“I was an idiot last night.”
“You’re never an idiot.”
I give him a pointed look even though he can’t really see it. The dude is basically blind without his glasses. “I sucked Phoenix’s finger after he fed me a cookie.” Mac’s eyes grow wide in surprise. He opens his mouth but I cut him off before a word comes out. “And I moaned.”
“Yeah, you screwed yourself there.” I smack his stomach then add a smile that he can’t help but fall for every time.
“What the hell was I even thinking? I sucked his finger.” Who even does that to a person? Over a cookie! Jesus, we didn’t even do or say anything remotely sexual for that moment to be okay. I wouldn’t be so embarrassed if anything but how that happened, occurred.
“At least it wasn’t his dick.”
“Mac!” I grab my pillow and whip it at his face. “I’m so confused and turned on and AHHHH!”
“You just need to get laid.”
I nod, shake my head no then nod again. I do. I really do. I’ll admit that I need a man inside of me, stat. It’s just that I can’t help but think of my parents and their sex talk every time I want to get laid. Yeah, I know, even bigger mood killer. My mother gave me the sex talk when I was younger. Dad gave me the talk after he learned that I was sexually active. His words were, “Honey, you’re going to want it all the time now. It’s just a fact. Please, use protection. And don’t ever get pregnant. It’ll ruin your life.” Yeah, I definitely felt loved hearing that.
Sex was fun and then he had to say that.
Because he was right. It did ruin my life.
I ended up getting pregnant at seventeen, and the choices I made after learning that information kill me. It’s why Mac and I can’t ever be a couple again. When I try and picture him as more than a friend, I think of that day.
“I’m sorry we couldn’t work out,” I whisper, staring at Mac’s bare chest.
Where is his shirt? Then it hits me. He could have totally left my bed. He just made himself comfortable. Asshole.
Mac cups the side of my face, his thumb gently running over my lips. “Me too.”
I glance up and lock eyes on his. I must look like a blur to him right now. I could reach for his glasses so he can see me but I need this time to stare at him without him seeing me.
Being someone’s girlfriend is a lot of pressure. Well, for me at least. There are expectations that I can’t meet. I can’t worry about what that person is doing when we’re not together. I can’t be there when they need me because I’m stuck in my own head. I’m not a good listener sometimes. I have anger issues. I’m always overthinking whether or not I’ll offend that person with what I say. When things are going good, I think of the future, and thinking of the future scares me. I’m young and I don’t want to think of love, and marriage, and babies because that is what happens. You don’t plan on these things happening but they do.
I don’t want to be disappointed when I’m left alone because I’m…me.
“Are you overthinking things right now?”
I smile and grab his forearm, moving closer to him. He wraps his arm around me, holding me against his body.
“I’m thinking about how I’m going to get laid,” I lie.
“I can talk to Phoenix if you want him to…you know…”
“No! Don’t you dare!” I’ll probably end up killing myself from embarrassment if he does that. “We live together. You know how I feel about bringing guys into my space.” But I really wouldn’t mind spending a night with Phoenix. The guy looks like he could do incredible things to my body.
Mac drops his hand to the small of back, drawing circles on the exposed skin. “You let me in your space.”
I shrug. “Because you’re special. Now get out of my bed before you start falling for me again.”
Mac chuckles and does what he’s told. He reaches for his glasses on the nightstand beside him. When he puts them on, he looks at me with a twinkle in his eyes. “Just so you know, you’re special to me, too, Luna.”
I wave him away with a happy heart.
If I was normal, we would have been so happy together.
***
I head downstairs around noon wearing a black and white striped shirt, a black skirt, and black thigh-highs. It’s going to be a little chilly so I have a cute vest to add to my outfit when I head out. Pair it with sexy black pumps and I’m pretty sure I’ll get laid tonight. Which is my intention.
I haven’t decided on where to go though.
