Hannah chalked the comment off to stress and exhaustion. For years she’d made up stories for Kelsey to keep her entertained on long flights. Kelsey had suggested a time or two that Hannah write them down, but she hadn’t taken her seriously, either.
But a few minutes later, after Gracie had fallen asleep and she was on her way back downstairs, she actually thought about Gracie’s suggestion. She’d spent most of her career writing press releases and coming up with catchy phrases. Why had she never considered turning her writing skill in another direction? Probably because it had seemed too chancy for a mom with a child to support. Or maybe because it hadn’t seemed important enough, making up stories to entertain kids.
When she got downstairs, Luke was waiting for her. “You’re looking awfully thoughtful,” he said, studying her curiously. “Did something happen with Gracie?”
“She told me I should put the mermaid story in a book,” she said, watching his face closely for any hint of disdain.
“That’s a great idea!” he enthused. “It was a terrific story.”
“Come on,” she protested. “It was just something I made up to keep her distracted, so she wouldn’t think so much about being in pain.”
“And it worked,” he said. “Do you think any boring old story would have worked as well? And Nate was captivated, too.”
“You’re just glad she stopped screaming.”
“That, too,” he conceded. “But think about it, Hannah. Have you ever considered writing children’s books?”
She shook her head. “Not really. Every mom makes up stories for her kids. It doesn’t mean any of them have what it takes to be an author.”
“You won’t know if you’re one of the exceptional ones unless you try, will you?”
She couldn’t believe he was encouraging her to try something so crazy, but he seemed totally serious. “Publishing’s a tough business,” she countered. “I have a few authors as clients and I know what they go through.”
“Ah, but think of the advantage you’d have over them,” he said. “You know exactly how to put a marketing plan together.”
She laughed. “There is that. How about a glass of wine? I could use one. It’s been quite a day.”
“You go outside and I’ll get the wine. Maybe I can rustle up something to eat, too. I don’t know about you, but I’m starved. We forgot all about lunch. Grandma Jenny fixed Nate a snack before he went upstairs, and Gracie ate all that ice cream, but we haven’t had a bite to eat.”
“I think there’s some cold chicken in the fridge. You could make sandwiches with that.”
“You just relax. I’ll find something.”
Hannah settled herself into a rocker on the porch and closed her eyes. It had been a long, eventful morning. She’d been impressed with how well Luke had kept his cool with Gracie, fixing her up with the kind of skill that ought not to be allowed to languish idly when good doctors were so hard to come by. She had a feeling the time had come when he needed to go back to work, but the thought of him leaving Seaview depressed her. So, in its own way, did the thought of him staying here and taking over for Doc.
But what saddened her most was knowing that their days together were drawing to a close. She’d enjoyed having someone with whom she could compare notes at the end of the day, someone who found her attractive and made her feel like a woman again.
When Luke finally came back outside with two thick sandwiches made on Grandma Jenny’s homemade whole-grain bread, along with chips and wine, she turned to him.
“Luke, how much longer are you going to wait before you make a decision about going back to work?”
“What is this?” he grumbled. “Are you and your grandmother conspiring to push me back into an operating room?”
“It’s just that I saw for myself today how good you are.”
He shrugged off the compliment. “It was a simple break, Hannah. Any competent doctor could have done as well. I imagine Doc has set his share of bones right here in Seaview.”
“Are you trying to tell me you’re just ordinary? I don’t believe it. If you were, you wouldn’t have been qualified to treat the kind of injuries you faced in Iraq.”
“What’s your point?”
“You’re wasting your time here.”
“Am I really? I thought I was reconnecting with my kids,” he said brusquely. “And with you.”
“And that’s great, all of it,” she said with total sincerity. “But it’s not real life, Luke. Real life for you is back in Atlanta.”
“I had no idea you were that anxious to get rid of me.”
She frowned at his edgy tone. “You know I didn’t mean it that way. Having you here, and Gracie and Nate, has been wonderful. It’s the best time I’ve ever spent in Seaview, but it can’t last.”
His gaze locked with hers. “Are you so sure about that, Hannah? I like it here. I was impressed by Doc’s clinic. It’s modern and well equipped for a community of this size. He can certainly handle most minor emergencies and some major ones, too, if he can’t get help from the mainland fast enough. Working there would be a challenge.”
She didn’t even try to hide her skepticism. “For how long? Luke, from what you’ve told me, you’re used to doing complicated orthopedic procedures. Setting broken arms and treating the sniffles would bore you silly.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think so. I think it would be great to have time to really connect with patients.”
His enthusiasm for Seaview, when her own feelings were so mixed, dismayed her. “Then you’ve made a decision?” she said, her tone flat. “You’re going to stay here?”
“No, I haven’t made any decisions,” he said impatiently. “But I am evaluating all the options. Unlike you, I’m not scared to try something new.”
The accusation stung. “What does that mean?”
“You dismissed the possibility of writing children’s books without a moment’s thought, just as you’ve dismissed coming back here to help run the inn.”
“Because I have a career I actually love!” she snapped. “Why would I look at alternatives?”
