by Julia Sykes
But something was off. I’d come to Dusk—my favorite Chicago BDSM club—to work off some steam. We hadn’t gotten anything on Parnell, and CPD would be releasing him in a few hours. That knowledge burned in my gut, rage churning deep within me. I needed to find my control again, because I’d lost it today.
As much as I enjoyed the soft whimpers and low, throaty moans my partner made, I couldn’t reach the heady Topspace that I so desperately needed.
Carmen had hit subspace, though. I could see it in the way she sagged against her bonds where I’d cuffed her to the St. Andrew’s Cross.
That was good enough for me. I was glad I’d been able to satisfy her, even if I hadn’t gotten what I desired. I’d planned to fuck her, but arousal was absent. When the thought of gripping her hips and driving my cock into her crossed my mind, I couldn’t help envisioning a soft, sweet redhead in my hold rather than the pretty blonde.
Katie. My new partner had already firmly fixed herself in my mind.
But as much as I hated to think it, Parnell had been right: she was innocent. I doubted she was a virgin, but she certainly hadn’t been exposed to anything close to my own darker proclivities.
I shook my head, clearing away thoughts of Parnell and the sick things he’d said to her.
Carmen. Focus on Carmen. I owed it to my friend to see to her needs.
I returned the flogger to my kit bag and went back to her, easing her out of bondage. She let out a happy sigh as I gathered her naked body up into my arms.
Again, I imagined a curvier, softer woman with porcelain skin cradled to my bare chest.
You’ve got it bad, Scott, I thought ruefully. My feelings for Katie were completely inappropriate, but I couldn’t help my attraction. Not only was she gorgeous, but I found her fascinating. She was soft and hard by turns; fiery with a gentle soul.
Don’t go there. As my partner, she was off-limits. And although I longed to test her to determine whether or not she had a submissive nature, her innocence indicated that she was nowhere near ready to be exposed to my kinky world.
My mind still filled with thoughts of Katie, I carried Carmen to a couch in a darker corner of the club. I settled her across my lap, idly petting her as she slowly roused from her blissed-out state. Even though I couldn’t bring myself to give her my full attention, I wouldn’t shirk my duties as a Dom. She needed aftercare.
After a while, she stirred, stretching as she made a little humming noise of contentment.
“That was amazing, Dex,” she purred. “Thank you, Sir.”
I gave her a small, genuine smile. “You are more than welcome, sub.”
She trailed her long fingers down my chest, and her dark eyes boldly met mine. “Is there anything else you want, Sir?”
“Sorry, little one, but I need to get going,” I lied. I knew she wanted to fuck, but I wasn’t interested. Not tonight, anyway.
She pouted, but there was no real hurt there, just disappointment. Carmen was charming, and I enjoyed her company. But the affection I felt for her was platonic, despite the fact that we’d had sex more than a few times. We both knew it was a casual, friendly relationship.
I gripped her waist and guided her off my lap. She didn’t protest.
“Okay,” she said as we both got to our feet. “Will you be back later this week? It’s the kinky masquerade on Saturday, remember.”
“Oh, yeah,” I answered automatically, not really thinking about it. My mind was somewhere else. With someone else.
“Great,” she beamed. “I’ll see you then.”
She caught sight of one of her girlfriends and gave her a little wave. Going up on her tiptoes, she brushed a goodbye kiss across my cheek before skipping off to join her friend.
Satisfied that her needs had been taken care of, I headed for the locker room to change out of my leathers and back into my jeans and t-shirt. Weariness settled over me as I left the club. It had been a hell of a day, and Parnell still weighed heavily on my mind. The way he’d spoken to Katie, how he’d looked at her…
I gave a sharp jerk of my head. I couldn’t think about that, or I would track the man down and make sure he could never threaten any woman ever again.
BDSM hadn’t granted me the relief I needed. Maybe a drink would do the trick.
When I got back to my apartment, I poured myself a strong measure of Macallan 12 and got comfortable, changing out my contacts for glasses and stripping down to my boxers.