I drop my pumps at the end of the staircase then I head toward the kitchen as I adjust my wireless phone clip onto my shirt. It’s synced up to my phone so I can answer calls, listen to music, and do just about everything a hearing person can do. When this little invention came out, my family jumped at the chance to get it. Answering my phone before this made me extremely uncomfortable. I would text everyone and ignore every call.
Phoenix is sitting on a barstool at the kitchen island beside Mac. They both look my way but my eyes zero in on Phoenix and his freshly shaven face. I still feel bad for saying anything. I think he liked his beard. My eyes drop to his naked chest and then end their tour on the waistband of his jeans. He looks like your all-American boy next door. Why must he look this good? And why doesn’t he ever wear a shirt?
“Morning.” I walk by them, stopping at the coffee machine.
“Sleep okay?” Phoenix asks when I grab a coffee mug.
I keep my back to them and nod my answer as I spoon in some sugar.
I turn around slowly and lean against the counter, sipping my coffee like I do every morning. Both men stare at me. I avoid both sets of eyes. It’s difficult trying to think of something to say after what I did last night.
You try being the moron who sucks someone’s finger over a cookie.
“Are you going somewhere?” Mac questions, leaning on his arms so he can get a better look at me.
“Yeah, no idea where but I want to.”
Mac’s eyes shift to Phoenix and dart back to me. I narrow my eyes at him. He raises both brows at me. “Nix, you have to go with the family and try on suits in an hour, right?”
Phoenix brings his coffee cup up to his lips, tilting his head back until every last drop is gone. “Yeah,” he breathes.
“I’m sure Luna would love to go.”
“Um, no, I wouldn’t.” I get stared at again. “I mean…wait, doesn’t your family live in Westerly?”
“They’re all coming down for dress fittings for my sister’s wedding.”
Why in the world is Mac trying to get Phoenix to take me to this? Is he mental?
“I’m sure your family wouldn’t like the intrusion,” I conclude. “I’m thinking of heading to a bookstore and then hitting up some bars near Brown later. I’ll be busy.”
“Oh?” Phoenix sits up, and I can tell by the smirk on his face that he’s going to bring up me sucking his damn finger. “You didn’t drink enough last night?”
I feel the blush creep up my neck.
I want this floor to swallow me up. But the world must have plans for me because I am saved by a ball of fluff running into the house. Mystique barks her way to us, dodges both men trying to pick her up, and stops at my feet.
“Her treats are in that cupboard,” Mac announces, pointing a finger to my left.
Mystique looks up at me with her sad puppy eyes and I know she wants me to give her that treat. I reluctantly put my coffee down and search for her treats. I grab two from the box.
When I stand and turn around, I find Noland staring at me with his mouth open. “How in the fuck do you guys live with her?” he mutters. His eyes lock on mine. “Hi,” he sighs. Mystique barks. I bend over and give her a treat. “You look nice.” He literally says that looking like the heart-eyes emoji I use all the time.
I don’t know what else to say other than, “Thank you.”
He continues to stare at me.
Phoenix cuts in, “Stop looking at her like that.”
&nb
sp; I glance at Mac for help. He’s enjoying this.
“Mom’s coming in,” Noland quips, finally breaking his eyes from me.
“Fuck!” Phoenix stands and tries to jog out of the kitchen but is stopped mid-way by a petite brunette woman. She does a double take when she sees me.
I witness a woman who looks like she helps anyone in her way turn into a red ball of fury. “Phoenix Anthony Sloan, I recall you telling me you did laundry!”
Noland chuckles as he glides toward me, swooping Mystique off the floor. She sees the extra treat in my hand. I give it to her and then I watch my hot roommate get scolded by his mother.
“There is a lady present.”
“Yes, ma’am, I am aware of that.”
“Then where are the rest of your clothes?”
“In my room.”
“Why are they not on your body!” She whacks him on the stomach then shoos him upstairs to get dressed. He doesn’t turn back.
“She can be kind of old-school,” Noland informs me.
I nod in understanding.
