O’Connell had gone back to studying his cards, clearly unaffected by the conversation.
“But if you cancel the fight, will he reschedule?” I asked.
“Will he fuck,” Danny huffed.
“He wants a stepping stone, and they’re two a penny. If Con doesn't fight him, he’ll find someone who will.”
“It doesn’t matter. There’ll be other fights. I’m not leaving Em,” O’Connell said with indifference, as though the fight meant nothing to him. But I knew better.
“What do you think?” I asked Danny.
“The amount of training he’s already done for the Calvari fight counts for something. If he puts his nose to the grindstone for the next two weeks, it’ll be close, but I think he can go the distance. No fucking point, though, if he can’t get his head in the game.”
“I’ve told you I’m not fighting,” O’Connell said quietly. “My wife is laid up in the hospital after nearly dying. Quite frankly, I’m fucking stunned you think I would.”
Danny seemed guilty and resigned. I looked carefully at his face and realised how dejected he was. Frank had nearly killed me, but he’d also taken away O’Connell’s big shot at a title. I couldn’t live with that. I wouldn’t live with that.
“Guys,” I said quietly. “Could you give us a minute?”
O’Connell, sensing an argument, put his cards down with a sigh. To their credit, the boys filed out of the room without a single word of complaint.
“I’m not fighting,” he argued as soon as the door closed behind them.
“Why?”
“I don’t want to,” he retorted.
“That’s crap. Why?”
He crossed his arms and looked everywhere around the room except at me.
“O’Connell,” I warned, “why?”
With another sigh, he unfolded his arms and looked up at me.
“You know why, sunshine. I was so caught up in the fight and the sponsors last time that I left you unprotected, and you nearly died because of it. I’m not doing it again. I don’t need to fight. I can always go back to working in construction.”
“Is that what you want?” I asked.
“I don’t want to leave you, and honestly, I don’t think I could get back in the ring again without being reminded of what happened. Danny’s right. My head’s too fucked to go back.”
“Then we fix it,” I told him, running my hand through his hair. It had become my favourite way to comfort him. He turned his face into my hand.
“I’m afraid, sunshine,” he admitted.
“Of losing the fight?” I asked.
“Of losing you.”
“How much do I need to survive to prove to you that I’m not going anywhere?”
He looked me deep in the eyes, and I could see all of his pain and fear, but he needed to get over this. Even if he lost the fight—if he didn’t face his fears and get back into the ring then he’d have to live with that fear forever.
“I can’t do it, Em. It’s over.”
I rubbed my fingertips over his t-shirt covered chest, right where I knew his tattoo was.
“A champion is someone who gets up when they can’t.”
“You don’t fight fair, you know that, right?” He choked out his words, but I could see him wavering.
“I fight. That’s all that matters, and you need to do the same. If you need to picture Frank on every bag or at the end of every fist then that’s what you do. This guy is a has been. He’s had his shot in the spotlight, and now it’s your turn.”
“And if I lose?” he asked me.
“Then you go down fighting. But when you walk out of that ring, you do it with your head held high because you gave it everything.”
“I think they’d be better off calling you the bloody Hurricane,” he grumbled, but I knew I had him.
“You’ll fight?” I asked hopefully.
“I have conditions,” he warned.
“Okay,” I agreed warily.
“I’m not leaving you on your own until the fight is over, and I can look after you. The boys and I will take turns visiting, but you’ll never be alone.”
“You know that with Frank in prison, I’m in absolutely no danger right?”
“Hey, is it my head we’re fixing or yours?”
I rolled my eyes at the suggestion but relented. “Fine. Next condition?”
“I get to sleep here when I’m not training.”
“No deal. There’s no way you can train hard and sleep in a crappy chair. If you’re going to do this, then do it right. That means sleeping in a proper bed and getting some rest. You eat right and stick to Danny’s training programme or there’s no point in bothering.”
