by Lois Richer
“Having second thoughts, Sara?” Tony called.
“As if!” Sara broke eye contact with Kyle as she took her seat.
After ensuring life jackets were fastened, Kyle climbed in with an ease that surprised her. He sped up the motor, drove to the middle of the river and positioned the boat where he wanted. Teddy followed. Then they cut the motors so that the hush of the afternoon took over.
Sara gasped as the whales swam toward them, curious to see who was in their territory. Beside them, smaller whales crowded their mothers in their eagerness to get close.
“They come here to feed, give birth and molt their skin. They’ll be leaving to go south now that the babies are able to take the journey. The males, the bulls, are over there.” Kyle pointed. “We won’t go near because they’re hunting. They swim round and round like that to draw the fish into their circle. Watch.”
Sara gasped when all at once the males plunged into the middle of the circle, somehow avoiding each other as they dove after the fish they’d corralled. She felt the boat move as Kyle sat beside her.
“Let your hand trail in the water,” he suggested. His breath felt warm against her ear.
The belugas looked huge next to their puny boat. After witnessing the hunt, Sara feared the mothers and babies would go into the same feeding frenzy and cause their craft to upset. She gazed into Kyle’s eyes and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he wouldn’t let anything happen to her. She dipped her fingers into the chilly water. Almost instantly a cool wet nose pushed against her hand.
“Oh, my.” She gasped, freezing for a moment before she slid her hand along the baby whale’s back as it swam past. Her heart in her mouth, she skimmed her fingertips over its tail fin. The boys mirrored her actions and soon they were surrounded by whales eager to have their heads, their snouts and their blowholes touched.
“It’s amazing. To think God created such wonder as this.”
Sara turned her head to thank Kyle and found his lips inches from hers. Suddenly she couldn’t say anything, could only feel the press of his strong shoulder against her back and the gentleness of his hand where it rested against her waist.
Is this love? I never dreamed I could feel so light, so happy.
Was this odd tingling, this desire to lean an inch closer and press her lips to his—was that love?
Sara didn’t know. She only knew that Kyle’s gift of this incredible afternoon meant he’d taken time to relearn what he’d feared he’d never do again. And he’d done it for her. Did that mean he cared about her, even the tiniest bit?
“Thank you, Kyle,” she whispered. “This is the best birthday gift anyone could have given me.”
“I’m glad. But the day is just beginning.” He grinned before moving back to his seat by the motor. With infinite patience he waited until each boy had his fill of touching the incredible beings.
More than once Sara caught herself staring at Kyle, admiring the proud way he held himself, the agility he’d regained.
“Now we could go over to the Prince of Wales Fort and take a look around, if you want.”
Kyle grinned when she and the boys whooped their answer.
He gunned the motor, speeding them across the river. Sara turned her head into the wind, loving the brisk, refreshing air that tugged her hair back, and allowed the heat of the autumn sun to warm her.
“Couldn’t have picked a better day for a birthday,” Teddy called as they moored the Zodiacs. “Good work, Sara.”
She laughed at Teddy, but her breath caught in her throat as Kyle teetered on the edge of the dock, almost losing his balance as he dragged the Zodiac to a drier landing area. He caught her stare and grinned.
“Don’t worry. I practiced this part a lot,” he joked. He held out a hand to help her disembark. The others surged toward the fort, leaving them to trail behind. “Come on. It’s an old place but it’s interesting.”
Sara listened with rapt attention as Kyle showed her the weathered remains of a rough stone dwelling house, the men’s barracks, the storehouse, the stonemason’s and carpenter’s workshops, a tailor’s room and a blacksmith’s shop.
“Each of them had a huge part in making this settlement viable,” he said. “I’ve always admired their courage in staying.”
“And in bringing their families here,” she mused. She touched his arm. “I can’t thank you enough for this gift, Kyle.”
“You already have.” He tucked her arm in his. “Come on. I want to show you the view across the river to Cape Merry.”