The scotch warmed my insides pleasantly, but I needed something more to distract my mind from my hatred of Parnell. I grabbed up my controls and powered on my X-box. A video game should help. Escaping into a fantasy world was a lifelong coping mechanism, and I eased into a more relaxed state as soon as I resumed my quest.
I’d only been playing for ten minutes when I was distracted by my phone ringing. I answered immediately when I checked the caller ID.
“Katie,” I greeted quickly, a little worried that she was calling me so late. It was close to midnight. “What’s going on?”
“Dex,” my name came out on a shaky breath. “Can we talk?”
I sat up straighter, setting my controls aside. “What do you need?”
“Parnell. They cut him loose. I couldn’t get the evidence we needed to hold him.”
“That wasn’t your fault,” I said firmly. “There wasn’t anything to find. We went through Judy Carson’s apartment and thoroughly examined her autopsy. There’s nothing more we can do. The case belongs to the CPD.”
“That’s bullshit.” She sounded angry, but her voice shook with deeper emotion.
“It is,” I agreed. “But that’s how it works. Frank won’t clear us to take the case without solid evidence that Parnell is responsible.”
“We have to do something,” she countered, desperate. “He can’t just get away with it. You saw what he was like. Even if he didn’t kill Judy, he’s not innocent. He could still be involved with the other rape cases.”
“He got to you,” I surmised quietly.
“No, he didn’t,” she bit out. “He’s dangerous, and I don’t want him walking free out there. That’s completely reasonable.”
I didn’t bother arguing. I could reprimand her for lying later. “Meet me at my place and we can talk. I don’t want you to deal with this on your own.”
“I… Okay.”
She really was rattled. As I’d suspected, she was gentle at her core, despite the hard façade she put on in front of Parnell.
I gave her my address and waited for her promise to join me. Only then did I end the call.
Sparrow needed me, and I would be there for her. Despite my concern over her distress, a sense of satisfaction warmed my chest.
Hastily, I went to get dressed again and then did my best to straighten my apartment. I’d barely managed to shove yesterday’s pizza box in the trashcan before my buzzer sounded.
Less than a minute later, I wrenched open my door to let her in. She appeared more delicate than ever. The rosy flush was still absent from her cheeks, and her gorgeous eyes were shot through with red, as though she’d been crying. Automatically, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her in for a hug. Her small hands pressed against my lower back as she easily returned the embrace. It felt natural to hold her, comfort her. I breathed in her sweet, unique scent.
Fuck, she smelled good. The feeling of comfort turned to something more intimate, something darker. I carefully extricated myself from her arms before my cock could respond to her nearness.
She smiled up at me, completely oblivious to my sexual reaction. “Thanks,” she said softly. “I needed that.”
“Anytime.” I cleared my throat and stepped back. “Come on in.”
Her smile turned slightly cautious as she brushed past me and looked around, taking in my apartment. Her eyes fell on my replica of Aragorn’s sword Andúril that hung on my wall above my TV, and her lips tugged up further at the corners.
“Cool sword.”
I couldn’t tell if
she was mocking me. I closed the door and did my best not to shift anxiously. I didn’t usually bring women back to my apartment; I fucked at the club. This was my sanctuary, and I suddenly recognized that it had all the hallmarks of a nerd, from my stash of fantasy novels on my bookshelf to my carefully-painted figurines drying on the coffee table.
Then it got so much worse.
She glanced back at me, studying my face. “I like your glasses.”
Fuck. How could I have forgotten to put my contacts back in before she arrived? I never let anyone see me in my glasses. Not since I got contacts senior year of high school and the bullying finally stopped.
I briefly considered fleeing to my bathroom and putting them back in. An uncomfortable sense of stark vulnerability suddenly gripped me. Inviting her here had been a bad idea.
A small furrow creased her brow. “You okay?”
“Fine,” I bit out.
“You don’t seem fine.”
I took a deep breath and focused on her problems. “I’m just worried about you.” It was true, even if there was more worrying me than her mental state. My own insecurities didn’t matter now.
