She was too tired to even shower, so she stripped to her thermal layer, pushed back the duvet, snuggled into the clean sheets, and allowed sleep to claim her.
*
When she woke, it was still dark, so she checked her mobile. It was six-thirty, so she had time to shower before breakfast if she got up now. The hotel room was cold, so she hurried to the bathroom and turned the shower on then waited for the steam to warm the room. She’d slept heavily and didn’t recall dreaming, but then she had been drained after an eventful evening. So she’d freshen up, dress warmly then she’d be ready for the day.
But as she stepped into the shower and the hot water caressed her skin, an image flashed through her mind. She had dreamed last night after all! She’d been outside with Jonas, standing on a reindeer skin as snow drifted around them. They’d suddenly been naked, in that strange way that happens in dreams, but she hadn’t felt the cold. He had cupped her face gently then kissed her mouth before showering sweet kisses down her neck and over her shoulders, turning her round and lifting her hair to kiss her nape. She hadn’t felt vulnerable; she’d felt safe, aroused and alive. Then Jonas had lifted her in his arms and carried her into a lavvu tent and the dream had, frustratingly, ended.
What did it mean?
Probably nothing, she tried to convince herself, as she soaped her skin then rinsed, stubbornly refusing to let the thought of what might have happened inside the tent distract her from getting ready.
When she headed down for breakfast, she found Jonas and Freya already seated. She joined them, admiring how comfortable they were with each other and how that made her feel relaxed around them, even though she’d only known them for a short time.
‘We were just talking about what to do today,’ Freya said.
‘How’d you fancy an authentic Norwegian experience?’ Jonas asked.
Heat seared in Frankie’s cheeks. Thank goodness he didn’t know what she’d dreamt about.
‘I thought that was what we had last night.’ Frankie giggled inwardly at her private joke then accepted a coffee gratefully; she needed the caffeine this morning.
‘It was one of the experiences on offer, yes. But I thought today we could see some more of the countryside.’
‘Isn’t it a bit late notice to book something?’ Frankie scanned his face, wondering how his eyes sparkled even at such an early hour. He always seemed so full of life, so eager to leap into the day and to savour everything that it brought his way. He was a force of nature and it made her want to match his energy and enthusiasm. It was as if she was waking up, opening up to all that life had to offer, and it was wonderful.
She glanced at Freya and wondered what she was thinking and feeling this morning. They had a long way to go to make up for the years that had passed but if Freya wanted to make their relationship work as much as Frankie did, then the future looked very bright indeed. Knowing that Freya had left because she was ill and because she’d been pushed to by Grandma had freed something inside Frankie. Her mother had not run away because she didn’t love her but because she’d been ill, broken and full of self-doubt. They had lost so much, years they would never get back, memories they would never make, and yet… there was time now to fill with new memories and years ahead that they could enjoy together.
How could she fail to be happy about that?
‘It’s never too late,’ Jonas replied as she met his eyes, and he held her gaze until she felt that heat creeping up her neck and back into her cheeks. How did he do that to her? ‘I know people.’
‘Of course.’ She dropped her eyes to her coffee, but she couldn’t suppress the smile that played about her lips or the fluttering in her belly. ‘What were you thinking?’
‘Dress warmly and I’ll surprise you.’
*
‘Jonas! You really did surprise me.’ Frankie laughed later that morning as she snuggled up in the sleigh with Jonas and Freya. Sitting between them, Jonas tucked the fluffy blankets around them then they set off, following a train of identical sleighs pulled by wild reindeer.
She gazed at the snow-dusted landscape as the sleigh glided through the forest. The trees were dark shapes against the flawless white background and the mountains rose majestically towards the sky where their peaks disappeared into the clouds. The breeze on her cheeks was cold and fresh and it felt so clean compared to the London air she was used to.
‘Isn’t it just wonderful?’ Freya asked as she leaned forwards to see around Jonas.
‘It’s perfect.’ Frankie smiled.
After about forty-five minutes, they arrived at a camp made up of traditional Sami tents.
‘Now you can feed the reindeer.’ Jonas smiled.
‘Feed the reindeer?’
He helped Frankie and Freya out of the sleigh and they walked towards the guide who was dressed in traditional Sami clothing.
‘He’s wearing a kofte,’ Jonas explained as they approached him. ‘That one is probably made of wool but traditionally they were made from reindeer skin.’
‘It’s very colourful,’ Frankie said as she eyed the bright-blue long-sleeved tunic with its high collar and red, yellow and green embroidery. It was cinched in at the waist with a brown belt adorned with silver buttons.
‘He’s a married man.’ Jonas nodded.
‘How’d you know that?’
‘The buttons are square. If he was single, they would be round.’
‘Ahhh.’ Frankie smiled. ‘Kind of like a wedding ring.’
‘Kind of.’
She shuddered as she realized how close she’d come to wearing Rolo’s wedding ring.
‘Are you cold?’ Jonas stopped walking. ‘I could go back and get one of the blankets from the sleigh.’
‘No, I’m fine, thanks. I was just remembering something.’
‘As long as you’re sure.’
