“I’m just going to the bathroom,” she mumbled, “I’ll see you in a bit.”
“Nikki,” I called after her. I wanted to reassure her about Ryan, but she was gone. Fan-fucking-tastic. I was alone at a party I didn’t really want to be at. I was too scared to drink, and now that Ryan and Nikki had disappeared, I literally knew no one there. The only thing worse than being at a party you weren’t actually invited to was turning up and realising that you didn’t know anyone else there. I was seriously contemplating cutting my losses and bailing, when someone touched my elbow.
“So, you made it then.” Even in heels Albie dwarfed me, but as he gave me his best cheesy grin, he looked about six years old. I sighed with relief when I realised I’d been rescued.
“Albie. I’m so pleased to see you!”
“Wow. What I wouldn’t give for a welcome like that every day.”
“It’s not like that,” I said, knowing he was teasing. “Some girl was rubbing up against Ryan. Nikki got pissed and Ryan’s gone after her, so I’m on my own,” I explained.
“The usual drama with those two then. Fear not,” he said, draping an arm across my shoulders and herding me toward his friends.
“I will be your host with the most tonight. After we gave you so much shit about coming to this party, I will personally make sure you have a good time.” I smiled at him and for the first time since I’d left Nikki’s door, it wasn’t forced. I still didn’t completely trust him yet. It wasn’t in my nature to give that gift away easily. But I did believe that I was well on my way to making another friend. After watching me struggle with my beer, Albie replaced it with a soft drink, for which I was very grateful. Ironically, without the fear of getting drunk, I relaxed a little more. He didn’t bombard me with questions or push me, but chatted about himself and told me funny stories about people he knew at the party. Not having to hold up my end of the conversation made it easier to chip in when I could. Eventually, some of Albie’s friends joined in, and as talk drifted toward the subject of the last party they’d all been to, I allowed myself to look for O’Connell. He’d mentioned that he was coming, but who knew whether he’d make it, and it was a big party. Even if he was there, he could have been anywhere. When I finally found him, all traces of his cocky smile were gone, and the blank look he always wore to fight was in place. He was shut down, giving his opponent absolutely no warning of the torrent of rage that was to come. Why then was that gaze was aimed squarely at me? He sat reclined against the sofa, his posture reeking of boredom, swigging occasionally from a bottle of beer. Although I recognised a couple of guys from the gym, other students mainly made up the group, all seemingly falling over themselves to impress the bad boy fighters. To O’Connell’s left sat a girl who was my complete antithesis. A hot pink t-shirt, that I suspected was sized for a child, was stretched tightly over her fabulously fake breasts. Add in some barely there skin-tight black shorts and some killer strappy black heels and her outfit, what little there was of it, was complete. Her long raven hair fell across her shoulders like black silk and settled on artificially bronzed skin that made her look voluptuous yet slutty all at the same time. She was every man’s ultimate fantasy. She had her legs coyly tucked in beside her on the sofa, and she leant her head against one hand whilst twirling another around a strand of her hair. She was leaning so far against O’Connell to whisper in his ear that she’d be sat in his lap in a minute, and all the while, he stared at me. I raised my hand to wave hello. It seemed only polite as we’d caught each other’s eye. But he just gave me a quick nod, not even a smile, in acknowledgement. I felt hurt by his indifference. Had Kieran been there I might have been brave enough to go over, but as long as he sat with that girl, I just couldn’t. I wondered if he was mad at me for not coming over when I first arrived. The girl had moved from hair twirling to rubbing her hands seductively up and down O’Connell’s chest. My stomach turned over as the disappointment built up inside me. I was jealous, and I had no right to be. It was better that way but damn if I hadn’t imagined what those granite abs felt like under the gentle touch of my fingertips. Just then, Albie placed his hand protectively against my back and bent down to ask me if I was all right. I smiled at him and answered that I was fine but when I glanced back at O’Connell, I was anything but. Any pretence at subtle flirtation had been abandoned, and they were halfway to having sex, right there on the sofa. She was straddling him now, her shorts pulled so tight I half expected them to split at the seams. She was nibbling and licking her way up his neck, like some dog who’d just found an ice cream cone on the pavement and was rushing to eat it before any other dogs turned up for a lick. He watched me stare at him in shock. Like a rabbit caught in the headlights, I couldn’t look away as he slid his hand up her thigh to grab her arse. He whispered something in her ear and didn’t look away from me as she answered him with a nod. My heart plummeted and I felt bile rising from my stomach as he gripped her and stood, so that she wrapped her legs around his waist. This must be a regular occurrence for O’Connell, because no one in their group batted an eye at their behaviour. He carried her across the room and down the hall to what I assume was a downstairs bathroom. It wasn’t too much of a stretch to imagine that he was doing her up against the sink. To say that his actions gutted me would have been an epic understatement. I was devastated. In my ridiculous little mind, I’d created the fantasy that he wanted my legs wrapped around him. Me who he’d giggle and cuddle with after. I picked at the hem of my top, wishing with all my heart that right then I was in sweats, curled up on my bed crying and feeling sorry for myself. Instead, I was putting on a brave face and pretending that the first man I’d been attracted to for years wasn’t banging some slut in a bathroom like a street corner prostitute.