She stiffened. “I’m okay.”
I fixed her with a level look. “Don’t do that. Not with me. We’re partners. You can be honest with me. I won’t judge you.” I gestured toward my couch. “Sit down and we’ll talk about it.”
She sank down onto the cushions, unthinkingly compliant.
So, she responded to direct orders. Could she be submissive in the way I wanted her to be?
I shook the thought away and sat down beside her, keeping careful distance between us.
“Today was shitty,” I said. “I didn’t want your first day to be like that.”
Green eyes met mine. “I knew what I was getting into when I took this job.”
“Did you?” I challenged gently.
She looked away and blew out a long breath. “I guess not. I mean, I knew the kind of crimes I’d have to deal with, but I didn’t think…”
“You didn’t think it would get personal.”
She peeked up at me through dark lashes. “Yeah. I wasn’t prepared for that.”
I reached out and took her hand in mine, unable to help myself. Her pull was magnetic; her dichotomy of strength and softness called to me, not to mention her gorgeous face and lush body.
“Parnell might not be our case, but we will put him away. Colton Hughes—the captain of CPD SVU—is a friend. He’ll keep us in the loop.”
She drew in a shaky breath. “Good. That’s good.”
“But you don’t have to go anywhere near Parnell ever again,” I soothed, rubbing my thumb across her palm.
Her eyes flashed. “I want to be there when he’s arrested. I want to help.”
I considered her carefully. “If that’s what you need, I’ll have your back.”
She suddenly beamed at me. “I’m glad you’re my partner, Dex. I love Frank, but he has certain…expectations of me. I don’t want to let him down, you know?”
I nodded. “The boss is a hard-ass, but he’s a good man. He’ll push you, but I’ll always be there to back you up if he pushes too hard.”
“Thanks. I’ll always back you up, too. That’s what partners do, right?”
I returned her smile with difficulty. I suddenly didn’t want her to be my partner. I wanted to fuck her, to hold her in my arms and shield her from all the ugly things we would face together ever day.
“Right,” I forced out. “That’s what partners do.”
Part II
Master
3
Twenty Months Later
“Katie? You okay?” My Sparrow’s shoulders were drawn with tension, and a little worried line creased her brow.
She whirled around with a shocked gasp. Surprise flickered through me when her fist began to arc toward my face, but that didn’t slow my reaction. I caught her wrist easily, stopping the blow before it came close to landing. It wasn’t like Katie to hesitate, and it certainly wasn’t like her to lash out at me. Something was very wrong.
“Whoa, Sparrow. What’s got your panties in a twist?”
“Dex,” she breathed my name in relief. Then her chin lifted, her eyes flashing with sudden ire. “Don’t sneak up on me like that.”
I frowned, but I kept my hold on her. I didn’t often allow myself to touch her, but now that her slender wrist was caught in my much larger hand, I couldn’t bring myself to let go. Instead, I dropped my arm to my side, attempting to make my hold appear casual. If I could ease her into the idea that this kind of contact was natural, she would grow accustomed to it.
“I wasn’t sneaking,” I informed her in a carefully calming tone. “I said your name three times before you tried to pop me across the jaw.” I gently squeezed her wrist in reprimand, unable to suppress my dominant tendencies now that I had her in my grasp. “Thanks for changing your mind at the last second there.”
Her shoulders slumped on a heavy sigh, all the fight going out of her. She ran a hand through her long coppery locks, tugging at them. I longed to do the same: to feel the silken strands spilling through my fingers.
“Sorry,” she apologized. “I’m just tired, that’s all.”
My sweet, soft Sparrow was back, her momentary anger deflated. But her turn of mood didn’t please me. The subtle lines around her gorgeous green eyes betrayed fear. She shifted her body in an obvious effort to place herself between me and her desk. She was hiding something. After nearly two years of studying her, wanting her, I could read her easily.
I allowed my frown to deepen to something more forbidding. “Don’t lie to me, Sparrow. I can always tell. What’s bothering you?”
Her sigh was sharper this time, a little annoyed huff. I would have found it cute if I weren’t so worried about her.