Sara went eagerly, not even trying to suppress the thrill that walking next to him, hearing the rumble of his voice, watching him move with confidence and assurance, brought.
She sent a silent prayer of thanksgiving that Kyle was finally healing.
*
Kyle stood on his back step and soaked in the pleasure of having a crowd of happy people in his backyard. It had been too long since he’d laughed so hard.
“Was today worth all your training?” Teddy asked between bites of his hot dog.
“Do you expect me to say you were right to keep pushing me?” Kyle grinned. “You were right,” he admitted.
“Of course I was,” Teddy said smugly. “Sara seems to be enjoying the day.”
“I hope so. She deserves it.” Kyle ignored the hint in Teddy’s tone.
“Yeah, she does. She’s a nice lady. You could do worse,” Teddy hinted.
“I did, remember?” Kyle shot him a glare. “I’m not getting involved with Sara. Marriage isn’t for me. I think I’ve proven that. And it’s doubly out of the question now. You know why.”
“Because you made a bad choice and got dumped?”
“That’s not the only reason, though it’s a good one.”
“Because you can’t have kids?” Teddy shook his head. “Doctors don’t know everything, Kyle. Didn’t you see what happened today? Sara couldn’t stop staring at you. She came alive because of you, because of what you did.”
“I haven’t got anything to offer, Teddy. I don’t have a job. I won’t have a home. I haven’t even got Dad’s affairs settled yet.” When Sara sent him a quizzical look from the breakfast trays, Kyle smiled back automatically. “Besides, she’s leaving after Christmas.”
“I certainly hope you’ve got enough guts not to let her leave.” Teddy strode away.
“Something wrong?” Sara handed him a cup of coffee. “He seems upset.”
“Teddy likes to give advice. He doesn’t like it when I refuse to take it.”
“Listen, Kyle. I’ve been wanting to tell you something all day.” She paused, licked her lips and allowed a faint smile to crease her lips. “I might have found my brother. Samuel.”
Kyle could hear her hesitation and knew she was afraid her hopes would be dashed again. He hated seeing fear dim her gorgeous eyes. He wanted to chase the shadows away, watch her laugh again.
“Are you sure it’s him?”
“Not yet.” She grinned. “I checked Facebook for his name and found him. I asked Rod to friend him—is that how you say it?”
“Yes. And?” Kyle wanted to hear all of it.
“His birthdate, his coloring and especially his eyes all make me think he’s my brother.” Her face glowed. “He looks a bit like me, Rod says.”
“Oh.” A sudden urge to protect Sara overtook Kyle. What if this guy was some kind of creep? He didn’t say that, however, because he knew Sara would tell him to trust God.
“He doesn’t say anything about being adopted and he uses the same last name as me, so I do think it’s him.” She could hardly contain her excitement. “Isn’t it wonderful?”
“It is,” he agreed. “So what will you do?”
“I’m not sure.” Sara’s gorgeous eyes dipped to avoid his.
“Today is your day. Anything is possible.” Kyle tipped up her chin and stared into her eyes.
“Do you really think so?” she whispered.
“Yes.” How desperately he wanted her to finally
achieve this dream. Kyle had to ensure she didn’t let fear dissuade her. “You’ve come this far,” he said in a very gentle tone. “Don’t give up now. Trust God. Isn’t that what you’re always telling me?”
“Yes.” Her smile was tentative.
Kyle brushed his fingers against her cheek. “You’ve been a warrior since you came here. That’s what we all love about you.”
“Really? I don’t know.”
Kyle nodded.
“If I need help,” she began.
“I’ll be there. All you have to do is call,” Kyle assured her.
“Thank you.” Her voice came whisper soft.
For a moment, it seemed as if they were in a world of their own. Communication, unspoken but nevertheless full of meaning, flowed between them.
Kyle understood that disappointment from her past searches for her family had left her feeling insecure, afraid to try again.
He also understood that she could not turn away from this chance to meet the last member of her family if it was at all possible.
