by Julia Sykes
I shook my head sharply, grimacing as I braced myself to admit yet another failure. Katie had received a threat, via text this time. I’d been tasked with tracing its origin, but even Sam hadn’t been able to help me.
I approached Katie’s desk on leaden legs. She turned at the sound of my approach. She’d already been standing, and she began to shift nervously on her feet when she saw me.
“The text came from a burner phone. We can’t trace it,” I told her, unable to look directly at her as I confessed that I’d failed her once again.
She shook her head slowly, and my gaze lifted to her tired eyes. “Thanks for looking into it, Dex. I appreciate it.”
I gave her a stiff nod, unable to find the right words. Things had never been awkward and strained between us, but now I had no idea how to act around her. Our easy companionship had been torn to shreds, just like my heart.
Shock rippled through me at her next words. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” she said quietly. She turned to walk away, to escape the uncomfortable tension between us.
Unable to help myself, I reached out and ensnared her wrist in my hand. I hated the sight of her hurting, even though she was putting me through hell.
She blinked up at me, her gorgeous green eyes going wide. Something like fear flashed across her features. I struggled to keep my fingers from tightening as I ground my teeth. The very idea that I might frighten her made my gut twist.
“I won’t let him hurt you, Sparrow,” I ground out. I never wanted her to be afraid ever again. Not after everything the Mentor was putting her through. “No matter how I feel… No matter what’s happening between—” I cut myself off. “Nothing else matters but keeping you away from the Mentor. I would never let anything happen to you. You have to know that.”
Her eyes began to shine with the intensity of her emotion, and she swallowed hard. “Thank you,” she choked out. “I appreciate what you’re doing for me.”
Anger licked at my chest like white-hot flames. Anger at the Mentor; anger at myself. “It’s not enough. I want you to go to a safe house, but Frank won’t agree. He says you’re our only chance at catching the Mentor.” I didn’t understand how our boss could be so careless with Katie’s safety. I’d argued with him about it, but he’d threatened to suspend me again.
She reached out and squeezed my hand that wasn’t gripping her wrist. Despite everything, her soft touch was still electric.
“Frank’s right, Dex,” she declared. “I’m his weakness. The more he threatens me, the more he reveals about himself. I’m being careful. I won’t go anywhere by myself.”
Pain lanced through me, and I released her wrist. “I know you won’t.”
I turned sharply and strode away from the agony that she inflicted with the reminder of Miller’s closeness. Even when I was declaring my concern for her, all she could think of was him.
Ten painful days dragged by. I barely looked at Katie, much less spent time in her presence. It hurt too much.
I buried myself in work, determined to catch the Mentor before he could get to her. All that mattered was her safety. Regardless of what she was putting me through, I wouldn’t let that sick bastard get to her.
Now, we were looking at missing persons cases, trying to identify potential victims of the Mentor in the long list of women who had gone missing in the Chicago area. We’d gone back nearly forty years, and we’d identified a woman who had reported escaping a sadistic rapist who had held her captive for months in 1978: Kathleen White Parker. Katie and Reed were interviewing her now. Because they were the field agents on this case. I was still stuck at my fucking desk, my eyes burning from hours of staring at case reports on my computer screen.
A feminine shriek rang out from the direction of the interrogation room.
Katie.
I was on my feet, running toward the sound of her distress without thought. She was shouting, but I couldn’t make out the words.
I rounded the corner into the corridor that led to interrogation, and jealous rage flashed through me. Miller lay atop Katie, his body pressing against hers, his hands pinning her wrists above her head. Panic twisted her pale features.
“What the fuck is going on?” I snarled, taking a step forward to drag him off her.
Katie turned terror-filled eyes on me. “Dex! Get out of here!”
I stopped short, confusion threading through my anger. Miller stood quickly, pulling Katie up into his arms, curling his body around hers. I instantly read the protectiveness in his stance. I hadn’t walked in on something sexual; something was very wrong.
“Damn it, Reed, stay down!” she demanded. “He won’t hurt me.”
Miller ran toward me, shoving me hard in the shoulder as he passed by. The motion propelled us all back around the corner.
“What the—”
“Sniper,” Miller cut me off.
Now that he said it, I registered the sound of wind whistling through shattered glass. Miller had effectively driven us all out of sight of the window.
I fell into step beside him, keeping my body as close to Katie’s as possible as we moved deeper into the building, taking her away from the exposed corridor.
She twisted in his arms. “You’re making it worse!” she cried, panicked. “He doesn’t want you to touch me. Put me down!”
I shot them both a warning glare. “Don’t you dare put her down, Miller.” Her safety was more important than my anger at seeing his arms around her.
Miller gave me a tight nod of agreement. “He’s not watching now, Katie. And even if he is somehow, I’m not putting you down. Stop fighting me.”
She stilled at the direct order, but her face was still a mask of fear. “I told you, he won’t hurt me,” she insisted. “The text. He wants to kill you, Reed. Not me.”
His dark brows drew together, mirroring my own expression. She’d gotten another threatening text?
“What did the text say?” he demanded.