“You sure you’re okay?” Albie asked me again gently. “We can go if you’ve had enough?” It was only then that I realised that Albie had left his hand on my back the whole time.
I forced a smile, and reassured him once again that I was fine. Call me a glutton for punishment, but I just couldn’t bring myself to leave yet. Ryan came storming back into the room soon after and his hair looked crazy, like he’d just spent the last half hour pulling on it.
“Right, boys,” he called out, “who’s up for shots?”
“Shit,” Albie whispered. “Clearly things didn’t go well with Nikki. Shots this early means he’s getting shitfaced tonight, which means I’m getting shitfaced. We’ve got practice tomorrow afternoon so our coach is going to hand me my arse.”
“You don’t have to get drunk with him,” I pointed out.
“Of course, I do.” He smiled. “We’re mates.”
This was where my understanding of the team sport mentality fell short. Just because one of them was doing something stupid, didn’t mean they all had to do it. In my mind, that made them seem less like mates and more like lemmings. I probably wasn’t being fair. I knew little about friendship, and Albie seemed like a nice guy. Maybe solidarity was part of the mix. I let them herd me into the kitchen, but politely declined the offer of a tequila shot. I was nauseous just thinking about what O’Connell was doing. Any alcohol to hit my stomach would come straight back up, and the bathroom was most definitely occupied. Having finished the shots, the boys busied themselves with lining up the next run, while Ryan leant against the cabinet drinking something nasty looking. I really did feel for him, getting the blame of his reputation when I knew he’d done nothing wrong. I gave him a small smile of encouragement when he caught my eye, and he gave me a sad smile in return. We were both having our own pity party; only mine was alcohol-free and less hardcore than I feared Ryan’s would be. I hoped Nikki wasn’t too upset, but I didn’t feel quite brave enough to wander around the house looking for her. If people were using the downstairs bathroom for quickies, heaven only knew what they were using the rest of the house for. The hallway called to me, and although I couldn’t see the bathroom door from the kitchen, I carried on staring into the abyss. Even the fantasy of the t
wo of us together had been a fucking joke. I knew that being with O’Connell was never seriously a prospect, but when we were alone together, I’d allowed myself to buy into the idea. If there was ever any doubt before, he’d made it clear tonight that a friend was all I’d ever be. Maybe that had been his intention. He’d seen me getting a little starry eyed and wanted to set me straight before I was disillusioned any further. If so, he’d succeeded. I looked around the kitchen, and I’d never felt so alone. I wanted to be a part of life instead of a spectator. But I was fucking kidding myself, thinking the party had been the way to do it. Even here, where I believed that no one would hurt me, I couldn’t help the rising panic when I saw the guys doing shots. Half an hour later and the boys were completely trashed. I figured I’d about paid my dues at this party when Nikki sidled up next to me and gently bumped my hip.
“You okay?” I asked quietly.
“I’m good,” she answered. “Ryan just makes it pretty obvious why we shouldn’t be together, that’s all.”
“He didn’t do anything, you know. I’m pretty sure he was telling that girl that he wasn’t interested,” I tried to reassure her.
“I know, he told me. It’s just that up until recently, he’d have been all over her and behind her there’d be a girl just like her waiting for a turn. A long time ago, I really liked him, and he turned me down. Now he’s decided that I’m it for him, and he’s trying to show me that he’s a changed man. To be honest, I don’t get it. I’m the same girl I always was, but he’s treating me like I’m God’s gift to men, and I have no idea why. It’s easier just to think of him as an arsehole, because the alternative is exhausting. Anyway, how are you doing?” she asked.
“I’m having a great time,” I lied, “but I’ve got an early shift tomorrow, so I’m going to make a move in a few minutes.”
“Ah, Em,” she whined, “don’t go. I know I haven’t been great company, but stay and I promise you’ll have a better time.”
I didn’t remind her that for nearly two hours, she’d been no company at all. After all, she didn’t hesitate to lend me these beautiful clothes or help me with my hair and makeup, so the least that I could do was try to be a more grateful.
“It’s fine, Nikki, really. I haven’t been to a party in a really long time, and it’s been great. But if I don’t leave soon, I’ll never make it to work tomorrow, and I really need the money.”
“You’re going?” Albie asked between shots. He threw his arm around Nikki’s shoulders, and I suspected it was the only way he could stay standing.
“Aren’t you glad you came?” he slurred, amusingly.
“I am. You were right to talk me into it.”
I thought about how it felt, watching O’Connell walk away with that girl, and a wave of sadness swept over me. Despite that, a bit of me meant what I said. I was happy that I’d been brave enough to try the experience. I just wasn’t in a hurry to repeat it. At least, now I could say that I’d been to at least one party while I was here.
“I’ll see you guys at school,” I offered, as I made a move. I worried about the impending showdown I was sure to face with Nikki about how I was getting home, when a deep unmistakable voice behind me said, “I’ll walk you home.”