“Jesus, woman, you drive a hard bargain,” he scowled. “Fine, but the boys take it in turns to sleep in the chair.”
“That’s not fair. You can’t expect them to do that. Especially when I’m in no danger.”
“Non-fucking-negotiable,” he growled.
“Anything else?” I sulked.
“Yeah,” he said gently, leaning forward. “Win or lose, after this there’s no more fighting until you’re better. I get to spoil and take care of you and drive you mad, but the fighting stops until you’re healthy.”
“Deal,” I agreed easily, looking forward to it. Standing up, he kissed me lovingly then opened the door to let the boys in.
Kieran had looked at the both of us before he guessed. “You’re fighting, aren’t ‘cha?” Danny grinned broadly as he glanced at me knowingly.
“Seriously,” Tommy said. “Do you even own a set of balls, ‘cause I’m pretty sure you gave them to Em when you got hitched,” he joked, although he was seriously taking his life in his own hands baiting O’Connell while I was still laid up.
“Laugh it up fuck bag. You’re sleeping in the chair till I fight.”
“No way,” exclaimed Tommy.
“That chair is fucking uncomfortable, and no offense, Em, but I won’t sleep for shit.”
O’Connell stared at him hard until he relented.
“Fine. I might just lie down next to you Em if I get too uncomfy.”
“Not if you want to keep your fucking legs,” warned my husband.
“Finish your game” I admonished, smiling at Danny. “O’Connell’s having an early night.”
THE NEXT TWO WEEKS dragged monotonously. Every day meant more pills, more observations and more tests. I missed O’Connell terribly, even though he used Kieran’s phone to call me on Tommy’s number four or five times a day. I could hear the excitement in his voice, and I knew that training was going well. Despite all his initial protests, Tommy didn’t moan once about babysitting me and often split duties with Mac or my friends from university. But he was always the one asleep by my bed in the morning. Tommy’s whole family came to visit frequently, and although they didn’t have much money, they supplied a steady stream of baked goods to keep me and the boys going. Even Father Pat stopped by a few times. O’Connell broke tradition and spent the entire rest day before the fight with me, watching movies and listening to music. This time he didn’t need the day to prepare. His head had been in the game for two weeks. As he left me for the final time before the fight to head off to Father Pat’s, he sat down on my bed. Undoing the chain around his neck holding his cross and wedding ring, he refastened it around mine.
“You know I’ve got this right?” he told me, cockily.
“I know, baby.” I smiled, truly believing he did.
“I wish you were with me,” he admitted.
“I will be,” I replied. “Now put your big girl pants on and go get a title. The flat’s looking kind of bare, and we could use a big, gaudy looking belt to brighten up the place.”
“I love you, Mrs. O’Connell,” he told me.
“Love you, too, O’Connell,” I replied, and after kissing me the way that every woman should be kissed at least once in her life, he was out of the door.
NINE HOURS LATER, he walked back in again with
an eye so black he could barely see out of it, a split lip, and a very serious face.
“Well?” I asked impatiently, frustrated that I’d been on tenterhooks for hours and that no one had been answering my calls.
Suddenly, his face lit up like the morning sun and the heart-stopping smile that I loved so much spread across his face.
“Winner by knockout in the seventh round and new IBF Heavyweight Champion,” he announced.
“That’s my boy,” I said leaning back against my pillow.
JAB, JAB, CROSS. JAB, JAB, CROSS.
“If Tommy doesn’t get his hands off my wife, I’m gonna fuck him up.”
Jab, jab, cross. Jab, jab, cross.
“He’s fucking with you, Con. Now concentrate. My Nan could hit harder than you are.”
Kieran took the piss as he held the heavy bag steady.
“Your Nan is hard as nails. Even Danny’s scared of her,” I joked, but threw an extra bit of weight behind the combination, which made him grunt.