“If you love it as much as you say you do, why are you still here? There’s nothing keeping you in Seaview, Hannah. The inn will open in a few days with plenty of people to help. As far as I can tell, your grandmother is both physically and mentally capable of staying right here for the immediate future. That’s my medical opinion, as well as the opinion of someone who cares about her. Kelsey’s thoroughly enjoying the challenge of running this place and Jeff is right here to do whatever either of them needs. So am I. You’re free to go back to the life you claim to love.”
Hannah didn’t have a ready answer to any of that. The fact that he was so willing to see her go hurt. So did the implication that her presence wasn’t needed by anyone. Her whole adult life she’d been working hard to make herself indispensable. She’d been the touchstone in Kelsey’s life, the go-to woman in her office. At the end, even her mother had needed her to help with her care. For a couple of days she’d even envisioned herself as Grandma Jenny’s savior, rushing in to see that she was living someplace safe.
Now she realized with dismay that none of that was true. Kelsey was managing her own life, perhaps not as Hannah would have preferred, but she was on her own path. Grandma Jenny was as capable as ever. Even her boss was managing without her, because she’d forced him to. What had she been thinking? Who would she be, if no one needed her anymore?
She stood up, almost upending the table beside her in her need to get away. “I’m going for a walk,” she said, taking off down the steps and all but running to the beach.
She heard Luke call after her, but she pretended not to, and kept going. She didn’t think she could stand it if he tried to placate her, after inadvertently making her see how empty her life really was.
Besides, she needed solitude to think about what was going to happen next. How ironic that she’d started that whole lousy conversation by trying to make Luke thin
k about his future and now, suddenly, she saw just how bleak her own future was. Add in the specter of that cancer screening hanging over her, and all she felt like doing was sitting down on the warm sand and bawling her eyes out.
He was an idiot! Luke cursed himself six ways from Sunday for saying what he’d said to Hannah. He’d seen the hurt in her eyes and immediately felt like a jerk, but it had been too late to take his words back or try to make things right. She’d run off, and though he’d wanted to follow, something told him to stay right where he was until he could come up with an apology she’d actually believe.
He thought he knew why she was so touchy. She was no more settled about what tomorrow should bring than he was. The difference was that he’d come here searching for answers and she’d come here thinking she already knew them. He’d already faced the fact that changes were inevitable. She was just discovering that change might be more alluring than she’d ever imagined. And, knowing Hannah and her stubborn streak, she was going to fight making that change no matter how appealing she might find it.
“Where’s Hannah?” Grandma Jenny asked, joining him on the porch.
“I ran her off,” he said ruefully.
“How’d you do that?”
“I asked her why she was still here if she was so committed to her life in New York.”
“Yes, I can see how that would do it,” she said wryly. “Hannah doesn’t like being reminded that her actions and her words don’t always match. How much do you remember about her from high school?”
Luke thought back to the girl he’d known back then. The truth was he’d hardly noticed her when Abby was around. What he remembered most was her determination to leave Seaview. It had been unwavering.
“She really wanted to go to college and make her mark on the world, preferably someplace far away from this island,” he recalled.
“Exactly. And she’s done that. From what I know, she’s widely recognized in her field. She’s won all sorts of awards. Made good money, too, enough to support herself and Kelsey in a city where it’s not cheap to get by. That’s how Hannah’s defined herself, by her success. She’s not likely to admit that it’s not enough.” She cast a glance in his direction. “Sound familiar?”
He frowned at her. “Let’s leave me out of this for the moment. You got Hannah down here thinking you could convince her to stay,” he said.
“I hoped she’d come to view saving the inn and protecting her heritage as a challenge. She hasn’t embraced it the way I hoped,” she admitted. “Kelsey’s the one who’s done that. Hannah’s just hiding out.”
Luke was struck by her choice of words. “What makes you say she’s hiding out? What does Hannah have to hide from?”
Grandma Jenny gave him a sharp look. “She hasn’t told you?”
“Told me what?”
“As close as the two of you have gotten, I was sure she would have said something.”
“Tell me,” Luke said.
For once the usually talkative Grandma Jenny clammed up. “It’s not my place. This is her information to share.” She gave him a pointed look, then added, “Or not.”
Luke studied her intently. He could think of only one reason she’d be that evasive. “Is Hannah sick?”
She smiled at his persistence. “Talk to her, Luke. Make her tell you why she hasn’t left. And if she tells you it’s all about looking after me, don’t believe it.” She stood up. “I think I’ll go and lie down for a little while before I start fixing supper. Everyone will be hungry when they wake up from their naps.”
Luke let her go. He knew her well enough by now to know that she’d said all she was going to say. She was probably very pleased with herself that she’d revealed just enough to make him curious, but no more than she should have.
He left the porch and crossed the street to the beach. After he’d climbed over the dunes, he could see Hannah in the distance. She was trudging back toward home, still looking as if the weight of the world was on her shoulders. Even so, she was beautiful with her short hair curling chaotically around her face, her cheeks flushed, her arms and legs lightly tanned and as slender as a girl’s.