Mrs. Sloan walks into the kitchen once her son disappears from her sight. “Hello,” she sings, holding out a hand to me. “I’ve heard the boys have a new roommate. Luna, is it? I think you were hiding upstairs when I stopped by last week.”
I am amazed with how quickly she can change the tone of her voice. There’s nothing terrifying about this woman. I swear her brown waves looked like snakes just seconds ago.
“Yes, ma’am. I’m Mac’s friend.”
Her dark green eyes take me in and not once do I see disappointment. If my mother saw me in this outfit, she’d have me get a longer skirt. One that falls just below the knees, covering my ink. “You look lovely. I hope my son is behaving himself. Just because he graduated college then moved out here, he thinks he doesn’t need to listen to his mother anymore.” She smiles and her dimples add to her sugary, sweet voice.
“He’s a real gentleman,” I find myself saying.
She beams with this knowledge and I swear I start to see the wheels turning in her head that me living here could turn into something more with her son. Ha! Jokes on her. I don’t date. Not anymore.
Mac comes over and kisses her on the cheek. I get to fade into the background while Phoenix’s mom raids their fridge, making sure we have enough food to eat for the next few months.
I feel my chest tighten when Mrs. Sloan darts around the kitchen, checking cupboards, and making a list of things she will buy before she heads back home. She makes me miss my mom. Because I’m still waiting for my family to show up just to say hi; they live three miles away, up in Federal Hill.
“Are you okay?” Phoenix asks, startling me.
My hands fly up, close to hitting him in the face but his hand comes up and stops them.
“Sorry.” I look down at our linked hands. He doesn’t let them go. I still for a second when I see a book in his free hand. And not just any book, one of my favorites. It’s about a serial killer who stalks a girl that he’s attracted to. I have no idea how the author did it, but she made me fall for that guy and not even question my morals about right and wrong.
“It’s my fault.” I wiggle my hand but he doesn’t seem to understand what I want. Instead, he brings the book up, offering it to me. “You said you’re heading to the bookstore. Thought you’d want something to keep you busy if you take the bus.”
“Oh…thanks.” I can’t take the book because he’s still holding my hands.
“I also wanted to say that you don’t have to be embarrassed about last night.”
“I’m not.” I kind of am but he doesn’t need to know that.
Phoenix finally lets my hands fall from his grasp. “Good because you finally did something you wanted to do. Glad I could help. If you need me for anything else, ask away.”
My eyes flick up. “What?” I didn’t hear him right, did I? Is my mind making things up? I instantly get the feeling that he’s talking about sex. But it could just be me. Because I’m trying to find someone to sleep with. Right? I’m so confused.
“Yo, we’re leaving. And you’re driving your car.” Noland snaps his fingers at Phoenix as he walks by us. “Macks said you’re coming.” He halts, pointing at me. “You.”
“I’m not–”
“Yes, you are. I’m getting dragged into going, too.” Mac winks at me and grabs my black pumps from the bottom of the staircase. “Come on, don’t be shy.”
“Listen to Mackenzie,” Phoenix says, eyes falling to my legs. What is happening right now?
“Mac.”
“I’ll give you my Deadpool iPhone case.”
I hold out my pinky like my life was just spared for a deal with the devil. Out of all the Marvel and DC comics characters, my absolute favorite is Deadpool. Have you seen the movie? Perfection! The comic books; even better.
Mac got the last available Deadpool case, the one that looks like an animated Deadpool is trying to run out of your phone but got stuck. I always try to find a way to get it from him.
I am so lucky to have a friend who shares my love of comics.
Mac wraps his pinky around mine.
“I better get laid by the end of the day,” I mutter, slipping on my heels.
Chapter Six
Luna
After I insult the bridesmaids’ dresses, I remove myself from the bridal shop and hunt down the guys who are still getting measured. I didn’t mean to speak my mind but Phoenix’s older sister, Eliza asked for my opinion on the dress choice and the word vomit came out.