“Besides, you owe him for taking care of your girl while you trained,” he reminded me. I looked over at Tommy and reminded myself why he was getting a free pass. There were only a few men in this world who I would trust my wife’s safety to, and all kidding aside, Tommy was one of them. Today was the first day I’d let her out of the apartment, and I was not entirely comfortable with her being anywhere but resting in bed. It’d been two months since that bastard took her and my life nearly ended. That was the truth of it because, without Em, there was nothing else. My hollow, meaningless, life had been filled by this woman. I didn’t deserve her, but there was nothing I wouldn’t do, no line I wouldn’t cross, to keep her safe.
There was a festering hate burning inside me for the bastard who took what was mine. Believe me, there was a day of reckoning coming when Frank was going to get what was coming to him. For now, I kept my rage contained. Em needed me to grow a pair of balls and deal with my shit, and I’d be whatever she needed me to be so she could heal from this. Of all of us, she seemed the least fucked up. Danny, me, Kieran, we all had guilt. If we’d done things differently, protected her better, she would never have been taken. That was on us, and we had to live with it. Em didn’t see it that way, though. She felt free, like she’d gotten a new lease on life because Frank was behind bars. She made me promise I wouldn’t do anything while he was in there. I never made any promises about when he gets out.
“Seriously, Con. Focus. Danny sees you punching like an old lady, he’s gonna think you’re out of shape.”
“Fuck you.” I grinned.
He wasn’t entirely wrong. I hadn’t put on the gloves since I’d won the IBF belt, but as usual, my wife had been kicking my arse. She announced this morning that she was coming to Danny’s and that I could join her, or leave my lazy, overprotective, arse at home. Turns out, she was more of a hardarse when it came to training than Danny. I wasn’t in fighting shape, but with my muscle memory and hard work, I soon would be. Besides, I was hungry for it. I’d had a taste of winning, and I wanted more. With everyone behind me, there was no reason I couldn’t have it, too. I never used to think like that, but Em changed me. She still thought that breakfast at Daisy’s was the first time we met. It was true, but I first saw her months before that.
My hangover had been raging, and I’d had bad news to break to Danny. He’d arranged a fight between Mac and a local guy from another gym. The cocky little shit had been mouthing off in Brady’s the night before. It was amusing till the gobshite turned on me. I couldn’t be arsed mouthing back, so I floored him and broke his jaw. Pretty safe to say that Friday’s fight was cancelled after that.
“Danny’s gonna put my balls in a blender when he finds out,” I told Kieran, who looked highly amused.
“Tell him now while he’s having his breakfast.”
“We haven’t been home yet. I stink of booze and birds,” I reminded him.
“Listen. Mac told me he’s friendly with some waitress down at Daisy’s. The old fucker’s happiest when he’s eating, and if you’re in a public place, he can’t bollock you so bad.”
The man had a point, so I decided to risk it. Danny wasn’t there when I’d arrived, so I waited across the street. I needed Danny to get comfy before I spilled the beans. Round the corner, came a gorgeous pair of legs and an arse fine enough to make a grown man beg. She was pretty, in a wholesome good girl sort of way, but good girls weren’t really my type. There was nothing wrong with the legs of the bad girl who’d been wrapped around me last night. No, it wasn’t her looks or her body that caught my attention. It was what she did next. This girl didn’t look like she had a quid to her name. Her jacket was threadbare, and she had it wrapped around her like it was the most expensive possession she had. A few yards away from me, a guy was sleeping rough in a doorway. It was a pretty common sight in this part of London, especially this early in the morning. I barely noticed the homeless anymore. This girl saw him and stopped. It wasn’t like she was embarrassed at having to walk past him. She literally had to cross the street to get to him. But when she did, she laid her hand on his arm and asked if there was anything she could do to help. He smiled and thanked her but told her he was fine. Then she emptied her pockets and gave him everything she had. In this day and age, who did that? That’s what made this girl so special. Twenty minutes later, she came back over, shivering in her waitress uniform, and handed the guy a hot cup of coffee as he was packing up his sleeping bag. That act of kindness probably made his day, because it sure as hell made mine. It was the first bit of faith in humanity I’d had since Kieran’s ma stepped up for me.