She bit her lip, holding in the answer. I knew exactly what she was doing: she thought she was protecting us by shielding us from whatever message the Mentor had sent her.
“Tell him, Sparrow,” I bit out.
“It was the same thing as before,” she admitted quickly, responding to my commanding tone. “He said I belonged to him. And he said he would punish me for letting you touch me, Reed.”
I jerked my gaze away from them, trying to hide the rush of possessive rage that overwhelmed me at the mention of him touching her.
“He’s going to kill you,” she said to Miller, imploring. “You have to put me down. Please.”
“In a minute,” he said firmly. “And only long enough to get you in Kevlar. I’m taking you to a safe house.”
“Then you’re coming with me,” she declared fiercely. “And you’re staying there.”
“Katie. If he does want to hurt me, then I’m not staying anywhere near you. Dex can take you—”
As much as I wanted to be the one to take her to safety, I cut him off. “She’s right. Both of you need to go.” I might not like Miller, but that didn’t mean I wanted him dead. “I’ll look into the text and the sniper. I have to go get on it right away. We might be able to catch him if we act fast.” With great effort, I turned to face him. “You get her to safety.”
Miller nodded. “I’ll contact you when we get to the safe house.”
“Thank you,” Katie said softly. I wasn’t sure if she was talking to me or to him. Maybe both of us. She closed her eyes and tried to shut out the horror of what was happening to her.
The sight made my heart squeeze. I would hunt down the Mentor, even if it meant leaving her in Miller’s care while I carried out my mission.
I did my best not to pace across the office. Katie and Frank had gone out together hours ago, and neither of them had returned. I’d told them about my suspicions that Parnell was working with someone else to terrorize Katie. It was the only scenario that made sense; it was the only way the Mentor could have eyes on Katie at a
ll times.
But after I shared these suspicions with our boss, he’d taken Katie with him to check out a lead that he hadn’t shared with me.
I shrugged, trying to ease some of the tension from my shoulders. At least it was Frank with her rather than Miller. Frank had sent him back to New York hours ago after he discovered just how close the rookie had gotten to Katie. Apparently, the boss didn’t approve of Miller fucking the woman who he considered to be a daughter.
Good riddance.
Now that he was gone, Katie might see reason. And we were so close to catching the Mentor. Without fear driving her into Miller’s waiting arms, maybe she would realize that I was the right man for her. The right Dom. She belonged to me, damn it. Even after everything that had happened between her and Miller, I couldn’t let her go.
How could I have been so blind?
I’d failed Katie in the worst way. While I’d been sitting at the office for hours, waiting for her return, she’d been tormented by the Mentor. I’d had no idea that she’d been captured. I’d done nothing.
But Miller had. He saved her. He killed the Mentor.
Him. Not me.
I don’t deserve her. I could see that now. Miller had earned her. He’d been the one to protect her. All I’d done was fail to keep her safe again and again.
Now, she stared at me, the usual sparkle dimmed from her green eyes. I explained the loose ends of the case to her as gently as I could, pretending that I wasn’t dying inside. It was my fault that she bore that haunted look. I’d let her leave with Frank; I’d allowed her to walk right into the Mentor’s trap. And all because my jealousy had blinded me. I never should have been relieved at Miller’s absence. She needed his protection.
Because I sure as hell wasn’t capable of protecting her.
My heart twisted at her numbed expression, devoid of any emotion save soul-deep weariness.
Reflexively, I reached out for her. Then my eyes fell on Miller’s hand where it curled possessively around her hip. My fingers clenched into a fist, and I withdrew from her.
I forced myself to meet his dark eyes. “Get her home. She doesn’t need to be here.” Miller nodded his agreement and started to turn to usher her out of the field office, to steer her away from me. “And Miller,” I called him back. He paused and met my intense gaze. “You take care of her.”
“Thanks, Dex,” Katie whispered.
Her gratitude knifed through my chest. She didn’t want me; she was happy I was letting her go.
I managed to give her a single, sharp nod of acknowledgement before I tore myself away. I strode across the office for the elevator. I had to get away from them, or I would…
What? What would I do? Take her from him? Beg her to come back to me?
She doesn’t love me.
I had no right to her. She belonged to Miller now. Katie would never be mine.
Part III
A Decadent Christmas
7
Six Months Later
“So,” Clayton Vaughn shot me an easy grin as I slid into the passenger seat of his black sedan, “you’re thinking of transferring to the New York unit?” His dark blue gaze turned assessing. “You’re one of us, aren’t you? That’s why Kennedy wants you on the team.”
I didn’t know the man, but he’d been nice enough to pick me up from the airport. I didn’t understand his probing question. “What do you mean?” I asked carefully. “One of us?”
His grin widened. “You’re in the lifestyle,” he asserted casually.
My jaw dropped. I closed it quickly. “And what do you know about that?”
“Relax,” he said, turning his eyes to the road as he joined airport traffic. “Kennedy hasn’t hired anyone outside the BDSM lifestyle in years. Something about trusting us to be completely honest, I think. He’s never really told me exactly why. Hell, I didn’t even know I was a Dom when he hired me. My Rose was the one who led me to that revelation.”