The dresses had shoulder pads. And Mrs. Sloan, who insists I call her Madeline, didn’t have the heart to tell the sales woman that the dress was hideous. The sales lady picked out the dress because it was her favorite. Well, that shit should never see the light of day. I did Eliza a favor. But I made them lose the discount they were going to get.
I blame being put in an uncomfortable place. I was left with Phoenix’s family and the bride’s best friends. I don’t even know them but his mother pulled me into the shop and introduced me to the rest of the Sloan’s.
Eliza, the oldest, is thirty-two. I’m told she and Blake take after their father with their blonde hair and blue eyes. Rylan is twenty-nine and so unlike the rest of the family with her outbursts, quirkiness, and red hair. I questioned whether or not she was adopted or switched at birth. Neither are true. She is a real Sloan. Red hair runs in their father’s side. Margo is twenty-six, a mother of two, and happily in love with her wife. She did flirt with me during the thirty-seven minutes I was around her. It was harmless flirting. Her wife made sure I knew that. Blake, the last girl is twenty-four and hopelessly in love with her boyfriend of two months who doesn’t ask her to marry him yet. For the sake of her sanity, I did not add my two cents on that one.
I feel a little shitty thinking those thoughts because Blake went out of her way to make me feel wanted there. Everyone did.
The Sloan’s are very close people who run on love. I’m not joking. That stuff runs through their veins. Everyone sees the good in the relationships they’re in. I wish they could meet my parents and try to see something salvageable in that mess.
I enter the shop the guys are in and find them standing in a circle with people using measuring tape on every inch of their bodies. I only know the three men who I came here with. The rest are the groom’s favorite men.
Everyone looks similar with the gray tuxedos, and damn they all look extremely handsome. I roll my eyes at Mac who is sitting on an ottoman with Mystique by his side. “You’re the dog-sitter?” I ask, causing all eyes to fall on me. “I was dragged here for nothing. I lost the girls their discount.”
Murmurs fill the room, which I ignore. Most of these men are in their late twenties, early thirties who act like they’ve never seen a chick in a sexy outfit before.
“Madeline said the bridal shop doesn’t let animals inside. I couldn’t leave this cute face all by herself.” He picks Mystique up and scratches behind her ears. I take a sea
t beside him and listen to the conversations all the men have. I get a few curious looks from an older man who I learn to be Mr. Sloan. Phoenix introduces me as his new roommate that doesn’t leave a mess everywhere I go. His father laughs, commenting on how messy his daughters were, and how it drove Phoenix mad.
The groom-to-be Jacob steals the show with his conversation of how long he’s waited for this as he stares at himself in the mirror, adjusting his tie. He’d marry Eliza tonight if he could but she loves the venue and they have a set date in May. It’s times like this that make me fantasize about a love-filled future that will never happen.
It’s sad, when I really think about it. I’m destined to be alone because I’m difficult.
I don’t want to need someone.
I am fine on my own.
When I stand to stretch my legs, I catch a familiar face walk by us, holding a suit. He’s busy looking down at his phone, but I’d be blind to not recognize my own brother. “Ian.” He doesn’t hear me so I call out his name a little louder.
He stops short and looks around until he’s looking in my direction. He doesn’t move. I take that as my cue to walk or else he’ll leave. “What are you doing in town?” I ask. He lives up in Woonsocket but spends most of his time down in Newport. He rarely stops by Providence.
He answers with, “Special event next week. I need a new suit.” He stands tall with his hair gelled perfectly, and his button-down shirt not having any creases. Ian always wanted to become somebody important. He managed that by marrying the daughter of a Fortune 500 owner.
You’d think he’d help out our parents with their financial problem but he’s too good for that. I’m the one that has to help because I am who I am; a failure, a burden, the daughter that screwed everything up.
“What about Mom and Dad?”
His jaw tightens. “They’re back to not speaking. That couples trip was bullshit. That marriage will never be saved.”
Ouch.
“How are you and–”
“Look, I have to go. Sadie has to get ready for an Easter party and I’m late.”
A Sky Full of Secrets Page 5