I didn’t wait for Danny after that. I wasn’t ready to face her, but I emptied my pockets to the homeless guy as I walked home. Already, she was making me want to be a better person. I turned up at the cafe a few times after that, but never made it inside. When my day had been hard and shitty, I’d watch her from across the street. Seeing how she was with people and how she’d smile shyly when she thought no one was looking, instantly made my day better. Every girl I’d ever met acted like they were performing for me. Everything they did or said invited me to look at them or touch them. It was the rare exception when they didn’t want me to fuck them. This girl just wanted to be invisible. I didn’t really know her, and I worried that I’d built her up in my head to be something she wasn’t, but by the time I grew enough balls to muscle in on Danny’s breakfast and actually meet her, I was already half in love. It was probably why I acted like a total tool that first time, too tongue-tied to even open my mouth.
Em knew I loved her, but I didn’t think she’d ever know just how much. She was my peace, my inspiration, my motivation, and my reward. She was my salvation. The centre of my fucking universe. I was going to conquer the whole world and lay it at her feet. It was the least she deserved. People thought the IBF Championship fight was the hardest thing I’ve ever fought for. It wasn’t. Getting that girl to fall in love and marry me was the hardest fight of my life.
I hit the bag Kieran was still holding harder and harder until he was grunting with every punch. I could feel Em watching me, and I smiled, knowing that my need to impress her fuelled each hit. Now that she had me here, my appetite for training was relentless. Until Frank was gone for good and I knew my girl would get the happy ever after she deserved, this fight wasn’t over. It was only just beginning.
To Lee, my husband and best friend in the whole world. Thank you for always believing in me, more than I believe in myself, and for loving me even when I abandon you for a world of fiction. I love you more than you will ever know. To Jack and Gabriel. You are my inspiration, my motivation and my reward. No matter what, you will both always be the best thing that ever happened to me, and I am so proud to call myself your Mum. Thank you to Mum and Dad for never ever letting me think that there was a dream too big for me if I didn’t work hard enough. On your shoulders, I could always see the whole world.
Thank you to my amazing friend Marie. I have no doubt that without
you, this book would never have been written. Your faith and encouragement gave me wings and without you, this crazy dream would never have become a reality.
Thank you to my amazing and wonderful family, Gerry, Faye, Laura, Sarah, Boo, Gareth, David, Daniel, Ben and Dave. I can’t believe that I didn’t tell you about my writing for so long, but it was your love and support that helped me make it to the end.
To Vin and Ria, my cryptic friends. Thank you for all of the technical and other advice, for the beta reading and most importantly for encouraging me to put myself out there and make this happen. Lee and I are so lucky to have you as friends.
Thank you SO much to Adele for your wonderful swag. Your designs are beautiful and I'm so grateful for all your hard work and friendship.
A huge debt of gratitude goes to Lauren- Marie who has helped and supported me on this journey in so many ways. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for everything.
I cannot thank Louisa Maggio from LM Cover Creations enough. Not only did you create a cover that I love, you became the first friend that I made on this journey and I can’t wait to work with you again. Many thanks to L.J. from Mayhem Cover Creations for my fabulous website and teasers. You were a total blast to work with and endlessly patient with my lack of technical knowledge. Thank you so much to my editor Jenny from Editing 4 Indies. To say that you had a mountainous task with my manuscript is a colossal understatement. To Angel Dust for my wonderful book trailer. I truly love it, thank you so much. Thank you also to Cassy Roop from Pink Ink Designs for taking time away from your own book release to help make my dream a reality.
To Rachel V across the pond. I am so very grateful for the day that you answered my message. At the start of this book you were my first beta reader. By the end of the book you were my friend. So much of this story is owed to you and how you saw O’Connell. I am so grateful to you for everything, and I hope one day that we will get to meet in person.
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