Most of all, Kyle understood that he wanted Sara to have everything her heart desired.
“You’re a strong, fiercely courageous woman who has God on her side,” he whispered as Rod walked toward them. “Don’t change it now.”
She held his gaze. Nothing changed and yet, in the fraction of a second, everything did. Hesitation, fear—whatever it was—drained away. She stood straight and tall, her head held high.
“I’m going to do it,” she told him. She reached out and squeezed his hand. “Thank you.”
“Anytime.”
“Excuse me, Sara. I need to talk to Kyle. Privately.” Rod waited as Sara let go of his hand. She nodded once then walked away.
Kyle hated to have that moment end. He turned to Rod, stuffed down his frustration and asked, “What do you need?”
“The cake? You said I should find you about this time. Remember?”
Kyle nodded. Turning, he moved as fast as he could up the ramp and inside his house.
Rod met him at the top. “So what should I do?”
“Follow me.” Kyle led him into the kitchen. “Open the fridge.”
Rod did and whistled as he lifted out a massive cake. “Wow!”
“Sara said she’d never had a birthday cake. Imagine.” Kyle shook his head. “A woman like Sara should have a cake to celebrate her birthday. So I ordered a big chocolate one.”
“There’s enough for seconds. Maybe even thirds,” Rod enthused. He inserted the candles and Kyle lit them.
“Okay, I’ll go first. Then you come behind me with the cake and please, don’t drop it,” he told the boy.
“If it’s chocolate, no worries, mate. I don’t waste chocolate.” Rod followed him, waiting inside the house until Kyle called for attention. Right on cue, Rod stepped through the door while Kyle led everyone in singing “Happy Birthday” as Rod carried the massive cake to Sara and set it in front of her with a gallant flourish.
Sara’s eyes grew huge as the flames sputtered in a tiny draft off the water. “You did this?” she asked, looking directly at Kyle.
“He didn’t make it, so it’s edible,” Teddy joked.
“You had to have a birthday cake,” Kyle said quietly.
“Blow out the candles, Sara,” Laurel urged.
“Make a wish first,” Tony insisted.
Kyle couldn’t break away from Sara’s silver-gray stare. It felt as if she spun a web about him, holding him in its grasp until she squeezed her eyes closed. A hush fell on the group as she took a deep breath, opened her eyes and blew out all the candles.
Everyone cheered. As she cut slices of cake for the clamoring group, Kyle suddenly knew that he wanted someone in his life, someone to share everything with, someone to be there for the tough spots and the happy ones.
Not just someone. Sara. He wanted Sara, with her shining face, beautiful smile and gentle heart.
And just as surely as that sweet knowledge came to him, he knew he could never have that relationship with Sara, even if he dared ask her.
How could he subject this caring, giving woman to a lifetime of being shortchanged because he couldn’t do anything she wanted or needed? He’d had to practice like crazy just to be able to get those Zodiacs on the water. He needed help all the time. How could he ever be the kind of husband a wonderful woman like Sara deserved?
It was more than being disabled and Kyle knew it. Below all the doubts about his ability to ever be “normal” again lay a fact that no amount of physical therapy, exercise or prayer could change. It was what kept him from losing himself in his dreams of happily-ever-after. It was what restrained him from becoming dependent on Sara’s quick-flash smile to cheer him, or the steady encouragement she offered. It kept him from getting snagged in the “can do it” attitude Sara Kane bequeathed on everyone.
Sweet, loving Sara wanted a family. And according to what the doctors had told him about the bomb blast he’d survived, the shrapnel had pretty well made sure Kyle couldn’t give her one. Not ever. That was why he couldn’t reconcile God and love. That was why he still fought to understand why. That was why he had to leave this place and start over somewhere else.
“Kyle?” Sara stood before him, arm outstretched, holding a big slice of her cake. “Are you okay?” she asked, head tilted sideways.
“Yes.” He took the cake. “Thanks.”
“This has been a wonderful day.”