The guide led them to a gate and they stepped into a large enclosure where reindeer roamed freely then he demonstrated how to feed the animals. Freya went first, scooping up a bucket of feed and sprinkling it on the ground. The reindeer followed her around, snuffling at the feed.
‘Do you want to have a go, Frankie?’ Jonas asked. ‘Here, Freya, take my camera.’ He took it from his bag and handed it to her.
‘I don’t know. I’m a bit nervous around large animals.’ Frankie chewed her lip.
‘Like Luna?’ His eyes twinkled.
‘She’s a big dog.’
‘She’s a big softy. Come on, I’ll stay close.’
Jonas handed her a bucket and she dipped it into the feed trough as Freya had done then walked into an open space. Two large reindeer approached her slowly, so she shook the feed onto the ground, but one of them tried to stick its head into the bucket. In order to avoid its antlers, Frankie stepped backwards and lost her balance as she tripped over a rock.
‘Frankie!’ Jonas was at her side in seconds, helping her up, which wasn’t easy with all the layers of clothing she was wearing.
‘Thank you.’ She leant on him, grateful for his size and strength. Even though she knew the reindeer weren’t aggressive, she still felt nervous about their antlers, but with Jonas holding her, she knew she’d be safe.
‘Shall we try again?’
‘We?’
‘I’ll keep hold of you.’
‘OK.’
They walked to the trough and he filled the bucket then handed it to Frankie. He stood behind her, one arm wrapped around her waist, while she held the bucket out and sprinkled the feed. She left a small amount in the bucket and one of the reindeer came and stuck its nose inside, but she didn’t panic this time because Jonas was right there with her.
He made her feel protected and… something else. He didn’t try to dominate her as Rolo had done. Rolo’s possessiveness and need to control everything had been stifling at times. Jonas was a true free spirit but he was also masculine in a quietly assured way. Frankie felt empowered by his help, not overwhelmed by it, and she also sensed that something else could be
happening. The dream she’d had about him last night came rushing back with breathtaking clarity, teasing her with how much she had wanted him in that moment, and she turned in his embrace and gazed up at him.
Had they really…
She giggled and he cocked his head.
‘What is it? Has my beard frozen or something?’
‘No. It’s not that.’
‘Then what?’
‘Smile you two!’ They jumped apart as they realized Freya was not only watching them but taking photographs.
‘I’d forgotten I gave her the camera.’
‘Did you get me falling over on film?’ Frankie shook her head.
Freya smiled broadly, her green eyes wide, as she peered over the camera at them.
‘Maybe!’ she teased.
And Frankie wondered if her mother had also captured the way she’d looked at Jonas, because she knew she wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding how much she liked him.
*
‘I was ready for this,’ Freya said as they sat in the warm lavvu cradling bowls of bidos, the hearty Sami soup. It consisted of slow-cooked reindeer meat with onions, potatoes and carrots, garnished with herbs, and the rich flavour reflected the pastures that the reindeer roamed. Flatbread and a cranberry jelly that was both sweet and tart accompanied it. This was followed by a fermented milk and angelica dessert served with sugar, that reminded Frankie a bit of rice pudding, then tea and chocolate biscuits. The meal was hearty and satisfying and seemed suited to their surroundings.
Frankie ate well. She was really hungry after the time outdoors and enjoyed the simple but tasty meal. The Sami guide performed a joik that he asked them not to record because he said it was a very personal experience, and then they relaxed in the warmth on the wooden benches provided, as the guide told them stories about his people and the landscape.
All too soon, it was time to return to Tromsø. Frankie was sad to leave the camp behind but it had been a wonderful cultural experience. On the bus back to the city, she sat next to Freya and Jonas sat with one of the tour guides he knew well.
‘Thank you, Frankie.’
‘Whatever for?’
‘Out there… seeing you smile and just being able to spend time with you means the world.’
‘I’ve waited a lifetime for this too.’
Freya took her hand and they sat together, watching as the landscape passed in a dark blur, until the bulky shapes of the buildings of Tromsø became the landscape once more.
Chapter 20
As they disembarked from the bus in front of their hotel, Frankie was aware of a buzzing from deep in her bag, so she rooted around inside until she located her mobile.
She had five missed calls from her father and three from Jen. They’d both left vague voicemails asking her to call home as soon as possible.
Her heart dropped like a stone. Something had to be wrong back in London. She couldn’t risk leaving it, so she held up her mobile.
‘I’ve got some missed calls from home so I’d better find out what’s wrong.’
‘Is it your grandmother again?’ Freya asked, her face etched with concern.
‘I don’t know. They’re from Dad’s number and my friend Jen’s.’
‘I suppose you’d better call them,’ Freya said. ‘But don’t let them upset you.’
Frankie nodded but she couldn’t make that promise.
‘I’ll go to my room and ring them.’
‘Let us know, won’t you?’ Freya asked.
‘I will.’