IT TOLD ME A LOT ABOUT how sad and pathetic I was, that knowing what he’d just done and smelling her perfume still on him, I was pleased that he hadn’t forgotten me. I didn’t understand why I was so desperate to be the focus of this man’s attention, when I’d tried for so long to stay in people’s peripheral vision. Nikki and Albie stared at both of us slack jawed until Nikki recovered herself.
“Well, hello gorgeous. It’s very nice of you to offer, but we can take care of our friend.” She softened the rejection with a pretty, yet sensual pout, which I suspected was well rehearsed.
“It’s nice of you all to worry, but I can take care of myself,” I intervened with finality.
I’d just seen O’Connell cart off some random slut to the bathroom. There was no way that I could handle any more of Nikki flirting with him. I’d had my quota of crazy for the night, and I felt an overwhelming need to crawl back into my shell.
“I’ll see you all soon.” I smiled tightly. With a small wave, and without meeting anyone’s eyes, I turned and made my way toward the front door. Only when it closed behind me could I breathe again. Not stopping, I put my head down and set a brisk pace toward my apartment. Seconds later, the sound of heavy boots running toward me made me flinch.
“Hello, O’Connell.”
“You don’t hang around, do you, girl.”
“It’s late. I really just want a hot drink and to curl up in bed.”
I sighed, as I contemplated the safe cocoon of my apartment. To call it warm would be an exaggeration, but it was all that I could afford at the moment. It had little insulation, and heaters that only worked intermittently. Even then, they only came on after some serious abuse with a frying pan.
“What are you, like ninety? It’s not even midnight yet,” he mocked.
“Well, then, don’t let me stop you from getting any more action. The night is still young.”
I was going for sarcastic, but I had the feeling I just sounded tired. I waited for the witty comeback, and when it didn’t come, I glanced across at him.
“You saw then,” he mumbled, quietly.
“I kind of thought you wanted everyone to see by the way you carried her through the party,” I whispered.
“Why didn’t you come and talk to me?” he asked. Was he fucking kidding?
“You looked kind of intimidating, sat there with all of your friends,” I answered honestly.
“They’re not my friends,” he replied.
“It doesn’t make them any less intimidating.”
“I wouldn’t have done it if you’d come and talked to me.”
“Are you serious?” I stopped walking, and stared at him in disbelief. “You had sex with that girl because I didn’t come and talk to you?”
He turned around to answer me, and for the first time since I’d met him, he didn’t look cocky or arrogant, just pissed and a little shamed.
“I got pissed, okay! You told me that you didn’t do parties. Then I see you laughing like you’re having the time of your life, with some fucker all over you. If you wanted to blow me off about the party, you should’ve just told me straight.”
How could I be pissed at him and pleased at the same time? I should, really, be scared. He radiated anger, and although he wasn’t drunk, I got the feeling it would only take one wrong word from the wrong person, and he’d find an outlet for his temper. With everything I’d been through, he should be the last person I’d want near me, but my heart and mind were in two different places.
“You are such an idiot.” I sighed.
“I don’t go to college, so that makes me a fucking idiot?” he argued.
He was practically shouting at me, but I never raised my voice. It just wasn’t in my nature.
“You’re an idiot, because I only came to the party to see you. My friend ditched me, and Albie was the only other person there I knew.”
Just like that, I’d taken the wind out of his sails and deflated his temper.
“I didn’t fuck her, you know. I was pissed off, and I wanted to make you jealous. But as soon as I couldn’t see you anymore, I knew what a huge fucking mistake I’d made. I blew her off to come and find you.”
I sighed with relief. He wasn’t mine, and I wasn’t his. But just knowing that he hadn’t been with that girl made everything seem better.
“How did she take it?” I pressed, and he chuckled in response.
“She wasn’t happy, but she’ll get over it.”
“Why didn’t you come and talk to me?” he asked gently.
“I already told you how intimidating you looked with them all. I’m not like those other girls you were with, O’Connell. I never will be.”
He looked like he was in pain as he stared hard at me. I couldn’t take the heat fr
om that stare and dropped my eyes to the ground as I felt my cheeks colouring.
“I know you’re not, sunshine,” he responded sadly.
I started walking again, and he fell into step beside me. Neither of us said anything for a while, but it was a companionable silence. I liked the way he could share my space without needing to fill it.
“You looked beautiful tonight,” he said quietly.
“Really?” I smiled. It was so pathetic how happy the compliment made me, but I didn’t think anyone had ever called me beautiful before.
“Yeah,” he answered. “You know you should smile more often. It looks good on you.” I didn’t want to bring us both down by admitting that I hadn’t had much to smile about in a while.
“I’m working on it,” was all I offered in return.
“How come I didn’t see Kieran with you? I thought he was going to the party as well?”
“Um...he was there,” O’Connell mumbled, as he rubbed the back of his neck, looking a little sheepish.
“I didn’t see him.”
“He was getting laid upstairs.”
“Oh.”
Honestly, what could I say? Had I known that the party was going to be one big orgy, I’d have definitely found a better way to spend my Saturday night. Then again, O’Connell and I wouldn’t be here now.
The Hurricane Page 6