by Lacey Black
I stand at the foot of the bed, staring down at the only man I have ever truly loved, and who has ever loved me unconditionally in return. Scars and all, he loves me. But, I have to leave in order to protect him and his family.
And I have to go now.
If I disappear again, Garrett will follow. He won’t stay around and hurt Nate and the Stevens family. He will hunt me. Always.
My biggest fear is that Nate will follow, too. As much as it kills me, I have to do the one thing I never wanted to do. I have to hurt Nate. I have to do it in a way that will ensure he won’t come after me.
I head out to his small office and grab a sheet of paper from the desk. My hands tremble and the tears stream down my face as I write:
Nate,
I know this is going to hurt you, but I can’t stay. I lied to you last night. I don’t love you. I can’t stay here and pretend to be OK with everything that is going on in your life. Your job is too much for me. I thought I could handle it, but I just can’t. I don’t want to be a widow before I’m 30. Your family is great, but it’s all too suffocating. I’m used to being alone. That’s the way I like it and that’s the way I want it. Please know that I’ll always remember our time together, but it’s over. I hope you have a wonderful life and finally get your dream.
Lia
Writing that stupid lie of a letter was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And not just one lie, but multiple. The only part that is true besides our names is that I hope he gets his dream. I want that for Nate more than anything; even if I’m not in it. I leave it on the counter, next to the coffee pot, and head back to retrieve my bag. It’s in the hallway right where I left it. As I pick it up, I steal another long look at Nate one last time.
“I will always love you and remember our time together. You are my other half,” I whisper from the doorway. I want to go in and touch him one final time, but I can’t. I don’t want to wake him up or risk running behind schedule. I need to go. Now.
I blow a final kiss and gaze at his sleeping body through tear-filled eyes. My heart cracks wide open and bleeds everything I have all over the floor. I suck in one final, shaky breath as I turn around and head towards the back of Nate’s house. With each step I take, I slowly die a little on the inside.
I slip out the back door, looking both ways multiple times for any movement. Garrett may be waiting for me at the hotel, but that doesn’t mean any one of his goons isn’t watching the house right now. The sun is just starting to rise which means my time to slip out unnoticed is getting slimmer and slimmer by the second. I silently pull the locked door closed behind me and make my way to the trees that separate Nate’s property from his neighbors. I have no idea where I’m going, but I know I have to go now.
I can’t go to retrieve my car because it’s probably being watched, too. Nate’s place is probably being watched, and I’m pretty sure that the closest bus terminal and train station are in St. Charles. I’m very quickly running out of options here.
I keep myself hidden within the trees and make quick work towards the edge of town. I glance behind me every few minutes to see if I’m being followed, but I don’t see anyone on foot or in an approaching vehicle.
Eventually, when I hit the edge of town, the sun is fully shining over the horizon and the town is waking up. Cars are moving from place to place, which makes my ability to watch for any followers that much more difficult.
I stick to walking about ten feet or so inside the timber as I head out of Rivers Edge.
Heading towards the unknown.
Heading away from Nate with each step I take.
Leaving a trail of tears and broken pieces of my shattered soul.
Leaving Rivers Edge for good.
Chapter Thirteen
Nate
Sunlight peeking through the blinds wakes me from a deep sleep. I crack open my eyes and see the alarm clock reads 8:04am. I roll over to my back to grab for Lia, but her side of the bed is empty. I listen for a few seconds for the sound of the shower, but the house is eerily quiet.
“Lia?” I holler out from the bed. I hear no movement. Nothing.
I disentangle myself from the sheet and head out to find my girl. I don’t even stop to put on pants as a strange feeling takes root in my gut. The bathroom is open and the light is off, so I head into the living room, which is also empty.
Maybe she ran out for breakfast? Did she have to work today?
Just as I reach for my cell phone on counter, I catch sight of the piece of paper in front of the coffee maker.
I practically run over to the note and scoop it up. My heart races and my nostrils flare as I read her words.
Doesn’t love me?
What kind of sick person says she loves you one minute and then takes it back the next?
Can’t handle my job?
It would have been nice if she would have fucking realized that before now!
Anger sweeps in and mixes with the heart-crushing ache I feel deep in my chest. I drop the note and place my hands on the countertop. I lower my head and try not to think about her words. Her fucking words that have gutted me and left me bleeding a slow, agonizing death in my damn kitchen.
I shake my head and stalk back to my bedroom. I slam open the drawers as I pull out boxers and shorts. I slam each leg into the pants until I’m covered up. Throwing on the first t-shirt in the pile, I stomp back towards the door, grabbing my keys and wallet from the counter as I pass.
I peel out of the driveway, leaving rubber on the street. I head straight to the bakery, pulling the Mustang into the first open space in the alley. Lia’s old Honda is still in the same place it was sitting, when I picked her up, last night before the gala.
I practically run up the stairs, two at a time, and pound relentlessly on her door.