“Don’t call me that,” she demanded. “I get it. My surname sounds like ‘bird.’ I don’t like cutesy nicknames at the office. I’m an agent, just like you.”
I squeezed her wrist again, warning her. We might both be FBI agents, but that didn’t mean my respect for her ranked above my need to protect her.
“Okay then, Agent Byrd,” I allowed. “What’s really bothering you?”
“Has it ever occurred to you that if I’m being evasive, it means I don’t want to share? Social niceties dictate that you back off.” Her eyes flashed, and she got snappish again in an obvious effort to cover her fear. Katie was a gentle soul, but she constantly felt the need to prove that she was a strong, competent agent.
Well, I wasn’t going to let her bullshit get in the way of me getting to the bottom of what was troubling her.
I shrugged off her irritation. “No,” I refused to back off. “Tell me what’s going on with you, Sparrow.” I issued it as an order this time. I rarely allowed myself to Top her in the way I wanted, but ensuring her safety from whatever was scaring her was more important than my concerns over her reaction to being dominated.
Proving that she truly was the sweet submissive I’d always suspected at her core, she stepped to the side. Her gaze cut to her desk, where a small scrap of paper lay on her keyboard. This was the source of her discomfort.
Not letting go of her wrist, I reached out my other hand and snatched up the paper.
“Don’t!” Her protest came too late; I was already reading.
I’ll be watching you today. And every day, until I finally take you. Don’t worry, Kathy. I don’t want to break you. But I do want to make you scream. I want to make you mine. Come and find me. Come to me, pet.
As I scanned the sickening words, my concern for her morphed into white-hot rage. My eyes snapped to hers, and I no longer bothered to curb my domineering nature. “Who sent this?” I commanded an answer.
“I don’t know,” the words tumbled out of her. “I just found the envelope in my box. It’s probably not even for me. It might be evidence from a case someone didn’t label properly. It’s addressed to Kathy, not Katie.”
I st
ared down at her, impressing my will upon her. She was deliberately avoiding the truth. The longer she refused to address the threat, the longer she was in danger. I wouldn’t permit that. “Kathy can be short for Katherine. Don’t pretend like you don’t know it’s for you.”
“I don’t know that,” she grew curt again, putting her bullshit armor on. She didn’t want to seem weak, vulnerable. “Like I said,” she continued hotly, “it could be mislabeled evidence. I’ll see if I can track down what happened. You shouldn’t be touching that without gloves.”
She was trying to divert me. It wouldn’t work. “Well, it’s too late for that now. We’ll have to take into account the fact that you and I have touched it when we run it for prints.”
“Thank you for being sensible,” she said, relieved. She evidently thought I was backing off. “I’ll just take this to the lab and—”
“Not yet, you won’t,” I cut her off sternly. “We’re showing this to Frank.” Our boss would help me make her see sense. He was especially protective of her, a father figure. He wouldn’t allow her to ignore the threat, either.
“Why?” she insisted. “It’s part of one of my cases. He doesn’t need to—”
My frustration got the best of me, and a low, intolerant growl left my chest. My fingers tightened around her wrist. “I already told you to stop pretending. We both know this is a personal threat, Katie. And I’m not letting you bury it just because you’re scared.”
“I’m not scared!” she declared, her voice high with an edge of panic. She didn’t want to admit it. “You’re just being unreasonable.”
I gathered my resolve, mastering my frustration. “You’re lying again,” I told her coolly.
She tugged against my hold. I didn’t release her.
“Just leave it, okay?” she implored. “Even if it is for me, it needs to be processed just like any other piece of evidence. Let me take it to the lab. I can deal with this.”
“I know you can deal with it, but that doesn’t mean you have to do it on your own.” I refused to let her shut me out, especially when she was in danger. “It’s okay to be scared. This is some scary shit. And that’s why I’m not going to let you quietly try to handle it by yourself.” She needed me, even if she didn’t want to admit it to herself. I would simply make her see the truth. The time for carefully testing her submissive nature was over.