks." She lit the end of the cigarette and coughed.
Alyssa leaned sideways and nudged her arm. "You've been a good girl lately."
"Too good." She scoffed. "I haven't had a drop of alcohol since reaching my legal age or smoked any weed since I was sixteen years old. You should see the house now. It's so clean because if I'm not working, I'm at home."
"You haven't made friends you can go out with here?"
"Haven't looked, really. Besides, you're my best friend. Going out with others wouldn't be the same." She exhaled on a sigh.
Most days, she imagined her life continuing like it was. She worked. She slept. She cleaned.
There was no Dutch. No one to hear her dreams. No one to encourage her or tell her she was doing a good job. No one to listen to her.
"I think I have Stockholm syndrome," she muttered.
"What's that?"
"Google it when you get home. It'll probably make you laugh or cry." She finished the cigarette.
Alyssa had been right. She felt a little steadier, although weak and dizzy.
Would she always feel less than her whole self without Dutch? She hadn't found the answers to any of her problems moving to Moses Lake. Now it seemed like she'd added on to the stress by moving here.
The future looked depressing and lonely.
She had no desire for someone else to take Dutch's place. No one would ever understand or know her the way he had. She would always fear telling someone else her past.
How would she explain that a biker stole her, gave her to his sister, and she'd fallen in love with him—a man twenty years older than her who ended up going to prison before they could even have sex? And that she'd always love
him?
Not to mention, she would never answer someone who asked why she never went to the police once she got old enough to know what Dutch had done to her.
He'd bettered her life when he gave her to Rachel and Skull. She couldn't imagine having never grown up with the WAKOM members as an extended family.
She could never imagine not loving Dutch.
"I've seen him, you know," said Alyssa.
"I thought you would." She stood, not wanting to know anything about what Dutch was doing now that he was free. "I need to go back to work."
If Dutch went on with his life, it would destroy her.
"Do you want me to call you when we get back to Bellevue?"
Quickly, she hugged Alyssa. "Yes, please do."
"God, I miss you. I'm sorry coming here caused you to deal with your connection to Dutch and people in Bellevue. I know you wanted to make a clean break."
"I did. I do. But that doesn't mean I don't want you in my life. I miss you more than you'll ever know." She gathered all the strength she could muster and went back to work.
Every time she glanced at Falcon and Rubble, she caught them looking at her. She had no idea what was going through their heads.
She counted the hours, the minutes, the seconds until she could go home.
Chapter 22
BLOOD COATED DUTCH'S face, blurring his vision. He swung his arm. His fist made a connection with a pop.
Tackled from the side, he landed on the table and rolled to the floor. Striking out, he wasn't finished with Poker. He'd break his fucking jaw to keep the fucker from opening his mouth again.
"Jesus, will you stop." Skull roared, throwing his body on top of Dutch.
"Get off me." He bellowed, swinging his fists.
Skull's body rolled off him with an oomph. Dutch turned to push off the floor, and someone behind him put him in a headlock, dropping him to his knees.
"You're done causing damage to any more of my members." Woody's arm tightened, cutting off Dutch's breathing. "I'll drop you right here and let every fucking member have a chance at you."
His chest heaved. He wasn't done.