“Lia, open up!” I holler. I try to calm myself, but I just can’t make myself do it. “Lia!” I holler after she doesn’t answer the door.
I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and quickly dial Avery’s number.
“This better be good,” she answers sleepily.
“Where’s the spare key to get into Lia’s apartment?” I thunder at my sister.
“Nate? What’s wrong?” she asks, instantly on alert.
“I need into her apartment. Now. Don’t mess with me, Avery.”
“Nate, calm down. Is Lia alright?” she urges.
“I don’t know. She left a fucking Dear John letter on my counter this morning,” I say. My breathing is labored as my nostrils flare in some crazy Hulk moment. My emotions have completely gotten the best of me.
“Nate, you have to calm down. Do you have the key for the bakery with you?” she asks.
“Yes,” I answer, running back down the stairs to retrieve the keys still in the ignition of the Mustang.
“Go into the office in the bakery. Top center desk drawer is a small key ring with a few keys. The one marked with an A is the spare to the apartment. Mom has always left it at the bakery in case the tenant locks themselves out,” Avery says in a calm voice.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you, Ave, I’m just…I’m just losing my damn mind right now,” I say as I let myself into the bakery.
“Don’t go in there yet, Nate. Take a few minutes to calm down before you go in or she’ll never listen to you. Do you hear me?”
“Yeah, I gotcha,” I reply.
“I love you, Nate.”
“Love you, too,” I tell my baby sister. I find the key ring right away and single out the key marked with the A. Before I head back out, I take a few deep, calming breaths. I’m known for being able to remain cool and collected under pressure, but this has me completely losing my shit. She can’t be gone.
I slowly make my way up the stairs. I knock one more time before placing the key in the knob. When Lia doesn’t answer, I let myself inside the apartment.
“Lia,” I call out, taking in the small apartment.
Most of the furnishings were here when Lia rented the place - al
l used pieces from my parents’ house over the years. There are still a few personal items lying around. Dishes are still in the sink untouched. I walk into her bedroom and notice how empty it feels. There’s a little bit of clothes hanging in the closet, but the majority is gone. I pull open the drawers and notice they’re practically empty. What little bit of items are left are strewn around like she just grabbed and took what she could.
I look around the room again and notice the white lace underwear sitting on the bed. I sit down and grab a hold of the delicate material. I grip the satin and lace tightly in my hand as I scan the room one last time. It smells like Lia, but her presence is gone. She’s fucking gone.
I give the apartment one last look over and finally make my way to the door. I lock the door behind me as I step out into the bright September sun. It’s going to be a beautiful day for the day before Labor Day, and all I can think about is how much today blows. Today is the worst day ever.
I’m heading down the stairs when I notice a guy walking towards me.
“Can I help you?” I ask curtly as the guy approaches.
He’s tall, but not nearly as tall as I am. He’s a tad on the skinny side, has blond hair and eyes hidden behind a pair of dark aviator sunglasses.
“I was just looking for a friend,” he says, looking around the alley.
“Who’s that?” I ask, not wanting to deal with this man’s brand of asshole.
“Lia Walker,” he replies.
My antennas go up and I’m instantly on alert. Who is this guy?
“Lia’s not here,” I tell him, watching and gauging his reaction. I did notice he used her current name and not her birth name. That tells me he’s someone who has known her since she left Garrett. “Who are you?” I ask, my gut churning as I wait for his answer.
“I’m a friend from Memphis. She left a few weeks back and mentioned she might be heading this way,” the guy says.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name. I’m Nate,” I say as I step forward, extending my hand.
“Joe,” he replies, shaking firmly. “Lia and I were seeing each other before she up and left in the middle of the night. I’ve been looking for her for a month or so now,” he replies, dropping his gaze to the ground and kicking a rock with his boot.
Well, if that doesn’t sound all too familiar. Damn, am I gullible as shit. I fell for whatever line of BS she was shelling out. Just like this douche bag. Fan-fucking-tastic.
“Well, she’s not here anymore. She left for places unknown,” I tell the sap.
“Huh, okay. Well, thank you,” he says before turning and heading back the way he came.
I slip inside the Mustang and slam my fist into the dash, breaking the hard plastic and sending pain shooting through my arm. Shit! I can’t believe I was duped by her. I can’t believe I bought her crap. And worst of all, I can’t believe I love her enough that I would forget every other reason I should be upset right now, if I could just hold her in my arms one more time.
I drive back to my empty house on autopilot. I have no clue how I got here as I throw the car into park and step out. I look around one more time before heading inside my place. My place that I thought would be filled with Lia. Lia’s clothes. Lia’s girly shit on the bathroom sink. Lia’s favorite pickles on the top shelf next to her favorite light beer.
I grab the remote and turn on the television. It turns on to some sporting event, but the hell if I know what it is. I can’t concentrate enough to even know what sport I’m watching.
My phone rings a few minutes later. Avery.