She hooked her bag back over her shoulder then went inside, feeling the dark clouds of disappointment and anxiety gathering. Today had been wonderful and she’d felt free, that she had left all of her worries behind her and was building something new here in Norway. But, of course, she couldn’t run away from reality and that life she’d lived for twenty-nine years in England. It just wasn’t possible. Freya had run away but with good reason, believing that she had no choice, but Frankie had ties there. Ties that she couldn’t just sever, because too many people would be hurt, and for all that her father might have flaws, she loved him dearly. She loved her grandmother too, in spite of all she’d done. She just hoped she’d be able to forgive her.
*
Jonas watched Frankie hurry into the hotel then he turned to Freya.
‘You want to go straight to your room or grab a drink?’
‘A drink sounds good.’
They went through to the hotel bar and Jonas ordered two glasses of red wine, then they found a table away from everyone else.
‘Quite a day, huh?’
Jonas could tell that Freya had something on her mind and it was no wonder after the day they’d just had. A day that had followed an eventful night.
Freya took a sip of her wine then licked her lips.
‘I’m scared, Jonas.’
‘What of?’
‘That I could lose her again.’
‘That’s understandable.’
‘What if… this all comes to nothing? What if I’m a disappointment?’ She held up her hands and her bangles jangled.
‘You could never be a disappointment, Freya. You’re an amazing and inspirational woman.’
‘But I don’t know what Frankie wants from me. I wasn’t there to wipe her nose, to put antiseptic cream on her knees when she grazed them. I wasn’t the one who wiped away her tears when she cried over friends and boyfriends and I wasn’t there to hold her when she needed me.’
‘But you are here for her now.’
‘What if it’s too late?’
Jonas ran his finger around the base of his wine glass and pondered her words.
‘It’s not.’
‘How do you know?’
‘You both want this. You need Frankie and she needs you.’
Freya nodded.
‘So go with it. Be her mum now. You can’t change the past and Frankie knows why you left. She understands.’
‘I hope so, although sometimes when I look back I can barely understand myself. I hate that I left her.’
‘I know that but you can’t spend your life regretting the past. It would be such a waste. What you need to do now is to grab today and look forward to tomorrow.’
‘You’re very wise, Jonas.’
He shrugged then smiled. ‘I try.’
‘I’m also afraid that Helen will get her claws back into Frankie and persuade her to return to London and cut me out of her life.’
‘I don’t think that’s going to happen.’
‘You don’t know Helen Ashford.’
‘No, but I’m starting to know Frankie and she has your spark. She won’t be pushed around, I’m sure of it.’
‘I wish my spark had flared twenty-nine years ago.’
‘No regrets, remember?’
She grimaced. ‘Sorry, I’ll try harder.’
‘Glad to hear it.’
‘And what about you and Frankie?’
‘Sorry?’
‘Well, I’ve seen the way you look at each other.’
Jonas took a drink of his wine to give himself time to think. He couldn’t deny that Frankie was a beautiful young woman, that he liked what he’d seen of her so far, but she was from a very different world and their lives were poles apart. She was also Freya’s daughter, another reason why he couldn’t view her as anything other than a friend. And she would return to England. There were many reasons why nothing would ever happen between them, even if the thought of kissing her pretty mouth had passed through his head more than once since they’d met.
‘I… uh… I don’t really know how to answer that, Freya.’
‘It’s OK. You don’t need to. I love you both, you know?’
He raised his glass. ‘Skol! To new beginnings.’
‘Skol, Jonas!’
*
Frankie dropped her rucksack onto the bed then perched on the end. She held her mobile tight, trying to summon the courage to return her father’s call. Or her grandmother
’s call, of course, if Helen was using her son’s mobile again.
She had two options: have a shower and delay but worry about it, or get it over with then have a cry in the shower if Grandma was being overbearing again.
‘Get it over with, Frankie.’ She pressed redial.
Fifteen minutes later, she found herself staring into space. It hadn’t been a good phone call. But it had been her father. She had to get out of the room or she’d break down completely and that wouldn’t achieve anything.
In the hotel lobby, she looked around. She could go out for a walk, but in her current frame of mind and in the thick Norwegian dark, she might get lost, so perhaps she’d go and sit in the bar. At least then she’d be around people and she felt the need for some human company.
The bar was quiet, with just a few couples and one group of women in there, so she went to get a drink, thinking she’d sit quietly in the corner as she digested the news from home.
‘Frankie?’
‘Oh, hi, Jonas.’
‘How did it go?’
‘What?’
‘The phone call.’
‘Not well.’
‘Let me get you a drink and you can tell me about it if you like.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Of course I am. Your mother is over there.’ He pointed at the far side of the bar where Freya was sitting at a table by the window. Outside, the streetlight glowed and flakes of snow swirled, sparkling as they caught the light then disappearing into the impenetrable darkness.
‘Right.’
‘Red wine?’
‘Please.’
She waited for him to order the drinks then took her glass and they went over to Freya.
When they were sitting down, Freya asked, ‘How did it go?’
Frankie took a sip of wine and tried to focus on the rich berry flavour and the floral bouquet. Anything to stop the tears from falling.
‘It was Dad and he had some news. I’m… I have to go home.’
‘Oh no! I knew this would happen. What has Helen done now?’
‘She collapsed.’
Love at the Northern Lights Page 13