He started toward her, then stopped and waited for her to come to him.
“I’m sorry for what I said before,” he said when she drew closer.
Despite the apology her expression remained wary.
Luke tucked a finger under her chin and gazed into eyes still shimmering with tears. “I really am sorry. I never meant to imply that we didn’t need you here.”
“It’s true, though,” she said. “I’m not making any real contribution to getting the inn up and running again. Kelsey and my grandmother have that totally under control. You’ve done all of the repairs. I should go back to New York.”
Because she looked so sad, Luke kept his hand against her cheek. “Why haven’t you?”
She swallowed hard, her gaze avoiding his.
“You can tell me, Hannah. Is it your job? Are things not going as well as you’ve led everyone to believe?”
“No, work is great,” she said.
“Then what is it? Is there a relationship you haven’t mentioned?”
She shook her head.
He forced her chin up until her eyes met his. “Tell me,” he said softly. “I’m male. I’m no good at this kind of guessing game.”
Her lips twitched slightly at that, then she sighed. “I’m scared,” she said at last. “Not the way you said earlier, but I am scared.”
Nothing she might have said could have surprised him more. “Scared of what?”
She was silent for so long, he thought she might not answer, but then she looked away and blurted, “I have breast cancer. Or I did. They did surgery and radiation and chemo and supposedly it’s all gone, but that’s what my mother thought, too, and hers came back less than a year after her supposedly successful treatment.” She sucked in a breath, then added, “And then she died.”
Luke swallowed the rush of words on the tip of his tongue. He knew all the sympathetic platitudes and he suspected Hannah had heard them all so often they were meaningless.
“How long has it been?” he asked matter-of-factly, determined to hide his own dismay.
“I’m due for a three-month checkup,” she said.
He frowned. “That’s the appointment you’ve been postponing, the one your friend has been calling about?”
She nodded.
“Oh, Hannah,” he murmured, reaching for her and pulling her into his arms. He rested his chin on her head and held her, trying to find the right words. The doctor in him wanted to insist she go back tomorrow and have those tests. The man who was falling in love with her wanted to hold her and pretend that everything was all right, that it would be all right as long as there were no test results to say otherwise.
He tried to imagine how terrified she must be. Any cancer survivor dreaded these follow-up appointments, but how much worse they must be for a woman who’d just lost her own mother to the same disease. Putting off the tests, though, was no solution. He knew that. So did she.
“Want me to come to New York with you?” he asked, his arms tightening around her. “You can come with me to take the kids home tomorrow, then we can fly up from Atlanta the next day.”
She pulled back to look at him, amazement written all over her face. “You would do that?”
“Absolutely,” he said without hesitation. “Just say the word.”
She shook her head. “No, though I can’t tell you what it means to me that you would offer to do it. This isn’t your problem, Luke. It’s mine. I have to face it.”
“You don’t have to face it alone,” he argued.
“I won’t be alone. Sue will be there. We’ve always been there for each other.”
“I’m glad you have a friend like that, but it couldn’t hurt to have someone else in your corner, especially someone who gets all the medical mumbo-jumbo.”
She smiled at that. “My doctor’s pretty good at speaking plai
n English.”
Oddly disappointed that she didn’t want him at her side, he forced a smile. “Okay, then, when is the appointment?”
Once more she avoided his gaze. “I haven’t exactly made it yet. It was supposed to be this week, but the inn’s reopening on Friday. I should be here for that.”
“If you flew up with me from Atlanta on Monday, you’d be back for the opening,” he countered.
She frowned and backed away. “I knew telling you was a mistake. Now you’re going to hound me, too.”
He nodded unrepentantly. “Yeah.” He pulled her back in his arms, determined to settle this. “Let me face this with you.”
“Why?”
“Because I have a stake in those test results, too.” He looked deep into her eyes. “You matter to me, Hannah. There are still a lot of questions both of us need to answer, a lot of decisions we need to make, but I think there’s some amazing potential here.”
She frowned, which wasn’t the reaction he’d been anticipating.
“You think there’s potential with a woman who’s just told you she may not even live another year?”
“That is not what you told me,” he said emphatically. “You have a follow-up exam, Hannah. You were all clear just three months ago. There’s every reason to believe that the results will be negative this time, too.”
“They weren’t for my mom. She was in remission for a grand total of five months and then the cancer came back even more aggressively than before and there was nothing more they could do.”
“You’re not your mother.”
“Genetically you’re only half right,” she said.
“Pessimism doesn’t become you, Hannah. I know I’m out of my field of medical expertise here, but I believe that a positive attitude can play a big role in how these things go. You’ve always been a fighter. Has there ever in your life been a more important battle for you to fight?”
She covered her face with her hands, then moved away and shoved her hands in her pockets. She started pacing back and forth as she spoke. “Look, I know you’re right, and honestly, I was doing okay until my mother died. I was the most upbeat, determined patient in the universe until I had to sit beside her bed and watch her die.”
Seaview Inn Page 24