“Hello?” I say into the phone after contemplating for a few rings on whether or not I should answer it.
“Hey, did you find her?”
“No. She’s gone,” I say out loud, letting the words finally sink in.
“Gone? Like gone to pick up donuts?” she asks, hopefully.
“No, Avery. Like never fucking coming back, gone.”
“Why?” she whispers.
“I have no clue. She left a note while I was sleeping and now she’s gone, okay?”
“I don’t understand,” Avery starts saying.
“Ave, I really don’t feel like hashing this out right now, okay? I need some time to process.”
“You’re going to Mom’s later for supper, though, right?”
“I don’t know. I’ll let you know.” I don’t even let her say goodbye as I click off the phone. Yes, I realize I’m being a complete douche to my little sister, but my mind can’t even comprehend the amount of shit that’s spinning around in my brain. Of all the questions I have, the one that keeps coming to the forefront is…Why? I need to know why.
The rest of the day continues on without me. I move off of the couch only to piss or to grab a new bottle of beer from the fridge. Otherwise, I hold vigil on my spot on the worn couch. Whatever game was playing on TV moves to the next game, and then to the next. The world continues around me as I stare off into space, lost in my own mind. Hell. That’s where I am.
A knock sounds on the door and I choose to ignore it. The knock is insistent though, and eventually I decide to deal with it so the person will just go away. I open the front door to see my mom standing there, concern written all over her pretty face. She’s also holding a bag of delicious smelling food.
“Are you going to invite me in?” she asks with a small smile. I back away from the doorway and allow my mom to enter the living room. “You missed dinner,” she says, walking into the kitchen and grabbing a plate from the cabinet.
“Yeah, sorry, Mom. I’m not feeling the best,” I tell her as she places food on the plate. My stomach growls loudly as I glance at the clock on the microwave. How in the hell did it get to be nine-thirty?
“I’ve heard,” she says as she walks over to my table, giving me no choice but to follow.
“What did you hear?” I ask as I sit at the place she’s set for me. She grabs a fork from the drying rack, and two bottles of water from the fridge, and sits across from me.
I try to ignore the food sitting in front of me, but the aroma is killing me. Just the thought of food has made me want to hurl today, but the minute my mom comes in with a plate of something, I’m now suddenly hungry. Traitorous stomach.
“Avery told me about your phone calls this morning. How are you?”
“I’m fine, Mom,” I reply as I take a big bite of chicken fried steak dipped in mashed potatoes and gravy.
“You don’t look fine, Nathan. You look sad.”
“Well, my girlfriend just fucking left me, Mom.” Instantly, I regret my tone and the use of foul language. My mom has never stood for it, but she doesn’t correct me this time. “Sorry,” I say, defeated.
“It’s okay, Nate. When you are upset and hurting, you lash out in defense. Even at the ones you love the most,” she says with a caring look.
I take a few more bites of food while Mom sits there watching me.
“Tell me about Lia,” she says.
I look up, eyebrows shooting straight to my hairline. “You want me to tell you about Lia? Don’t you know her?”
“Yes, I know her. I want to hear it from you,” she says softly.
I take a deep breath and push the plate away. The food in my stomach churns uncomfortably, and I just pray it isn’t about to make a return appearance. “Lia’s had a rough life, Mom. She was born to an unwed teen mother who didn’t want her. Her mom left her with her grandfather who definitely didn’t want her. In college, she met some asshole who liked to get rough with her,” I tell my mom. It’s hard to say the words out loud. My chest tightens and my anger starts to return just by saying those words out loud.
“They dated for about a year before he started to hit her. She stayed for another three years before she was finally able to escape that hellhole. She’s moved from place to place for close to a year, moving around under a new name so he can’t track her down. She has no home, no roots. She lives in constant fear. She looks over her shoulder everywhere she goes.
“It’s easy to defend the honor of those you love the most, Nate. And you do love her, right?”
“With everything I have,” I confess to my mom.
She smiles that all-knowing, motherly smile. “Nate, do you really believe the words she left you in that note?”
“What?” I ask, confused.
“Do you really believe that Lia doesn’t love you in return?”
“I don’t know, Mom. It’s hard to believe that everything she said and did, everything I felt with her, was all a lie.”
“Then don’t believe it. She’s running scared, Nate. Something has scared her enough to make her run again. Just like before.” She gives me a knowing head nod as all the pieces start to fall into place.
The strange feeling she had about someone being in her apartment. The creepy underwear that showed up on her doorstep. The guy in the alley.
I saw the truth in her eyes last night. She loves me. I know she does.
I push myself back from the table so fast, the chair falls backwards and lands with a thud on the floor. “She loves me,” I say to myself.
Mom stands up and smiles. “She does.”
“Where is she, Mom? Where would she go?” I ask, beg.
“I don’t know. If she’s not here and she’s not at her apartment, where else could she be? There’s no bus in town so either she had a ride to St. Charles or she’s still here around town somewhere.”