“Good,” he said, irritated by the longing to pull her into his arms. “Just enjoy it.”
“I am.” She frowned. “Was it very difficult to relearn the skills you needed with the boats?”
“Yes,” he said. “And no. It wasn’t that hard after I made up my mind I was going to do it. Getting to that stage was a little more difficult.”
“I told—”
“Do not even think about saying ‘I told you so,’” he warned.
“Okay.” She chuckled and his glower evaporated. “Can I ask you something else instead?”
“You can ask,” he said slowly.
“If I wrote to my brother, do you think he’d be mad or would he want to talk to me?” She waited eagerly for his answer.
“Sara, I can’t tell you that. I don’t know him. I don’t know how he’d react.” The light went out of her face.
“I know. I just thought maybe—” She shrugged and stopped.
Kyle wasn’t going to let it go at that. She deserved more from him.
“I’ll tell you this. You’ll never know unless you write him and ask,” he said, watching the way she ducked her head to hide her gaze from him. “I’m guessing you have an address for him?”
“Yes. But what if he doesn’t want to talk to me? What if he has another family now?” She was full into her what-ifs. It hurt Kyle to listen to the anxiety in her voice.
“What if he’s thrilled to hear from you and wants to see you as soon as possible?” he countered. “What if he’s been looking for you ever since you were kids?”
“You think?” Eagerness lit up her lovely face.
“You never know.”
As the day cooled and the sun lowered, the party came to a close. Sara was the last to say good-night. Kyle froze when she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him.
“I don’t know how I can ever thank you for such a wonderful birthday,” she murmured into his ear.
The sweet softness of her embrace, the quiet whisper of her voice, the feeling that he’d finally come home—all of these overwhelmed Kyle in a rush. Slowly, almost of their own accord, his arms lifted to encircle her waist. Her cheek brushed his, like a whisper of velvet, and all he could do was stand there.
Her lips grazed the corner of his mouth where his scar cut through, then she drew away. “Thank you, Kyle.”
“My pleasure” was all he could manage as he watched her slip away.
Long after everyone had gone, Kyle stood in his backyard alone, remembering that moment and wishing, praying, it could happen ag
ain.
Why tempt me with something I can’t have? Why am I here? What do You want from me?
When no answer came, he went inside, picked up his phone and dialed Pastor Rick. Maybe talking would help, maybe it wouldn’t. But a desperate need to understand God ate at him.
“I’m making the first move,” he muttered as he stared at a tiny ribbon of green light that was winding its way across the eastern sky. “The rest is up to You.”
Chapter Twelve
Sara stood transfixed as the bugler played “The Last Post” during the November 11 Remembrance Day ceremony. The touching observance honoring those who’d fought and died to save Canada drew her tears. This date had never struck her as deeply as it did today, especially with Kyle at her side.
During the Veterans Day lunch that followed, Kyle, seemed unusually silent, as if sobered by memories of friends he’d lost. Later, Sara drove him to his house in Laurel’s van, unsure of how to break the silence.
“Who taught you to drive?” he asked when she’d parked in front of his place.
“Laurel. I didn’t want to learn, but she insisted. And I’m glad she did. I’ll need that skill when I leave.”
He glanced at her as if to say something then quickly looked away.
“The for-sale sign is still up,” she said in surprise.
“The first offer fell through.” Kyle didn’t sound especially bothered about that, for which Sara was glad. It meant he wasn’t eager to leave, didn’t it?
“Thanks for coming with me today.” He reached out for the door handle then paused. “Are you busy this afternoon?”
“No.” His hesitant demeanor surprised Sara—Kyle was never hesitant. “What do you need?”
“A…friend.” He glanced at her over his shoulder. “A good friend. I want to scatter my dad’s ashes today.”
“Kyle, I’m honored you’d ask me to do that with you.” She laid a hand on his arm, meaning every word. A little thrill ran through her that he felt close enough to her to share this farewell to his beloved father. “Do you want to go right away?”