“Oh.” I didn’t know how to handle the odd conversation. I was accustomed to discussing my lifestyle at BDSM clubs, but I wasn’t out-and-proud, exactly.
Clayton glanced over at me. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Just the opposite, actually. If you join our team, you can be yourself without worrying about keeping it a secret. It won’t affect your job security if people know you’re kinky.”
“That’s, um… that’s good, I guess.” The man was throwing a lot at me. I’d always kept my lifestyle at the clubs. Which I’d been frequenting more often than ever in recent months. The high of sex was one of the only ways I could distract myself from the gaping hole in my heart where Katie used to be.
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” Clayton apologized, misreading my dour expression.
“You didn’t,” I said quickly. “I’m just surprised, that’s all. I don’t usually discuss the lifestyle outside of clubs.”
His easy smile returned. “I understand. You want to grab coffee and we can talk about what you can expect at the New York field office? We’re a weird little family. It might be good to know what you’re getting into before you make the decision to transfer. You can ask me anything.”
“Yeah,” I answered, feeling more at ease. “That would be good. Thanks.”
Several hours later, I found myself approaching Decadence. The fact that I was about to attend an FBI office Christmas party at the hottest BDSM club in New York was slightly surreal. The entire day had been bizarre. I’d spent years hiding my proclivities, keeping my sexual lifestyle choices a carefully guarded secret from my professional life. The prospect of joining a unit where I didn’t have to hide was undeniably appealing. My day with Clayton had been enlightening, to say the least.
As soon as I stepped over the club threshold, I froze. My eyes were drawn to her like a magnet: Katie stood at the bar, one elbow propped against the gleaming hardwood. She tossed her coppery hair back from her face as she laughed. I couldn’t hear the melodic sound over the pulsing music, but it seemed to reverberate through my soul.
Fuck.
If Katie was here, that meant…
Reed Fucking Miller stood a short distance away from her, clustered in a small group of men. He was laughing, too. The bastard was always laughing. Like he was the happiest fucking man on Earth.
Katie might have quit the FBI after the Mentor case, but I still had to see Miller in the field office every day. And he went home to her every night.
It was more than I could bear; it was the reason I was thinking of transferring to New York.
And now here they were: the happy couple. The sight of Katie in a BDSM club, dressed up in a corset and high heels, made my chest ache. How many times had I pictured her like this over the years since we’d first met?
But it was all for him, not me.
“Do you want me to take your jacket?”
I blinked and looked over at the woman who had spoken. She smiled hesitantly from behind the coat check counter, her hands slightly raised to take my leather jacket.
“Yeah. Thanks.” I shrugged out of it and handed it to her, trying my best to muster a polite smile.
Anger simmered alongside my pain. I might feel uncomfortable in social situations outside the clubs, but this was supposed to be my safe haven: the place where I was in control. I never felt more confident in myself than when hunting down a perp or swinging a flogger.
But with Katie tantalizingly out of reach, within sight but utterly beyond my grasp, I felt out of my element. No, worse than that. I felt completely powerless.
I swallowed back my scowl. I just needed to get a handle on myself. I needed to fuck out all the pain and rage that roiled within me.
My gaze found Clayton. His sub, Rose, curved her body around his. With her long, platinum blond hair and flashing green eyes, she was every bit as stunning as he’d told me. I could definitely have fun with the two of them. Clayton and I had come to an arrangement earlier that afternoon, and I was eager to get started.
Unfortu
nately, the couple was with the group talking to Miller.
I ground my teeth. I wasn’t going to hide from the bastard. This was my territory just as much as it was his. He might be buddies with Clayton because he used to be in the New York unit, but I had every right to be here.
I crossed the dance floor and joined the group in the bar area. Clayton gave me a nod of recognition, which I returned as smoothly as I could manage.
“Dex,” Miller greeted me with a tight smile. “I didn’t know you would be here tonight. What are you doing in New York?”
Trying to get away from you, asshole.
“I’m in town to meet with Kennedy,” I said instead. Kennedy Carver was the head of the New York unit, and in that moment, I keenly hoped that he would take my transfer request. I didn’t care about the entire New York field office being in the lifestyle; they could be a bunch of puritanical prudes and I’d join them if it meant getting away from Miller.
“Clayton picked me up at the airport and we started talking in the car,” I continued. “He was kind enough to invite me to the party.”
I have every right to be here, I reminded myself. It took everything in me to stop myself from shifting uncomfortably. The situation was awkward, to say the least. Well, it was heart-wrenchingly awful, really.
I carefully kept my eyes trained on Clayton and Rose. I couldn’t look at Katie, not knowing she’d dressed up like a sex kitten for Miller’s pleasure.
He looked to Clayton, too, his eyes uncharacteristically hard. “That was very polite of him,” he remarked. He obviously was just as displeased by my presence as I was by his. “Excuse me.” He abruptly turned and headed toward where Katie still leaned against the bar.
I hated knowing that he was going to her, but it was also a relief to not be breathing the same air as him. The rage inside me was swiftly surpassing the pain, and I didn’t know how much longer I would have been able to keep up social niceties if I had to stand anywhere near him.